Manners
and Etiquette in the Antebellum South
Etiquette and manners played a large
part in the Southern Antebellum society. It was believed that the desire
to become true American ladies and gentleman was the goal of most citizens
living in this time period. An individuals manners, such as how to wear
your hair, how to dress, bowing and curtseying, dinner etiquette, among
many others defined who you were in society. However, interestingly enough,
all manners were put aside when it came to the chewing of tobacco. During
the Antebellum period more people, both ladies and gentleman, chewed tobacco
like never before. The residents living in Athens, Georgia, however, were
no exception. The individuals that lived in this small Southern town during
the Antebellum period were representative of the rest of the South in most
aspects of manners. In this paper I will discuss the typical manners displayed
by southerners in the Antebellum period, and discuss how Athens, Georgia
represented the South on a national scale when it came to everyday etiquette
and manners in the social lives of these citizens.
The years from 1830 to 1870 were
the ideal period of the perfect lady. Around early 1830, the waistline,
which was mostly raised to the bosom as fashion had required early in the
century, fell back to its natural position. Dresses continued to grow fuller
from that time on, until they reached several yards in circumference. They
were held out by petticoats, and of course corsets were a must. Throughout
the Antebellum period, Southern women continued to delight in showing off
their shapely bodies. American women decided to be as seductive as possible
in order to emphasize their independence. However, women were expected
to appear submissive, sweet and resigned at the same time. While proper
ladies tolerated no bright colors, perfume was also a major issue among
women in the 1840‘s. There were not any restrictions on perfume, and so,
they used it rather liberally. At about this same time in Athens, Georgia,
some women chose to dress a little differently. It came to the attention
of some travelers that some women chose to break the norm and wear men’s
clothing. This type of dress was condemned, stating that “it is ok for
them to wear them in the privacy of their homes but in public it is an
affront to men“.
The dress of men during the Antebellum
period was much more conventional than that favored by the women. The ministers
dressed in all black and the majority of other men wore black, gray, and
dark colors in general. Their clothes remained the same, with a “high stovepipe
hat; a long frock coat, at first full and later fitted; trousers with straps
beneath the instep; a puffy cravat skillfully knotted to create an impression
of deliberate negligence”. Around 1860, sideburns also became popular among
men. Beards and mustaches had strictly been ruled out before this time
however, “primarily city gentlemen of fashion, began to sport mustaches”.Shaving
brushes and lather bowls played a prominent part in men’s lives. It was
fashionable for men to have their initials stamped on them in gold.
Hairstyles for women demanded a great
deal of taste and judgment. The style of hair varied with the different
forms of face. They rarely did their hair themselves, and often times they
went to a hairdresser, who would fix their hair according to their facial
features. The women of Athens, especially used hairdressers before large
social events, for example the commencement ceremonies at the University.
The change in hairstyle for men marked
potential social change. After the 1800’s, wig and powder went decisively
out of fashion among the better sort, spurred in part by the President’s
casual style-much to the dismay of city barbers. From then on men decided
to adopt the short hair style.
Some of the basic recommendations
for individuals to display correct manners included never sleeping in one’s
clothes during the day, never to keep one’s hat on in the presence of a
lady, not to tilt one’s chair, not to touch one’s partner they are conversing
with, never grab women by the waist or, in general to touch them, and not
to make fun of those who bathed and washed regularly.
Cleanliness also became a major issue,
one that was new to the Antebellum period. The engraining of habits so
thoroughly as to make them feel like second nature implies that powerful
cultural forces once worked on the minds and bodies of western men and
women. The idea of bathing significantly changed from the eighteenth century
to the nineteenth century. For normal cleanliness, the usual eighteenth
century method was a basin of water and a towel, what we would call a sponge
bath today. However, at the turn of the century, bathhouses were introduced,
where individuals took baths in which their bodies were totally immersed
in water.
It was not until about 1850 that
regular personal washing become routine in middle class households. Cleanliness
became an intense social importance. Cleanliness had social power because
it was a moral ideal and a standard of judgment. Being clean was valuable
to those individuals who wanted to better their lives and who wanted to
move out of the lower classes. Dirty hands, greasy clothes, offensive odors,
and grime on the skin all entered into complex judgments about the social
position of the dirty person and actually his or her moral worth. By the
middle of the nineteenth century, among the middle class anyway, personal
cleanliness ranked as a mark of moral superiority and dirtiness as a sign
of degradation. Cleanliness indicated control, spiritual refinement, breeding;
the unclean were vulgar, coarse, animalistic. A dirty person evoked one
of the most powerful of social forces-scorn.
Relationships between men and women
played an important role in the new code of good manners. When women were
involved in conversations with gentlemen, they were never supposed to ask
them about their health. Gentlemen, were advised against asking ladies
a question period. If they wanted to give a gift to a particular lady,
a bouquet of flowers or a book were the only suitable gifts. The slightest
contact, however, was to be avoided between ladies and gentlemen in public.
Dancing was probably the one issue
that caused the most problems. The sexes were simply kept apart as much
as possible. The only body part that was allowed to be touched during a
dance was the elbows. The men never put their hand around the woman’s waist.
That was just not acceptable. Her waist was forbidden. Other etiquette
strictly enforced among women included: never allowing anyone to help her
with her coat, shawl, etc. Certain words were also forbidden. For example,
a woman called her chest her neck, and she was to call her stomach, her
chest. Never was it acceptable for women to show their legs in public.
The manners and etiquette in dealing
with sexual manors are quite humorous. Since it was inappropriate for women
to show the slightest bit of their legs in public, you can imagine how
people in the Antebellum period felt about sex. Showing any affection towards
one another was strongly prohibited. Even for married couples holding hands,
laying your head on your husbands shoulder, or hugging would surely be
looked down upon. As the years progressed during the Antebellum period,
things began to change slightly. Couples were allowed to sleep in the same
bed together, fully clothed, with a board separating them so any contact
would be impossible. However, research shows that the rate of pregnancy
increased, and the number of women who were pregnant when they married
increased as well. I think sex was kind of an issue that everyone knew
happened, between those who were married and even those who were not, but
most people simply turned their heads and pretended that it did not happen.
Mealtime also had it’s own set of
manners. It was not appropriate to blow your nose with your napkin, nor
was it acceptable to pick up your soup bowl and drink from it. Women were
expected to always remove their gloves as soon as they were seated at the
table, spread their napkin in their lap or sometimes they would even pin
the napkin to their dresses. They were also not supposed to look at anyone
for a long period of time if they were eating loud or happened to spill
something on themselves. It was never appropriate for men or women to make
any noise chewing. Such noises would be classified as inconsiderate.
As previously mentioned, all manners
were set aside when it came to the use of tobacco. Most travelers, mostly
European to be exact, felt that people of the south were sincere and cordial.
However, these virtues took on an unreserved spontaneity, especially in
the art of tobacco chewing. Tobacco chewers were most notably criticized
for spitting in public places, especially churches, trains, and boats.
It was a mystery to these travelers how men could so entertain themselves
as to create an uninterrupted deluge of spit on the floor. They also spoke
of the ceaseless spitting on the decks of boats people were traveling on.
Some of these stories are believed to be a little exaggerated, but Alexander
Mackay, a traveler from the United States, wrote that the floor in his
railway car was so covered in tobacco spit, that he decided to ride his
whole trip on the platform. Mackay also reported that he saw a man use
the tobacco from his mouth to draw pictures on the window of the train.
Another traveler, visiting Athens,
Georgia, spoke about chewing tobacco in churches. This individual stated:
I have visited cities, and have never
heard better sermons than in Athens; your churches too are commodious,
neat buildings, or were neat before being used for the worship of God;
but how shall I express the horror I felt at seeing the shocking defilement
which is permitted in those temples of a pure and holy God.
The habits of devoted tobacco users
were repulsive to most European travelers who visited Athens, as well as
any other place in the South. It did not matter where tobacco chewers spit,
nothing was off limits.
Surprisingly, women also participated
in this nasty habit. Women mostly preferred to use snuff, which today we
would call, dipping. They even carried around stylish boxes to hold their
snuff, and these boxes became somewhat of a fashion statement. Dipping
snuff together became a way for the ladies to make friendships, because
it was such a common practice. In Athens, as throughout the South, Tobacco
chewing among women was not class specific. Individuals seemed to use tobacco,
whether they were rich, poor, or middle class. After 1820, however, the
use of tobacco among women began to decline. When appearance started to
become more important, women decided that it might be inappropriate to
continue such practices.
Tobacco use among men was much greater
than women. They used different methods such as smoking through a pipe,
chewing, snuff-dipping, and smoking cigars. However, smoking was a fire
hazard, and was the less frequent mode of using tobacco. Smoking cigars
was the most frequent method for individuals who were financially secure,
and this was the expensive way to consume tobacco. Associated with tobacco
use was also the consumption of alcohol. Both of these practices became
everyday rituals for some.
As we have seen, in the society of
the Antebellum South, etiquette and manners played a large part in the
daily life of the average citizen . A profound desire to become true American
ladies and gentlemen, the goals of most citizens, dictated how you wore
your hair, how you dressed, and how you acted in every aspect of life in
this time period. As previously noted, however, this desire to live in
a mannered society was put aside in regard to the subject of tobacco use,
by both men and women alike. The residents of the sleepy little southern
college town of Athens, Georgia, as we have seen, were no exception to
this prevalence of a desire for manners and proper social behavior, nor
to the use of tobacco by both men and women alike. Athens was truly a microcosm
of the Southern life and times.