Hgeocities.com/fredofmars/quotes.htmgeocities.com/fredofmars/quotes.htm.delayedxkJpAOKtext/htmlxu b.HSun, 23 Sep 2007 06:20:43 GMTr Mozilla/4.5 (compatible; HTTrack 3.0x; Windows 98)en, *kJ Joseph's Quotes page

Quotes I Like

These quotes are not necessarily profound, and are not likely to change lives in any big way. They are ones I have collected over the years though.

To my "thoughts" page (where these quotes used to be).

Trygve Lode's quote page

David Schneider's quote page

David "Hyphen" Jaques-Watson's quote page (click on the "Traveller & Other Tag Lines" link on the left)

What Presidents Said About the War Powers

Quotations by G H Hardy

Four Principles of Quotation by Martin Porter

Suzanne's Humor Page


I have put very few quotes by "unknown" since I want to know where a quote came from. If you find a quote I have mis-attributed, please let me know.

Do you have a problem? If not, a problem can be arranged for you. - unknown

You are only as good as your last flight. - unknown

All things that are excellent are as difficult as they are rare. - unknown

This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution, or copying of this e-mail is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have a legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. - unknown

Without geometry, life is pointless. - unknown

More fun than a 40-mile hike with full pack. - unknown

If brute force doesn't solve your problem, youre not using enough. - unknown

Reality is where everyone's insanities overlap. Some of us however, overlap less than others. - unknown

I'm not better, I'm just better medicated. - unknown

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the Frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig, huh? - unknown

You don't have to outrun the monsters . . . if you can outrun your friends. - unknown

TVs in cars are for passengers, because as we know, the drivers are too busy talking on their cell phones. - unknown

Ever notice that the pirate's "AAIR" when put backwards is "RIAA"? So if you had a backwards pirate, they would board the ship shouting "RIAA" and everyone would erase their hard drives instead of surrendering. - unknown

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - Unknown

A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he is doing. - unknown

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. - Occam's Razor

You never see a pro-nuclear vampire. - Helix

No one ever suspects the werewolf of being the vampire. - Helix

Dogs have owners, cats have staff. - Gregg Videll

Feed an opportunity, starve a problem. - Peter F. Drucker

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend. - Tod L. Glenn

The wierd, the bizzare, the help desk. - Joseph Kimball

Windows is not a virus. A virus actually does something, and generally gets better technical support. - Terry Austin

Oak trees are nuts who stood their ground. - Beth Bruner

I tried to get a rectangular bear for months. Ended up I had to get a polar bear and use trig... - Akchizar

Never raise your fist in anger. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Tod L Glenn

Air conditioning had a fundamental impact on the country, contributing along with the civil rights movement...If I had to make an estimate, it's about 50-50 in terms of the importance of the two of them. - Richard Nathan, Director of the Rockefeller Institute of Government at the State University of New York

Treat your customer as if the future of your company and your employment rests upon your ability to satisfy your customer on the transaction being performed right now. - Neal Whitten

What's your obligation to keep the future alive? - C.K. Prahalad

When God invented computers, the Devil invented printers. - Anders Jacobsen

Contrary to popular belief, UNIX is user friendly. It just happens to be selective about whom it makes friends with. - Robert Uhl

Half a nice day! - Kevin Pease

Don't die for your country. Make the other guy die for his. - General Patton (sanitized version of the quote)

If the only tool you have is a hammer, all problems look like nails. - Abraham Maslow

When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can turn into deadly projectiles. - www.despair.com

…religion is essentially a subjective experience that is supported by rational evidence…God is beyond proof to a religious person. - Kevin Miller (from an 80+ page thesis paper)

Science has sometimes been said to be opposed to faith, and inconsistent with it. But all science, in fact, rests on a basis of faith, for it assumes the permanence and uniformity of natural laws - a thing which can never be demonstrated. - Tyron Edwards

I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said. - William F. Buckley, Jr.

If your franchise is not secured by force of personal arms, you are a subject, not a citizen. - H. Beam Piper

Scientific terms explained #1 "A long established fact" = "I forgot to look up the reference." - Andrew Moffatt-Vallance

I file things in historical order, with a hashing algorithm of gravity. - David "Hyphen" Jaques-Watson

Rule 1: The DM is always right. Rule 2: If you disagree with any decision, explain why in a calm and rational manner. The DM may change a decision in light of your comments. Rule 3: If the DM does not change a ruling and you don't like it, see Rule 1. - Jason Barnabas

If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on top of each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. - Norman Augustine

Underpromise, overdeliver. - Jennifer Newton

Map out your future, but do it in pencil. - Jon Bon Jovi

When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return. - Leonardo da Vinci

If power corrupts, being out of power corrupts absolutely. - Douglass Cater

For all their high handed talk about learning the lessons of history, the only thing that has come through is that most people take realy bad notes. - SGTGoody for on www.battlefront.com general message forum

I just couldn't deal with the K'Kree... perhaps because "Vegetarian" is an ancient Aslan word for "Lousy Hunter." - Derek

Men's underwear. See, there are basically two types. Boxers and briefs (otherwise known as whitey-tighties). Now, boxers come in all different designs and patterns and different materials like cotton and silk. A man can still be a man and wear silk boxers. Men can't wear silk whitey-tighties, 'cause then they'd be panties. - Torg

If you don't listen when your child tells you unimportant things, don't expect them to tell you important things. - Dr. Phil

If you think the OPFOR cheats just wait till you meet the real bad guys. - James Goodman

...like using dynamite to open an unlocked door. - Kepa Zubeldia

Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much to pliable, too yielding. - Bette Davis

The relevant equation is: knowledge = power = energy = matter = mass; a good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read. - Pratchett

The next generation of RPGs will not be meant to be played, but merely to be bickered over endlessly. - Kevin Mowery

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. - Andy Rooney

Many times the difference between failure and success is doing something nearly right ... or doing it exactly right. - Edward Simmons

Innocence seldom utters outraged shrieks. Guilt does. - Whittaker Chambers

A Prince when among Lions must be the fox; When among foxes, he must be the Lion. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Nothing of great value in this life comes easily. - Norman Vincent Peale

Man is only truly great when he acts from his passions. - Benjamin Disraeli

I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. - Martha Washington

When I have fully decided that a result is worth getting, I go ahead and make trial after trial until it comes. - Thomas Edison

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The great tragedy of science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. - Thomas H. Huxley

He's a god. It'll take more than one shot. - Lady Eboshi, Princess Mononoki

Sometimes you have to make do. You'll just have to wear your puffy underpants. - Rebecca Hoff 3/2/03

Conspiracy theories are nothing more than a conspiracy to get people to believe in conspiracies so that they can really conspire to do something. - Fabian

Were we directed from Washington when to sow, and when to reap, we should soon want bread. - Thomas Jefferson

We must look forward, ever focused on our goal. But sometimes, we must stop and look back, to see how far we've come. - Terry Moore

If our own memory convicts us after we die, can I plead the 5th now, because I can't remember anything? - Craig Bedford

"C:\ COFFEE.COM NOT FOUND. REBOOT USER Y/N?" This is called catastrophic system , or "the brown java screen of death." System will now go irretrievably into snooze mode and will require a cold boot adding coffee.com to the .ini file to restart. This is a very dangerous error and must be handled gently and correctly... - Mike Kerns

Search and Destroy without the Search is just target practice... - jawillroy@yahoo.com

How does a project get to be a year behind schedule? One day at a time. - Fred Brooks, System/360 Chief Designer, IBM

I saw a subliminal advertising xecutive. But only for a second. - Stephen Wright

Science would be cool if it weren't for all the stupid facts. - Walkerton

You are the winner of a ten million dollar check...drawn on your own bank account! - Craig Bedford

God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture He's painting. - Steven Curtis Chapman

To recognize that everything is surprising is the first step toward recognizing that everything is a gift. - Steindl-Rast

A little science estranges a man from God. A lot of science brings him back. - Sir Francis Bacon

Black as the devil, Hot as hell, Pure as an angel, Sweet as love. - Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord; recipe for coffee

Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man. - Bacon

CALIFORNIA, a large country of the West Indies... It is uncertain whether it be a peninsula or an island. - Encyclopaedia Britannica, 1st Edition (1771)

Without a monster or two, it's hardly a quest, merely a gaggle of friends wandering around. - Owl (from Winne the Pooh)

Avoid small projects, they leave no mark on people's memories. - Daniel Burnham, San Francisco City Planner, 1907

Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen an angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100 mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had. - Linus Torvalds

I was not trying to be shocking, or to be a pioneer. I wasn't trying to change society, or to be ahead of my time. I didn't think of myself as liberated, and I don't believe that I did anything important. I was just myself. I didn't know any other way to be, or any other way to live. - Bettie Page

`Umm... Excuse me. I think the network's down?' `A communications disruption can only mean one thing...invasion.' - Lee Maguire, teaching us how to make people go away

Institutions do not have opinions, merely customs. - Bruce Johnson

We English-speaking peoples should keep hold of the essential fact about foreign languages: They exist to make us laugh. - John Derbyshire

I've heard this 'government which governs least governs best' argument before, and while it has a certain quirky logic to it, the part of me that abhors waste wonders why we can't just have a government that does what it's supposed to, rather than one which attains inoffensiveness through inefficiency. - Kelly St.Clair, of the Traveller Mailing List

The 1930's taught us a clear lesson: aggressive conduct, if allowed to go unchecked and unchallenged, ultimately leads to war. Our policy has been one of patience and restraint, but now further action is required - and it is under way; and these actions may only be the beginning... But the greatest danger of all would be to do nothing. - President John F. Kennedy

Listen, I have enough trouble living up to my own standards -- don't ask me to live up to yours! - Jim Mccarthy (in: A Day For Damnation by David Gerrold)

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. - Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

I live in my own little world, but it's OK. They know me here. - Tod Glenn

If you watch television news you know less about the world than if you sat at home and drank gin from a bottle. - Garrison Keillor

Business is a way to cooperate to create value that no one of us can [create] alone. - R. Edward Freeman

People are basically honest. And they're even more honest when you watch them. - Alan C. "Ace" Greenberg

The only good pun is a bad pun. - Derek Smith

The Law of Conservation of Misery: no matter what course of action is taken, the total human misery in any given situation is maintained. - Bob Belleville

Cannibalism : A diet method based on homeopathic principles. - Miles Kinton, The Independant

Every great man is unique. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.... - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; he took my measurement anew every time he saw me, while all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me. - George Bernard Shaw

He that is overcautious will accomplish little. - J.C.F. von Schiller

Question of the day: Do you have the show trial before or after the burning of a heretic? Answer: After (if you do it before, there is the possibility they might be found innocent). - Joseph Kimball

Leadership isn't getting someone to do what you want; leadership is the art of getting people to do what you want done because they want to do it. - paraphrased from President Eisenhower

Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality. - The Dalai Lama

It is the mark of an intelligent mind to be able to entertain an idea without necesarily accepting it. - Aristotle

Nostalgia is just your inner child telling you he wants his stuff back. - Daniel Tackett

Those who follow their conscience are of my religion, and I am of the religion of those who are brave and good. - Henri IV of France (1553-1610)

We are flame retardant to each others flames of love. - Talmage Cleverly

Don't fork the dog. - Talmage Cleverly

Never play Russian Roulette with a clip-fed handgun. - Talmage Cleverly

Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. - Kovac

Teach and live the first principles of the Gospel, and let the mysteries of Heaven wait until you get to Heaven. - Heber J. Grant

It's our job to worry before the users even know there is a reason to worry. - Talmage Cleverly

I like to fail because I learn so much. - Scott Nelson

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. - Carl Sagan

Living a reasonable life is the lowest level at which you can live life. - Nancy Elder

There is no possibility for living a life of excellence without an unreasonable commitment to your word. - Nancy Elder

Be informed by the way someone else is, but don't compare yourself to them. - Nancy Elder

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. - Clarke's First Law

The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible. - Clarke's Second Law

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. - Clarke's Third Law

Have you ever fought an idea, Picard? It has no weapons to destroy, no body to kill! - Gowron, Klingon Chancellor

One of these days is none of these days. - H.G. Bohn

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

All computing devices will communicate, and all communication devices will compute. - Anand Chandrasekher (prediction made 23 Feb 2004 issue of InformationWeek)

Visibility without action is voyeurism. - Bruce Hudson (23 Feb 2004 issue of InformationWeek)

Meddle Detector: how to know when to intervene. - Carolyn Hax (extracted from her "Tell Me About It" column in the 8 Mar 2004 issue of the Salt Lake Tribune)

...if you believe in it, it is a religion or perhaps 'the' religion; and if you do not care one way or another about it, it is a sect; but if you fear and hate it, it is a cult. - Leo Pfeffer

The trouble with most folks isn't so much their ignorance. It's know'n so many things that ain't so. - Josh Billings (19th century humorist)

How to sell a product. - Robin 'Roblimo' Miller

"...Peace, Eustace. Do not scold, like a kitchen-girl. No warrior scolds. Either courteous words or else hard knocks are his only language. - Tirian, last king of Narnia to Eustace Scrubb in The Last Battle

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? - Scott Adam

Ok, we've panicked, yelled, held a meeting, and fixed the blame. I guess the only thing left is to find out what the problem is. - Sam

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product. - David J. Golden

On the whole, people want to be good but not too good and not quite all the time. - George Orwell

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. - Mark Twain

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. - Werner von Braun

People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten. - Jon Bentley

If no one was sued, it didn't happen. - Scott Nelson

There is as much opportunity in change as there is danger.. - Earl Nightingale

Most guys in my shop class think using the drill press is exciting. To me, it's just boring. - Andy Krakowski, from Ruminations, copyright by Chris White

Change destroys who you are not, so a new level of who you are can emerge. - Peter Rengel

One of these days is none of these days. - H.G. Bohn

Never let yesterday use up today. - Richard H. Nelson

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. - David J. Golden

It is not the pursuit of happiness but the happiness of pursuit that yields the most gratification. - Ashley Montagu

The hatred you're carrying is a live coal in your heart - far more damaging to yourself than to them. - Lawana Blackwell

Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge. - Audre Lorde

Only in growth, reform, and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values. - Ayn Rand

We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems. - John William Gardner

I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. - Martha Washington

Man is only truly great when he acts from his passions. - Benjamin Disraeli

You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. - Henry Ford

Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. - Henry Ward Beecher

Some people are more talented than others. Some are more educationally privileged than others. But we all have the capacity to be great. Greatness comes with recognizing that your potential is limited only by how you choose, how you use your freedom, how resolute you are - in short, by your attitude. And we are all free to choose our attitude. - Peter Koestenbaum

Who bravely dares must sometimes risk a fall. - Tobias George Smollet

The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you be somebody else. - e. e. cummings

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it. - Seneca

The keen spirit seizes the prompt occasion, makes the thought, starts into instant action, and at once plans and performs, resolves and executes! - Hannah More

There is nothing noble about being superior to other men. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. - Hindu Proverb

Hard by the yard, cinch by the inch. - Carvel Whiting

I've never learned anything while I was talking. - Larry King

The longer I live, the more I realize the inpact of attitude on life. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day of our lives regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is attitude. I'm convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. We are in charge of our attitudes.. - Charles Swindoll

What we do not see, what most of us never suspect of existing, is the silent but irresistible power which comes to the rescue of those who fight on in the face of discouragement. - Napoleon Hill

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. - Catherine Aird

The best things in life are yours, if you can appreciate yourself. - Dale Carnegie

One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment. - Merle Shain

You set high standards for yourself and others. Careful, this isn't about achieving "perfection." Rather, on the path of growth, you simply have the desire to reach more and more of your potential. You no longer settle for less than your best effort. And, as you see more of the potential in others, you encourage them to develop their talents as well.. - Jeff Keller

Try not to be come a man of success but rather try to become a man of value. - Albert Einstein

All of us attain the greatest success and happines possible whenever we use our native capacities to their greatest extent. - Smiley Blanton

If you rest, you rust. - Helen Hayes

Do not wait for extraordinary circumstances to do good actions; try to use ordinary situations. - Jean Paul Richter

When you're through changing, you're through. - Bruce Barton

Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. - Saint Francis de Sales

Brains, like hearts, go where they are appreciated. - Robert S. McNamara

To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard

In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends. - John Churton Collins

The world is a looking glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. - William Thackeray

We can never succeed until we believe we'll succeed. - Keith DeGreen

Don't set compensation as a goal. Find work you like, and the compensation will follow. - Harding Lawrence

He who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to change reality, and will never, therefore, make any progress. - Anwar Sadat

It's not what we get done, but HOW we get it done. - Everitt Goodwin

Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. They're what make the instrument stretch - what make you go beyond the norm - Cicely Tyson

Each of us is meant to have a character all our own, to be what no other can exactly be, and do what no other can exactly do. - William Ellery Channing

I have always grown from my problems and challenges. From the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned. - Carol Burnett

A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault with what he had done. - John Henry Cardinal Newman

The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles. - William Penn

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. - William James

Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom. - Marilyn Ferguson

Improvement always means change. - Carvel Whiting

If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. - Frank A. Clark

The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. - William James

Kind words do not cost much - yet they acomplish much. - Blaise Pascal

The greatest power that a person possesses it the power to choose. - J. Martin Kohe

Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear. - Anthony Robbins

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. - e. e. cummings

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Those who are at war with others are not at peace with themselves. - William Hazlitt

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anais Nin

A wise man changes his mind, a fool never. - Spanish Proverb

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. - Nathaniel Borenstein

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. - Albert Einstein

Everything without tells the individual that he is nothing; everything within persuades him that he is everything. - Doudan

When one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior. - Henry C. Link

Out of every crisis comes the chance to be reborn. - Nema O'Neill

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Ya can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself. - Rick Nelson

When a decision has to be made, make it. There is no totally right time for anything. - George Patton

Be happy with what you have, and better things will come along. - John Wanamaker

The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does. - Herbert V. Prochnow

Every man is valued in this world as he shows by his conduct that he wishes to be valued. - Bruyer

He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear. - Julius Caesar

Conceived by genius, achieved by dauntless resolution, with unconquerable faith. - Carvel Whiting (in reference to Orville and Wilbur Wright)

Live out of your imagination, not your history. - Stephen Covey

If people knew how hard I worked at my art, they would not consider me a genius. - Michelangelo

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. - Dale Carnegie

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than he who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self. - Aristotle

Better to do nothing imperfectly than to do something flawlessly. - Robert Schuller

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. - Elizabeth Bibesco

I'm optimistic because it creates possibilities. - Tommie Lee Jones

If you accept others expectations of you, especially the negative ones, you will never change the outcome. - Michael Jordan

Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress. - Thomas A. Edison

Go to bed. Whatever you are staying up late for isn't worth it. - Andrew A. Rooney

When you want to test the depth of a stream, don't use both feet. - Chinese Proverb

People seldom become famous for what they say until after they are famous for what they have done. - Cullen Hightower

It is always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile. - Gary Marshall

When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge. - Tuli Kupferberg

You only get to keep what you give away. - Sheldon Kopp

Energy and persistence conquer all things. - Benjamin Franklin

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. - James Dean

If you can dream it, you can do it. - Walt Disney

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The only disability in life is a bad attitude. - Scott Hamilton

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. - George Bernard Shaw

Patience, persistence, and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success. - Napolean Hill

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. - Japanese Proverb

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. - Rabbi H. Schachtel

We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. - Vlade Divac

If there is hope in the future, there is power in the present. - John Maxwell

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones

What kind of leader would I be if my lies and deceit didn't create extravagant and unnecessary consequences for my staff? - Mike Poppycock

Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house. - Robert Heinlein (writing as Lazarus Long)

If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel. - Will Kommen

You cannot solve a problem by condemning it. - Wayne W. Dyer

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. - John Wooden

Art is never finished, only abandoned. - Leonardo da Vinci

Do not wait for ideal circumstances nor the best opportunities; they will never come. - Janet Erskine Stuart

This is a problem in astronomy. Most of the universe is far away. - Harley Thronson

Genius is nothing but a greater aptitude for patience. - Benjamin Franklin

The first recipe for happiness is: Avoid too lengthy meditations on the past. - Andre Maurois

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. - Philip K. Dick

For any statement, no matter how innocuous, there exists a nonempty set of people who will take offense at it. - Jon F. Zeigler

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. - Albert Einstein

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do. - Anne Lamott

If a problem looks simple, then you're probably too far away. - Steven Hudson

...quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit, occidentis telum est. [...a sword never kills anybody; it's a tool in the killer's hand.]. - (Lucius Annaeus) Seneca the Younger (ca. 4 BC-AD 65)

Science has sometimes been said to be opposed to faith, and inconsistent with it. But all science, in fact, rests on a basis of faith, for it assumes the permanence and uniformity of natural laws--a thing which can never be demonstrated. - Tyron Edwards

I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said. - William F. Buckley, Jr.

If your franchise is not secured by force of personal arms, you are a subject, not a citizen. - H. Beam Piper

It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion, By the beans of Java, my thoughts acquire speed, The hands acquire the shakes, the shakes become a warning, It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion. - Robert Rumpf (parodying a scene from DUNE, by Frank Herbert)

Will econ forecast for food. - Cheng Tseng

Cooking is great - it's a socially acceptable excuse to play with knives and fire. - Robert Uhl

The illustration in GT:GF of the drop pod that has landed on an enemy command post is priceless. One of the troopers coming out of the pod appears to be looking around, I can just imagine his conversation with the commander still in orbit. "Eagle-6, this is Eagle 4-2. We are down, I say again, we are down. We are right on the mark, but I do not see the objective. I say again, the objective is not in my view. Over" "4-2, this is Eagle 6 Actual. Breaker take your eyes, boy. We show you exactly on the drop coordinates. They see you, they've cut off all transmissions. Find it! Over." "Wilco, 6. Stand by.. Stand by... (laughter) Eagle-6, We have reached our objective and destroyed it, Roger? Over." "4-2, how in the hell do you go from not knowing where your target is to locating and destroying it in under five seconds? Over." "6, we landed on the poor bastards, Sir! This CP is completely crushed, I count five, I say again five bodies. Eagle 4-2 is moving on to secondary objective. Over." "Umm.. Good work, I suppose. Head to secondary. Eagle-6 Actual out." - Douglas E. Berry

Embrace Fascism. The uniforms look cool. - Douglas E. Berry

According to the National Crime Survey administered by the Bureau of the Census and the National Institute of Justice, it was found that only 12 percent of those who use a gun to resist assault are injured, as are 17 percent of those who use a gun to resist robbery. These percentages are 27 and 25 percent, respectively, if they passively comply with the felon's demands. Three times as many were injured if they used other means of resistance. - G. Kleck, Policy Lessons from Recent Gun Control Research

Only you believe you can write. If you quit, you just make it unanimous. - Manly Wade Wellman

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. `You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, `I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.' - Jake Johansen

Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds. - Albert Einstein

Physical concepts are free creations of the human mind, and are not, however it may seem, uniquely determined by the external world. - Albert Einstein

My brother used to say the reason he talked to himself was to guarantee both an interesting speaker and an intelligent, well-informed audience. - Loren K. Wiseman

Every man has a right to his opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong in his facts. - Bernard M. Baruch

If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it. - Albert Einstein

Remember: Dogs have owners, cats have staff. - Greg Videl

Men have dogs because we want buddies that are dummer than we are! Women don't have dogs because they have men! - Craig Bedford

And let not the wisdom of the Greeks beguile thee, Which hath not fruit, but only flowers. - Judah Halevi (1075-11??)

The sun operates by fusion. Nuclear power is whats behind solar power. Of course! It all makes sense now! Vampires! Have you noticed you never see a pro-nuclear vampire? - Helix

Y'all do know that MARINE stands for "Moves Around In Navy Equipment", right? - Virgil Buttram

We're standing there pounding a dead parrot on the counter, and the management response is to frantically swap in new counters to see if that fixes the problem. - Peter Gutmann

Feed an opportunity. Starve a problem. - Peter F. Drucker

If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on top of each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. - Norman Augustine (1935-), US author, business executive

I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder, but it's sad I never knew my real ladder. - Craig Charles

Whoever said money can't buy friends obviously never brought doughnuts to work. - From Ruminations, copyright by Chris White

When God invented computers, the Devil invented printers. - Anders Jacobsen

I tried to get a rectangular bear for months. Ended up I had to get a polar bear and use trig. - Akchizar

Treat your customer as if the future of your company and your employment rests upon your ability to satisfy your customer on the transaction being performed right now. - Neal Whitten

If a problem looks simple, then you're probably too far away. - Steven Hudson

Warm drift, graze gentle, White below the sky, Soft sheep, mirrors, Snow clouds. - I-lamb-ic Pentameter (Source)

We English-speaking peoples should keep hold of the essential fact about foreign languages: They exist to make us laugh. - John Derbyshire

Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man. - Bacon

Yeah, I remember that electric thrill of seeing "by Loren K. Wiseman" for the first time. It's quite a boost to the ego. Also, getting asked for an autograph, that's a unique feeling. It seems so extraordinarily weird the first time it happens, and that gradually changes over the next few dozen times to a nice, warm feeling inside. The thrill never really goes away -- for me, at least. I've been to a lot of conventions over the years, and I've seen some people who look bored by the whole thing -- as if it were some chore their agent stuck them with, and I pity them. I've also seen people who will write until their fingers cramp, and chat a little with each fan while they're writing, and seem just as thrilled at the end of three hours of autographs as at the start. - Loren K. Wiseman

If power corrupts, being out of power corrupts absolutely. - Douglass Cater, American author and educator

The 1930's taught us a clear lesson: aggressive conduct, if allowed to go unchecked and unchallenged, ultimately leads to war. Our policy has been one of patience and restraint, but now further action is required - and it is under way; and these actions may only be the beginning... But the greatest danger of all would be to do nothing. - President John F. Kennedy

Listen, I have enough trouble living up to my own standards -- don't ask me to live up to yours! - Jim Mccarthy - A Day For Damnation by David Gerrold

Conspiracy theories are nothing more than a conspiracy to get people to believe in conspiracies so that they can really conspire to do something. - Fabian

There might not be anything fishy going on at all, but that's no reason to stop making perfectly good conspiracy theories. - chongo

I received a case from our helpdesk about a customer who didn't know how to change her screen size. The help desk had tried to guide her but she just got lost and she wasn't pleased with the result when they tried to fix it with our remote tool either. I called her up and asked her to right click on her desktop and select properties on the little box that appears. She told me that nothing appeared when she right clicked and that the help desk had already asked her to try that. Intrigued by the perplexity of her problem I went to her office and looked at her computer. It was turned on which was a good start. I sat down and right clicked on the desktop and was about to select properties when I heard her say "Oh, your using the mouse, how interesting". What was I supposed to use!? - Karl

We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary. - James D. Nicoll

Nothing ruins righteous anger quite so fast as finding out you're the one who's wrong. - Sam

A rose by any other name would likely be 'deadly thorn-bearing assault vegetation'. - Mark Urbin

If there weren't some bumps in the road we'd all get sleepy and end up in the ditch. - Greg Larson

Seriously, Brody, you neet t' learn the difference between "using people" and "networking." People complain about not bein' able to 'break in' if you don't know anyone, but think about it, wot are showbiz and publishing types s'posed to do? Risk fortune and reputation on a total stranger who might be flaky or insane...or go with a trusted friend who's reliably neurotic? - Drezzer Wolf

If you want to be respected by others, respect yourself. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

It takes a heap of loafing to write a novel. - Gertrude Stein

Change is not made without inconvenience, even from worse to better. - Richard Hooker

Success - it's a matter of having a positive attitude and applying motivational principles on a daily basis. - Jeff Keller

Motivation is like a fire; unless you add fuel, it goes out. - Jeff Keller

If you want a quality, act as if you alrready have it. - William James

Nothing of great value in this life comes easily. - Norman Vincent Peale

Ah, the AK-47. The AK-47 of the firearms industry. - Talmage Cleverly

You have something on your dress code. - Travis Nicholson (to Deborah Silva after being lectured on company dress standards)

Everyone, lets make a baby together. - Deborah Silva (upon learning that Chrisstmas was 9 months away)

I prefere rotating the tireds every week. - Robin Steele

Let's have a word of silence. - Valerie 

Everyone gets a walk-in closet and calls it home. - Talmage Cleverly

If you haven't been to jail, you're not pushing the envelope enough. - Jeff (from Texas, naturally)

If no one got sued, it didn't happen. - Scott Nelson

Sometimes you have fun, and sometimes the fun has you. - Schlock

Information Wants To Be Free. Information also wants to be expensive. Information wants to be free because it has become so cheap to distribute, copy, and recombine---too cheap to meter. It wants to be expensive because it can be immeasurably valuable to the recipient. That tension will not go away. It leads to endless wrenching debate about price, copyright, 'intellectual property', the moral rightness of casual distribution, because each round of new devices makes the tension worse, not better. - Stewart Brand [anu.edu.au]

Rejection is the rough draft of a success story. - Cynthia Kersey

Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

All desires come with some form of risk. No risk - no reward! - Dr. Robert Anthony

Ouside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend...inside of a dog, it's too hard to read. - Groucho Marx

Is is really 'pro bono' if a lawyer takes your case in exchange for explosives? - Captain Hartung

In a world without walls and fences, who needs windows and gates anyway? - sludink

The difference between a republic and an empire is the loyalty of it's armed forces. - Julius Ceasar

From their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future. - Plutarch

It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life. - Sister Elizabeth Kenny

Vegetables are what food eats. - Doc Nickel

The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses. - Boris Grushenko (Woody Allen) in "Love and Death"

I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. - Jessica Rabbit (Kathleen Turner) in &quuot;Who Framed Roger Rabbit"

Old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don't look forward to being cured of. - Bernstein (Everett Sloane) in "Citizen Kane"

Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the War Room! - President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers) in "Dr. Strangelove"

You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle. - Groucho in "Duck Soup"

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. - SanDragon

The quality of the crate matters little. Success depends upon who sits in it. - Baron Manfred von Richtofen

A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things. There will be sleeping enough in the grave. - Benjamin Franklin

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle. - Benjamin Franklin

Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every New Year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin

Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none. - Benjamin Franklin

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. - Arthur C. Clarke

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. - James Klass

The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them. - Sir William Bragg

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age. - H.P. Lovecraft

The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. - Arthur C. Clarke

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. - Albert Einstein

Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it. - Max Frisch

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. - Arthur C. Clarke

If it was, it would be, as it isn't, it ain't, that's science. - Terry McCombs

The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about from Science, along with behavior control, genetic engineering, transplanted heads, computer poetry and the unrestrained growth of plastic flowers. - Lewis Thomas

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny.' - Isaac Asimov

False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science, for they often endure long; but false views, if supported by some evidence, do little harm, for everyone takes a salutory pleasure in proving their falseness. - Charles Darwin

The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not a sufficient warrant. - John Stuart Mill, On Liberty (1859)

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. - C. S. Lewis

What is ominous is the ease with which some people go from saying that they don't like something to saying that the government should forbid it. When you go down that road, don't expect freedom to survive very long. - Thomas Sowell

And now that the legislators and do-gooders have so futilely inflicted so many systems upon society, may they finally end where they should have begun: May they reject all systems, and try liberty, for liberty is an acknowledgement of faith in God and His works. - Frederic Bastiat

This is a boat. It's got important safety features a space ship doesn't have, like the ability to jump overboard. - Sam

Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but, unlike charity, it should end there. - Clare Booth Luce

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet. - Goofy's Reflection

It is the soldier, not the reporter, Who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, Who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the organizer, Who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier, Who salutes the flag, Who serves beneath the flag, And whose coffin is draped by the flag, Who allows the protester to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brian, USMC (often incorrectly attributed to Charles M. Province)

When commenting, please remember that freedom of the press is a privilege extended to people who own a press, and who may then in turn extend that privilege to others. - Howard Tayler

If no one thinks what you're doing is dangerous, then you are in no position to change the world. - Bruce Sterling (from a keynote speach at the O'Reily Emerging Technology Conference in San Diego, 7 Mar 2006)

That which is not implied shall not be inferred. - Barner's Corollary to Occam's Razor

Patience is a virtue. - William Langland (in 1377)

Lack of activity destroys the good condition of every human being, while movement and methodical physical exercise save it and preserve it. - Plato

Geek: 1. One who has a passionate interest that you don't share. 2. Synonym for outsider or minority. - link

Kinky: One step further than you're willing to go. - Mike Kerns

A man or woman's health can be judged by which they take two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

For God and the soldier we adore, In time of danger, not before! The danger passed, and all things righted, God is forgotten and the soldier slighted. - Rudyard Kipling

He who, having lost one ideal, refuses to give his heart and soul to another and nobler, is like a man who declines to build a house on rock because the wind and rain ruined his house on the sand. - Constance Naden

Democracy gives every man a right to be his own oppressor. - James Russell Lowell

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust. - Samuel Johnson

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. - Scott Fitzgerald

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee. - William H. Walton

I'm a slow walker but I never walk back. - Abraham Lincoln

The time is always right to do what is right. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Courage is never letting your actions be influenced by your fears. - Arthur Koestler

Tomorrow, today, and yesterday are all good at sharing but yesterday always ends up with the hand-me-downs from the other two days. - Talmage Cleverly

The truth shall set you free...especially when you're talking to your boss!. - Randy Glasbergen

If you want to get someting done...start. - Victor Scrivani

Email: the place where knowledge goes to die. - Steve Riley

Meditation can bring you peace and serenity. It also gives you an excuse to look busy doing nothing. - Randy Glasbergen

An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law. - Martin Luther King Jr.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - Martin Luther King Jr.

I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear. - Rosa Parks

Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think. - Martin Luther King Jr.

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy? - Mahatma Gandhi

Property is intended to serve life, and no matter how much we surround it with rights and respect, it has no personal being. It is part of the earth man walks on. It is not man. - Martin Luther King Jr.

I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. - Mahatma Gandhi

A person in uniform is merely an extension of another person's will. - Philip Slater

Success is where preparation and opportunity meet. Failure is where they meet, but can't stand each other. - Randy Glasbergen

Ask a Soviet engineer to design a pair of shoes and he'll come up with something that looks like the boxes that the shoes came in; ask him to make something that will massacre Germans, and he turns into Thomas Edison. - Neal Stephenson

You know you're a boring speaker when you fall asleep during your own presentation. - Matt Oldroyd

Plans are useless, but planning is indispensible. - Dwight Eisenhower

There are no masses, there are only ways of seeing people as masses. - Raymond Williams

When you know what's going to happen, that's not an experiment. That's a demonstration. An EXPERIMENT is when you don't know what'll happen and you're trying to find out. - Dr George Fishbeck, 1970s celebrity TV weatherman and science lecturer

Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed. - G. K. Chesterton

The spinach / illness outbreak has been traced to a company called "Natural Selection". I bet their mission statement reads "Use Darwinian techniques to create a breed of E. coli-resistant homo sapiens. - Defective Yeti

A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business. - Henry Ford

Happy Hallowe'en. May your sleep be long, uninterrupted, and dreamless… like death, only shorter. - Howard Tayler

I had the Wicked Witch of the West as a piano teacher, so I never learned how to play. - Bob Blakley (Information Week, 3 Apr 2006, p13)

Officers Candidate School could also be called "kaptaingarten". - Joseph Kimball

The 3 most dangerous words in the English language: "I've been thinking..." Disaster inevitably follows. - Mike Kerns

Action is the foundational key to all success. - Pablo Picasso

I had the right to remain silent but not the ability. - Ron White

In these days, a man who says a thing cannot be done is quite apt to be interrupted by some idiot doing it. - Elbert Hubbard

Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic. - Florence Ambrose

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. - Thomas Szasz (in: The Second Sin)

Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world. - Joel Arthur Barker

You get compensated for what you do in the world. - Russell Clegg

Few people realize that they are looking at the world of their own thoughts and the world of their own feelings. - Wallace Stevens

We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are. - Anais Nin

I never just derail a train of though. I make wrecks that catch the cars on fire. - Sam

It takes a lot of work to keep the machinery of civilization going. It's funny. People are taught all about ecology and the rain forest, yet almost nothing about the infrastructures that actually keep them alive. - Florence

Nothing stops the creative flow and obstructs the only path to learning to create - repeated trial and error - like being wedded to doing it perfectly, trying to get it right the first or second or even tenth or twentieth time. And nothing frees up the flow, opens the door to the learning that can come only with repeated experience, like lowering your standards, giving yourself permission to write the worst possible drivel that has ever hit the page. - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I realize now that to believe in pluralism means I need the courage to act on it. Action is what separates a belief from an opinion. Beliefs are imprinted through actions. - Eboo Patel

As sung by the An Tir Drunken Squires Chorale

(to the tune of "Do, A Deer; a Female Deer" from the "Sound of Music")

Dos; a Beer, a Mexican Beer

Ray; the Guy that brings me Beer;

Me; the Guy He brings Beer For;

Far; A Long-Long Way for Beer!

So; I think I'll have a Beer;

La; La-la-la-la-la-laaaah;

Tea; No-thanks, I'll have a Beer;

And it brings us back to;


Dos, a Beer, a Mexican Beer....

(continued until one of the wives or girlfriends in camp objects. This is usually the object of some considerable wagering...)

Pirate's Alphabet

A- A Beer.

B- Beer.

C- I C Beer!

D- Das Bier, German for Beer!

E- 'E needs a Beer!

F- Ffing right he does!

G- Gee I need a beer!

H- H n everyone of us needs a beer!

I- I need a Beer!

J- The lad who pours our beer!

K- Jay's Wife!

L- SHHHH-not in front of the under 18 crowd!

M- MMMM I likes Beer!

N- NNNNNNNo beer here.

O- O I could use a Beer!

P- Self explanatory!

Q- French for getting in line for Beer!

R- A Pirate's favorite word!

S- What you fall on when you had too many Beers!

T- How you colonial's defeated the English!

U- U need a beer!

V- Vee all need a Beer!

W- (done visually as two U's) - U & U need a Beer!

X- Jay's former wife!

Y- Y? You have to ask Jay!

Z- Zee Beer, French for Beer!

*authors include Sean McFie, Viscountess Susanna Eisenrose, Viscount Sir Kaus, and her grace Duchess Ilissa von Ahrtal, SCA.

- Liam Devlin,TNE-Heretic in Chief, Acolyte of the Fortress of T20 evil

There might not be anything fishy going on at all, but that's no reason to stop making perfectly good conspiracy theories. - chongo

The fish trusts the water, and it is in the water that the fish is boiled. - Haitian Proverb

I knew you could never trust water, that backstabbing essential resource! - Talmage Cleverly

And why is there only ONE oxygen molecule but TWO hydrogen? Coincidence? I think not. Roaming packs of rogue oxygen molecules abandoned, disillusioned, disaffected. Dangerous. Very dangerous.... - Mike Kerns

That would help explain oxygen's explosive nature. All those pent up emotions just waiting to flair up... - Talmage Cleverly

C Code.

C Code Run.

Run, Code, Run.

RUN, Damn You, Run!

- John Groth (9 Feb 2003)

Nature, it seems, is the popular name

for milliards and milliard and milliards

of particles playing their infinate game

of billiards and billiards and billiards.

- Piet Hein, Atomyriades

DOUGH... the stuff... that buys me beer

RAY... the guy that sells me beer

ME... the one... who drinks the beer

FAR... a long run to get beer

SO... I'll have another beer

LA... I'll have another beer

TEA... no, thanks, I'm drinking beer

That will bring us back to (looks into empty glass) DOH

- Homer Simpson's beer song

Three Distros for hacker gurus, with just a CLI.

Seven Distros for Linux geeks, with tarballs to compile.

Nine Distros for Wannabes, that self-install.

One Distro for the Dark Lord, in his dark home.

In the land of Redmond where the shadows lie.

One Distro to rule them all, One Distro to find them,

One Distro to bring them all, And in binaries only bind them.

In the land of Redmond where the shadows lie.

- Robert Uhl

"Humans plan.....God laughs...". My apologies in advance in you're polytheistic, agnostic, or atheist. - Mike Kerns

Are you suggesting this is a cause and effect relationship? What if one were all three at once? - Joseph Kimball

#1. Absolutely #2. That would suggest a 2nd year philosophy or world religion major.... - Mike Kerns

So a polytheistic agnostic atheist would be certain that they don't exist, but be willing to waffle on the issue of whether gods exist? - Joseph Kimball

Haiku! Pardon me.

Haiku! It's pollen season.

Haiku! Damn. Haiku!

- Steve Jackson

Halloween Safety Tips

I'm sure that you've all seen these rules before and really, they're just common sense. But since we're coming up to that time of the year, I think it's wise to review them. Something about this time of year can play havoc with otherwise sensible people.

Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and Happy Halloween.

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER, EVER go check to see if it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even just mumbling to yourself, if you can't read silently you have no business with such a thing anyway!

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4. If your pets speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to people who speak with somebody else's (usually deep) voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or even split up and go it alone.

6. As a general rule, don't try to solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, lights go on and off, a fire just appears in the hearth, or doors open and close by themselves - do not check for drafts, do not check for short circuits; just get out!

9 1/2. Why, why, why would you even think of sleeping in that house if that happened?

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around!

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. And even if you're sure you know what you're doing, just don't fool with it!

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

17 1/2. When the exorcist/whatever declares the house is "clear", your troubles have just begun.

18. Never look under the stairs. or the bed. or in the closet. or the cellar, attic.....you get the idea.

19. Don't take anything back to the lab that looks like it might hatch real soon - especially if it is transparent, something inside is moving, or it appears to be lighted from within. In the same vein, never bend over to look into anything that looks like an opening egg.

20. If you don't want to be chased by the monster (or serial killer, shark, alien, giant snake, radioactive ants, etc.)...don't wear skimpy clothes or wet T-shirts.

21. If you are being chased by a car, don't run into the building, the car will corner you and rev it's engine menacingly before destroying the house, business, police station, etc. Whereas, if you just run down the road it can't catch you.

22. Never unwrap the mummy. (See........Always good to have duct tape on-hand just in case something unravels).

23. Going faster than some barrier: sound, light, gossip...is generally bad news for someone somewhere.

24. When flying on an airplane, at night, in a storm, don't raise the shade to see what that noise out on the wing was.

25. Don't talk to sheriffs wearing reflecting sunglasses in towns that are so small the gas station has one pump.

26. Silver works - garlic doesn't.

Happy Halloween !!

COMM Now, you all know the purpose of this mission. It is a kamikaze mission. Your sacred task is to destroy the ships of the American fleet in the Pacific. This will involve the deaths of each and every one of you. Including you.

PILOT Me sir?

COMM Yes you. You are a kamikaze pilot?

PILOT Yes sir.

COMM What are you?

PILOT A kamikaze pilot sir.

COMM And what is your function as a kamikaze pilot?

PILOT To lay down my life for the Emperor sir!

COMM How many missions have you flown on?

PILOT Nineteen sir.

COMM Yes, I have the reports on your previous mission here. (FLIPS THROUGH EACH ONE) Let's see. Couldn't find target, couldn't find target, got lost, couldn't find target, forget to take headband, couldn't find target, couldn't find target, headband slipped over eyes, couldn't find target, came back with headache...

PILOT Headband too tight sir.

COMM Vertigo, couldn't find target, all the rest, couldn't find target. Now I don't think you've been looking very hard.

PILOT Yes I have sir. I've looked all over the place!

COMM You see, it's not actually that difficult bearing in mind that we do have a highly sophisticated reconnaissance unit whose job it is to tell you where to find the targets.

PILOT Well, it's not always accurate sir, sometimes one can search for hours and not see a single aircraft carrier.

COMM Well, where exactly have you been looking for these aircraft carriers?

PILOT Er, well sir...

COMM (FLIPPING THROUGH NOTES) ... I mean, I notice for instance that you seem to have more or less ignored the sea. I would have thought that the sea was a promising area.

PILOT Yes sir...

COMM And that the airspace directly above Tokyo was not. And another thing...

PILOT Yes sir?

COMM Skip the victory rolls.

PILOT Sir, you're being unfair, I have flown over the sea lots of times. I actually attacked an aircraft carrier once.

COMM Ah yes, I have the details of your 'attack' here. Mission nineteen. Let's see. Take off 0500 hours, proceeded to target area, nice start. Target spotted 0520 hours, good, climbed to a height of 6000ft, prepared for attack, went into a power dive, and successfully... landed on target.

PILOT I had to go wee wees sir. Caught short. But I took off immediately sir. Good job too - one of our lads crashed straight into it. Poor devil didn't stand a chance.

COMM What?

PILOT No sir - and that really go me upset, and I was going to let 'em have it - I was going to whip it straight out, fly low and lob it straight through the dining room porthole - that would have sorted them out.

COMM You were going to do what?

PILOT Cut it straight out and let 'em have it, whee splat right in the middle of breakfast. They'd have known we meant business then alright sir.

COMM What were you going to cut straight out and through into their breakfast?

PILOT My stomach sir. Oh yes, I'd like to see the expressions on their faces when the great squelchy mass plummeted right into...

COMM Wait...wait a moment, let me just get this clear in my mind. You were going to cut out...

PILOT My stomach, yes sir, kamikaze... (DOES HARA-KIRI GESTURE)

COMM You were going to cut out your stomach and... throw it a the enemy?

PILOT Yes sir, straight at them.

COMM Any particular reason?

PILOT Die for the Emperor sir.

COMM And what purpose would that serve?

PILOT Make the enemy feel guilty sir.

- 'Kamikaze Briefing' radio script from Douglas Adams

How much am I paying for the styrofoam in this box? - Karl Oldroyd

More than you want to know! - Mike Burkey

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up and in it's proper place. Then he saw an envelope propped prominently on the pillow. It was addressed to "DAD." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

"Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so very nice to me. But I know you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle leather clothes and because she is so much older than I am. But please understand, it is not only the passion we share. . . . . Dad, she is pregnant!! Stacy said that we will be very happy together. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We will be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the mean time, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!! Don't worry Dad, I know that I am only 15, but I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I am sure that we will be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son,


P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I am over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that is in my centre desk drawer. I love you!! Call me when it is safe for me to come home."

I haven't got a brain...only straw. - Scarecrow (Ray Bolger)

How can you talk if you haven't got a brain? - Dorothy (Judy Garland)

I don't know...But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking...don't they? - Scarecrow (Ray Bolger)

Yes, I guess you're right. - Dorothy (Judy Garland)

"Wizard of Oz"

Web versions

WWW 1: The Markup Protocol

WWW 2 The Wrath of Kazaa

WWW 3 The Search for Social Networks

WWW 4 The VRML Homepage

WWW 5 The Final Flickr

WWW 6 The Undocumented Context

then we get to WWW:TNG

- click2005

Tell me, how did you find America? - Reporter

Turned left at Greenland. - John Lennon

"A Hard Day's Night"

If you didn't kill him, then who did, sir? - Clarice (Jody Foster)

Who can say? Best thing for him, really. His therapy was going nowhere. - Lecter (Anthony Hopkins)

"Silence of the Lambs"

Do you really think I'm too cautious? - Florence

If you don't fail occaisionally, you're not pushing your boundaries. - Sam

I do try to aviod failures that could end in fiery explosions. - Florence

Which is why I know more about self extinguishing techniques than you ever will. - Sam


Zoë: "There are no tunes. It's talk radio, Torg! All talking!"

Torg: "Oh...how do you know when the commercials end?"


I'm starting to think you're an individualist who thinks for themselves. You realize that makes you very dangerous. Beware of parties your invited to where a stake surrounded by kindling might be present.... : ) - Mike Kerns

On the other hand, a steak surrounded by kindling might be welcome! - Joseph Kimball

Always : ) - Mike Kerns

If god made humans in his image, does that mean he is also a weakling?

Nah, we just tell ourselves that to cover for the undeniable fact that we were scraped together at the end of the Creation project. And at that, using leftovers after the main project deliverable: implementing every imaginable variation on the the concept of "beetle".

And if that weren't enough to kick us in the anthropocentric nutes, it's clear we aren't even in the same league as termites, as measured by biomass or biodiversity. This caused some severe editing of the Creation story, particularly Genesis 1:25 - 1:31, which originally went something like this:

25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

26 And God said, We have checked our deliverables and Creation is complete; so let there be Slack; and God saw the Slack, that it was good, and God separated the productive phase of the Project from the mindless consumption of excess Resources.

27 And the Slack was fruitful of all manner of Diversions of surplus Resources; so God said, Let Us celebrate; and the Celebration begat the Kegger, and the Kegger begat Beer, and Beer begat all manner of amusing indiscretions. And God saw that these where more or less Harmless.

28 Then God noticed that the Project had this left-over mud, and this He fashioned into a Man; but there was not enough fuel left over to fire the clay, so when Man was half-baked, He breathed upon Man and brought him to life.

29 Then Man opened his eyes, and looking on God asked, are You Me? And God said no. Then looking around, Man asked, Is all this for Me? And God said, No, you are only the half-baked leftovers, but if you study Creation perhaps you can become full-baked. And Man thought that this was Bad, and set out to Improve on Matters.

30 So Man said,let there be Self-Serving Sophistry, and let there be Willful Ignorance; and these were fruitful beyond all Measure, and so begat Religion, Conformism, Bigotry and every manner of Officious Narrow-Mindedness. And Man thought these were Good, and he wrote his version of Events down so that none would ever challenge Conformity without Fear.

31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good, except for the bits that came after the Beer which in retrospect looked somewhat Doubtful. And God, seeing that Slack had used up the Resources He needed to Fix the Problem, said, Let there be Muddling Through; Let there be Counting On Things Working Out in the End. And seeing that these were not Satisfactory and He was over budget anyway, God said, Let there be Hope. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

- by hey! (33014) on Thursday October 12, @09:09AM (#16406949) (http://kamthaka.blogspot.com/ | Last Journal: Wednesday March 30, @04:18PM)

Florence: "While it may seem counter intuitive, dismembering your employer can actually prevent you from collecting severance pay."

Winston: "Good job tip. I'll have to remember that at my next performance review."


If circumstances force on to break the law in order to be good... Then laws alone can not be the basis of an ethical society. Something has to be operating at a lower level beneath the laws. In operating system terms, would you say the legal system is equivalent to DOS or Windows? - Dvorak

Slow. Buggy. Uses up all allocated resources and still needs more. Windows. Definately Windows. - Florence


Riches and fame. It's... workable. Not a goal I'd have chosen. - Florence

What could be better than wealth and fame? - Sam

Friends. Family. Being of service to your community. - Florence

Those things don't pay. - Sam

There are more important things than money. - Florence

See? It's that attitude that will keep you from ever rising high enough in a company to loot the pension fund. - Sam



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