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| I found this list at a wonderful site called Mother Oaks Child..Child and Family Bereavment Services. Go to next page for list of "Words that hurt, and words that heal," which I also found at the Mother Oaks site. |
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| "Dos" and "Don'ts" For Family, Friends and Professional People Don’t ........ Don’t let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out to a bereaved person. Don’t avoid them because you are uncomfortable (being avoided by friends adds pain to an already intolerably painful experience). Don’t say you know how they feel (unless you are very certain that you do). Don’t say “you ought to be feeling better by now” or anything which implies judgment about their feelings. Don’t change the subject when they mention their loss. Don’t avoid mentioning the person’s name out of fear of reminding them of their pain (they haven’t forgotten about it). Don’t try to find something positive (e.g., moral lesson, closer family ties, etc.) about the death. Don’t point out that at least they have other people (persons are not interchangeable; they cannot replace each other). Don’t say that they can always get another (even if they wanted to, and could, another would not replace the one they’ve lost). Don’t make any comments which in any way suggest that the care at home, in the emergency room, hospital, or wherever was inadequate (people are plagued by feelings of doubt and guilt without any help from their family and friends). Do’s ........... Do let your genuine concern and caring show. Do be available -- to listen, to help with whatever else seems needed at the time. Do say you are sorry about what happened and about their pain. Do allow them to express as much grief as they are feeling at the moment and are willing to share. Do give special attention to children at the funeral and in the months to come (they, too, are hurt and confused and in need of attention which their parents may not be able to give at the time). Do reassure them they did everything that they could, that the medical care received was the best or whatever else you know to be true and positive about the care given. |
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| Here Is A List Of Do's And Don'ts That Will Help You |
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