ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
 
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
 
 
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
 
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
 
 
SHOPPING MATH
 
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
 
 
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
 
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
 
 
HAPPINESS
 
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love
him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
 
 
LONGEVITY
 
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are
a lot more willing to die.
 
 
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
 
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she
does.
 
 
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
 
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says
after that is the beginning of a new argument.
 
 
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
 
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the
ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I
started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
 
 
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