Shock: Fantasia Idol Victory Result Of Vote Tampering, Degarmo Actual Winner

By the white Matt Forge

LA (FP) -- The cat's out of the bag. It has now been learned that Fantasia Barrino, the African-American who won American Idol, did so with the help of an Affirmative Action plan. Results show that otherwise Diana Degarmo, the runner-up white chick, would have walked away with the coveted pop title.

Simon Cowell, the rich white judge we all love to hate and hate to love, confirmed this and talked with us about the whole process. "Thanks to the very rich and very white Elton John who brought it to our attention that the previous voting results were based on an incredibly racist American audience, we implemented the AffAc plan. It wasn't soon enough for the black Jennifer Hudson, but better late than never."

The tight black t-shirt wearing hunk of a brit with nice white teeth revealed that out of the 65 million votes, Fantasia was automatically given, up front, 33.8 million votes. This means that of the remaining 31.2 million (which were actual call-in votes) the white Diana Degarmo received 100 percent of racist America's approval.

"Fantasia obviously didn't earn the title. She would have failed miserably if we hadn't given her the extra votes," continued Simon. "Which of course is fair since she couldn't afford private lessons and a voice coach like that rich white kid. Diana is absolutely more talented than Fantasia, but she's had an unfair advantage. AffAc made it fair."

Randy Jackson, the robust African-American judge who was given his position by Simon because he was black even though there were more qualified music experts available, joined in on the conversation. "That dude (Fantasia) needed our props. Otherwise that other dude (Diana) would have walked with the bling, know what I'm sayin'?" He then held up an odd number of fingers in some sort of cool hip-hop gesture.

It was at this point that the black Bill Cosby walked up. "Hey, s'up dawg?" asked Randy giving another hand sign. "Listen here young man," started Mr. Cosby, " I am NOT a dog and those ladies are NOT dudes. And what is wrong with your hands, do you have arthritis or carpal tunnel syndrome?" It was at this point that black Ruben Studdard, last year's American Idol, walked up to Bill and started to sing the Fat Albert theme song. Mr. Cosby told him to face his cap forward and not wear t-shirts under blazers anymore, or not to wear caps with blazers - period.

Meanwhile Diana Degarmo is suing and demanding a recount of all the text-message e-chads. Simon is considering branching out into more ethnically fair contests such as African-American Idol, Latino-American Idol, Asian-American idol and Irish-American Idol.

Fair and square.