Gi Irritates Me Somewhat

       What I'm about to say next might seem rather callous and insensitive, even downright vindictive. But alas, my fellow eco-punks, the truth has to be said.

        Gi rather pisses me off.

        Yes, everyone's favorite Asian planeteer gets more on my nerves than that time during second period this kid tried to sell me crystal meth, but it was really just some ground up detergent that he stole from Target. Then later that day Matt, his boarder-line retarded friend, drank like five bottles of codeine, which caused him to complain that his stomach was starting to burn, so his teacher called like the ambulance or something. I swear to god, that kid will do anything for a high.

        Anyways, back to what I was saying.

        First of all, my friends, let us gaze upon her position as a Planeteer; and no, I am not as shallow (ha, ha, water joke) as to focus solely on her ring. Gi's role is, as with any Planeteer in the show, is to racially and geographically balance out the 'team'. But she takes on a much deeper (wow, I'm just cranking 'em out tonight!) function in the group; that is, being even more insensitive and insulting than myself.

        "But Lyndsey," you might be thinking, "That can't be right! Gi is a loving, caring, warm environmentalist who loves all life! She EVEN HUGS DOLPHINS, DAMMIT!" And that is what scares me the most.

        Dolphins.

        Now don't get me wrong, I like dolphins. Quite a bit, actually. But Gi has such a fanatical reverence to the species that she neglects another important subdivision of primates (otherwise known as humans).

        And to be fair, dolphins ARE far better conversationalists than certain humans...

        But, just a few nights ago, I had been reviewing several various episodes of Captain Planet (yes, Fibbi, the vast majority of them where Plunder eps.), and I noticed something in one particular episode in which Plunder and the Slaughters go hunting for rhinos. In this ep., aptly named "Horns a' Plenty",
all the Planeteers were in the Geocrusier, on their way to Africa. As usual, Gi was bitching about how evil, satanic, immoral and wicked the poachers were, and Kwame was attempting to explain to her that most poachers just needed to "feed their families". Well, well, well! The plot thickens! People need to FEED THEIR FAMILIES.
        Apparently the concept of "there-are-poor-people-in-the-world-that-need-to-care-for-loved-ones-over-the-environment" is quite alien to Gi, which only strengthens my argument that she has no loved ones. Wait, no, I'm sorry! She has her squeaky little dolphin-rhino-rabbit-elephant-and-potentially-fatal-water-buffalo friends! Creatures that which, with the exception of the dolphin and the rabbit, would probably try to gore her in the backside at the first possible chance. The rabbit might eat her face, I guess.

        Actually, I'd like to see that. I really would.

        Granted, even though Plunder and the Slaughters are not poor, and most certainly need to be apprehended for their crimes (come on, did you honestly believe I supported poaching?) they only encompass only, say, 20% of poachers; they are the ones that do it for profit.
        However, I just want to direct your attention again towards the starving other 80%; and how I DID NOT think it was amusing how Gi's response was to use her ring to sweep them all in a river when they rushed her in a desperate gesture to keep her from ruining what little chance they had at a paycheck. A river with crocodiles, I might add. All of the aforementioned reptiles slid into the water after them. No one tried to help; no one even really paid much attention.

        I'm 93% sure they're all dead.