i am spiralling deeper into my depression which is my ife. I cut myself pretty bad last night, but my blood was not wasted, for my friend Jacob drank it. I loved the pain, the sting, the feel of him drinking my blood. Today the cuts started to heal, i reopened them. I went to a family diner last night, i hated it, everyone was pissing me off, so i sat outside, freezing for a few hours, hoping to catch hypothermia, or sumthin. I miss Jeremy, he lives so far away from me, in BC/Canada. He hasn't came on msn in a while, i'm worried. I miss him, I love him sooo much. lml sherry
hey its me again, yay. oh well, 2day i am happier, its christmas, i dont celebrate it. But i stil get presents, i got a cd burner, sox, pants, underwear(thongs, oh yea!), jewelry, make-up, black cd's, and a microphone. My cuts are healing, i think i'll let them heal, b4 i make new ones. I Daniel and Jeremy sooooo much. But they never come online, and I can't call them, cuz its long distance:( But I love them, I am completely faithful to him, and he is to me. He loves me. well, g2g, i'll keep ya updated. lml sherry
DEC. 26th/2001 ~*~mood:tired~*~
Dear Diary,
today has been pretty boring. I worked on the site all day. I staopped to watch one of my favourite movies "Moulin Rouge", IT SO KICKS ASS. I also made a cd today, with my new cd burner(wow) Today sumthin bad happened, . . . . I started coughing up blood. I am pissed off at me family, cuz they arn't here to help me:( I am soooo weak, i've lost too much blood. My family abbandonned me again today, they always leave me alone(they have no clue how bad that is for me, i do bad things when i'm alone)oh well, fuck everyone, my ex bf sean, hes being such a player, i hate him. lml sherry
DEC. 27th/2001 ~*~mood:pure rage~*~
Dear Diary,
THE WORLD IS OUT TO GET YOU, REMEMBER THAT!! I HATE MY FUCKING FAMILY!!! THEY THINK I'M THERE SLAVE OR SUMTHIN. SOMEONE TO PUSH AROUND, TO BEAT ON. TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER. THE FUCKERS CAN DIE FOR ALL I CARE. THIS PISSES ME OFF, WHY ARE 90% OF HUMAN KIND SO FAKE? TODAY, I STARTED SUMTHING WITH MY FRIEND daniel, WE ARE STARTING A REVOLUTION TO HELP CHANGE/IMPROVE THE SICK/DISGUSTING/FAKE SOCIETY IN WHICH WE UNFORTUNATELY LIVE. PPL, FOR REAL, SMARTEN UP! U R NOT BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE, AND THOSE WHO THINK SO, ARE ACTUALLY IN TURN, LOWER THAN THE REST, FOR THEY LIE TO THEMSELVES. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT IS BIGGER AND BETTER THAN YOU. REMEMBER THAT. society wont get you. . . . if you get it first!!! lml sherry
DEC. 28th/2001 ~*~mood:provoked and angry~*~
Dear Diary,
Well, things are going ok, sorry it took so long to fill this shit in. A lot has happened. Today, I got in a fight with my bro and i punched him in the stomach and in the back, pushed him to the floor, and threatened to kill him with a sharp jagged knife. He deserved it. It was provoked. But since my mom found out, i am terrifyed of her, she was seriously gunna beat me for this. So I ran away to my friend Erics house. I spent the night there. lml sherry
DEC. 29th/2001 ~*~mood:scared~*~
Dear Diary,
Today was ok, i chilled at erics all day, seeing as i spent the night, and i didn't want to go home. We watched Tv all day and we slept a bit, cuz i was tired. Then at about 7pm, the police called erics house. Seeing as Eric took an oath not to lie to police, he could lie to them and he told them that I was there with him and that i was safe. The police officer said ok, i'll be over to pick her up and take her home. Eric told him, that wouldn't be a good idea, come here and talk to us first. The police officer came and I started crying and Eric and i talked to him, and i was begging him not to make me go back. Then after telling him my story, he suggested I got to childrens aid. Eric begged me not too. So I didn't. I got in the police car and went home:( But on the way back the cop was rude. He threatened me and was listening to loud music(which isn't allowed) I got home and called Eric immediately, and talked to him as long as i could. Then i had to get off and have a "talk" with my mom. SHE IS FULL OF 100% BULL-SHIT! So I came to the conclusion, when i'm 16, i'm moving out (after my mom gives me those gifts that she wants to give me so that i'll stay in the house(shes bribing me, cuz if i'm gone....who will be her slave?)and when i get them, a little bit after that... i'm leaving) lml sherry
DEC. 30th/2001 ~*~mood:tired and overwhelmed~*~
Dear Diary,
things are starting to get better. But i feel like ppl are asking to much of me. My mom wants me to get high grades which i know i am not capable of. I learn differenty from how most ppl do. I wish she'd just leave me alone. My mom also wants me to stop starting fights with my bro. THAT IS SO BULLSHIT. I dont start fights with him. I dont like to fight, but when challenged I will fight back. Jack(my bro) is always starting fights with me. I try to be nice. I hold back from using my strength for as long as I can, but eventually I snap and I clobber him. WE ALSO GOT OUR DISH-WASHER INSTALLED, FINALLY!!!! NOW I DONT HAVE TO DO THEM BY HAND ANYMORE!! *sighs with relief* lml sherry
DEC. 31st/2001 ~*~mood:sick(as in cough cough) and happy~*~
Dear Diary,
i am not feeling well 2day. But i'm happy bcuz its new years eve 2night. Eric S, my friend is coming over 2day and we are gunna spend New Years 2gether. He's great, he is so much fun, and he is very comforting. Well, 2day is a short diary entry, theres really not much else to say but for HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!! lml sherry
JAN. 1st/2002 ~*~mood:content:)~*~
Dear Diary,
HAPPY NEW YEARS PPL!!!!! Today was pretty cool, Eric stayed the night at my place, we had such a great time. We had the house to ourselves, cuz my mom and bro went to my aunts house for New Years. Today i was just chillin, and i have been doing a lot of sleeping. Eric kept trying to wake me up. He wouldn't let me sleep much, cuz he would get lonely, seeing as we are the only ones here. But when my brother and my mom came home, my brother kept harrassing Eric and junping on him. My mom was swarming him with questions about the computer and other technology q's. LOL, Eric's gunna crash at my place again 2night! I think his mom is starting to get jealous of me, cuz i'm hogging Eric all to myself, and she is getting lonely. lml sherry
JAN. 2cd/2002 ~*~mood:sick(as in cough cough)~*~
Dear Diary,
i'm still feeling sick, i dunno whats wrong. Oh well, i'll live(i hope) Eric actually let me sleep! YAY! Today, basically i spent most of the day downloading videos and music and stuff like that, then burning them to CompactDiscs. I started a puzzle with Eric, its a whole 1000 piece frog shaped puzzle. Its huge, and its so hard. We spent like 30min looking for one piece(and we didn't even find it, we gave up on it) So we stopped with the puzzle for now. It was fun though. We were enjoying working on the puzzle. It gave us sumthing to do(WE WERE THAT BORED!!) :D *RIGHT NOW I AM LISTENING TO "DEAD BODIES EVERYWHERE - BY KORN"* awesome song man. lml sherry
JAN. 3rd/2002 ~*~mood:spaced-out~*~
Dear Diary,
WTF, MY MOM DISABLED LONG DISTANCE CALLING:( ERRR....... I AM SO MAD AT HER NOW. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO GET A CELL PHONE! Eris finally went home, lol. not much happened today. Pretty boring/dull day. lml sherry
JAN. 4th/2002 ~*~mood:happy~*~
Dear Diary,
Eric came over 2day, lol. He just can't get enough of me!!! ...wait a min... *IS NOW LISTENING TO "CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOU BABY - BY SMASHMOUTH"* there we go, some tunes. YAY, not exactly my type of groove, but hey, when i said he can't get enough of me....that song popped into my head. lol. ERIC INSTALLED WINDOWS XP FOR US 2DAY. ITS SOOOO COOL, i love it so much. Mmwua, ty Eric. Not much happened 2day either. Eric is sleeping over again. lml sherry
JAN. 5th/2002 ~*~mood:tired~*~
Dear Diary,
i am very tired, i havn't been sleeping much lately(as in the past few months) But I have been eating a lot more. My depression is getting deeper and stronger. I am feeling like I dont care wants going on, like i dont care about anything. Its wierd. I mean.. I usually dont care about much, but i am feeling like i dont care at all. Like nothing matters. Not even myself. Eric went home today at like 2pm. I am so lonely. My mom and brother left and went out with my auntie Nadine. I really wish Eric didn't leave. I am so bored and lonely. lml sherry
JAN. 6th/2002 ~*~mood:fuckin bored as hell~*~
Dear Diary,
BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED I AM SO FUCKIN BORED!!!! My mom and bro were here for the morning with my aunt Michelle and my aunt Nadine and all their kids, then they all went out together. I spent most of the day on the comp and talking to Eric on the Phone. I also talked to my uncle Brooke on the phone for an hour, he's an awesome guy(HES EVEN INTO THE SAME KIND OF MUSIC AS I) lml sherry
JAN. 7th/2002 ~*~mood:~*~
Dear Diary,
hehehe. I stayed home from school 2day. I told my mom that school starts on Tuesday. lol, AND SHE BELIEVED ME!!!! I was hoping Eric could come over 2day, but I still have to ask him. Its 1:30pm and hes still sleeping!!!(he doesn't go to school) So, basically I am using today to work on and update my website!!! Thats what i have been doing all day. And if Eric doesn't come over...then I will continue to work on my site. I am also downloading music and burning music to CompactDiscs. Well, i'm gunna jet and take a small break from the computer and watch a movie with my bro, he stayed home today claiming he is "sick", but to me he is just fine(what a lil shit head) lml sherry
JAN. 8th/2002 ~*~mood:sleepy~*~
Dear Diary,
today i faked not being able to wake up so that i dont have to goto school. It worked, but i went through so much pain my brother Jack was trying to wake me up by tickling my feet and throwing to cat on me.....which the cat scratched up my back pretty good. I hate that fuckin lil bastard. So.....yea.....Eric came over yesterday, and he spent the day with me, cuz i was so lonely. but hey.......I DIDN'T HAVE TO GOTO TO SCHOOL!!!!! meh...catcha later. lml sherry
JAN. 9th/2002 ~*~mood:happy and depressed~*~
Dear Diary,
Eric went home last night. I had my first nightmare in about 2years. I was in the house talkin to Eric on the phone....and sumone else was in the house with me...I could see them but it was very faint and i was tired. So I went to turn on the light switch but i couldn't find it at first. When i did find it, it didn't work. The fucking bitch light...just wouldn't turn on.... I was petrifyed. The person...I could just not see. I could see that it was an adult male..and that was it. It was so scary. ERIC CAME OVER AGAIN!!!! YAY. I was so lonely.....very lonely. lml sherry
JAN. 10th/2002 ~*~mood:~*~
Dear Diary,
eric slept over at my house. We are having fun enjoying ourselves. trying to keep busy. we both have like nothing to do all day. seeing as i ain't going to school no more. i went to the phycologist and he diagnosed me with "ADHD"(for all u stupid ppl that means "Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder") and i may have a learning disability that makes me unable to understand complex problems and work in a normal school. this special school they want to send me 2 is in Etobicoke, and if i goto it, i will be on an all gurls campus and my classes have like 6 ppl, and a teacher and a councellor. i dont wanna go(i might not have to) oh well, i'll live. catcha l8er lml sherry
JAN. 11th/2002 ~*~mood:~*~
Dear Diary,
Eric slept over. I basically did nothing all day. Jack stayed home from school he was "sick". Then after jacks school ended he went and brought the kid he babysits home. Her name is Lindsay and she is 6 years old. shes cute, but she is too hyper and violent. and i wanted to kill Jack so badly he punched Eric really hard in the nuts, and there may even be some damage and if there is Eric is gunna sue my mom. Other than that, nothing else really happened. lml sherry
JAN. 12th/2002 ~*~mood:~*~
Dear Diary,
I slept most of the day. I talked on the phone with Eric(Eric went home last night)I watched Chain Reaction, Dr. Dolittle 2, U571, Gone In 60 Seconds, and The Fast and the Furious. Thats it. We had pizza for supper. lml sherry
JAN. 13th/2002 ~*~mood:~*~
Dear Diary,
jack is being punished for what he did to Eric a few days ago. lml sherry
