We arrived at the hospital, and I jumped from the car at the emergency room door. Chris and Kim jumped out with me. We ran in to the desk and asked where Joshua Cummings was? The secretaries and a couple of nurses behind the desks quickly exchanged a look with one another. They directed me through some swinging doors to the nurses station within the E.R. The sidelong glances they had given each other scared me more than anything. It was the look people get when they know someone is about to get bad news. We ran through the doors and down the hall to the nurses station. Again I identified myself as Josh's mom and asked where my son was? I saw the same looks passing between the hospital personel as before. They said he was getting a CAT scan, and showed me to a small waiting room where Angie, Josh's girlfriend was waiting.
She was understandably shaken. She fell apart when she saw us. She said they had taken him for a CAT scan, and just then, a gurney came around the corner. It was surrounded by people, all holding IV bags, and one of them squeezing an airbag over and over to breathe for the person. She pointed and said "That's him". I was frozen. I was petrified. How could this be my son? This is what you see in the movies. This doesn't happen to real people. I stood there in the hallway as they came towards us. I could not see his face until they swung the gurney into the room. It was then that I saw my darling boy and knew this was really happening. His eyes were closed, and he was not moving. They were frantically saying things to one another as I ran into the room. They quickly hooked his breathing tube back to the ventilator, and started rattling off tests Josh needed. They were talking all around me, but I couldn't seem to hear them. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears, and the awful, surreal sound of that machine that was breathing for him. All I could think of was to wake him up. I put my hand on his forhead and kissed his cheeks, and I was saying "Josh honey, Mommy is here. You have to wake up now buddy". Nothing. No response. I kept saying in my heart "He will hear me, he'll wake up for me, he just needs to hear my voice".
I looked up to realize that my son and sister were standing in the doorway terrified, and my daughter had followed me in, but was too afraid to look, and was sitting in a chair behind me. They were all looking at me with such desperate expectation. It was like they were saying come on Mom, do your magic. Wake him up. I looked at the faces of the staff, and I could see in their eyes that they were thinking it was hopeless, that all that pleading for him to wake up was a waste of time. I didn't care what they thought. They don't know me and my kids. They don't know how much we love each other. My son is going to hear me and wake up! I leaned over the bed, and curled my arm above Josh's head so I could kiss him and speak into his ear. "Come on buddy, it's Mommy. You can do it Josh. You have to wake up baby...". Over and over I pleaded. I have never felt so desperate in my life. This is my baby boy lying here. My God, he is only 21, he hasn't even begun yet. Why can't he hear me? My God, can he hear me but can't tell me? Finally, out of desperation I said "Josh, you have to wake up and stop scaring everybody now..". That did it for my kids. They both began to wail. It was that moment that they knew Mom didn't have the magic this time to make it alright. We all began to cry, because in my heart, I knew it too.
They told me that due to whatever he'd taken the night before, Josh's liver and kidneys had failed, and that the toxins in his blood were dangerously high. They said he needed dialysis right away and was going to be tranported to another hospital in the city. An ambulance waited outside, and the staff all got in place around the gurney. Some were holding IV bags, others were there to steer the cart. One nurse waited as they disconnected the ventilator, and she manned the breathing bag, squeezing it to breathe for my son until they could reach the next hospital. They ran down the hall with him and all of them climbed into the ambulance. I thought, my God, those people have my son's life in their hands. We followed the ambulance to the next hospital. |
