TITLE: The Way Things Are

AUTHOR: Sukie Tawdry

EMAIL: sukie_tawdry@hotmail.com <mailto:sukie_tawdry@hotmail.com>

RATING: NC-17 (this part definitely)

SPOILERS: Season 1

CATEGORY: Guess you could call it AU. Diverges

from canon some time during season 1.

KEYWORDS: Story, M/S (some elements of M/other)

DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to me. Sniff

SUMMARY: One night and their whole lives were changed

forever.

FEEDBACK: Good or not so good--go ahead. I can

take it. I'm a big girl.

ARCHIVE: Again, go ahead.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks go to Sybils for wonderful beta and support.

And a big thank you to Foxymulderluver for giving this

story a home on her website:

<http://www.oocities.org/foxymulderluver>

Part 12 - For What It's Worth

"Have you seen my blue shirt?" Mulder asked, cramming jeans and

underwear in his duffle bag.

"Maybe it's in the laundry," she offered. Actually, it was

tucked at the bottom of her sweater drawer. God, she was

pathetic--she'd probably fall asleep clutching it tonight.

"Let me know if it turns up."

Did he suspect she'd stashed the shirt as a keepsake? Highly

unlikely, she thought; he had no idea she was in love with him.

She was too adept at hiding her feelings and Mulder too wrapped

up in his quest.

"Sure," she softly replied.

Mulder glanced up at her as he zipped the duffle bag. His

face was a mask of hurt and confusion. He'd barely spoken to

her after she suggested he leave. They'd returned to the office,

tense and awkward with each other. Scully had busied herself

with reviewing Sandra McCaffey's autopsy results.

She knew that he didn't understand. He felt obligated and

guilty and was handling that the only way he knew how: by

being over-protective. But no matter how desperately she

might want it, it was never going to be more than that.

"I'd better get going," he said, placing a few files in

a cardboard box.

Why did this hurt so much? They had agreed on two weeks

and the time long past being up. It was supposed to be a

temporary thing. She was sending a houseguest home, not

getting a divorce. So why did her heart feel torn within her

chest? Turning her head, she blinked back tears.

"I almost forgot something," he said as he dug into the

side compartment of the duffle bag. "I meant to give this

to you when you first came back."

He drew out a small paper bag and handed it to her. The

pattern on the paper was familiar, and her hands began to

shake as she reached for it. Swallowing hard, she opened

the bag and drew out the little yellow sweater.

"I left this in your car..." She brought the garment up to her

cheek, feeling the soft fabric. Memories of that night flooded

back to her--Mulder's tenderness and the way his kisses had

tasted. "So much has happened since that night."

"I could apologize a thousand times, and it wouldn't

begin to express how sorry I am," he said, his voice soft.

"Sorry for what, Mulder?" she asked. "If anyone should

apologize, it's me. You tried to warn me about the dangers.

I thought you were blowing it out of proportion, that you were

looking for an excuse to distance yourself. I vowed if

I got the chance, I'd apologize for doubting you."

He shook his head, eyes downcast as if afraid to look at her.

She watched his jaw clench and release.

"You were right," he said, finally raising his eyes. "I was

terrified of losing my focus. Petrified. So, I pushed you

away and tried to drown myself in meaningless sex. Scully, if

I could go back and do it all again..."

"Mulder, we didn't plan this. It happened and we just have to

deal with the way things are. And we both made mistakes. I

wasn't honest with you about how sick I was. Don't you think

I wish I could go back and change that?"

He scraped a fingernail along the duffle bag's zipper, eyes

down as if he was trying to gather his courage. Finally, he

raised his eyes and spoke.

"Scully, I know I don't any right to say this--after all, it's

your house. But...I don't want to leave."

She reached out to touch his arm. "This," she gestured around the

apartment, "this has been wonderful, but we both know there are

things in your life that aren't going to let you stay. I have to

get used to being on my own, Mulder.

"My work...my sister, they're still important to me, but almost

losing you showed me what really mattered. I'm not sure of a whole

lot these days, Scully. I don't know how to keep you safe, and I

don't know if this baby would be better off without me. The only

thing I know for sure is that I need to be with you."

"Mulder..."

"For what it's worth, Scully, I love you." He looked at her

with such naked emotion, she felt as if she could look into his

soul and see the truth of his words.

She couldn't force words around the lump in her throat. Sliding

her hand down his arm to take his hand, she found her voice.

"It's worth a lot."

His arms circled her, pulling her to him. Resting her head on

his chest, she counted the beats of his heart. His hands drew

gentle circles on her back as she wrapped her arms around his

waist.

Mulder slid his hands up to cradle her cheeks and look into her

eyes. Desire was now mixed with the love she'd found there

moments ago. Her heart pounded in her breast as he leaned down

to kiss her.

His lips were warm and soft, as he brushed light kisses over

her face, finally claiming her mouth. Her lips parting under

his onslaught and she slid her hands over his torso and under

his shirt. His skin was hot to the touch, the muscles firm.

His tongue teased and explored her mouth. Someone was humming,

deep and throaty and she was surprised to find that it was

her. He chuckled against her mouth as the vibration tickled

them both.

"I've dreamt of this," he murmured against her mouth between

kisses. "Of holding you, and touching you."

She wanted to wrap herself in him, to fill herself with him.

His arms were solid around her. He was her safe place.

"I want you," he murmured between kisses. "I don't know how

I managed to wait this long."

"Come on," she replied, taking his hand. "Let's not wait any

longer."

She led him to the bedroom, her body thrumming with tension.

She wanted this, as much as anything she'd ever wanted in her

life. Switching on the bedside light, she turned to look into

his eyes again, wondering if doubt had begun to cloud them.

But she found only certainty and love. He reached for the

buttons on her blouse, slowly unfastening each one. She

raised her hands to part the shirt and slip it off her

shoulders.

Mulder's fingers traced along the lace edge of her bra.

"So soft," he whispered.

She shivered, his touch like an electric current on her skin.

Her hands slipped under his shirt, skimming over the firm

muscles of his chest. He drew the t-shirt over his head,

carelessly tossing it aside. His skin glowed golden in the

lamplight. She leaned forward to nuzzle the dusting of hair

at the center of his chest, delighting in his clean scent.

"I can't believe how nervous I am," he chuckled, his face

in her hair. "My hands are shaking."

Indeed, she could feel the trembling against her back as he

released the clasp on her bra and freed her breasts heavy with

pregnancy. His hands cupped them, stroking her nipples with

his thumbs. She moaned, warmth spreading through her,

settling low in her belly.

How different this was from their first time. That had been

hot and hungry, clouded by an alcohol haze. This was slow and

deliberate, each movement languished over. Mulder kissed the

little hollow at the base of her throat, his hands skimming

over her body, palms smooth against her rounded belly.

"Beautiful," he whispered, dropping down onto his knees. "So

beautiful. I love the way your body is changing."

"I'm getting fat," she said, laughing. "Do you even remember

what my body looked like? You barely got a look at it before

the baby."

"Every inch is burned into my memory--the sight of you dropping

your red robe that night in Oregon, the way you looked the night

we made love. Everything."

Drawing her slacks and panties downward, he danced kisses along

the line of darkened skin that bisected her stomach.

"I love this little line here." His breath tickled against her

belly.

"It's called linea negra," she gasped, trying to calm her racing

heart. "A common skin condition in pregn..."

She lost all coherency as he pressed his nose and mouth into the

nest of curls between her legs. Her knees trembled as he

lowered her onto the bed and dragged the clothes off her legs.

Mulder spread her legs, kissing the tender skin at the inside of

her thighs. Her back arched as his lips grazed her clitoris.

She moaned as his tongue explored her folds, a small fish darting

in and out of the shallows.

He seemed to have a knack for hitting the right spot. Her hips

bucked as he swirled his tongue around that perfect place. His

hands stroked her thighs, holding her open to him. Little

breathy gasps slipped from her mouth, becoming louder with each

flick from Mulder.

Scully had never been a noisy lover. Oh, she'd enjoyed herself,

quite a bit in fact, but she always maintained a certain reserve.

So it came as quite a surprise that under Mulder's talented

mouth, she was a screamer.

She was still gasping as Mulder laid his head on her belly. "I

didn't get to do that last time," he said. "I love listening to

you, knowing you're making those sounds because of me. I want

to do that a million times."

"I could live with that," she quipped.

One tug on his arm and he was beside her. Scully rose up on one

elbow, stroking her fingers along his golden skin. His abdomen

quaked with silent laughter under her tickling touch. He was no

longer chuckling when her hand strayed under the waistband of his

jeans to caress the heated skin of his stomach.

"You're overdressed," she said, leaning over to kiss him. He

tasted of her, and that made her unspeakably happy.

"I'll have to do something about that," he replied, unbuttoning

his jeans. She assisted him, drawing the zipper down and tugging

his jeans and boxers down his legs.

He was magnificent. She'd never had the opportunity to enjoy the

sight of a fully aroused naked Mulder. Their one coupling was

too crazed for them to even remove their clothes. And she'd been

much too nauseous and humiliated to appreciate the view when she

had stumbled in on him and Cassie/Carrie/Callie.

Mulder hardly seemed to breath, lying so still and beautiful.

She skimmed her hands over his body, the hair on his chest and

arms tickling her palms. Kisses followed hands, sprinkled on his

skin wherever she pleased. Collarbone, nipples ribcage, navel,

ending with a long brush of lips down to his hot, hard cock.

He gasped when her mouth closed over him, his hips rising off

the bed. Sliding her lips down, she sucked gently, then a

little harder. Mulder groaned, his hands tangling in her hair.

Scully took special delight in the moans she drew from Mulder with

each lick drawn from base to the tip of his cock. Swirling her

tongue around the head seemed to elicit the most remarkable

reaction.

"I'm so close," he mumbled, caressing her face. "I want to make

love to you."

She raised her head, smiling at him. Swinging a leg over Mulder's

body, she straddled him, her hot core resting against his cock.

His hands reached for her tender breasts, tweaking her

nipples into aching hardness.

They both gasped when she wriggled into position and slid down

onto him. Mulder's hands drifted along her ribcage to rest on

her hips as she began to rock forward and back.

She remembered how good it felt to have him inside her, but the

memory of that entire night was blurred with the frenzy of lust.

Now, she took a moment to absorb the sensation of fullness, the

delicious friction and the look of pure joy on Mulder's face.

"Oh God, I've missed this," she gasped.

His eyes were open, fixed on her face and radiating love. She

arched her back, loving how the position accentuated the roundness

of her belly.

"Amazing. Just amazing," he said, placing his hands over her

abdomen.

Heat built in her, infusing her. She reached forward to brace

herself against the mattress, her hands on either side of

Mulder's shoulders, her body moving faster and faster. His

hips rocked under her as he, too, neared climax.

She squealed, the sound strange in her ears, as a wave after

wave of pleasure washed over her. Mulder's grunts signaled

his own release, his face contorted into an almost comical mask.

Poised over him, she allowed the physical sensations to work

their way through her. She cataloged the pulsing here and the

winding down there until something she'd never felt before

whispered through her abdomen.

"Oh my God," she gasped. Her hands flew to her belly.

"What? Are you all right?" Mulder asked, concerned.

"Better than all right," she replied, grinning. Scully moved

his hand over her stomach to find the right place. "Feel that?

The baby is moving!"

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