(YF4) becoming an ex-gay

Homosexual sex is addictive and spiritually and physically deadly. Some people have overcome this addiction and have escaped death. ******* "A man who governs his passions is master of the world. We must either command them, or be enslaved by them. It is better to be a hammer than an anvil." — St. Dominic ******* The first article is about the spiritual nature of sodomy. The other articles are by or about people who have been able to stop engaging in homosexual sex. ******* As of this date 07-02-24, 35 articles follow. ******* item 1 SAINT CATHERINE'S TEACHING ON SODOMY - by Lise Anglin ******* item 2 MY TESTIMONY TO THE WORLD - by an ex-gay teen ******* item 3 HONEST DIALOGUE - by Alan Chambers ******* item 4 CHANGE IS POSSIBLE - by Stephen Bennet ******* item 5 BEYOND GAY - by David Morrison. ******* item 6 GAY-TO-STRAIGHT RESEARCH - from the American Psychological Association Journal ******* item 7 CAN HOMOSEXUALITY BE CURED? - By Joe Woodard ******* item 8 FORMER GAYS AND LESBIANS ALSO DESERVING OF RESPECT - letter to editor ******* item 9 FOCUS ON THE FAMILLY COUNTERS "GAY PRIDE" MESSAGE ******* item 10 THE GRANDER VISION OF GREG AND CHERYL ******* item 11 UNDERSTANDING THE LESBIAN CLIENT ******* item 12 DAVID MORRISON, BEYOND GAY ******* item 13 SPITZER STUDY PUBLISHED ******* item 14 STUART ******* item 15 WHAT IS REPARATIVE THERAPY? ******* item 16 WHAT DIDN'T WORK ******* item 17 THERAPY ******* item 18 NEW ZEALAND REPORT ******* item 19 LARRY HOUSTON ******* item 20 FORMER HOMOSEXUAL TESTIFIES FOR U.S. CONGRESS ******* item 21 FROM AN EX-GAY JEWISH FATHER ******* item 22 TWO EX-GAY STORIES ******* item 23 STAND UP FOR THE TRUTH ******* item 24 MEDIA AND MINISTRY ******* item 25 PFOX BILLBOARD ******* item 26 PAT BOONE HELPS LESBIAN ESCAPE ADDICTION ******* item 27 PRAYERS FOR RECOVERING HOMOSEXUALS ******* item 28 I DO EXIST ******* item 29 ADDRESSING THE EX-GAY PERSPECTIVE IN SCHOOLS ******* item 30 RESOURCES TO PASS ON ******* item 31 DR. ROBERT SPITZER SPEAKS OUT ON REORIENTATION THERAPY ******* item 32 MESSAGE FROM (FORMER HOMOSEXUAL) STEPHEN BENNETT ******* item 33 SAVED IN THE METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH ******* item 34 ANITA BRYANT WAS RIGHT ******* item 35 RON'S STORY ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 1 SAINT CATHERINE'S TEACHING ON SODOMY - by Lise Anglin ******* From CATHOLIC INSIGHT April 2002. The following are excerpts from a letter to the editor from LISE ANGLIN. ******* St. Catherine (d. 1380), Doctor of the Universal Church, teaches that the sin of sodomy is not only abominable to God but also, in a sense, to Satan himself. As evil as he is, Satan nevertheless continues to posses the angelic nature with which he was originally endowed by the goodness of God. It is this angelic nature that is repelled by the unnatural degradation of sodomy. Therefore, according to her, once Satan is satisfied that the sin will be committed, he leaves the scene in disgust. ******* Furthermore, ... St. Catherine says sodomite priests lose the ability to preach effectively, to administer fraternal correction, and to love their flock. ******* Reference: Catherine of Siena. The Dialogue. Translated by Suzanne Noffke, O.P. Paulist Press, New York, 1980. Toronto, ON ******* RECOMMENDED READING ON THE PROBLEM OF HOMOSEXUAL PRIESTS - the chapter entitled “The mystic Body of Holy Church” in St. Catherine of Siena’s Dialogue, especially section 124. ********************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 2 MY TESTIMONY TO THE WORLD - by an ex-gay teen ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Wed, 25 Jun 2003 00:52:37 +0000 ******* I came from a family of two church-going parents and three siblings. I was the eldest of four kids. Taught about God since the age of accountability, I was ready to face the world right? I thought so. Then it happened. I heard the words that every teenager doesn’t want to hear at 15. My parents were getting a divorce. At first I thought it was just going to pass and everything would get better, but I was wrong. In fact, everything had just begun to “hit the fan” and my life would be turned upside down. My life would never be the same again. ******* I was hurt emotionally and in need of personal attention. With the divorce happening, my family didn’t have time for me anymore or so I thought. My Dad had never made an effort to have a relationship with me, but I still loved, respected, and believed in him. However, now because of the divorce I didn’t believe in him anymore, and my respect for him was lost. I started blaming God for my parents’ problems and for allowing my Dad to turn away from Him. I turned my back on God and walked away. Just like my Dad had done. I had decided to take matters regarding my life into my own hands. Taking control of my life felt good for the moment. However when I got stuck, I lost control. ******* I needed attention, love, acceptance, and most of all, fulfillment of a void in my life. I then chose to turn to males for that. I found that in a relationship with a male I got everything I needed. At age 15 I chose to become gay. I was turned on to everything. I had sexual relations with 10 men, got involved with drinking alcohol, did a couple of drugs, and looked at porn on the internet. I got my personal gratification from being around those things. It was my way of life. I found who I thought I was in relationships with men. I had suddenly found my identity in the heart of the world. ******* At age 16 I fell in love with a man named David. I met David through a church function. My mom and a friend of hers sang in our church choir. The church choir was recording a song and wanted me to help get food and do other errands when needed. My mom’s friend brought David along. That is when our friendship started. It wasn't until a month later that we came "out" to each other and started a relationship. We had a great relationship together and it seemed like nothing could tear us apart. But David ended our relationship abruptly and without any warning. David had no reason as to why or when he decided to feel that way. It just happened. Broken hearted and emotionally spent, I sought for something to satisfy the void that had just been created in my life. I turned to pornography and its instant gratification. It worked for a short time and then became a boring habit. It didn’t stop there, however, that and other upcoming issues continued to plague my life. ******* I had just turned 17 and I felt on top of the world, like nothing could stop me. I was a “man” now and I could do my own things. I could make my decisions without anyone’s help. I felt special. My uncle had been talking for couple years about this festival called “Burning Man”. I wasn’t quite sure what to think of it. All I had heard from him was that it was all about art. However, what I didn’t understand was that wasn’t all and anything goes there. I finally made my decision, I wanted to go and not even my parents were going to stop me. I lied to my parents and told them I was going to go on a trip to visit some really neat hot springs. I left thinking no one would ever figure it out. The festival seemed really neat at the time and I felt like a free man. I could make my choices and do whatever I wanted and no one really cared. I could drink, do drugs, smoke, have sex, and be accepted. I drank heavily, did one drug called ecstasy, got into smoking cigarettes, and had unprotected sex for the first time. I thought it was okay, but I still felt guilty, why? I knew what I did was wrong and sooner or later I knew it would catch up to me. My parents eventually did find out and everything came out into the open. I can’t tell you how much it changed my heart to be finally open with my parents and others around me. ******* My mom suggested that I go to this new ex-gay therapist she had heard about. For the next couple of months I “tried out” this therapist and I finally decided I was going to stay there and get myself some help. He was pretty cool and to this day he still is. I was able to get my feelings out about my parents’ divorce, my time at Burning Man, my sexual identity crisis, and my relationship with Christ. Then it started. God made it possible for me to go to a winter camp with my youth group at church through a guy at my church name Dustin. He suggested that I go and help out the tech group that was going. I went there afraid that I would be preached at the whole time. And not knowing anyone was making it worse to think about. I was inwardly afraid of something I had been brought up in. I soon realized it wasn’t the youth group I was afraid of, it was God. I had hid from Him for so long I couldn’t stand to be around people who wanted to proclaim Him and worship Him. To think I was going to spend the whole weekend with them! I finally realized by the second day that I desperately needed God in my life and it needed to happen then. I got down on my knees and told God I wanted Him to meet me face to face there. He did and to this day my life has never been the same. I was immediately filled with a joy only God can give. I felt complete and whole for the first time in my life. ******* From then on I pledged my life over to God and gave Him complete control of my life. It wasn’t always easy after that to keep the faith because of worldly pressures, but I finally had my true identity. I had finally found the love, acceptance, attention, and fulfillment I had so desperately needed. I can honestly say, “not my will, but Yours be done.” I am still 17. I am out at school though. People who have heard from others have asked me about it. They ask me about my past and how I used to be. I simply reply that I was and God has done away with my past sin and as my only savior, I can attest to Him being my Rock and my Redeemer. I am, with Gods grace and mercy, a believer, with true repentance to prove it. After that, they usually ask a lot of questions. I find that God uses my past as an awesome witnessing tool many times. ******* Nowadays I remember that when things get tough God told us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him; and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5,6) Also I remember that faith does not make it easy, but it does make it possible! ******* Your little Brother in Christ, ******* Chris ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561 Fort Belvoir VA 22060 703-360-2225 ******* pfox.exgays@starpower.net ******* http://www.pfox.org __________________________________ HOW CAN I SUPPORT PFOX? Click on the link below to make a (tax-deductible USA only) secure online credit card donation to Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays: http://www.pfox.org ******* and click on the Donate button on the left side ******* Or send your (tax-deductible in USA only) gift today to: PFOX, Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* All donors will receive a subscription to the PFOX Press Newsletter by mail. ==^================================================================ TOPICA - Start your own email discussion group. FREE! http://www.topica.com/partner/tag02/create/index2.html ==^================================================================ ********************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 3 HONEST DIALOGUE by Alan Chambers ******* Non-legal answer to battles is open, honest dialogue ******* Oct 24, 2002 ******* I have been following the Sentinel's coverage of the Orlando gay-rights initiative with great interest and am disappointed in the one-sidedness of the articles and reporting, namely the opinion pieces. In my opinion, the "whole story" has yet to be told in a balanced fashion. ******* The Sentinel believes that an amendment is needed to include sexual orientation as a protected class. Unbalanced media coverage forces readers to conclude that Orlando businesses, landlords, restaurants and hotels are grossly denying jobs, housing, service and public accommodations based on one's sexual orientation. Not so. ******** The gay community has screamed "intolerance" and "unfair treatment": The documented proof says otherwise. The Human Rights Campaign, a pro-gay lobby group, recently released its findings that the majority of Fortune 500 companies offer domestic partner benefits and make a regular habit of recruiting gay employees. Two of the leading gay-friendly companies listed are based here in Orlando: Darden Restaurants and The Walt Disney Company. In addition, we even elected an openly lesbian woman to the Orlando City Council. Why then are homosexuals fighting for special rights? ******* I knew I was gay at age 11. At 18, I gave in to the unwanted feelings I had battled for years. I got involved in Orlando's gay community, attending the Joy Metropolitan Community Church, volunteering at Hope and Help, partying at the Parliament House and making good friends. While this met a basic need for relationships, I felt more alone than ever. Therapists, friends and clergy told me that homosexuality wasn't changeable, but I found an alternative. Today I am a happy, heterosexual, married man devoted to making that alternative available for all who want it. ******* Yet I remember what it was like for me as a gay man. I know why homosexuals want inclusion, protections and provisions: to feel normal. Like me, they didn't choose to have homosexual attractions. Though we disagree on the roots and morality of homosexuality, we do agree that all people are loved by God and entitled to respect. Homosexuals haven't always been extended that courtesy. ******* The gay community isn't deserving of ridicule, disrespect or hatred. Their justified anger resulting from a lifetime of being excluded, made fun of and misunderstood has caused them to overreact with an "I'll-show-you"-type attitude, forcing their activism and militancy. There's a need for treating our neighbors like we'd like to be treated, but legislation won't fix that. ******* The non-legal answer to battles over gay rights is open and honest dialogue on the real issues. Mature discourse takes an open mind and a willing heart. Within the combined gay, straight and religious communities of Orlando, that maturity can be found. Before we pass laws forcing co-existence and peaceful living, let's try an old-fashioned approach: meeting together in person as citizens of one great community. We might all learn something valuable. ******* Alan Chambers serves as the executive director of Exodus International NA (www.ExodusNorthAmerica.org), the world's leading outreach to those affected by unwanted homosexuality. A lifelong resident of Orlando, Chambers and his wife, Leslie, live in College Park. ******* Copyright © 2002, Orlando Sentinel ************************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 4 AMERICA: CHANGE IS POSSILBE! By Stephen Bennett ******* Posted: June 4, 2002 1:00 a.m. Eastern ******* Editor's note: The upcoming July issue of WND's popular monthly print magazine, Whistleblower, will be a groundbreaking look at the issue of homosexuality in America. Subscribe to Whistieblower at WND's online store, ShopNetDaily. ******* © 2002 WorldNetDaily.com ******* When I had my first homosexual encounter and "came out" as a freshman in college in 1981, homosexuality still had a stigma about it. Coming out was not the "in" thing to do. Americans, for the most part, believed that there was something wrong with homosexuality, as did the American Psychiatric Association. Our homosexual activity was kept in the bedroom and out of society's face – until, of course, HIV and AIDS brought our "alternative" lifestyle to the forefront of America. This is when everything began to change. ******* Homosexuals, once viewed as the "victimizers," were now the helpless "victims." Gay men were dying in droves, and no one knew why. In the midst of this horrible disease, we were not going to let our "chance" pass us by. ******* You see, ever since we were little children, many of us felt we never had the love or acceptance we desired. We were always different. We always felt deep down inside we were "born" this way. Now, we now had America's attention – a captive audience. But we also had something much more that we never expected – America's compassion. The day that we always dreamed about had finally come. The tables were starting to turn. America would never be the same again. ******* Over 21 years later, I look back at my life, as well as America today. We both have greatly changed. ******* Homosexuals are experiencing heights they could have only dreamed of. The stigma is gone. The American Psychiatric Association has removed homosexuality from its diagnostic manual of "mental disorders." Vermont is the first state to pave the way for legalizing civil unions between same sex couples. The institutionalizing of "gay marriage" in America is within reach … just around the corner. ******* Hollywood and the media are promoting homosexuality in a glorified, exciting way. "Queer As Folk" and "Will and Grace" soar in the ratings. The major networks flourish with pro-gay characters, themes and shows like never before. ******* America's children are also the latest "trophy" of the homosexual movement. Rosie O'Donnell is the model gay "poster parent," crusading for homosexual adoptions. Heather now has two mommies, and Frankie has two daddies. ******* The Gay, Lesbian Straight Education Network is active in schools across the country desensitizing America's children to "homophobia" via their "educational" materials. Under the guise of "tolerance" and "acceptance," they have nestled their way into public-school systems nationwide and are preaching homosexuality to children as a normal, alternative lifestyle. Beginning in kindergarten, they are telling your children daily "gay is OK" – without you, the parent, even knowing. ******* Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass., is making major headway with the Employment Non-Discrimination Act hearings to give special rights and protections to homosexuals, as well as the federal government discussing laws to make it a federal crime to commit an act of violence against a homosexual. ******* Major denominations have realized they were "wrong" all along and are now "open and affirming" churches – accepting the sexually active homosexual. They've repented from misinterpreting the Bible for so many years. Many of these mainline organizations even ordain openly homosexual men and women into the ministry. Gay churches have sprung up across the country, encouraging the homosexual man and woman to embrace their "God-given" same-sex desires. ******* No doubt, we are at the dawning of a "new day" in America. Who would have ever thought the rainbow flag would one day be flying high and proud next to Old Glory? What strides we have made in such as short time! ******* But as America has changed, so have I. After actively living the homosexual life for 11 years with over 100 men (many of whom are dead today from AIDS), I've realized I was wrong all along. I always desired a wife and a family – but I fell for the "Gay Spin Zone" and bought into the deception that I was "born" that way and that change was "impossible." ******* All those years, I "played house" with my male partners. My homosexual partnerships and bed-pal lovers were no more than a mere counterfeit of the real thing. I was never really happy – but lonely, sad, depressed and unfulfilled – on a destructive, deadly course with my unhealthy, unnatural sexual behavior. ******* In 1992, though, something happened. My eyes were opened. I changed – completely. I came into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It wasn't a self-help group, psychology or even trying to "turn over" a new leaf that did it. It was simply the living Word of God – the Bible – that showed me the truth about the lifestyle I embraced, and completely set me free from my homosexuality. Today, I do not struggle whatsoever with homosexual thoughts, feelings or actions. I don't "suppress" anything. Miraculously, I truly have changed. ******* I am happily married nine years and deeply in love with a wonderful woman who knew me when I was gay and never stopped praying for me. We also have two beautiful little children – a boy and a girl. God has truly given me the desires of my heart – a wife, children, happiness, peace, joy and self-acceptance. ******* My friend – don't be deceived as I was. No one is "born" gay. It has everything to do with childhood. As we would not encourage an alcoholic or drug addict to continue down their destructive paths, the same must be said of the homosexual. True love is to show these dear people the truth, in love. It's not "intolerant" and it's not "hateful." It's the truth. ******* Today, I have a real love and compassion to reach the homosexual man and woman with the truth. Guys and gals – we were wrong. Dead wrong. We don't have to be unhappy, lonely and on a never-ending search for love and acceptance for the rest of our lives. We don't have to play house any longer. We can have the real thing – and it's more beautiful than we could have ever imagined. ******* Yes America, change is possible – completely possible! *******------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Editor's note: The upcoming July issue of WND's popular monthly print magazine, Whistleblower, will be a groundbreaking look at the issue of homosexuality in America. Subscribe to Whistieblower at WND's online store, ShopNetDaily. ******* -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stephen Bennett is a Christian recording artist and commentator who is featured nationally on radio, television and print. He is emerging as one of the nation's key speakers on "coming out" of homosexuality. For further information visit Stephen Bennett's website. ************************************************************************************************************************ ******* item 5 BEYOND GAY by David Morrison ******* Reprinted from AD2000 Vol 15 No 4 (May 2002), p. 17 ******* (Our Sunday Visitor, 1999, 245pp, $29.95. Available from AD Books) ******* Hardly a week goes past without a report in the media which endorses or presents homosexuality in a favourable light. Similarly, most of us during the course of any week would hear homosexuals described in disparaging terms in conversations with colleagues, friends and family members. ******* Beyond Gay provides a challenge to both attitudes. The author, David Morrison, once a leading homosexual activist, now is at the forefront of promoting chastity for those who are attracted to persons of the same sex. ******* The first chapters of Beyond Gay are autobiographical. Morrison describes his same sex encounters as a teenager before becoming a homosexual activist as a young adult. Morrison's conversion can be said to have occurred in stages. He become and remained a committed Christian while still being an active homosexual. Gradually, however, he became convinced that homosexual practice was incompatible with Christianity. His decision to live a chaste life was soon followed by a decision to enter the Catholic Church. ******* Morrison's approach to the issue of same sex attraction is faithful to Christian teaching. While a same sex attracted person did not choose his or her attraction, nevertheless, the Church teaches that all genital acts with a person of the same sex are sinful. Underlining the author's analysis is the conviction that sexual activity between persons of the same sex does not lead to happiness, even within committed, long term same sex relationships. ******* Beyond Gay also deals frankly with issues such as long term homosexual relationships and teenage "coming out". For example, citing recent research, Morrison argues that deciding upon a same sex attraction identity too young and engaging in homosexual activity can have a severe negative psychological impact. ******* Compassion ******* At the same time, Morrison does not intend to "throw stones at men who experience same sex attraction or even those who act upon the temptation" (p. 19). Throughout the work, he shows compassion towards people who experience same sex attraction and reminds the reader that the Christian response should be a love of all people, regardless of their orientation, and zero tolerance of belittling of, name calling, or violence towards homosexuals. ******* Practical advice and reassurance is offered, for example, to parents of homosexuals and a portion of the book discusses strategies designed to assist those who experience same sex attraction but wish to live out their Christian call to holiness, focusing upon the centrality of prayer, Eucharist, confession and works of charity. ******* Beyond Gay is a significant work which addresses the issue of same sex attraction from a Christian perspective. Balanced, compassionate and faithful to Christian teaching in its approach, it would be useful reading for those involved in ministry, education, and those experiencing same sex attraction, along with their families and friends. ******* John S. Webster is a Melbourne Catholic writer. ******* Reprinted from AD2000 Vol 15 No 4 (May 2002), p. 17 *********************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 6 GAY-TO-STRAIGHT RESEARCH ******* Published In APA Journal ******* The American Psychological Association's prestigious journal Professional Psychology: Research and Practice has just published a comprehensive research paper on sexual-orientation change. Clients have the right to pursue change, the author says, because "sexual orientation, once thought to be an unchanging trait, is actually quite flexible for some people." ******* An article by Dr. Warren Throckmorton, "Initial Empirical and Clinical Findings Concerning the Change Process for Ex-Gays," has been published in the June 2002 issue of the American Psychological Association's publication Professional Psychology: Research and Practice. ******* "I'm pleased that this research summary will reach an audience of psychologists and mental health professionals that may not be aware of ex-gay issues," says Throckmorton, the director of college counseling at Grove City College. ******* "My literature review contradicts the policies of major mental health organizations because it suggests that sexual orientation, once thought to be an unchanging sexual trait, is actually quite flexible for many people, changing as a result of therapy for some, ministry for others and spontaneously for still others." ******* In professional circles, the debate over the development of sexual orientation centers around two viewpoints. The more prevalent of these, known as the essentialist view, argues that sexual orientation is innate, "in-born," and therefore not subject to change. The APA has supported this view, and therefore has influenced the approach many mental-health practitioners currently take. ******* The second, and less accepted viewpoint, known as the contructionist perspective, posits that sexual orientation is a socially-constructed product of a client's life experiences and can therefore be modified; people who modify orientation through counseling are known as "ex-gays." Throckmorton's research presents data consistent with this latter view. ******* "The APA's professionalism in handling this research is commendable and I think it demonstrates the APA's willingness to explore all sides of this important matter," Throckmorton said. ******* His analysis gathers previous studies of individuals who sought to change their sexual orientation. A majority of those responding to surveys of former gays indicate their experiences were positive and helpful. ******* This finding is in contrast to claims from some mental health professionals that efforts to change are always harmful. ******* Frequently religion played a major role in motivating a client to seek reorientation, Throckmorton notes, a fact that leads him to caution mental health professionals against assuming that the profession fully understands the potential and limitation for human change. "For years, public and professional opinion of ex-gay ministries have been influenced by anecdotes from persons not helped by these ministries," he said. "Basing opinions on the experience of only those who have not been helped gives an incomplete and therefore inaccurate picture of the potential for alteration of human sexual identity." ******* Throckmorton's article summarizes the experiences of thousands of individuals who believe their sexuality has changed as a result of reorientation ministries and counseling. ******* Throckmorton's article is a continuation of a paper presented at the American Psychological Association conference, Washington, DC, in August 2000 in a standing-room-only symposium, entitled "Gays, Ex-Gays and Ex-Ex Gays--Examining Key Religious Ethical and Diversity Issues." The article adds additional current research and adds recommendations for mental health professionals. ******* The final recommendation in Throckmorton's list states, "Practitioners should not refuse service to clients who pursue an ex-gay course, but rather, should respect the diversity of choice and consider a referral to an ex-gay ministry or practitioner." ******* In addition to serving as Grove City College's director of college counseling, Dr. Throckmorton is an associate professor of psychology at the college. A past president of the American Mental Health Counselor's Association, he also holds membership on the Magellan Behavioral Healthcare's National Provider Advisory Board representing licensed professional counselors. In 1998, he received the George E. Hill Distinguished Alumni Award from the faculty of Ohio University's Counselor Education Program. He earned a B.A. from Cedarville College, an M.A. from Central Michigan University and Ph.D. from Ohio University. ******* For more information, email Dr. Warren Throckmorton at ewthrockmorton@gcc.edu. ******* (This article reprinted by permission of the Grove City College web site at www.gcc.edu.) ******* Copyright © NARTH. All Rights Reserved. ******* Updated: 2 September 2002 ************************************************************************************************************************ ******* item 7 CAN HOMOSEXUALITY BE CURED? By Joe Woodard ******* For many years now, gay and lesbian activists have claimed that homosexuality is a trait possessed by 10% of the population and genetically determined. They have claimed these things, first, in order to argue that homosexuality is a natural trait, and second, to ridicule the notion that gays might "recruit" youth into their lifestyle. If homosexuality is born, not made, then gays can only "find" their partners. And a trait so common would have to be natural and not, therefore, immoral. ******* However, the activists have been proven wrong on both counts. The definitive 1995 survey, The Social Organization of Sexuality in America, proves that gays constitute 1.5 - 3.0% of males, and lesbians 0.75 - 1.5% of females. First, when it comes to behavioral predispositions, however, roughly 6% of people have a predisposition to alcoholism; so homosexuality has even less claim to being "natural." Second, therapeutic programs have proven at least as successful as Alcoholics Anonymous, in returning active homosexuals to a normal heterosexual lifestyle, so that they can often marry and raise healthy families. ******* New York psychologist Charles Socarides NARTH (National Association for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuality) has been organizing therapists for over a decade. Using simply secular psychotherapy, NARTH member Joseph Nicolosi of Los Angeles has racked up success rates anywhere from 55% (bringing gays into the "straight" lifestyle) to 80% (suppressing the person's gay images and impulses). Andy Comiskey's Christian- based "Rivers of Grace" Program (Los Angeles) records a 60-65% success rate at bringing gays into normal life, and 80-90% success in suppressing the desires. Like alcoholism, the afflicted *person must first want to be healed. ******* "Nothing caused me greater despair than the gay support groups or counsellors who would all repeat the lie, the lie that I could not change," says Calgarian Arthur Hugh, who lived the gay lifestyle from his early teens until his mid-20s. "I wanted to get married and have a family; and they kept telling me that I had to stay the way I was." Some 15 years ago, after a half-day of intense prayer, Mr. Hugh had a vision of the blood of Christ washing over him. Since that day, he has been entirely free of gay images and impulses. He is now married and a father of four. ******* Another Chance Ministries (ACM) in Vancouver enrolls 100 men or women in each of its two yearly 32-week courses. ACM director Marjorie Hopper lived for 40 years as a transsexual/homosexual, and after a number of broken relationships and attempted suicide, "I turned to God." For the past nine years she has been providing Christian-based counseling, support groups and step-by-step programs for people seeking freedom from homosexuality. ******* There may actually be more gays trying to get out of the gay lifestyle, than there are gay militants trying to promote it. Toronto gay-conservative and anti-lifestyle activist John McKellar has organized H.O.P.E. (Homosexuals Opposed to Pride Extremism). And he estimates that the militants represent less than 2% of the gay community. If so, there being roughly 500,000 gays in Canada, all the noise is generated by 10,000 of them. ******* Why does the government listen? Less than 10% of women call themselves militant feminists; and 70% of working mothers want to return to the home, to care for their children. Yet government listens to the feminists. Why? Homosexualism and feminism both call upon the government to extend its social administration further into private family life. Both are calls for bigger government, and that's a call government likes to hear. ******* Ministries Providing Help for Homosexuals ******* Vancouver: Another Chance Ministries - (604) 430-4154 ******* Living Waters Canada - (604) 301-1490 ******* Calgary: River of Grace Ministries - (403) 288-2365 ******* Edmonton: Flight Ministries- (403) 421-8283 ******* Winnipeg: New Directions - (204) 452-1826 ******* International: Desert Streams Ministries - (714) 779-6899 ******* International: Exodus International - (415) 454-1017 ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 8 FORMER GAYS AND LESBIANS ALSO DESERVING OF RESPECT (letter to the editor) ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Subject: Palm Beach Post ******* Date: Wed, 19 Mar 2003 ******* The Palm Beach Post ******* Sunday, March 16, 2003 ******* OPINION ******* About Steve Gushee's Feb. 28 article on tolerance of gay students ("Gay-bashing in Jesus' name a hateful twist"): Tolerance also should extend to ex-gays. Each year, thousands of men and women with same-sex attractions decide to leave homosexuality by means of reparative therapy or ex-gay ministry. There are some, however, who refuse to respect that choice. As a result, ex-gays are subject to an increasingly hostile environment. ******* For example, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Educational Network spent thousands of dollars distributing a school booklet accusing ex-gays of "harassment" because they wanted the same equal access to schools that gay-affirming groups enjoy. The gay Human Rights Campaign demanded that a contributor (AOL's Mrs. Steve Case) reconsider her sizable donation to a children's school merely because it had indirect ties to an ex-gay ministry. Every day brings new hostile acts against the ex-gay community. ******* The harassment of ex-gays by gays themselves is a sad end to their long struggle for tolerance. That ex-gays and their supporters now are oppressed by the same people who until recently were victimized themselves demonstrates how far the gay rights movement has come. Please remember that former homosexuals and lesbians also are worthy of respect. ******* REGINA GRIGGS, executive director Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays ******* Fort Belvoir, Va. PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561 Fort Belvoir VA 22060 703-360-2225 pfox.exgays@starpower.net http://www.pfox.org _________________________________ HOW CAN I SUPPORT PFOX? ==^================================================================ This email was sent to: fwagner4@yahoo.ca ******* TOPICA - Start your own email discussion group. FREE! http://www.topica.com/partner/tag02/create/index2.html ==^================================================================ ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 9 FOCUS ON THE FAMILLY COUNTERS "GAY PRIDE" MESSAGE in Portland, Toronto ******* (THE "PROGRESSIVE CONSERVATIVE" GOVERNMENT OF ONTARIO HAS GIVEN $100,000 TO "GAY PRIDE" PARADE IN ONTARIO - MONEY THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MORE USEFULLY DIRECTED TO FIGHTING SARS AND OTHER ILLS - YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK - RJ) Next Hundreds to Hear Experts Challenge Myths About Homosexuality ******* COLORADO SPRINGS, June 5, 2003 (LifeSiteNews.com) - While gay-affirming organizations in the Portland area make plans to celebrate Gay Pride Month, Focus on the Family is preparing its own celebration - of the message that homosexuality is preventable and treatable. That's the central message of the Love Won Out conference, to be held June 21 at Portland's New Hope Community Church. ******* Mike Haley, a former homosexual and Love Won Out conference host, knows all too well that the messages found at events like Portland's Pride 2003 can be misguided and dangerous. At 16, a school counselor told him he was born gay and should embrace homosexuality. He followed the advice and spent more than a decade in empty relationships, hopelessness and isolation. Gay-affirming events like Pride 2003 only serve to perpetuate misconceptions about the origins of homosexuality, Haley said, while offering little hope that change is possible. ******* "Hundreds of thousands of people, including many at-risk youth who wrestle with their sexuality, are being encouraged to 'come out' as a cure for their problems," Haley said. "People need truthful information in order to make healthy life decisions, and these so-called 'Pride' events fall woefully short in that area. The truth is that for those struggling with unwanted homosexuality, there is a way out." ******* The Love Won Out conference explores such truth by showing that change is possible and offering practical help for those wanting out of homosexuality. Conference speakers include experts in the field of homosexuality and gender identity. ******* Since its inception in 1998, Focus on the Family's Love Won Out conference has reached more than 17,000 people in 21 cities and has seen nearly a 25 percent increase in attendance over the past year. ******* The next Love Won Out conference is set for September 20, 1003 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. ******* More information is available at: www.lovewonout.com. ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 10 THE GRANDER VISION OF GREG AND CHERYL ******* Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 07:07:00 -0500 ******* an article by Linda Harvey from WorldNetDaily ******* Email "Linda Harvey" ******* To view this item online, visit http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=33359 ******* Tuesday, July 1, 2003 ******* -------------------------------------------------------------------------- © 2003 WorldNetDaily.com ******* Saturday, June 21, 2003 was a glorious June afternoon here in Ohio. In a rural church near the historic town of Lebanon, about 200 people gathered for one of life's happiest events: a wedding. ******* It was a diverse group, very young to quite old, black and white, political types mixing with small-town folks and even one Amish family. To the casual observer, it might have seemed pretty routine: beautiful bride, handsome groom, the usual assortment of attendants and family. But Cheryl and Greg's wedding was, in reality, an astonishing occurrence. So as the guests milled about the hors d'oeuvres and punch in the reception hall, there came the inevitable moment when the emcee took the microphone and announced, "And now, I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Greg Quinlan." With whoops and applause, the room was on its feet, more as if greeting a victorious home-town team than beaming newlyweds. ******* For victory was truly in the air. No one expressed it better than Greg at the altar, just before the minister pronounced them man and wife. Greg faced Cheryl, took her hands in his and proclaimed to her and the guests, "I never thought this day would come, but the Lord has done this. This is the answer to my long-time prayer, for He has finally brought you to me." ******* A decade ago, Greg was involved in homosexual behavior, living the life typical of "gay" males: transient relationships, homosexual clubs and bars, pornography. Raised as a Christian, he had nevertheless been a victim of physical abuse at the hands of his father, so became vulnerable when an older boy in his neighborhood molested him at age 10. Conducting a secret life while still clinging to his Christian faith, he finally went public with his lifestyle in his 20s. A few years later, he went political. ******* As a Dayton representative of the mighty Human Rights Campaign, Greg fully embraced the "gay"-rights platform and lobbied for its goals. He adopted the "born that way" rhetoric while still privately recognizing the role of child sexual abuse in forming his desires. It wasn't until many friends had died of AIDS that serious doubts crystallized. Believing God might have another road for him to walk, he turned away from both the homosexual behavior and the radical politics. A transformation in soul and spirit, said to be impossible by some, was taking place. ******* Eventually, he went over to the other camp, now sympathizing with Christian conservatives and their causes. Greg has been especially touched by the abortion issue. At the reception, I sat with right-to-life volunteers who reminisced fondly about bus trips to Washington for the annual March for Life where "Greg had us all in stitches" with his story-telling. ******* I've known Greg as we stood together fighting for a Defense of Marriage Act in Ohio, which passed the Ohio House but not the more liberal Senate. He and I both testified against the addition of sexual orientation to Ohio's hate-crime law, recognizing it not as a necessary anti-violence measure but as a superfluous ploy to legitimize homosexuality and demonize opponents. That bill thankfully never moved beyond the committee level. ******* And Greg was willing to tell anyone who wanted the details, about what life was really like as a "gay" man. The counterfeit respect that Justice Kennedy believes should be accorded that lifestyle was rejected by Greg in favor of self-respect and honor from a higher court – one that deals in truth. ******* Everyone who has known Greg over the last decade has heard about his constant prayer, growing as precious years elapsed, for "the right girl." Even though he knew her from church, he never thought Cheryl would be interested in him because of their age difference and his past. But Cheryl knew he was the one when she met him. Interested friends did a little matchmaking, and Greg took it from there. ******* His amazement, awe and love for his new bride were evident on Saturday. How had this come about? God's congregation that afternoon was packed with "been there, done that" stories. I talked with two charming women, both former lesbians. "Great day, isn't it?" one of them greeted me with a sunny smile. In contrast to the anger and hostility pouring forth from today's advocates of anything goes, these were people bathed in forgiveness and restoration, full of hope. ******* For instead of turning truth upside down, as a misguided Supreme Court or same-sex marriage activists in Ontario have done, Greg, Cheryl and others have a grander vision, one that enables people to be the whole men and women God made them to be. Instead of allowing tragedies, temptations and traumas of this flawed life to shape our destinies, believers recognize that Christ is the ultimate healer, teacher and even matchmaker. With Him lie the answers, if we can have the courage to walk with Him, wait on Him and witness daily miracles from a God-sized perspective. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Linda Harvey is president of Mission America, a pro-family organization. They publish a quarterly newsletter reporting on the homosexual agenda in our schools. ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 11 UNDERSTANDING THE LESBIAN CLIENT ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Fri, 5 Sep 2003 22:16:55 +0000 ******* By Andria L. Sigler-Smalz, Clinical Pastoral Counselor ******* (Andria L. Sigler-Smalz is the founder and Director of Journey Christian Ministries. Her ministry is located in Lake Elsinore, California, where she also makes her home with her husband and son. As a clinical pastoral counselor, she specializes in Christian-oriented therapy for individuals distressed by a conflict between their lifestyle and values. During her 14-year career, Andria has worked with several hundred men and women struggling with homosexuality, lesbianism, related lifestyle issues, and substance abuse problems. She also counsels parents of high-risk adolescents. Among her credentials Andria counts her education, extensive training, and personal life experience. She is a frequent speaker at conferences and seminars, and has been interviewed by television, radio and news media.) ******* Recently, I was asked to critique an assessment tool used to measure change among individuals who had utilized psychotherapy to move from homosexuality to heterosexuality. ******* In the first draft of the assessment's interview form, the questions appeared primarily oriented toward male homosexuals. Women responding to the questions as formulated would have measured a higher degree of change than actually achieved. The questions truly reflected an assumption that male and female homosexuality are essentially the same, and simply involve same-gender, physical and sexual attraction. ******* While there may be etiological similarities in male and female homosexuality, there are gender-specific differences in the nature of these problems and in their outward manifestations. The gay community itself recognizes these differences. For this reason, many women prefer to be referred to as "lesbian" instead of "gay" or homosexual, and the popular public service organization is called "The Gay and Lesbian Center." ******* Characteristics of Lesbian Relationships Recognizing that there are exceptions to the common psychodynamics, I will briefly describe some of the distinct characteristics of female homosexual relationships. ******* The first--reflecting a basic difference between men and women--is that sex and sexual attraction are not necessarily key components of lesbian relationships. In many instances, the role of sex is minor and occasionally, non-existent. Instead, the physical activity more highly valued is holding and affection. In the cases where sex is a critical component, it is because of the emotional intimacy that it symbolizes. The propelling drive in the lesbian relationship is the woman's same-sex emotional and nurturing deficits, and these deficits are generally not sexualized to the same degree as seen in male homosexuality. For the female homosexual, "emotional attraction" plays a more critical role than does sexual attraction. ******* Next, within these relationships there appears to be a capacity for particularly strong attachment. However, a closer look reveals behaviors that indicate a fragile relational bond ridden with fear and anxiety. Core conflicts are evidenced in recurrent themes related to identity formation. For example, we see fears of abandonment and/or engulfment, struggles involving power (or powerlessness) and control, and desires to merge with another person to obtain a sense of security and significance. ******* Female relationships lean toward social exclusivity rather than inclusivity and it is not unusual for a lesbian couple to increasingly reduce contact with family members and previous friends. This gradual withdrawal serves to insure control, and protects against separateness and perceived threats to their fragile bond. ******* While lesbian partnerships generally are of longer duration then male relationships, they tend to be fraught with emotional intensity and held together by the "glue" of jealousy, over-possessiveness and various manipulative behaviors. During the course of the relationship, the "highs" are very high, and the times of conflict, extreme. Excessive time together, frequent telephoning, disproportionate card or gift-giving, hastily moving in together or merging finances, are some of the ways separateness is defended against. In such relationships, we see the counterfeit of healthy attachment--that is, emotional dependency and over-enmeshment. ******* It is not uncommon for lesbian lovers to have a "can't live, if living is without you" kind of feeling toward each other. A client once said to me, "I don't know how I would live without her. Before she came into my life, I was so empty. Now she is my life." ******* There is often a desperate quality to the emotional attraction in women that struggle with lesbianism. One client, who recognized that her lesbian relationships re-enacted her need for maternal love, explained to me, "When I meet a woman that I feel drawn to, it is as if a place inside me is saying, 'Will you be my mommy?' It is a compelling and powerful feeling, and a helpless one. Suddenly, I feel little. I want to be noticed by her, I want to be special to her, and that want takes over my mind." ******* Another client shared with me what it felt like during times of separation from her lesbian girlfriend. She said, "I remember feeling this terrible feeling--this gnawing, anxious feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. This is the same feeling I had as a child whenever I had to be away from home, or on the rare occasion I would attend a sleepover. The other girls would be having a blast, but all I wanted was to be home. It was always so hard to leave my mother." ******* GENDER IDENTITY AND LESBIANISM ******* What is easily observed among the lesbian population is a broad divergence of gender traits and outward appearances. Just as there are (paradoxically) heterosexually oriented women who are not "at ease" in their femininity, so too, are there homosexually oriented women who enjoy being a woman and are highly feminine in appearance. I say this to dispel common thinking that a "boyish" appearance or the enjoyment of traditionally non-feminine activities equals lesbianism. ******* Gender identity has to do with a woman's comfort with herself as a female person, her level of ease in relating and identifying with other women, and the extent of her freedom-of-choice regarding feminine-oriented activities. Lesbianism is about a woman's same-gender preference for fulfillment of unconscious psychological longings and her fear of intimate connection with the opposite sex. ******* In lesbianism, a woman is developmentally "stuck," and therefore unable to move forward into healthy heterosexuality. However, when and how healthy development is thwarted would influence the degree of gender-identity problems experienced. ******* ANTI-MALE ATTITUDES Some lesbian women experience negative feelings and inner conflicts when relating to men, and this contributes to their inability to embrace heterosexuality. In addition, some strongly identify with radical feminism. Women may be seen as gifted and desirable, while men are viewed as inferior, sex-crazed and somewhat useless. Describing a scene of a man and woman with their arms around one another at a baseball game, one lesbian client said, "It was so disgusting. All I could think was, 'What does she see in him, and how could she let him touch her!'" ******* It is not uncommon for those who have been involved in the lesbian lifestyle for a long period of time, to increasingly experience an aversion to heterosexual relating. ******* TREATMENT CONSIDERATIONS In order to treat the lesbian client who desires to embrace the change process, it is important to view her individually and to assess her as a whole person. Most importantly, the therapist must assess her personality organization. For example, does she have the separation-individuation conflicts of a borderline, the fragile self-esteem of a narcissist, or the attachment fears of a schizoid? Understanding the core conflicts will provide the therapist with the meaning behind her behaviors. With this information, it is possible to proceed utilizing appropriate interventions for this particular client. ******* Also important to notice is the degree of the client's compulsive or obsessive feelings, thoughts and behaviors. The higher the compulsivity, the more anxiety and/or depression may surface as the client begins to separate from her lesbian partner or chooses to not "act out" their same-sex emotional attractions. This is often the most difficult part of treatment and strongly resembles the treatment required with a person struggling with substance addiction. ******* The gender of the therapist is critical; however, the lesbian client typically handles that concern herself, as her emotional attraction guides her to a woman therapist in the selection process. Over time, the client will attempt to act out, with the therapist, the same themes she enacted with her lesbian partners. For this reason, the therapist should demonstrate a relational but boundaried style, and an ability to differentiate between providing appropriate care and gratifying the client's wishes. Effective utilization of the transference and counter-transference within the client-therapist relationship will provide the most healing interventions. ******* The client's gender-identity issues should be understood by the therapist prior to initiating discussion about them. Understanding the meaning behind the client's personal appearance can help determine if and when this topic will be approached. For example, as a child, did she "defensively detach" from her mother as a way of protecting from further real or perceived) rejection? Are there some cultural influences? Is the client defending from male advances due to past sexual abuse? ******* Other essential interventions may include spiritual support, monitoring of depression, offering practical relationship skills, and encouraging the client to cultivate a support system in addition to her therapy. ******* The duration of treatment is generally of a long-term nature, and many benefit from two to three sessions per week, depending on the level of functioning of the client. Therapists who travel frequently, who know in advance they will not be able to continue the therapeutic relationship (i.e., they plan to relocate or leave practice), or are experiencing their own personal crises, should consider carefully before accepting such a client. Therapist reliability and consistency are important elements in treating the female homosexual. ******* PROGNOSIS ******* As in treatment of any kind, success is dependent upon many factors. Some of the factors are within the client's control--such as her motivation and determination to change, her regular attendance at sessions, and her cooperation with treatment. Other important factors determining rate of success involve characteristics of the therapist. The therapist should be capable of attachment, be well-differentiated, and have adequate skills and experience, or at least qualified supervision. Other considerations for prognosis include the client's age, history, personality organization and overall level of functioning. ******* In my work with women, I have found it to be a slow and arduous process. However, the work contains its own rewards. It is always a privilege to assist a client on her journey to becoming a healthier person and I often find myself inspired by the determination of my clients. ******* Because the lesbian struggle is a symptom of a woman's inner pain and conflicts, attaining the capacity for healthy same-sex relationships and opposite-sex relating is a manifestation of inner healing and growth. Many lesbian women who desire change will fully realize their goals. And even those who are elsewhere on the "success continuum" will grow and change through therapy, experiencing greater self-understanding and sense of personal wholeness. ******* Copyright © NARTH. All Rights Reserved. www.narth.com ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 703-360-2225 pfox_exgays@hotmail.com www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ________________________________ TOPICA - Start your own email discussion group. FREE! http://www.topica.com/partner/tag02/create/index2.html ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 12 BEYOND GAY by David Morrison ******* From: "Robert A Jason" ******* Fri, 3 Oct 2003 12:24:17 -0400 ******* Beyond Gay, by David Morrison ******* Our Sunday Visitor Publishing, Huntington, IN ******* Reviewed by Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D. ******* Leadership in the Catholic Church today is in great need of accurate information about homosexuality. This book is the first of what will hopefully be a substantial new body of Catholic literature giving voice to individuals who, in spite of experiencing same-sex attractions, refuse to define themselves as gay. ******* Such books pose a growing threat to two foundational premises of gay anthropology---the ideas that "You were born gay," and "If you experience same-sex attractions, the only authentic response is to say, 'Gay is who I am.'" ******* The author intelligently balances observations about his personal life with very insightful and astute social commentary. He discusses not only the politics within the Catholic Church, but also the political compromises made within the American Psychiatric Association. He also describes the well-documented data which indicates that male homosexuality is primarily a developmental problem--that is, a gender-identity problem rooted in the child's early parental relationships. While genetic factors may predispose some children to struggle with gender issues, there is strong evidence that family (and later, peer) factors are pivotal. ******* In his own life, Morrison relates what reparative therapists call the "classic triadic relationship," which has been so consistently established in the psychoanalytic literature, and which I have seen hundreds of times in my own clinical practice; that is, the boy experiences his father as distant and detached, while his mother is over-involved; and in family arguments, mother and son unite against the father. ******* Morrison says of his father, who he remembers as generally indifferent: "He was absent much of the time and carried himself with an air of grave importance when he was at home. He looms in my memory as 'aloof and demanding'." He recalls his father's efforts to teach him the multiplication tables, which left him feeling ashamed and inadequate. In contrast, he recalls his mother "making herself all too accessible. Where my father was aloof, my mother was cloying." He says, "I quickly understood that my family dynamic was she and I against my father. When my mother complained about my father - which she did with increasing vehemence as the years passed - she came to me at least some of the time. Her complaints assumed an authority in defining my father that was probably not useful." ******* In the author's early relationships with his peers, again we see the repeated developmental themes common to the pre-homosexual boy--shame about his body, a feeling of inadequacy, and the sense of not belonging to the company of males, who he eventually romanticizes from a distance. ******* Morrison sees how fortunate he was to have escaped the trap which snares so many of our young people: with the encouragement of teachers, counselors and society, such sexually confused children are self-labelling as "gay" before they are old enough to make an informed decision about such an essential issue. Without the opportunity to understand how feelings of gender inadequacy will lead to romantic idealization of same-sex peers, many young people have been led to believe the scientifically insupportable argument that "I was born this way," or, if they are people of religious faith, they say, "God just makes some people gay." ******* The recent Catholic bishops' document "Always Our Children" in fact reinforces and supports this gay self-label, and many priests and bishops are now promoting--even while reiterating the requirement of chastity--this identity as valid to our young people. But Christian anthropology, backed up by science, makes it clear that God did not design two kinds of people, heterosexual and homosexual; and that when homosexuality occurs, it is not an authentic identity, but should be seen as a developmental problem, a challenge, a struggle to be endured (as Morrison has chosen, with powerful help from his faith to reduce unwanted temptations), or one which the struggler may be successful in overcoming by moving toward a heterosexual adjustment. ******* In trying to pull the pieces together and explain how his same-sex attractions emerged, Morrison said, "My failure to believe I could ever please my parents, especially my father, gradually became a deep-seated attitude that spread tentacles throughout my life. My failure to lose weight, succeed at sports, and genuinely like my appearance, contributed to my feeling constantly ill-at-ease with other boys--an alien among my peers." ******* Morrison speaks about the fear (so often reported by my own clients as well) of being genuinely seen by other boys for who he was, which resulted in the longing for a deep male friendship which never seemed to come. These longings became the foundation for later same-sex attractions: what he could not find in the usual way through friendship, he compensated for with the secret fantasy that one day he would find that one special, "best buddy." Those fantasies eventually led him into a gay lifestyle. In reparative therapy, we call this period the Erotic Transitional Phase--the time when the boy's emotional needs for same-sex attention, affection, and approval become eroticized. ******* Morrison's reporting of his first homosexual experience at the age of ll or 12 with an older teenage boy is also very typical in the formation of homosexuality. One-third of my own clients were sexually molested as little boys or young teenagers by older males. Their feeling of inadequacy and alienation from other males found a tension-releasing outlet early-on in their lives, and this experience confirmed their suspicion that they might be gay. At the same time, it short-circuited any future attempts they might have made to experience normal, non-erotic male intimacy through the mutuality and equality of genuine male friendship. ******* As a young adult, Morrison at first tried to integrate his Christian identity with a gay identity. Thus, he was at first drawn to the gay Catholic (an oxymoron) group "Dignity," which seeks to integrate Catholicism with a gay identity. His disillusionment with Dignity led to a final struggle which revealed to him the cost of discipleship, as he discovered those two identities (gay and Catholic) to be ultimately irreconcilable. ******* Morrison says: "I can't say why I have experienced the healing I have. I don't know why others have not. I can't say I believe that dramatically diminished same-sex attraction is possible in every life...But I must testify that despite the complicated web of wounds both real and imagined, deep longings and insecurity, doubts, failures, and desires, Christ stepped forward with the knowledge, resources, and the wise and loving friends I needed to break free [from gay life]. For this I am deeply grateful." ******* He talks about his initial rebellion against his church's moral teachings, and acknowledges the Church's statement that homosexuality is an "objective disorder." ******* Many gay ministries within this country wish to simply ignore, explain away, or rationalize that powerful term which forces the homosexually-oriented Catholic to make a fundamental decision. But without question, acknowledgment of that statement must be the "litmus test for orthodoxy" of any Catholic ministry to homosexuals. Many unorthodox ministries are now flourishing around this country, with the support of their dioceses--in spite of their failure to acknowledge that a gay identity cannot be "who a person really is" in the deepest and truest sense of human identity. ******* This is the first such autobiography written by a Catholic, aimed at a Catholic audience, and printed by a Catholic publishing house; it is even graced by a bishop's introduction. It's about time! ******* Copyright © NARTH. All Rights Reserved. ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 13 SPITZER STUDY PUBLISHED ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2003 22:54:34 +0000 ******* Evidence Found for Effectiveness of Reorientation Therapy ******* By Roy Waller and Linda A. Nicolosi ******* The results of a study conducted by Dr. Robert L. Spitzer have just been published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 32, No. 5, October 2003, pp. 403-417. ******* Spitzer's findings challenge the widely-held assumption that a homosexual orientation is "who one is" -- an intrinsic part of a person's identity that can never be changed. ******* The study has attracted particularly attention because its author, a prominent psychiatrist, is viewed as a historic champion of gay activism. Spitzer played a pivotal role in 1973 in removing homosexuality from the psychiatric manual of mental disorders. ******* Testing the hypothesis that a predominantly homosexual orientation will, in some individuals, respond to therapy were some 200 respondents of both genders (143 males, 57 females) who reported changes from homosexual to heterosexual orientation lasting 5 years or more. The study's structured telephone interviews assessed a number of aspects same-sex attraction, with the year prior to the interview used as the comparative base. ******* In order to be accepted into the 16-month study, the 247 original responders had to meet two criteria. First, they had to have had a redominantly homosexual attraction for many years, including the year before starting therapy (at least 60 on a scale of sexual attraction, with 0 as exclusively heterosexual and 100 exclusively homosexual). ******* Second, after therapy they had to have experienced a change of no less than 10 points, lasting at least 5 years, toward the heterosexual end of the scale of sexual attraction. ******* Although examples of "complete" change in orientation were not common, the majority of participants did report change from a predominantly or exclusively homosexual orientation before therapy to a predominantly or exclusively heterosexual orientation in the past year as a result of reparative therapy. ******* These results would seem to contradict the position statements of the major mental health organizations in the United States, which claim there is no scientific basis for believing psychotherapy effective in addressing same-sex attraction. Yet Spitzer reports evidence of change in both sexes, although female participants reported significantly more change than did male participants. ******* The statistical and demographic details of the respondents include the following: The study did not seek a random sample of reorientation therapy clients; the subjects chosen were volunteers. ******* Average ages: men, 42, women, 44. ******* Marital status at time of interview: 76% men were married as were 47% of the female respondents. 21% of the males and 18% of the females were married before beginning therapy. ******* 95% were Caucasian and 76% were college graduates. ******* 84% resided in the United States, the remaining 16% lived in Europe. ******* 97% were of a Christian background, 3% were Jewish, with an overwhelming 93% of all participants stating that religion was either "extremely" or "very" important in their lives. ******* 19% of the participants were mental health professionals or directors of ex-gay ministries. ******* 41% reported that they had, at some time prior to the therapy, been "openly gay." Over a third of the participants (males 37%, females 35%) reported that at one time, they had had seriously contemplated suicide due to dissatisfaction with their unwanted attractions. 78% had publicly spoken in favor of efforts to change homosexual orientation. ******* Employing a 45-minute telephone interview of 114 closed end questions, each requiring either a yes/no answer or calling for a scaled rating of between 1 and 10, Spitzer's study focused on the following areas: ******* sexual attraction, sexual self-identification, severity of discomfort with homosexual feelings, frequency of gay sexual activity, frequency of desiring a same-sex romantic relationship, frequency of daydreaming of or desiring homosexual activity, percentage of masturbation episodes featuring homosexual fantasies, percentage of such episodes with heterosexual fantasizing, and frequency of exposure to homosexually-oriented pornographic materials. ******* In addition, participants were asked to react to a series of possible reasons for desiring change from homosexual orientation to heterosexuality as well as being asked to assess their marital relationships. ******* Some of the findings of the Spitzer study, particularly regarding motivations for change, included: ******* The majority of respondents (85% male, 70% female) did not find the homosexual lifestyle to be emotionally satisfying. 79% of both genders said homosexuality conflicted with their religious beliefs, with 67% of men and 35% of women stated that gay life was an obstacle to their desires either to marry or remain married. ******* Although all of the participants had been sexually attracted to members of the same sex, a certain percentage (males 13%, females 4%) had never actually experienced consensual homosexual sex. More of the male respondents (34%) than females (2%) had engaged in homosexual sex with more than 50 different partners during their lifetime. Further, more of the men than women (53% to 33%) had never engaged in consensual heterosexual sex before the therapy effort. ******* Dr. Spitzer said the data collected showed that, following therapy, many of the participants experienced a marked increase in both the frequency and satisfaction of heterosexual activity, while those in marital relationships noted more emotional fulfillment between their spouses and themselves. ******* As for completely reorienting from homosexual to heterosexual, most respondents indicated that they still occasionally struggled with unwanted attractions--in fact, only 11% of the men and 37% of the women reported complete change. Nevertheless this study, Spitzer concludes, "clearly goes beyond anecdotal information and provides evidence that reparative therapy is sometimes successful." ******* Spitzer acknowledges the difficulty of assessing how many gay men and women in the general population would actually desire reparative therapy if they knew of its availability; many people, he notes, are evidently content with a gay identity and have no desire to change. ******* Is reorientation therapy harmful? For the participants in our study, Spitzer notes, there was no evidence of harm. "To the contrary," he says, "they reported that it was helpful in a variety of ways beyond changing sexual orientation itself." And because his study found considerable benefit and no harm, Spitzer said, the American Psychiatric Association should stop applying a double standard in its discouragement of reorientation therapy, while actively encouraging gay-affirmative therapy to confirm and solidify a gay identity. ******* Furthermore, Spitzer wrote in his conclusion, "the mental health professionals should stop moving in the direction of banning therapy that has, as a goal, a change in sexual orientation. Many patients, provided with informed consent about the possibility that they will be disappointed if the therapy does not succeed, can make a rational choice to work toward developing their heterosexual potential and minimizing their unwanted homosexual attractions." ******* Is reorientation therapy chosen only by clients who are driven by guilt--that is, what's popularly known as "homophobia"? To the contrary, Spitzer concludes. In fact, "the ability to make such a choice should be considered fundamental to client autonomy and self-determination." ******* Copyright © NARTH. All Rights Reserved. Read more at www.narth.com ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* 703-360-2225 ******* pfox_exgays@hotmail.com ******* www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 14 STUART ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Fri, 21 Nov 2003 22:04:55 +0000 ******* After being straight for 29 years now, I look back and wonder how I was ever gay. Two kids, a wife, all the great trappings of suburban life and unlike some peopel claim, I don't wonder what I missed. I don't think about going to a gay bar or sex with a man. I think about other stuff, getting leaves out of the gutter without falling off the roof, getting enough money to pay for my youngest son's college and getting the car to the garage for a tune-up. ******* I admire all those who make the change from the left hand lane...and my heart goes out to them. I left homsexuality through psychotherapy, before it changed. I didn't have to face a society with magazines and tv promoting the lifestyle as something wonderful, although my mother thought it was perfectly okay and sent me to live with three gay men when I was 17. ******* I wasn't a Christian, I was a guy who asked, why am I queer? What makes me this way? Do I have to be this way if I don't want to? ******* But now, it's cool to be gay. There are high school clubs, college clubs and gay men and women believe in their cause. They fight for it, they seek to make everyone believe in it by legislating, by creating safe havens, by marching, rallies and parades. They create a beautiful spectacle of freedom from conventional behavior. "Loud and Proud!" ******* So to those who seek to leave, who seek to change, I can tell you it is not easy. Yep, I still get the occasional dream, or a thought crosses my mind and I wonder where it came from but I'm not going to act upon it. It disappears. But I can promise you that if you are not a Christian, there is still help out there. ******* But if you are a Christian then you have a God who loves you and will bring you wholeness, you see I believe that those who love Christ can become whole again, as God intended. And I also think that that Dr. Alden was right when he said that it was easier to help a homosexual than an alcoholic. ******* So keep faith. This is not going to be an easy fight it will be a nasty one. I spoke out the other day and what happened afterwards was not pretty. I was attacked because I asked a question, "What if someone doesn't want to be gay, can they change?" at a gay tea party at the local college. I was attacked in the parking lot of McDonald's across the street. ******* So what do we need to do? We work, we write letters, we bring hope to one another. We have to share and say, "I was once gay," and then explain yourself with clarity and reason. ******* We also need to support PFOX and other groups, with time, talent and money so that they can get their programs into schools across the country. In the end, it will be the courage of ex-gays, the belief that God will truly help and the support of our friends and family that will push the issue to the forefront. But as I said, it ain't easy baby and I have learned a lot. But I want those of you who strugle with your feelings to know that I too once struggled and suffered and in time, I changed. ******* God bless. ******* Stuart ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays ******* Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* 703-360-2225 ******* pfox_exgays@hotmail.com ******* www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: ******* PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ________________________________ ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 15 WHAT IS REPARATIVE THERAPY? ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Sat, 6 Dec 2003 23:55:29 +0000 ******* By Dr. Warren Throckmorton at www.drthrockmorton.com ******* This is a specific approach to sexual reorientation. The main proponent of this approach is psychologist, Joseph Nicolosi, PhD. Another well-known name in reparative therapy circles is Elizabeth Moberly. She wrote perhaps the seminal work on the subject called Homosexuality: A New Christian Approach.[1] It is important to understand that there are many approaches to sexual reorientation and reparative therapy is just one, although perhaps the best known. ******* Reparative therapy takes its name from the basic idea of the approach: Homosexual arousal and identification are efforts on the part of the person to repair a damaged bond with the same-sex parent. Thus, gay men in their relationships are looking for affirmation and emotional intimacy from other men as a means of repairing the broken or non-existent relationship with their fathers. The same is true for lesbians; they have had weak or inconsistent mothering and so they are looking for the perfect mother in lesbian relations. ******* The therapy attempts to re-direct the reparative drive toward healthy nonsexual relationships with same sex peers via the therapist, group counseling, and support groups. A major aspect of this effort is to generate or support gender identification. That is, men are encouraged to develop a solid sense of masculinity and women are encouraged to become more feminine. The belief is that if people have a solid sense of gender identification, then they will experience sexual attractions consistent with heterosexuality. For instance, if a woman who has identified as a lesbian develops a solid sense of herself as a feminine woman, she will begin to find the opposite sex attractive. ******* Is Reparative Therapy a religious form of counseling? ******* While this approach is fairly popular in conservative and even Christian circles, it important to understand that the principles are derived from psychoanalytic psychology. It is beyond the scope of this essay to go into the differences in psychological schools to a great extent but if you are considering this approach you need to understand the implications. Reparative therapists usually see same sex attraction and homosexual identification as the results of poor parenting in the formative years. ******* Many people assume it is religious because of the association of Dr. Nicolosi with groups like Exodus International and Focus on the Family. However, as mentioned it is primarily based around an interpretation of psychoanalytic theory first popularized by Elizabeth Moberly within a religious context. ******* What other approaches to reorientation counseling are there? ******* In a 1998 article I summarized the psychological writings on reorientation counseling and found that there were many approaches to change, all claiming a degree of success. Some emphasized behavioral change and manipulation of rewards and punishments, some emphasized changing the way one thinks to achieve feeling change, some used very emotionally draining and provocative methods such as screaming and crying as a part of the counseling time. Others emphasized support groups, reconciling with one’s parents (even where there were no obvious problems), developing non-erotic same-sex friendships, etc. The striking aspect to this research is that all of the approaches had successful cases, if success is defined as the reduction of SSA and the development of heterosexual relationships. I found one case study where the client changed spontaneously without any conscious effort to make sexual orientation change.[2] ******* Observing the fact that so many approaches seemed to have some success, I set out to examine all of them for their common elements. I looked at each approach and tried to discern what was alike about the methods and theories more so than what distinguished them from each other. ******* I found 6 factors common to all of the theories. They are: ******* Personal choice and motivation to reorient is necessary. A detailed history is important. The belief that change is possible. A theory to explain same sex attraction. Interventions to minimize or cope with same sex attraction An explanation for behavioral and/or cognitive relapse ******* Personal choice and motivation is necessary ******* This seems almost too obvious to state but it is important for several reasons. I often have parents or friends of strugglers ask if there is anyway counseling can help even if the person does not want to change. ******* I have conducted counseling with some individuals who are only coming for the sake of family or friends. By and large, this is not effective. This should be expected since it is true for most reasons people come to counseling. ******* Having noted the importance of choice to pursue the reorientation objective let me hasten to add that it is quite common to be ambivalent about entering counseling. Being motivated does not mean 100% certainty that all will work out fine. I begin many counseling episodes by taking several sessions to clarify the person’s motives for change and the strength of their desire to seek that course. In fact, many people are undecided and counseling for them is a safe place to talk through the course they want to follow. And so in looking for a counselor, it seems wise to find one who will let you describe your concerns and ambivalence for as long as it takes for you to come to a settle decision about your counseling objectives. ******* A detailed history ******* All theoretical models of reorientation counseling value the historical understanding of an individual’s experience of SSA. Some individual counselors may not take as much history as others and those following the solution-focused model of counseling may take only the barest of detail. However, the existing counseling approaches geared toward application with problems of SSA do seek understanding of the origins of SSA. Some approaches (notably reparative therapy) have the historical factors practitioners expect to find built into the theory. Thus, when a client comes in, the practitioner already has a theory about what caused SSA for every client. Approaches vary concerning the adherence to a general belief in certain causal factors. ******* This point is quite relevant in seeking a counselor. I believe it is best for the counselor to allow you to tell your individual story. As we have discussed, a popular theory of causation is the same sex parent deficit model. However, if that model doesn’t describe your life, then hopefully your counselor will not try to fit your experience into that theory. If however the model does fit you, then you may profit from seeing a counselor who is knowledgeable about the dynamics of family interaction. ******* A belief that change is possible ******* While this point may also be fairly obvious, it is also important in examining counseling options. Some counselors will go along with a client’s desire to change but do so only out of respect for a client’s wishes. The counselor has no personal conviction that reorientation or successful management of SSA is possible. At least with the available approaches, it appears that this attitude on the part of the counselor is important. I think this is especially true given the mental health establishment view that sexual orientation is immutable. Clients want to know that the counselor has some confidence in the potential for success. ******* A theory to explain same sex attraction ******* In reviewing approaches to counseling for reorientation, I found a variety of views concerning the causes of SSA. Some emphasized deficits in the relationship with the same sex parent, some emphasized deficits in the opposite sex parent, some implicated both parents, some minimized the role of parental relationship in favor of other environmental factors and some emphasize a complex mix of environmental and temperamental factors. While the theories of cause are quite varied, the common factor is that all approaches have some explanation and then impart that understanding to the clients, whether directly or indirectly. ******* An implication of this observation is that the actual causes might matter less than the fact that a person has an explanation and that in itself is comforting. There is a long line of research in counseling to support this notion. Often just having an explanation for a problem gives relief and the same is true in this area. Sometimes that is all people need to begin viewing themselves as changing. ******* The other implication is that SSA develops over time and the discussion of the historical shaping factors provides people with a way to think about their feelings that is not so self-judgmental. The reaction of many people I have worked with is to feel relief that circumstances help shape sexuality. They begin to feel that there is a set of factors that have shaped them rather than assume that they are bad, sick or doomed to have feelings they don’t want. ******* One fairly recent approach called context specific therapy builds on the observation that there are different factors that seem to foster SSA. Building on his research with Latter Day Saint men who are former homosexuals, Robinson’s approach doesn’t begin with a preconceived idea of what cause and resolution will be true for each client. Instead the client tells his or her story and the causes are discussed in terms of the client’s life story and not a theory. Treatment interventions are tailored to each client drawing from any theoretical background that seems to fit the client’s background and need. ******* Interventions to minimize or cope with same sex attraction ******* All counseling theories reviewed suggested approaches to respond to SSA. Some, such as the behavioral theories, emphasize breaking the patterns of action that have developed. Looking for and avoiding triggers for SSA and familiar places and people are involved. Cognitive approaches emphasize thinking patterns and self-esteem and seek to enhance one’s view of oneself consistent with the cause explanation adopted by the therapist. Reparative approaches emphasize the working through and healing of same sex wounds. And on it goes with each approach crafted interventions that conceptually fit the view of causation. ******* While there is considerable difference in the techniques used, there are some common factors here too. Nearly all approaches use a combination of individual and group counseling. So don’t be surprised if your counselor wants you to try group counseling, either formally or via Exodus International support groups. Nearly all approaches focus on modifying a person’s environment (to avoid triggers), caution against being with people who pressure to have same sex relations, and request that the person do some kind of homework. ******* An Explanation for Relapse ******* While not everyone re-engages in same sex fantasies or behavior, some people do. Relapse is anticipated by the successful approaches to counseling and clients are given specific strategies to overcome the remorse of it and to normalize the experience. ******* This is a crucial point. Many people feel that if they slip and have same sex relations or have periods where temptation is strong that they really haven’t changed. I would maintain that any change brings with it a temptation to return to the old ways. This is true of smoking cessation, weight management and other habit oriented issues presented to counselors. It is unrealistic to think such relapses won’t occur. So rather than getting discouraged it seems better to create a plan for dealing with relapse. ******* Conclusions and Recommendations ******* Reparative therapy and reorientation counseling are not synonymous terms. They often have similar outcomes but the theoretical assumptions and methods of the various approaches differ. ******* For anyone looking for counseling to assist with sexual identity formation, the varying approaches can be confusing. However, the diversity can also be helpful in that you should look for the counselor and the approach that seems to fit your personality and particular needs. ******* Some questions worth asking include: Do you believe change in sexual identity is possible? What conditions or circumstances or influences lead to same sex attraction? What is a typical counseling session like? Do people ever get to the point where they don’t have same sex attraction anymore? ******* © 2003 Warren Throckmorton, PhD. All Rights Reserved ******* Read more at www.drthrockmorton.com ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* phone 703-360-2225 ******* pfox_exgays@hotmail.com ******* www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 16 WHAT DIDN'T WORK ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Mon, 8 Dec 2003 15:53:44 +0000 ******* Denying or Suppressing It ******* Pretending there was nothing amiss in our lives was like ignoring a growing tumor. Refusing to deal with our homosexual problems ensured that they would continue to thrive and multiply. We could resist for a time. We could look the other way. But that only gave our problems time to fester and grow worse. We could abstain from homosexual behavior, but that didn't resolve the feeling. Avoiding the problem could never fix the problem. ******* Using Willpower ******* We certainly never consciously chose to be sexually attracted to men. Neither could we simple choose to change and be attracted to women instead. At best, willpower could only help us resist the urge to indulge whatever sexual desire we felt in the moment. It could not bring long-term healing. ******* Rather than work on our will, or our mental control, we found it much more effective to work on our heart, or our emotional and spiritual desire. ******* Trying to Pray It Away ******* Almost all of us at one time hoped and prayed that God would suddenly change us, that if only we had enough faith, we would wake up one day and find our homosexual desires miraculously gone. Yes, those are those who testify of such miraculous, sudden recovery, but it certainly doesn't seem to be the norm -- and certainly not without a lot of hard, personal and spiritual work leading up to that "overnight" recovery. ******* In fact, many of us came to see that we had been praying the wrong prayer for many years! Rather than asking God to change us, we needed him to show us the steps he wanted us to take toward change -- and then trust him enough to take the very steps we feared most. We needed to be humble enough to learn the lessons that the struggle was designed to teach us -- and then move on. ******* As Ben writes: ******* "Like so many others, I once begged God to change me with a single touch, the way he healed the blind man. I prayed and read scriptures hoping that would change me, but all the while I remained locked in isolation and shame. Ultimately, I learned that trying to heal my emotional wounds through spirituality alone was like putting a cast on my arm when I had the flu. I was treating the wrong problem. I was emotionally broken and weak, but in many ways spiritually strong. Trying to strengthen myself spiritually, alone in my room in prayer, wasn't going to heal the isolation I felt in the world of men. I started to change when I saw the Lord as a guide who would lead me through a healing journey if I did it his way, not mine." ******* For most of us, praying and building a renewed spiritual life would become the fuel that powered our journey out of homosexuality and the map that guided our way -- it was seldom our journey in itself. ******* Indulging It ******* At one time, many of us were convinced that indulging our desires for homosexual expression was the only way to satisfy them and get relief from constant yearning for male attention and affection. And in fact it did bring relief -- momentarily. But those of us who did indulge those desires often found that, when the fleeting embrace or erotic experience was over, we felt more lonely and desperate than before. The "hole" inside our souls that we were constantly trying to fill was deeper and emptier than ever, and we were desperate for more. It became easy for us to fall into addiction and dependency. ******* Even those of us who found a romantic partner who seemed like he would always be there for us often found we could never get enough of him to fill the emptiness inside ourselves. The true need buried deep inside was a little boy's need for love and acceptance from his father and from the other boys and to fully and proudly embrace his masculinity. Sex with another man only alienated us from ever really finding the real solution to our needs. ******* "Gay Pride" or "Gay Affirmation" ******* For some of us, it seemed for a time that the answer we were looking for was to accept and embrace our supposedly innate gay identity, "come out of the closet" as a homosexual and claim "gay pride." In fact, those of us who did so found it to be an exhilarating, freeing experience -- temporarily. No longer were we crippled by vacillation. No longer were we hiding in shame. No longer would we beat ourselves up with self-criticism and so-called "homophobia." At last we were "out and proud." ******* But no matter how right it was to free ourselves from shame, self-ridicule and self-hate, and no matter how much relief we found in finally getting off the fence and making a decision -- any decision -- homosexuality still felt wrong for us. Some of us denied this for a long time but we could ultimately lie to ourselves no longer. For us, it just felt wrong. Attempting to resolve our homosexual struggles by killing our conscience felt like it was killing our souls instead. ******* Almost universally, we felt alienated from God and our spiritual lives. We were out of integrity with our deeply held values and beliefs that had always anchored our lives. We felt more alienated than ever from the masculine world of straight men. ******* Sadly, most of us also found far less healing, acceptance and unconditional love among gay men than we had imagined we would. A common experience among us what that we experienced the gay world as a place that was fraught with promiscuity, lust, obsession with youth and physical appearance, addiction to sex, alcohol and lust. We found judgment, pettiness, spiritual darkness and brokenness. Although we experienced small pieces of healing there at times, for the most part, it only deepened the emotional and spiritual emptiness inside. ******* Shame, Self-Ridicule and Self-Hate ******* For those of us who once "came out" as a homosexual and embraced "gay pride," we found it immensely freeing to release the shame, self-ridicule and self-hate that had crippled us for so long. Indeed, letting go of these destructive emotions was a vital part of our healing for all of us. Until we did, they entrapped us, disabled us and obstructed real change. But we found it was counterproductive to embrace an openly gay identity and lifestyle in an attempt to free ourselves of shame and hate, because doing so required us to suppress our conscience and surrender our values. We found instead that it is ultimately far more healing and freeing to "come out" as a man who is courageously reclaiming his innate masculine identity, brotherly love for other men and spiritual connection to God. ******* Isolation and Secrecy ******* As long as we kept our "shameful secret" hidden and attempted to fix it in isolation and secrecy, we made little or no progress. No wonder. Problems relating to others do not heal in isolation without relationships. Fear of trusting others cannot be overcome without taking the calculated risk to trust. ******* Indeed, we found that what we wanted most -- authentic male bonding -- in some ways, we actually feared the most. Emotional intimacy felt much more risky than sexual intimacy. So we used lust and sex to give the illusion of intimacy without having to take the emotional risk of opening our hearts to another man, especially a straight man. ******* Trying to Force Opposite-Sex Attraction ******* Some of the worst, albeit well-meaning, advice we ever received was to resolve our homosexual feelings by dating women or looking at female pornography to arouse interest. We already loved women - as sisters. We identified with them - too much so. ******* Our problem was not generally with women, so that's not where the solution lay. Our problem was with heterosexual men and masculinity, and with our own maleness. We needed to spend more time with heterosexual men, not with women. Before we could concern ourselves with attraction to women, we had to feel like more of a man. We needed to ground ourselves much more firmly in a male identity and in the male world. We needed to overcome our "heterophobia" with men. ******* That is where we found healing. ******* Read more at www.peoplecanchange.com ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* phone 703-360-2225 ******* pfox_exgays@hotmail.com ******* www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: ******* PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 17 THERAPY ******* From: DFJosephMD@aol.com ******* Date: Mon, 8 Dec 2003 06:50:03 EST ******* Those promoting the idea that sexual orientation is immutable frequently quote from a published discussion between Dr. C.C. Tripp and Dr. Lawrence Hatterer in which Dr. Tripp stated: "... there is not a single recorded instance of a change in homosexual orientation which has been validated by outside judges or testing. Kinsey wasn't able to find one. And neither Dr. Pomeroy nor I have been able to find such a patient. We would be happy to have one from Dr. Hatterer." (Tripp & Hatterer 1971) They fail to reference Dr. Hatterer response: ******* "I have 'cured' many homosexuals, Dr. Tripp. Dr. Pomeroy or any other researcher may examine my work because it is all documented on 10 years of tape recordings. Many of these 'cured' (I prefer to use the word 'changed') patients have married, had families and live happy lives. It is a destructive myth that 'once a homosexual, always a homosexual." It has made and will make millions more committed homosexuals. What is more, not only have I but many other reputable psychiatrists (Dr. Samuel B. Hadden, Dr. Lionel Ovesey, Dr. Charles Socarides, Dr. Harold Lief, Dr. Irving Bieber, and others) have reported their successful treatments of the treatable homosexual." (Tripp & Hatterer 1971) ******* A number of therapists have written extensively on the positive results of therapy for same-sex attraction. Tripp chose to ignore the large body of literature on treatment and surveys of therapists. Reviews of treatment for unwanted same-sex attractions show that it is as successful as treatment for similar psychological problems: about 30% experience a freedom from symptoms and another 30% experience improvement. (Bieber 1962[58]; Clippinger 1974[59]; Fine 1987[60]; Kaye 1967[61]; MacIntosh 1994[62]; Marmor 1965[63]; Nicolosi 1998[64]; Rogers 1976[65]; Satinover 1996[66]; Throckmorton[67]; West [68]) ******* Reports from individual therapists have been equally positive. (Barnhouse 1977[69]; Bergler 1962[70]; Bieber 1979[71]; Cappon 1960[72]; Caprio 1954[73]; Ellis 1956[74]; Hadden 1958[75]; Hadden 1967b[76]; Hadfield 1958[77]; Hatterer 1970[78]; Kronemeyer 1989[79]) This is only a representative sampling of the therapists who report successful results in the treatment of persons experiencing same-sex attraction. ******* There are also numerous autobiographical reports from men and women who once believed themselves to be unchangeably bound by same-sex attractions and behaviors. Many of these men and women (Exodus 1990-2000[80]) now describe themselves as free of same-sex attraction, fantasy, and behavior. Most of these individuals found freedom through participation in religion based support groups, although some also had recourse to therapists. Unfortunately, a number of influential persons and professional groups ignore this evidence (APA 1997[81]; Herek 1991[82]) and there seems to be a concerted effort on the part of "homosexual apologists" to deny the effectiveness of treatment of same-sex attraction or claim that such treatment is harmful. Barnhouse expressed wonderment at these efforts: "The distortion of reality inherent in the denials by homosexual apologists that the condition is curable is so immense that one wonders what motivates it." (Barnhouse 1977) ******* Robert Spitzer, M.D., the renowned Columbia University psychiatric researcher, who was directly involved in the 1973 decision to remove homosexuality from the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental disorders, has recently become involved with research the possibility of change. Dr. Spitzer stated in an interview: "I am convinced that many people have made substantial changes toward becoming heterosexual...I think that's news... I came to this study skeptical. I now claim that these changes can be sustained." (NARTH 2000). ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 18 NEW ZEALAND REPORT ******* From: PFOX ******* Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 18:28:26 +0000 ******* (New Zealand) Sunday Star-Times (c) 2003 ******* Sunday, November 9, 2003 ******* GOING STRAIGHT. ******* By Lauren QUAINTANCE ******* For as long as she can remember, Jacqui Wyles hasn't felt like one of the girls. At high school, she struggled to remember clothing labels and she could barely suppress her boredom when girlfriends obsessed over gossip magazines. She had "crushes" on older girls, but she had "normal, puppy love" boyfriends as well. As her relationships with boys became more sexual, though, they became more demeaning. "I had a lot of boys in the back seats of cars using me." ******* At 17, she was raped while hitchhiking in the South Island and, she says, after that experience she was even more ill-at-ease with men. The following year, she was seduced by a married woman in her mid-20s. "She invited me over for tea and (Publication page references are not available for this document.) said she was attracted to me and I just felt myself melt inside. She was very gentle and careful ... She knew I was young and I was in deep trouble." ******* A short time later, Wyles declared herself a lesbian. It was the mid-1970s and she immersed herself in the lesbian separatist movement in Wellington. "Basically, we wanted men exterminated from the planet," she says. She smoked a pipe, wore a T-shirt with the slogan "Lesbian Nation" and became a bus driver. "It was a good job for a dyke. You got to wear shorts and drive a big bus although it wasn't that hard since I think they had power steering." ******* These days, Wyles, 47, is keen to find a husband. "I have no sexual attraction towards women now. I have no erotic feelings towards women and I know that's one thing God has changed for me. I'm really interested in getting married and I'm looking forward to the sexual side of marriage." ******* Wyles is one of a low-profile group of former homosexuals and lesbians> who believe that they have changed their sexual orientation. Mostly Christians who found that their homosexuality was in conflict with their faith, some of these "ex-gays" are married and have children. Their claims-rubbished by gay groups- are supported by the findings of a new study by Dr Robert Spitzer, professor of psychiatry at Columbia University in New York. ******* The study, reported in the US journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour, concluded that homosexuals who undergo "reparative" or "reorientation" therapy can change their sexuality. The findings have created even more of an impact because Spitzer was head of the committee that deleted homosexuality from the American Psychiatric Association's list of official mental disorders in 1973. That decision lent authority to the claim that homosexuality is the result of nature, not nurture, and it is not possible to "choose" one's sexuality. ******* Of the 200 former homosexuals in Spitzer's study, 78% of males and 95%of females who voluntarily underwent therapy reported a change in their sexuality. And of the 143 men and 57 women, 66% of males and 44% of females had achieved what Spitzer described as "good heterosexual functioning". That meant they were in a loving, heterosexual relationship, having heterosexual sex at least once a month and never-or rarely-fantasising about someone of the same gender during heterosexual sex. ******* Unsurprisingly, perhaps, 93% of the participants described themselves as "devoutly religious" but Spitzer says that while that made them "highly motivated" they nonetheless met his definition of heterosexuality. ******* "I came to this study a sceptic," Spitzer says, "I believed a homosexual, whether born or made, was a homosexual and that to consider their orientation a matter of choice was wrong. But the fact is that if I found even one person who could change, the door is open, and a change in sexual orientation is possible." Gay rights campaigners have accused Spitzer of being a "cultural conservative" but Spitzer has insisted his only interest in the subject is scientific truth. ******* An editorial in the American magazine Psychology Today earlier this year defended the right of therapists to offer sexual reorientation therapy. Psychologists, the magazine's editor-in-chief Robert Epstein noted, recognised a disorder characterised by distress over one's sexuality. "Both gays and straights have a right to seek treatment when they're unhappy with their sexual orientation and some choose to try and change that orientation. It would be absurd to assert that only heterosexuals have that right." According to Epstein, sexual reorientation is successful in about a third of cases. ******* In New Zealand, "reorientation therapy" is shunned by the majority of mainstream psychiatrists and psychotherapists. ******* "It is dangerous and harmful," said Dr Gavin Stansfield, a psychotherapist who works with gay men, "because what it does is reinforce the shame and self - loathing that some people have about their homosexual feelings." Indeed, the New Zealand Association of Psychotherapy issued a warning last year that such therapy was "harmful" and its members should not attempt to alter sexual orientation. ******* However, some Christian groups offer counselling services to gays who want help to change. Local branches of international ex-gay groups such as Courage, a Catholic group, and Exodus are approached by several hundred men and women a year. ******* Many of those will take part in a 32-week Living Waters programme for people with a range of sexual and relationship problems, such as addiction to pornography and difficulty with intimacy, to restore their "brokenness" and achieve a "wholesome, Godly sexuality". Some in the counselling programme do not seek to reorient themselves but merely want help to abstain from homosexual sex. Others set out to become fully-fledged heterosexuals. ******* Andrew Verissimo, director of ex-gay group Exodus, says he was a homosexual for a decade before he married and fathered a child. ******* "I grew up in a Christian home and got involved in the lifestyle as a bit of a rebellion and, when I was trying to give up all these things I'd grown up with, there was this little voice inside me that knew that this was not right." ******* As well as the conflict with his Christian upbringing, Verissimo says most of the gay relationships he observed were superficial and fleeting. "I looked around the people I was involved with and I didn't see a lot of happiness there." ******* Verissimo believes that no one is entirely gay or entirely straight. Instead, sexuality exists on a continuum and it is possible for people to move along it in either direction. ******* "I definitely believe that people can change totally," he says, "Sexuality is fluid and I believe people can move along the spectrum from almost exclusively homosexual to almost exclusively heterosexual." ******* Jacqui Wyles' journey along that spectrum has not always been smooth. She was living as a lesbian and driving a bus in Wellington in December 1980 when she had a "supernatural experience". "I was driving down the Brooklyn hill and the most amazing presence of God came into the bus. He showed me parts of the Bible ... and I felt completely forgiven." ******* Although Wyles immediately cut ties with the gay community and became a Christian she has "fallen" three times since joining the church-once with a man and twice with women. For a long time, she saw herself as an "abstaining lesbian" but she now feels straight. ******* Perhaps one of the most disorienting things for ex-gays is that when they "came out" 20 or 30 years ago they were flouting social norms and now they claim to be straight they find themselves in a deeply unfashionable position again. ******* "I know the gays are angry at people who say they can change. They will say 'oh you were never a lesbian' or 'you're denying it' but I think I can choose, just like an alcoholic can choose to go back to drink. But it's not like I'm fighting it. I've got so far along now that I don't feel like a lesbian any more. I just keep on praying and choosing to be a heterosexual." ******* Now, Wyles who dresses in soft, feminine shirts and wears makeup, is ready for a husband. "I'm trusting that God will bring the right one to me. Until recently I've been doubtful that I could be a good wife but I'm OK about it now." ******* And although most ex-gays are Christian, for some that was only part of the problem and part of the cure. ******* Hastings man Aaron Ure, 42, was a gay transexual before he met his wife, Lois, 17 years ago and fathered four children. "I believe I had a conversion of sorts," he says, "My change of lifestyle was never based on my religious preference. It was based on the fact that people loved and supported me." ******* Ure says he always felt different growing up. When he played rugby Ure wasn't focused on the scoreline. ******* "I liked the fact that I got to hang on to other guys but I didn't want to be thrown on the ground and stood on." ******* By the age of 14 he was an "active" homosexual and by 16 he was dressing as a woman. At 18 he started hormone therapy to give him a feminine appearance. ******* But it did not last. "By my 20s it just wasn't working," he says. "The whole emphasis for me was not on sex but on being loved and held and supported by a male ... the casual sex bothered me. There was nothing lasting or permanent in the lifestyle." *******Two women invited Ure to their church meeting in Hamilton and although> he initially thought they were "weird" he was won over by the non-judgemental nature of the people he met through the church. ******* "By that time I was out of drag but I still liked my silk tracksuit," he laughs. "It was quite obvious who and what I was and they still wanted to spend time with me." ******* Crucially, Ure says, he formed relationships with men in the church that were warm and loving but without being complicated by sex. When he met Lois, Ure says the attraction to her was immediate, but not sexual. "I met her and I thought 'this lady is kind of nice.'She was a very, very big woman but she had a real sweetness in her heart.There was no sexual attraction for either of us but over the next few years we began to develop a companionship." ******* Four years later, they were engaged. Before they got married, Ure had a double masectomy to remove his breasts. However, both faced resistance from family and friends who opposed the union. ******* "I had to go through a process with my family saying I was gay and just needed to accept it," he says. "They said 'this won't work. You're only marrying her because she's the next best thing to a man'." ******* Since his Christian faith forbids sex before marriage Ure had no idea whether he would be able to perform sexually. "I had to say to my wife 'what happens if we get into bed and I feel sick'?" And while he does not pretend it has always been easy, Ure says they have a healthy sexual relationship. They have four children aged between 16 and six. "When we're not tired, we're active. But we both have jobs and teenagers with big ears," he says with a belly laugh. Besides, he says, he places less value on sex and more on physical affection. ******* Although he has had the opportunity more than once, he has not had sex with a man for more than 20 years. "I could have stuffed this up at any time but I choose not to because when I look at what I've got in comparision with what (gay life) offers there's no contest. I've got a faith life, I've got a woman that loves me, I've got children who love me and I've got peace of mind." ******* But what does he say to gay lobbyists who will, inevitably, suggest that he is suppressing his natural sexual feelings? ******* "The only thing I would say to the gay entourage is that life is a series of choices. Some of them are very hard choices but they are choices nonetheless. I choose to live this lifestyle." _____________________ (New Zealand) Sunday Star-Times (c) 2003 Sunday, November 2, 2003 ******* THE CHURCH AND GAY CLERGY. ******* Once gay, not always gay ******* IN RESPONSE to to the article on Deborah Gordon, the lesbian who is applying to be ordained as a Presbyterian minister, yes, I agree, to be in the closet would be lying. ******* I was out of the closet as a gay for a few years. It wasn't easy to be out then but I didn't care. Now the tide has turned. It's fashionable to be a poster girl for a pro-gay cause. ******* I'm now ex-gay. Often I'm out of the closet about that. That's not always popular. If I stay silent, others who want to change won't know you can. Once gay, not always gay. Thank you, Jesus. ******* Jacqui Wyles ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays, Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* phone 703-360-2225 ******* pfox_exgays@hotmail.com ******* www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: ******* PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 19 LARRY HOUSTON ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Sat, 7 Feb 2004 ******* The Boston Phoenix, Issue Date: February 6 - 12, 2004 ******* Straight talk ******* Meet Larry Houston. He’s an ‘ex-gay’ who says homosexuality is a choice. ******* BY KRISTEN LOMBARDI ******* HOMOSEXUALS CHOOSE to be gay. If they wanted, they could be straight. Therefore, they don’t constitute a class of people in need of court rulings or legislative action protecting their rights or relationships. That’s what Larry Houston, a Somerville resident who describes himself as a "former homosexual," tells Massachusetts representatives and senators during weekly visits to the State House, at which he urges them to back an amendment to the state constitution barring any legal recognition of same-sex relationships. ******* Since last fall — when the legislature was first scheduled to consider the amendment at a constitutional convention that was eventually postponed to February 11 — Houston has spent at least one day a week paying visits to Beacon Hill lawmakers to tell them his story: he once engaged in homosexual acts, but not anymore. He once identified as homosexual, but now, he no longer believes what he calls "the lie of homosexuality" — i.e., that he was born gay. ******* Houston learned the advocacy ropes by tagging along with the Massachusetts Family Institute (MFI), one of the most active groups opposed to civil-marriage rights for same-sex couples in the state. When Houston heard through what he terms the "ex-gay grapevine" that MFI had enlisted former homosexuals from Florida to testify at an April 2003 hearing on the constitutional amendment, he called the organization to join the cause. By September, he was accompanying MFI lobbyist Evelyn Reilly on sessions with legislators, during which he served as "living testimony" to the "fact" that sexual orientation can change. ******* Two months later, Houston branched out on his own because the MFI sessions conflicted with his work schedule. Now he visits the State House solo, talking to any legislator or legislative aide who will listen. He carries a briefcase stuffed with papers to leave in legislators’ mailboxes and offices — copies of his essays on homosexuality, which say it’s "detrimental to many of those individuals who pursue it and to the society as a whole," as well as articles from the Boston Globe (I WAS INFECTED NEEDLESSLY), the New York Times (GAYS RESPOND: ‘I DO,’ ‘I MIGHT’ AND ‘I WON’T’), and the Washington Post (PARTWAY GAY? FOR SOME TEEN GIRLS, SEXUAL PREFERENCE IS A SHIFTING CONCEPT). Every week, he prints dozens of pages of documentation on a broken laser printer, painstakingly feeding pages into the machine by hand. It can take him eight hours to print 200 copies — one for each legislator. But he does it anyway to ensure that House and Senate members have "some background" while weighing the gay-marriage issue. He’s become such a familiar face that aides often call out "Hi, Larry" when passing him in the halls, or "Take it easy, Larry" when accepting his materials. By now, he’s known to many at the State House as "that former homosexual" — a notoriety he embraces. As he readily admits, "I’m the token ex-gay guy in this debate. I don’t mind." ******* He doesn’t mind, that is, as long as people are listening. ******* THE MODERN "ex-gay" movement dates back to 1973, with the founding of Love in Action, the first ministry to seek to "cure" people of homosexuality. Three years later, it was joined by Exodus International, a Christian organization promoting "freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ," which now claims more than 135 ministries in 17 countries. Other prominent groups include the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, and Homosexuals Anonymous, which offers a 14-step program to become straight. ******* For years, these ministries operated below the radar of public consciousness, including that of gay-rights organizations. But all that changed on July 13, 1998, when a full-page ad appeared in the New York Times. The ad — featuring Anne Paulk, billed as a wife, mother, and former lesbian — claimed that homosexuals can go hetero by accepting Jesus Christ. Similar ads in USA Today and the Washington Post captured additional media attention. ******* Today, now that the movement is more visible, it has become an object of open derision among gay activists. This is partly because of its close ties to right-wing organizations like the Family Research Council, Concerned Women of America, and Focus on the Family — many of the same national groups pouring money into Massachusetts to fight civil-marriage rights for same-sex couples. And it’s partly because of the hypocrisy among some of the movement’s leaders. In 1978, the two Exodus founders, Gary Cooper and Michael Bussee, left the effort (and their wives) after they fell in love. In the early ’90s, they took to the talk-show circuit to blast ex-gay ministries as a "fraud." The most famous fall from grace involved John Paulk — the husband of poster girl Anne — who headed the ex-gay ministry Focus on the Family (FOF) and promoted his own blissful marriage in the pages of major news outlets. In September 2000, while he was traveling on the FOF-sponsored Love Won Out tour, Paulk got caught in a Washington, DC, gay bar called Mr. P’s by gay-rights activist and author Wayne Besen, who photographed Paulk running down the street. ******* Despite these high-profile embarrassments, the movement keeps going. Its basic premise holds that sexual orientation is not an immutable characteristic, like race or gender, and therefore doesn’t warrant legal protection. The idea that heterosexuality is a choice might strike the straight people reading this as bizarre — chances are you never consciously decided to lust after the opposite sex. Not surprisingly, the notion that homosexuality is a choice has met with scorn from gay-rights groups. Says Jason Cianciotto, a policy analyst at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF), in New York, "That anybody would choose to be gay in light of all the evidence showing how difficult it is to be gay in America is preposterous." That someone would choose to be called a "fag," to get beat up in school, or to be kicked out of their parents’ homes defies common sense. He adds, "Basic logic demands the question ‘How could you possibly say that?’" ******* But Larry Houston doesn’t hesitate to answer. People may not be able to control their attractions to those of the same sex, he says, but they can choose whether or not to follow up on those attractions. "You may have attractions. Your choice is, ‘Do I act on them?’" Besides, he points out, "Science has not proven that homosexuality is genetic." ******* It’s clear from interviews with Houston that he believes what he says. He comes across as sincere, up-front, willing to answer anything. He may even reveal too much. Talking about his homosexual trysts, he says he’s "thankful" he didn’t have many because "there’s pleasure in it." He continues, "The more you have, the more you want to repeat them.... I didn’t have many, so I don’t have many tapes to replay in my mind." ******* He’s also pleasant and affable — indeed, he doesn’t like the "antagonistic" rhetoric of some fellow anti-gay-rights activists. All of which makes him a compelling figure. ******* HOUSTON IS sitting at a table outside the State House cafeteria, counting a stack of papers he plans to distribute to legislators. It’s just two weeks before House and Senate members will convene for the February 11 constitutional convention. "Did you see this?" Houston asks me. He shows me the January 20 front page of the Globe’s Living section, which is dominated by a photograph of two teenage boys, their faces pressed together, their arms wrapped around each other. The headline reads HOPE FOR THE FUTURE. Beneath the photo is an article describing how the 16- and 17-year-old boys — like many young gay and lesbian pairs — are looking forward to their wedding now that the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court has ruled that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry. Houston tells me the piece made him cry. ******* "There’s not one word of concern," he says. "Not one word of warning about the consequences of homosexual behavior. Not one word of caution about 16-year-olds making wedding plans.... This [article] sends a message to 12- and 13-year-olds. If you think you’re gay, try it out." ******* To counter this "journal activism," as he calls it, Houston has written his own essay on homosexuality and adolescence for legislators that blasts "the homosexual advocates’ ‘adult motivations’ for gaining public sympathy for legalization of same-sex unions, with little regard for adolescents." He spent five days researching and writing the six-page handout, which is replete with quotes from studies about homosexual behavior among youths. As Houston walks through the labyrinthine corridors of the State House, he exudes quiet determination. At 46, he is lean and rangy, with an elongated face and giant, square-framed glasses. He dresses in casual, yet conservative clothes — khaki pants, short-sleeved shirts, dark-colored ties. He has a genial, open demeanor. And when he enters legislators’ offices, he takes a deferential approach. He quietly slips materials into mailboxes; he cordially asks for a few minutes of attention. His politeness tends to conciliate people, who offer him wide smiles, hearty "Good mornings," even the occasional "How’s it going, Larry?" ******* On this Tuesday, Houston visits 15 legislators’ offices that make up his list of "regulars." They include such politically diverse representatives as Shrewsbury Republican Karyn Polito and Boston Democrat Marie St. Fleur. Although Houston has met most of the 15 legislators once — and has refrained from asking their positions on gay marriage and the constitutional amendment — he tries to influence them by wooing their top aides. After four months of office calls, he enjoys a rapport with many of them. As he describes it, "Would you write off someone who visits your office every week?" ******* Typically, these visits are amiable and short. At the office of Senator Brian Lees, the East Longmeadow Republican and Senate minority leader who moved to adjourn the July 2002 constitutional convention before it could consider an anti-gay amendment, Houston greets aide Daniel Conley with a handshake before launching into his complaints about the January 20 Globe article. He then offers his handout and emphasizes some key points — "A lot of teens try same-sex sexual activity, but grow out of it." Through it all, Conley, a tall, friendly man, says little. At one point, he tells Houston that he’ll put the materials in "the red book," a 50-plus-page folder of essays on homosexuality that Houston delivered to House and Senate leaders last fall. ******* The conversation lasts no more than three minutes, and it’s replayed nearly verbatim with most of the five aides whom Houston sees today. But every so often, he gets to debate. Dan Sullivan, the aide for Representative David Flynn, a Bridgewater Democrat and House dean, leans against his desk as he listens to Houston complain about the Globe article. When Houston bemoans the article’s "wrong message" and asserts that homosexuality is "about behavior, not identity," Sullivan interjects, "I think the jury is still out on that." "No studies so far have shown that there is a gay gene," Houston responds. ******* "Until that’s determined," Sullivan suggests, "we have to deal with the fact that gay people are treated differently. That’s one reason people in this building are having this discussion about gay marriage." Sullivan then launches into a 10-minute monologue, during which he tells Houston that his boss Flynn "is supporting civil unions," but not gay marriage. "The representative is trying to meet both sides halfway," Sullivan says. "He’s trying to appease the gay community and not discriminate, yet he also understands concerns from religious groups." ******* As Sullivan continues — touching upon the "stacks of e-mails virulently against the SJC decision" that Flynn’s office has received — Houston jiggles coins in his pocket. He taps his foot on the floor. Eventually, he makes a statement. The only reason, he argues, that Massachusetts has to discuss same-sex marriage is "because gay advocates are pushing for something." He adds, "But who is asking? It’s a group of people defined by their behavior. This is not about rights." ******* "Still," Sullivan counters, "it’s difficult to have a homosexual couple come in to the representative’s office and for me to say, ‘I don’t believe that you’re equal.’" ******* The exchange goes on like this, back and forth, in circles, for 45 minutes. Finally, Sullivan likens the issue of gay marriage to that of abortion: "This whole debate has no real answers," he says. "It will rage on for a long time, regardless of what this legislature does." He then shakes Houston’s hand and thanks him for his "hard work." ******* "I’ll see you next week," Houston calls back. As he walks away, he marvels at how long the exchange has lasted. When I point out that it doesn’t appear Flynn is sympathetic to his ultimate message, he shrugs and says, "I’m taking a page from the gay advocates’ playbook. It’s about education." ******* HOUSTON LIKES to say that there’s "much more to Larry than the former homosexual," and he’s right. Six days a week, he works as a cook at a Harvard University dining hall. He spends three months of each year in the Ukraine, where he teaches English to high-school kids for free. These days, he has achieved what he would consider a normal, successful life. He’s gained enough respect at Harvard that his co-workers elected him union shop steward, which carries managerial responsibility. In the Ukraine, he’s gained the love and affection of a middle-aged nurse, Angela, whom Houston says he’s "not going to pass up." He explains, "Angela is an attractive woman and has good character traits." Asked what that means exactly, he has a hard time articulating his response. "People talk about an ‘inner beauty,’" he says, "and she has that." He also stresses that others think she’s great. "My friends say she is a great catch. They were all very impressed." ******* Still, Houston’s "struggle with homosexuality" has colored much of his life. Born the oldest boy (along with his twin brother) of seven children, he grew up on a grain-and-livestock farm in Chapin, Illinois, a town of just 500. As a kid, he and his siblings attended Sunday school at a local Lutheran church. His parents, however, weren’t especially devout. By the time he entered junior high, the family had abandoned religion altogether. ******* Houston says his parents quit "doing stuff as a unit" around then, too. His late father was an alcoholic. At night, he left the family behind and headed to Jacksonville — the area’s big-city equivalent — where he indulged in booze and women. His late mother maintained a steady stoicism despite his father’s extramarital affairs. "She never said anything bad about my father," Houston says. But even as a child, he confides, "I knew I wanted something better for my mother — and myself." ******* By age 10, his relationship with his father had become so strained that Houston made a promise to himself: "I swore I was not going to be like that man." His resentment only worsened over time — with each football game, school play, and band concert that his father missed. Looking back on his childhood, Houston blames his "homosexual problem" on this troubled relationship with his dad. He believes his rejection of the person who was supposed to be a "role model" — to teach him how to be a man and husband — caused his gay Behavior. "My father was absent," he explains, so he had an acute need for "male intimacy." ******* Houston discovered that he could meet this need at 13, when he began experimenting sexually with boys. Specifically, he engaged in "mutual masturbation" with his twin brother, Jerry. This eventually stopped, but not before Houston questioned his sexuality. "It planted a seed in me," he recollects. "I thought, ‘I’m a homosexual because of this behavior.’" ******* Even then, he says he knew that homosexuality was "wrong," so he refrained from what he describes as "same-sex physical sex acts" in high school. But that changed once he arrived at the University of Illinois, where he studied agriculture. "I had anonymous sex encounters with men," he says. Sometimes, he masturbated with men in bathrooms. Other times, he had "sexual encounters" in YMCAs. All told, Houston had "six, seven, or eight" such experiences. When he talks about them today, he suggests that he had simply seized an opportunity. "If there was an opportunity and I gave in, well, that’s that," he says. "I never initiated anything. I let my emotions get in the way." ******* In the 1970s, while Houston was having sex with other men at school, the gay-rights movement was surfacing on the Illinois campus. He can remember articles about "gay pride," pictures of men "putting on makeup." It didn’t seem to fit him. "I was never part of the homosexual lifestyle," he says. He even dated his only girlfriend, Renée, but the relationship fizzled because "I could not express my love and be intimate both verbally and physically." He says he "failed to take the risks as a male to relate to a female" because he didn’t want to open himself up to vulnerability. ******* What he did open himself up to was "a relationship with God." As soon as Houston had learned to drive, he returned to the Chapin Community Church — the only one among his siblings to do so. After several years of farm labor, he began working at Christian institutions. He bounced from a Christian boarding school for troubled teens in Wisconsin (where he learned to cook) to two Christian day camps for children in California. ******* By age 31, he had traveled to the Associated Free Lutheran Bible School, in Minneapolis, where his life took a dramatic turn. After two years at the school, Houston was encouraged to apply to the three-year seminary. Although he "didn’t feel called to be a parish priest," the seminary accepted him. "I love Jesus," he says, "so I went." He became one of five seminarians in the class of 1993. But when he was only one semester short of graduation, a fellow classmate turned him in for what Houston will describe only as "anonymous same-sex behavior" that had taken place two years earlier. He was kicked out, stripped of his chance to receive a theology degree. "I was angry," he says. "I had said that I didn’t feel called to be a parish priest. Now you know why." ******* The night he was expelled from the seminary, Houston turned to his friends for comfort, and his conversations changed the course of his life. When he called the first one, he says his friend replied, "Larry, I know you have a problem. But you’re not a homosexual." When he called the second, he heard the same thing. Ditto for three others. All told, five people responded to Houston’s news of expulsion in the same way, word for word. "I took it as a sign." Indeed, it dawned on him that "I had a problem with homosexual behaviors," but that he could change those behaviors. He explains, "I gained a new point of reference — it’s not who one is, it’s what one does." ******* Houston stayed in Minneapolis, cooking at a hospital and hotel. All the while, he subscribed to the newsletter of Exodus, the ex-gay group. He spotted a "prayer request" seeking a volunteer to start a ministry in Boston, and it got him thinking. "I told God I was open to moving to Boston," he says. He had two "conditions": first, he had to get a job cooking at Harvard, whose prestigious reputation appealed to him; second, he had to meet people in his new home who were not like him — "people who aren’t broken," he says, his voice cracking. "I did not want to live in the ex-gay ghetto. I wanted to surround myself by people who aren’t struggling in the same way." So in January 2000, with no job or housing lined up, he boarded a plane for Massachusetts. ******* AS THE SOLE "former homosexual" in the Bay State who speaks out on the Hill, Houston inspires mixed emotions. To his detractors, he’s a spectacle trotted out by right-wing groups to dupe those unfamiliar with homosexuality into thinking that gay folks don’t deserve equal rights. To his supporters, he’s a brave man bucking the trend toward anonymity among the ex-gay population. Most former homosexuals steer clear of the political arena because they feel embarrassed or ashamed about their pasts, supporters say. Or they’re ridiculed for believing they can change. The MFI’s Reilly says it "takes a lot of courage for people like Larry" to discuss their lives. "It takes courage to talk to strangers about a personal experience that might make people feel awkward. It takes even more courage when the other side claims you don’t exist." ******* Regina Griggs, the director of Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays, who recruited Houston to lobby with her organization on Capitol Hill last year, puts it more succinctly: "It takes inner strength to do what he’s doing." ******* For gay-rights advocates, however, Houston arouses more ambivalence than admiration. Some, like Arline Isaacson, the co-chair of the Massachusetts Gay and Lesbian Political Caucus (MGLPC), find him and the entire ex-gay movement "bizarre." After all, she doesn’t go around telling legislators that she’s an ex-heterosexual, even though she used to consider herself straight. Besides, Isaacson adds, "It’s one thing to be ex-gay. But it’s another thing altogether to try to prevent a group of people from having benefits they deserve." Others say they feel sorry for Houston, whom they regard as a "wandering soul," uncomfortable with his sexuality, period. Still others believe he’s sincere. Explains the NGLTF’s Cianciotto, who underwent three years of "conversion therapy" as a teen in an attempt to will away his homosexual tendencies, "I think that every ex-gay spokesperson firmly believes that he or she is a heterosexual. But it’s because they want with all their hearts to be heterosexual in a society that shuns homosexuality." ******* Like Cianciotto, many view the handful of former homosexuals who’ve spoken out on gay issues nationally as pawns in someone else’s game. Same goes for Bay State advocates who’ve witnessed Houston in action. One State House insider who supports same-sex marriage sums up the sentiment: "MFI is using him. It’s all part of this they-can-change message to the public." ******* Houston, for his part, dismisses such a notion. Since he contacted MFI last September, he’s visited only "a small number" of legislators with Reilly — all voluntarily, without pay. If anything, he says, MFI has failed to take advantage of him. "How often do you hear MFI making reference to me?" he asks. "Is MFI ‘parading’ me out in the press conferences and rallies that it holds?" To paint him as a pawn of the organization, he insists, "is not accurate." ******* Clearly, Houston has his own motivations for activism. And if there’s one thing on which his friends and foes agree, it’s this: he’s having an effect at the State House. Though some legislators look upon him as a joke — as someone who lives in denial about his suppressed homosexuality — many who have met him over the past five months respond differently. According to Reilly, legislators who had assumed that sexual orientation is immutable react with "surprise" when introduced to Houston, "a living witness to the opposite." As a result, she claims, "a number of legislators have reconsidered their former conviction that homosexuality is inbred." She insists, "Larry is being taken seriously" up on the Hill. ******* Gay-rights advocates don’t discount his message either. "It can be an effective lobbying tool for the other side," the MGLPC’s Isaacson says. Houston’s story of struggle pushes buttons in straight people, causing them to wonder about gay folk. Is homosexuality inbred? Or is it just sexual license? When it comes to the volatile issue of gay marriage, such questions help shore up barriers that gay activists have long worked to break down. Says Isaacson, "There is plenty of fertile ground for that message in the legislature." ******* You might expect that to please Houston. But it seems that convincing legislators to vote his way isn’t his top priority. Already, he assumes the majority of Bay State politicians reject same-sex marriage, but embrace civil unions — a reality that he doesn’t expect to alter significantly. What matters more to Houston is sharing his perspective and, in doing so, encouraging other ex-gays to come forward. After all, he says, "Isn’t what I’m doing offering hope and encouragement to even one person?" ******* Call him a man on a mission. As he likes to tell those who wonder about his fight: "I have this friend, his name is Jesus, and he’s asked for my help." ### PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 703-360-2225 pfox_exgays@hotmail.com www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 20 FORMER HOMOSEXUAL TESTIFIES FOR U.S. CONGRESS ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Subject: PFOX Press Release ******* Date: Fri, 30 Jan 2004 ******* NEWS RELEASE ******* Contact: Regina Griggs at 703-360-2225 ******* www.pfox.org ex-gays@earthlink.net ******* WASHINGTON DC -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX) congratulates Mike Haley, a former homosexual and Manager of Gender Issues at Focus on the Family (Focus), on his testimony before a congressional subcommittee addressing faith-based organizations. Mr. Haley coordinates Love Won Out conferences, which present information on the causes and prevention of homosexuality and are sponsored by Focus, a non-profit Christian organization. Love Won Out travels to the nation’s largest cities speaking with a life-changing message to tens of thousands of people. PFOX is a national grassroots organization that supports families affected by homosexuality and advocates for equal rights for the ex-gay community. ******* The House of Representative’s Government Reform Subcommittee on Criminal Justice, Drug Policy, and Human Resources held a hearing on January 23 to determine what qualities and practices make faith-based organizations effective and unique providers of social services. Although Focus does not accept federal funds, Mike Haley explained to the subcommittee that he offers a unique insight into the causes and recovery of the homosexual condition because he lived as a gay activist for 12 years. ******* “As the mother of a son in the homosexual lifestyle, I am pleased to see that testimony on sexual orientation from an ex-gay perspective is being presented to Congress,” said Regina Griggs, PFOX Executive Director. “Our PFOX family members support the right of homosexuals to choose change. This choice must be respected by everyone. The irrational phobia against those who have overcome unwanted same sex attractions perpetuates misunderstanding and harm against the ex-gay community. It also demonstrates a disregard for diversity and a refusal to respect a basic human right to dignity and self-determination.” ******* Gender-affirming therapy is advocated by the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, a scientific organization of medical professionals who practice sexual reorientation therapy. Dr. Raymond Fowler, CEO of the American Psychological Association (APA) and Dr. Ronald Perloff, prior APA president, agree that gender-affirming therapy should be available to those who wish to explore developing heterosexual feelings or behavior as part of every client's right to self-determination. A Columbia University study of former homosexuals by Dr. Robert Spitzer showed that same-sex attractions may be overcome. ******* Ironically, Dr. Spitzer is the psychiatrist who initiated the removal of homosexuality from the psychiatric diagnostic manual in 1973. ******* Explained Griggs, “Other groups insist that parents love their children only on the condition that parents affirm the child's homosexual lifestyle. PFOX believes that parents should love their children unconditionally and without any stipulations. We must respect the dignity of all people, gay or ex-gay.” ******************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 21 FROM AN EX-GAY JEWISH FATHER ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Tue, 24 Feb 2004 00:12:01 +0000 ******* THE JOCK ******* He plays basketball and soccer with confidence and effortless grace, always looking for a pick-up game. He often joins games with bigger guys than him, and earns their respect by skill, hustle, and focus. ******* He's not afraid to push forward on offense, asserting himself against the man who's covering him - and doggedly in-your-face on defense. He argues the fouls and fine points without a shred of shame, weakness, or waffling. ******* Both men and women find his directness, vigor, and open smile disarming. He's received some hand-knitted sweaters from admirers, and appreciates fine things - but when a game or adventure is on, he is oblivious to mud, thorns, gravel, or minor scrapes, and the sweater winds up on a bush beside the playing field, his body and breath radiating warmth. ******* Somehow the dirt and sweat look good on his muscular frame. The smile that gives way in a moment to sharp focus, the dirty blond hair that catches the sun, the power and grace of the limbs... ******* He's eight years old. ******* He's my son. ******* Believe me, I don't have to fake the look of awed, jubilant adoration when I see him play. He is a miracle to me. ******* I never was or will be a jock. And I don't have to be, for him. I just have to be there, his dad. I know how basketball is played, and have learned enough to follow soccer. I photograph. I shout. ******* He runs over to me, gives me a hug. ******* This is my Dad. ******* Then he is back in the game. ******* I am here, on a midweek afternoon, with the handful of fathers who had the sense to realize that work is just work. There is a spiritual calculus that transforms need and lack into giving and power. This is how it works: these playing fields have painful, shameful, fatherless memories for me. Because of what I went through, I make the time to be here. Straw and thorns are thus spun into gold. ******* I do not have to be a super jock. He has a very good coach. I am not the tallest, most muscular father, nor do I have the fanciest camera. I have only to be his Dad. To look at him like he's a miracle, the best - not a hard assignment... ******* Everyone dealing with homosexual attractions can achieve this - especially the younger guys. Each of you can become a loving, and loved, husband and father. ******* This does not belong to some unattainable, perfectly imagined future - I was hitting video booths for weeks after this kid's birth and circumcision, when my old insecurities bubbled up. During his childhood I have gone on the internet, flirted with men at health clubs, cruised during business trips. I have not always been there for this kid - and the others - as I would like. But in the sum total, in the aggregate, success happens. In messy, unsatisfyingly incomplete steps and painful patches of inconsistency. ******* That's how you, too, will get there. ******* Example: shutting off the computer and going to my son's ball game was one small action, acting on my deepest truth. Healing is made up of many of these small moments of integrity, of being true to yourself. Houses, homes are sticks held together by nails. Each integrity choice is a nail, building your soul's new home - and sealing doors from which foul winds blow. ******* Everyone struggling with same-sex attractions can attain this. Every one of us can transform need and lack into the power to give, into positive resolve. Everyone of us can become a lover of others, have a family and community to love. ******* David ******* Find out more about the Ex-gay Jewish community at www.jonahweb.org ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays ******* Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* phone 703-360-2225 ******* email pfox_exgays@hotmail.com ******* web site www.pfox.org **************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 22 TWO EX-GAY STORIES ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2004 21:53:01 +0000 ******* item 22a FIRST EX-GAY STORY ******* I am a woman who divorced my husband because I didn't want to hurt him if I had another affair with a woman. I determined "I was just gay and needed to be honest about that before God and myself" so I divorced. ******* He didn't want the divorce and deep down I really didn't want it either, I just couldn't help myself. I didn't allow God to help me either. I went to counseling with my husband for about 1 1/2 months and then left. This is such a difficult thing. Unless you've really lived it, I'm not sure you can fully understand, so others view it from the perspective that it is sin. ******* I don't consider it to be similar to something like pornography because one doesn't identify themselves in terms of a "pornographer," but w/homosexuality the big lie is it becomes "who you are". You accept the statement "I'm gay, and that's just a part of who I am". That's why it is so important in the healing process to study who you are, who God sees you to be. ******* I used to say, yes I'm gay but I'm Christian first and being gay is only a part of me. I attended an "open and affirming United Methodist church" that accepted my partner, myself, and my family with open arms. We served as Sunday school teachers, trustees, sang in the choir and on the worship team. So, what made me change from gay to straight? ******* Well, my partner had tried to have insemination but found she was in early menopause at age 28. After the trauma of that, we decided to adopt a boy from Guatemala. About 3 months prior to his arrival, she told me she was emotionally connected more to a friend of ours than to me, and the rest is history. ******* But I was having thoughts of “something is missing in the relationship” for about a year prior to that, and found myself missing men in general, not necessarily sexually, but rather a male perspective and such. ******* I was so distraught over hurting my husband and children from the divorce that I made a vow to the Lord never to leave anyone again, which is the main reason I didn't say anything to my lesbian partner. You see I had determined that I would live out my commitment to my partner regardless of how I felt. (Too bad I didn't do that in my vows in marriage, I guess I viewed this as a "second chance"). I was weak and a coward now that I look back. ******* My daughter at age 13 experienced a time of wanting to dress "trashy" so my partner and I sat her down and said we knew she wasn't gay and didn't like the fact that we were, but she didn't have to go the opposite direction with her dressing style and that we would not allow it. She did change somewhat her clothing style after that conversation. Then when my partner left, my daughter had a summer female relationship and was quite open about it. But at the close of summer she "fell in love" with a young man. She then felt horrible that she ever had the relationship with the woman who was six years older than she (much to my dismay), and quite embarrassed. She told me she thought it was wrong. ******* At that time I was talking to her and saying I knew she grew up in an openly gay home, but that I was trying to change. I told her I had no right to ask her not to pursue this life but that it would probably be filled with pain. I also told her I was there for her and would be there to talk to her and that this was a time in her life that she needed to learn to make decisions based on what she knew about God and what we had taught her through the years. She is still with that young man three years later and they plan to marry when she is finished with college. ******* My son used to call my partner his stepmother when he was younger but at around age 10 was more embarrassed with friends as to "who" she was to him. He doesn't want me to find a woman but a man to be with, and my daughter kind of goes back and forth. She just wants me to be happy and find someone to take care of me. (My daughter the social worker!) She asked me the other night, "So are you gay today or what?" I had to laugh and say "it didn't quite work that way." Then she added you need to pick one and just do it... Ah from the mouths of children? ******* Anyhow, they are both really good kids. My son is living w/his dad in the next town over because I wanted him to be with a male, namely his dad during adolescence, and to be in a larger family as he has two younger brothers and a stepmom. I am friends with my children's dad and wife, and we often get together. God has been merciful there, but when we divorced we determined not to put the kids in the middle and to try to be friendly. It's interesting that I have a better relationship w/my ex-husband and no contact w/my former partner and her child. ****** Stephanie _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ******* item 22b SECOND EX-GAY STORY ******* As an ex-gay man, I feel that the homosexual lifestyle itself is the biggest reason to change. It is the WORST lifestyle a person could ever lead. It is said, among the most experienced homosexuals, that those who are better adjusted are the ones who abandon all hope of having a life-partner, and instead settle for all they can realistically achieve: anonymous sexual encounters. Do we realize what that means? ******* The gay lifestyle reduces, on average, a person’s lifespan by more than 20 years. Even when corrected for AIDS, it is still alarming how much a person’s lifespan is reduced. ******* Study after study after study confirms the terrible levels of depression, suicide, drug abuse, and STDs prevalent in the lifestyle. And let's not even go into the bitchiness and childishness so prevalent in the gay subculture. ******* Even if one fools oneself into believing that one can avoid the depression, suicide, drug abuse, and STDs - one cannot avoid watching your friends suffer and die from such things all around you. Of course, when I say friends I should say "friends". They are only your "friends" so long as they can get what they want from you. ******* Because the gay world is like a meat market - you are only worth what you possess. Once you get really old (like, 30) you're not wanted anymore. And a the life of a fat guy, a disabled guy, or a guy with a small _____, is worth a lot less than a thin, fit, and large guy. Your personality and your personal happiness are secondary to your physical appearance. How often I have seen two gay guys deeply "in love" separate because they've found someone else fitter, or don't think the other is good-looking anymore. ******* Which brings me to gay "love". It's a myth. It doesn't exist. Anyone with the slightest bit of common sense who is in the gay world can see how often gay men break-up, and how fragile relationships are. They're totally immature. They practically move in after just meeting, and break up when they find someone better. But none of them can see this futile cycle due to their own denial and blindness to the truth that gay "love" is a mere fairytale. Infidelity is the norm in the gay world. The average relationship lasts only a year. ******* If there's one constant thing I've seen in the gay world, it's depression. And it's not caused by "oppression" or "bias" in society. It's caused by the gay "community" itself. It's a sad pathetic lifestyle that damages people. ******* RUN A MILE. Get away from it. Don't touch it. You don't need it. You're worth far more than being sucked in by and used by that selfish world. Pursue therapy, feel better, feel more masculine, have *real* male friends who actually love you for who you are, and not for what you've got that they can take. ******* And change doesn't require a religion. Most of my change took place without one, so it is possible. The strictly psychological therapy books don't include any religious things anyway, so one is free to pursue a strictly medical treatment. ******* Kind regards, ******* Simon ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA USA 22060 ******* phone 703-360-2225 ******* email pfox_exgays@hotmail.com ******* web site www.pfox.org ************************************************************************************************************************ ******* item 23 STAND UP FOR THE TRUTH - by ex-gay Richard Cohen, President of PFOX ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Sun, 2 Jan 2005 ******* Let us all make a determination in 2005 to stand up and share the truth about homosexuality. Let us enlighten our family, friends, neighbors, teachers, pastors, rabbis, priests, and therapists. They won’t know unless we tell them that: No one is born with same-sex attraction and change is possible. ******* Share your personal stories. I know it’s a risk. You risk rejection. But the greater risk is that people continue to live in ignorance and sell out this country to a false paradigm, thus imprisoning the homosexual community into a life of disease and destruction. ******* We can make a difference. Let’s make a goal to share the truth about homosexuality with one person each day, or one person per week. It’s that simple. You and I can make a difference. Please do it for the sake of all those who desire freedom. They are counting on us. ******* www.comingoutstraight.com ************************************************************************************************************************ ******* item 24 MEDIA AND MINISTRY by ex-gay Randy Thomas of Exodus International ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Sun, 2 Jan 2005 ******* At one time, I was fearful of conflict and against speaking into venues that came in direct opposition with the gay-identified community. Each passing year brings deeper revelation that the Gay Elite – past and present leaders of some of the wealthiest organizations in the world – market a bill of goods that keep people trapped in a perpetual “gay” victim mentality, ungrateful for the tolerance they actually experience. Their agenda seeks to alter personal morality and public policy. After reading their materials, one will see that the Gay Elite purposefully manipulate those with same sex attraction in an effort to force them into cognitive dissonance. ******* This manufactured pressure forces people into extremes – completely for or against the gay-identified. Both extremes serve the Gay Elite by empowerment through endorsement or empowering the victim mentality. When I realized the gay activist agenda was a manipulative trap, I went from being a pacifist in the culture war to an activist for Christ. I went back to the closet and found that it never truly existed. Do not be fooled, the Gay Elite bring oppression in the name of being oppressed. True freedom is the person’s right to self-determine their identity and sexual stewardship. ******* Exodus offers informed options to live life beyond homosexuality; to live a life that honors Christ. Our message is clear and we respect self-determination. We do not seek to convert or “cure” but to inform and educate. For over two thousand years, people have chosen whether or not to follow Christ. Like Him, we will continue to love and honor each individual and his or her choice. ******* Silence is not an option if we want to enjoy self-determination and religious expression. These two democratic pillars are also at the foundation of what it means to turn to Christ; we make a free will decision to follow Him and share with others what we have learned. If the Gay Elite will take every opportunity to uphold their version of faith and morality, why are we silent? The time is now. Speak out, stand up and be counted. ******* www.exodus.to ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 703-360-2225 pfox_exgays@hotmail.com www.pfox.org # - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To subscribe to this list of ex-gay news and views, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ************************************************************************************************************************ ******* item 25 PFOX BILLBOARD ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2005 ******* Billboard asserts that homosexuals can change ******* By Jen Hoffman ******* THE WASHINGTON TIMES ******* Published February 2, 2005 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- A national group has posted a billboard in Rockville that says homosexuals can become heterosexuals, a message critics say is misleading and only persecutes homosexuals. ******* The billboard, on Hungerford Drive, states, "Ex-gays prove that change is possible." ******* Next to the message is a photograph of a smiling young man. ******* Officials with the Parents and Friends of ExGays and Gays (PFOX), a nonprofit advocate for the ex-homosexual community, said people can choose to change from a homosexual to a heterosexual orientation. ******* "We believe that no one is born with same-sex attractions," said Richard Cohen, a former homosexual who is the group's president. ******* Homosexual rights activists said the billboard is offensive. ******* "It's an ugly, destructive message that persecutes gay people," said Wayne Besen, a homosexual activist and author of "Anything But Straight." ******* Officials with Equality Maryland, a homosexual rights group, agreed. ******* "If it wasn't so sad that people are spending so much money, energy and time that could be used on something constructive, like dealing with tsunami victims, it would be ludicrous," said Dan Furmansky, the group's executive director. ******* The billboard was put up in mid-January, and PFOX group officials say they will keep it posted for a short period of time because they have limited funds. ******* The sign was funded by families who are involved in the organization's "ex-gay" program, said Regina Griggs, the group's executive director. ******* "We do not have a single organization or church that is funding that billboard," she said. "It's all an independent effort." ******* PFOX has chapters in 18 states and the District. Officials said they chose to display the billboard in Rockville because the city is close to the group's headquarters in Northern Virginia. ******* "We also have about 40 families involved in the program that live in [Montgomery County]," Mrs. Griggs said. "It made perfect sense to put it up here." ******* The Montgomery County Council has not received any telephone calls or letters complaining about the billboard's location or content, said Michael Faden, a staff lawyer for the council. ******* The American Civil Liberties Union said it defends the rights of the PFOX group to display its message. ******* "All speech deserves protection," said Stacey Mink, a spokeswoman for the ACLU's Maryland chapter. ******* Mr. Cohen has been married for 22 years and has three children. ******* "I help people who want to change their sexuality," he said. "Change is possible, and my three kids prove it. So does my happy wife." ******* Melissa Coffey, a ministry associate at Regeneration Ministries, a Christian ministry that provides support to men and women "struggling with homosexuality," said the billboard's message is meant to provide hope. ******* "You're always hearing the other side of the issue -- that it's genetic, that's the way it is," she said. "If you're homosexual and you're happy, we're not gonna come knocking on your door. If you're homosexual and you're unhappy, you have choices. That's hopeful for people who don't have hope." ******* Copyright © 2005 News World Communications, Inc. All rights reserved. ### PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 703-360-2225 pfox_exgays@hotmail.com www.pfox.org ******* #- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To subscribe to this list of ex-gay news and views, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ************************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 26 PAT BOONE HELPS LESBIAN ESCAPE ADDICTION ******* Date: Fri, 2 Jan 2004 ******* From: PFOX ******* Book review: Joy! Correspondence With Pat Boone by Barbara Evans ******* Publisher: Creation House Inc., Carol Stream, IL, 1973 ******* The book “Joy!” is a story of a lesbian’s search for fulfillment by corresponding with the Christian entertainer Pat Boone. The book reprints the letters from Barbara Evans (not her real name) to Pat Boone during her year long journey out of homosexuality: ******* Pat Boone: Like other entertainers who appear on TV, I receive a good bit of fan mail. But I had never read a letter like this one. The writer said she was 27 – and a lesbian. And while she claimed to be “happily married” to her former high school teacher, it was obvious that she was disturbed by her lesbian relationship. She had read my book “A New Song,” in which I related my own story of entrapment by the world, self-concern and the devil – and my escape. ******* While she didn’t say so in so many words, it was obvious that she also felt trapped in her world – and wondered if there was an escape for her! ******* “Can you help me?” she asked. ******* Well, you don’t have to be around the entertainment profession long to discover that it is peopled by quite a few lesbians and homosexuals. So I had my share of contacts with them, many times on a very friendly basis. Now I was being asked by a lesbian for help. What could I do? ******* Psychiatry tries to peel away the layers, painfully, one by one, hoping to get back to the ‘primal scream.’ But Jesus starts on the inside, motivating action, creating a new personality from within. Only God Himself can do that. ******* Barbara: I felt if anyone would know where to seek help, you would. I know I should go to God, but I’m so afraid. It could mean a change in my way of living, and that it could destroy someone else’s life. You see, one of our gay group had some kind of religious experience and now she lives alone. ******* Pat Boone: Barbara, I’m not a preacher, and I’m no great Christian. I’m just a human being who has come to understand a little bit of God’s love and power for us today. I want you to know that I do not judge or condemn you in any way. As you already read in my book, I slipped into all kinds of sin and it nearly wrecked my life. I thought I had good reasons for it, and a lot of it seemed harmless and even very good for me and the other people involved. But gradually, like a cancer, it was destroying everything that was really precious to me and making it impossible for me to function as I was meant by God to function – and therefore robbing me of the only real happiness that there is in this life. ******* It is not your love for your friends that is wrong and destructive; it’s the sensual element woven into it, taking advantage of mutual weaknesses and mutual emotional scars and twisting them into something destructive to you and to your friends. Jesus won’t ask you to give up your love for them; but He will purify it and make it constructive and helpful for their sakes, for yours and for His own sake. ******* Barbara: Well, Pat, I want you to know that when the church service began, I knew there was no way I could turn away. How could I partake of communion with God and return to something I had been totally convinced in my own heart was wrong? It was not possible. Oh, thank God for Christian people like my school chum. ******* Although she could in no way take away the pain of realizing my sinfulness, she put her arm around me as I openly cried during the communion hymn. There was no other way. Thank God that He has been so patient with me. ******* But now, the real difficult part for me to talk about comes. Last night I began thinking all sorts of things about my situation. Why had I been called from a fairly contented life? What am I supposed to do? If God is truly leading me, why can’t I keep control of that feeling of His presence? Then bang! Some of my old physical longings returned – when I had thrown them away. Wow! I started crying uncontrollably and begged God’s forgiveness, as I do even now. ******* Oh Pat, how do you know when your life is completely taken over by the will of God? I love God and want only to serve Him, yet my human nature continues to plague me with these feelings. I am so worthless. I don’t see how God can put up with me or why you even try to counsel me. ******* Pat Boone: Please don’t feel badly simply because you’re tempted! It is not a sin to be tempted! Jesus was tempted with every temptation known to man! This doesn’t mean that it was just laid in front of Him and that He shrugged His shoulders with no emotional feeling about it. It means that many of these wiles and tricks and traps actually appealed to Jesus, and I’m sure in many cases that He longed and yearned to indulge His human appetites—otherwise there would have been no temptation. ******* Barbara: You also mentioned that God’s blessings and strength might be blocked by not forgiving those around us. I’ve been praying that God will help me forgive those who have hurt me in the past. I really feel that He has given me forgiveness, especially for my father. However, I have difficulty in feeling the love for him I think God wants me to have. I’m praying that God will fill me with His love. ******* I had dinner with my parents Sunday. In the course of the conversation, I told my father that I could forgive him for all that had happened when I was a teenager. Of course he didn’t understand completely. Although I feel more love for my parents than in the past, I’m still not as free as I desire to be. It seems especially hard to love my father when I still feel some of the old hurts. I don’t really hold them against him, but it’s hard to love him. ******* Pat Boone: Barbara, I know that you will go through many lonely days and nights and valley experiences between the mountain top highs. We all do. But the Lord does tell us we will never be tempted beyond that which we are able to bear, and that Jesus Himself learned obedience through the things that He suffered. ******* Barbara: Then my father started in on me about this “crazy religion” I’d gotten into – how I wasn’t the same. I had been praying silently in the Spirit, but then I realized I was beginning to react. I excused myself and went to another room. There I prayed for the Lord to take full command of this situation, and I thanked Him for doing so and for the lessons we would learn from it. ******* I heard Gina [my church friend] ask my father if she could pray before we left. At this I began to feel such a tremendous love for my father. It was almost as if someone has lit a fire inside of me. Yet, I felt reluctant to go to him. I did go to my mother. I told her that I loved her whether she loved me or not. I hugged her gently and went back to where I had been standing between Gina and my dad. My father asked my mother if she wanted Gina to pray, and she said yes. ******* Gina’s prayer must have been by the Holy Spirit. It was beautiful! One thing really got through – she thanked God for the wonderful love He had given her for my mother and especially my father. Wow! The fire of love inside me exploded! When she finished, I went to my father, put my arms around him and told him I loved him very much, just as I had told my mother. I told him that the Lord had given me forgiveness in my heart earlier this year, but I still hadn’t been able to love him as I should. When we finally left, I was truly rejoicing – for God had given me love in my heart for my father. The whole situation had been in the Lord’s hands. ******* In thinking about this situation now, I feel that one reason I had difficulty accepting the love which God has for me was because I did not have a good father image. It was a fear image rather than a love image. Isn’t it beautiful that when I accepted God’s love and verbally acknowledged it that God bathed me in a wonderful flow of love which allowed me to love my father for the first time I can remember since I was a small child? Praise our wonderful Lord and Savior. ******* Pat Boone: I could never hope to match that last letter of yours, and I won’t even try. Janet [secretary] and I had both been wondering why we hadn’t heard from you in so long, but now we know. Boy, do we know! ******* Barbara: Tuesday was another beautiful day. I felt that I wanted to call on my former lover. I had some money which I still owed her, and I wanted to take it to her in person. Before leaving I asked if I could pray. She said I could if I wished to. So, I prayed for her and then hugged her. It was a hug in the purity of God’s wonderful love! Hallelujah! I’m really free! ******* Pat, do you remember that in your first letter you said God would purify my love for my roommate? Then Gina’s message for me was that God wanted to purify me in His love. For the first time in ten years I was able to hug the one whom I had loved in the flesh in the purity of God’s love. Praise the Almighty and Everlasting God! ******* Through counseling and being willing to let pride go by the wayside, the Lord has revealed areas of my life that I had not even remembered! Praise His Name! ******* Note: This 1973 book is out of print. You can buy a used copy at www.amazon.com and www.half.com ###PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* 703-360-2225 ******* pfox_exgays@hotmail.com ******* www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ************************************************************************************************************************* ******* item 27 PRAYERS FOR RECOVERING HOMOSEXUALS ******* Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 ******* from ******* Book Review: The Healing Word – Praying Scriptural Promises for Those Who Struggle with Homosexuality ******* By Cindy Rullman ******* This useful book consists of many one-of-a-kind prayers for a loved one in homosexuality, for those struggling with unwanted same sex attractions, and for parents of children in the homosexuality. The prayer topics target many of the painful factors in homosexual attractions: Reconciling Parent-Child Relationships, Bullying and Harassment, Deciding to Change, Defense Mechanisms, Fantasies, Identity, Same Sex Attractions, Same Sex Friendships, Sexual Abuse Victims, Unmet Love Needs, True Masculinity, etc. It’s all here, in the form of prayers, and some are intense. For example, one prayer on Bullying and Harassment reads as follows: ******* “Many homosexual strugglers speak of having been preyed upon by bullies in their youth and even into adulthood. People who are different are easy marks for insensitive tyrants. When children are bullied and harassed by family and peers, they often believe the taunts and jeers they hear. Cruel jokes, unkind labels and brutal treatment are internalized and stick for life. They can cause deep, festering wounds. ******* Jesus Christ also experienced the same type of treatment. He is empathetic and knows how to heal: ******* Dear Savior and Friend of the Outcast: You have seen every tear that I’ve shed and every one that I’ve held back. You know the humiliation I’ve endured. No matter how hard I’ve tried to forget, no matter how many ways I’ve tried to dull the sting, every painful incident is still lodged somewhere deep in my soul. I renounce the lies of the enemy that something is wrong with me, and I stand up on God’s truth that I am complete in Christ. I don’t want to face the agony again; however, I’m asking you to bring to my conscious mind every time I was harassed, bullied, insulted, and every unkind word I’ve absorbed – so I can bring it to You for healing by Your love. I don’t think the people who hurt me deserve my forgiveness – in fact, I think some of them are barbarians – but by an act of my will, I choose to forgive them, because You have forgiven me. Lord, I forgive each of these people: _________________ for hurting me by ___________________. ******* Although I’m almost chocking on these words, I ask You to bless each of my persecutors. As I forgive them, I stand on Your promise that the chains that have held me in bondage to their venomous attacks will be broken once and for all. Thank you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.” ******* This prayer is accompanied by a prayer for a parent or friend to pray for the bullying a loved one had to endure. So each prayer for an overcomer is also accompanied by a prayer for a parent or friend. ******* PFOX highly recommends this unique prayer book for both strugglers or their family and friends. The Healing Word – Praying Scriptural Promises for Those Who Struggle with Homosexuality by Cindy Rullman is published by Consider the Lillies International, Inc. (CTLI). ******* You can buy the book directly from the publisher for $20 plus $2.00 U.S. postage (check only): CLTI, PO Box 12023, Lexington KY 40579-2023, lambsharer@yahoo.com ******* Or order the book from Regeneration Ministries at www.regenbooks.org ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays, Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 U.S.A. ******* phone 703-360-2225 ******* email pfox_exgays@hotmail.com ******* web site www.pfox.org ********************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 28 I DO EXIST ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 ******* Hiding Truth From School Kids: It's Elementary Revisited ******* By Warren Throckmorton, PhD ******* “It's Elementary: Talking About Gay Issues in School” is an award winning video that aims to give teachers ideas about how to discuss gay issues in schools. Released in 1996 by producers Helen Cohen and Oscar winner Debra Chasnoff, this video is still quite controversial, in part because it shows elementary school children talking about homosexuality in public schools. In one of the segments, there is a young gay man answering questions from middle school students about what it is like to be gay. The film is still being shown in schools, but there is a little known fact about that young man that today's viewers don't know. The young man in the video is no longer gay. And that is something producers Chasnoff and Cohen as well as at least one school committee in Maryland don't want you to know. ******* Noe' Gutierrez, the young man that told his story in the video, came out as gay at 16 but then came out again as ex-gay at 24. On “It's elementary,” he was filmed speaking to a San Francisco area middle school on behalf of Community United Against Violence. Mr. Gutierrez was quite involved in gay advocacy and frequently spoke publicly on this topic. However, about six years, ago Mr. Gutierrez went through a period of re-evaluation and change. The end result was his change of sexual identity from gay to straight. Without fanfare, Mr. Gutierrez went through a profound experience of transformation and after a while of working through his experience, began telling others of his change. ******* When ex-gay spokesman John Paulk went into Mr. P's gay bar in Washington D.C. several years ago, the country knew about it. Even though Mr. Paulk did not fall sexually and is still happily married to former lesbian Anne Paulk, the media turned his lapse of judgment into a referendum on ex-gay ministries. When Mr. Gutierrez came out a second time as ex-gay, no one wrote about it, even though in the eyes of many people, what he did was a nearly impossible accomplishment. Amazingly, certain people want his story to stay unknown. ******* For instance, take filmmakers Chasnoff and Cohen. When I began putting together plans to produce a video about gay-to-straight change, I asked Ms. Chasnoff for permission to use the clip of Mr. Gutierrez talking to the middle school students. She refused without giving reason. I suppose she may feel that others knowing of his change would undermine her project. ******* Another group that does not want to disclose Mr. Gutierrez’s story is the Montgomery County (Md.) Citizen’s Advisory Committee for Family Life and Human Development. “It’s Elementary” is a video resource used in the Montgomery County school district. However, Mr. Gutierrez wrote a letter requesting that if “It’s Elementary” is used, students should be made aware that he is no longer gay. Seems fair enough. He wants the rest of the story known and this seems a fair way to do it. Simply tell the students or teachers that Mr. Gutierrez is no longer gay and show the film. The objective of tolerance for all people would seem to be enhanced by such a procedure. However, the school committee refused to approve the letter as a resource for teachers to use with the film. Thus, students or teachers viewing this film would have no idea that one of the speakers describing what it is like to be gay is no longer gay. Why withhold this information? Why would anyone want to hide the facts from teachers and students that people change? ******* Whatever the reasons for the reluctance of the school committee and filmmakers to allow the reality of change to be known, Mr. Gutierrez has not remained silent. He has joined an ever growing group of former homosexuals who are telling their stories. In fact, Noe’ Gutierrez and four other ex-gays tell their stories on the new video documentary, "I Do Exist." If high schools want their teachers to be prepared to discuss gay issues in schools, it’s elementary that all the facts come out. ----------------------------------------------------------- Warren Throckmorton is Director of College Counseling and an Associate Professor of Psychology at Grove City College. Professor and columnist, Dr. Throckmorton's articles have been carried by over 40 newspapers. Learn about the new video documentary "I Do Exist" at www.idoexist.net ******* He may be contacted via his website at www.drthrockmorton.com ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 29 ADDRESSING THE EX-GAY PERSPECTIVE IN SCHOOLS ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2005 ******* Inqueery's first publication "The Homophobia Stops Here – Addressing the Ex-Gay Perspective in Public Schools," is designed to facilitate objective conversations about human sexuality on college campuses and in public schools. ******* Human sexuality is extremely complex and there is much misinformation circulating about it. Often, it is this misinformation that leads to prejudice and ridicule of homosexual students in the classroom setting. ******* Inqueery's founder, Chad Thompson, presents extensively researched, unbiased information on the nature of homosexuality and the potential that students have to change from homosexual to heterosexual. ******* This full-color, 20 page booklet is designed to address the ex-gay perspective in public schools. The book talks about the importance of treating those who identify themselves as ex-gay with respect, and also provides a non-biased look at the Research that has been done to find a "gay gene." Furthermore, the book includes a look at the varying theories behind the development of sexual orientation and the potential that all students have to change their orientation if they so desire. Order the ex-gay school booklet from www.inqueery.com ******* Inqueery’s Chad Thompson is also available to make presentations at school assemblies, diversity days, freshmen orientations, or teacher in-service meetings. If your school has had a homosexual group such as GLSEN, GLAAD, or PFLAG give a presentation on homosexual issues, or facilitate a sex education program, ask your school’s principal to allow Inqueery equal time at your school to present the ex-gay perspective. ******* Chad is also available to speak to churches and community groups, and to represent the ex-gay viewpoint in public forums and debates surrounding the issue of homosexuality. ******* Sample legislation is available at www.inqueery.com that would require Equal Time to be given to the subject of homosexuality in school assemblies and counseling programs on a school by school basis. We encourage all our supporters to pass this legislation in their schools. If you encounter trouble, rally some other concerned parents to apply some pressure to your school district. Don't be afraid to call your local Family Policy Council for help finding engaged citizens in your town. There is also a Petition for Equal Access that you can circulate at www.inqueery.com. ******* A great way to bring balance to the subject of homosexuality in your school is to donate one or more books from Inqueery's Recommended Reading list to your school library. Find out more at www.inqueery.com. ******* A copy of this article is available online at: http://www.pfox.org/asp/newsman/templates/newstemplate.asp?articleid=189&zoneid=4 ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays, Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060, 703-360-2225, pfox_exgays@hotmail.com, www.pfox.org - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To subscribe to this list of ex-gay news and views, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 30 RESOURCES TO PASS ON ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Sun, 24 Apr 2005 ******* PFOX is aware of the following resources for those struggling with unwanted same sex attraction, and for families and friends touched by the homosexuality of their loved one: ******* Regeneration Books (regenbooks@juno.com) sells ex-gay books and videos, including titles for those who desire to leave the homosexual lifestyle. These books and videos can help you understand the whys and hows of homosexual behavior, as well as offer hope on exiting the lifestyle. The catalog includes resource materials for the homosexual or lesbian struggler, as well as for family and friends of the struggler, and teens. Check out the books/videos directly at their website at www.regenbooks.org ******* Homosexuals Anonymous also sells ex-gay books and videos through their online book catalog at http://hawebpage.truepath.com/book/list/BookFrame.html ******* There is also the book "Coming Out Straight" by ex-gay psychotherapist and PFOX president, Richard Cohen (requests@gaytostraight.org). Radio host Dr. Laura wrote the foreword to this book, which details how to understand and heal homosexuality. It is available from International Healing Foundation at 301-805-6111 or on their website at http://www.gaytostraight.org ******* Richard Cohen, a leading therapist in the field of sexual reorientation, also offers telephone counseling for strugglers, family and friends of strugglers. Details are available on his International Healing Foundation website at http://www.gaytostraight.org ******* Call NARTH (National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality) at 818-789-4440 for the names of therapists in your area who specialize in reparative therapy. To learn more about NARTH, they have a website at http://www.narth.com ******* If you are seeking an ex-gay ministry in your area that helps strugglers out of the lifestyle, Exodus posts a list at http://www.exodus-international.org/ministry.shtml or call them at 407-599-6872 or email at info@exodus-international.org ******* Exodus also has a youth website at www.exodusyouth.net ******* Powerful Change Ministry Group (PC) is a national fellowship of 11 Christian African-American led ministries whose goal is to advocate change for same-sex strugglers among people of color. PC believes that the choice to change is a fundamental message of the Bible. PC members work diligently to raise awareness in the Black community on the need for holistic ministry to affected individuals as well as their families. ******* In addition, PC members maintain websites, email correspondence, traveling awareness seminars, networking and training programs to accomplish goals. Contact: DL Foster, National Coordinator at 404-362-0505 or 404-326-1414 or www.witnessfortheworld.org/ministries.html ******* HOPE Ministries is a ministry for Christian men to resolve homosexuality by Bill Consiglio, LCSW, author of "Homosexual No More." Provides an Internet-based Mentoring Program for "Sexual Orientation Resolution Therapy," free short-term consultation by e-mail and a 40-day intensive follow-up program of mentoring and accountability for men overcoming compulsive and addictive homosexual behavior. H.O.P.E. Ministries teaches that "homosexuality is not about sex, it's all about the underlying emotional need for love, acceptance, belonging and inclusion with a person of the same gender. That's why there is healing and resolution." www.homosexresolve.netministries.org ******* Other ministries for strugglers that you can also contact include Homosexuals Anonymous at 610-921-0345 or http://members.aol.com/Hawebpage ******* Courage for Catholics at 212-268-1010 or NYCourage@aol.com or http://www.courageRC.net, ******* Evergreen for Mormons at 1-800-391-1000 or 801-363-3837 or info@evergreen-intl.org or http://www.evergreen-intl.org, ******* Transforming Congregations for Methodists at 215-938-8770 or generalinfo@transformingcong.org or http://www.transformingcong.org, ******* One By One for Presbyterians at 716-586-6180 or mail@oneby1.org or http://www.oneby1.org ******* JONAH for Jews at 201-433-3444 or http://www.jonahweb.org (Note: JONAH also has a referral list of secular reparative therapists), and Exgay Links has an exhaustive list of ex-gay ministries and organizations at http://oocities.com/exgaylinks ******* List of Ministries for Transexuals: ******* http://www.realityresources.com/ ******* http://www.users.bigpond.com/megabyte_mcguire/home.htm ******* http://www.parakaleo.co.uk/ ******* http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft0411/articles/mchugh.htm ******* Some ex-gay websites to check out: www.freetobeme.com, www.becomingreal.com, www.peoplecanchange.com, www.anotherway.com, www.pfox.org, www.drthockmorton.com, www.idoexist.net (for an ex-gay video) ******* If you are a parent, sibling, or friend of someone in the lifestyle, please call PFOX at 703-360-2225 to see if there is a local PFOX chapter in your area. PFOX chapters hold regular meetings and support each other as we together learn to love the struggler without approving of his or her homosexual lifestyle. ******* If you would like to start a PFOX chapter in your area, please send an email to pfox_exgays@hotmail.com and ask for a chapter application. ******* PFOX sponsors an e-mail discussion group at Yahoo Groups. It is comprised of parents and spouses of strugglers, and we also have strugglers on the list. We support each other daily via e-mail. You can just read the postings or join in the discussion at any time with your particular day to day hopes and struggles. If you would like to join, send a blank e-mail to: ex-gay-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ******* Please be sure to spell correctly this e-mail address in order to join. ******* PFOX will also host an 'understanding homosexuality' conference in your area for strugglers, family and friends of strugglers, educators and clergy members. PFOX Executive Director Regina Griggs will discuss the meaning and causes of same sex attractions, the process of transitioning from gay to straight, reparenting techniques, how to love the struggler without approving of his or her homosexual lifestyle, and more. You or your church provide the meeting space for the conference. Many churches and families do not know how to respond to the divisive issue of homosexuality, so we encourage you to call PFOX at 703-360-2225 or send an email to pfox_exgays@hotmail.com to discuss planning a conference in your area. ******* PFOX maintains a speakers bureau for local events, schools, conferences and church engagements. Whether you are looking to address the origin of homosexuality, an encouraging testimony of overcoming homosexuality or a reliable source for a media interview, PFOX can help. Email pfox_exgays@hotmail.com for speaking and travel fees. ******* To subscribe to the PFOX email list to receive periodic emails on ex-gay news and activities, send a blank e-mail to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays ~ Supporting the right of homosexuals and lesbians to choose change ~ Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* Phone 703-360-2225, pfox_exgays@hotmail.com, www.pfox.org ******* Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX) is a non-profit organization supporting the ex-gay community and families affected by homosexuality. ******* P.S. This list is provided for information purposes only. If you find that any of the above phone numbers, e-mail addresses, or web sites don't work, please send us an email at pfox_exgays@hotmail.com so we can update our list of resources. ******* - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To subscribe to this list of ex-gay news and views, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 31 DR. ROBERT SPITZER SPEAKS OUT ON REORIENTATION THERAPY - Therapeutically Incorrect: Atheist psychiatrist argues that gays can change - Interview by Douglas Leblanc ******* From: Christianity Today, April 2005, Vol. 49, No. 4, Page 94 http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2005/004/20.94.html"PFOX" ******* Robert L. Spitzer argued in 1973 that homosexuality is not a clinical disorder—key to the American Psychiatric Association arriving at the same conclusion. Thirty years later, Spitzer caused another stir when he argued that some people who want to change their homosexual orientation may do so (Archives of Sexual Behavior, October 2003). ******* Spitzer is professor of psychiatry at Columbia University and chief of the New York State Psychiatric Institute's Biometrics Research Department. He describes himself as a Jewish atheist. Contributing editor Douglas LeBlanc interviewed Spitzer by phone. ******* What prompted you to do a study on reparative therapy for gays? ******* I was at an annual APA (American Psychiatric Association) meeting, where I spoke to some ex-gays who were picketing the meeting. They explained how they had changed. And that got me interested. Then I tried to organize a debate on the issue. When I was organizing the debate, it became clear that many of the people that I wanted to participate said there are really no good studies of this, it's all going to be just opinions. ******* Did anything surprise you as you did your interviews? ******* I guess it surprised me how convincing the accounts were. Joseph Nicolosi [of the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality] agreed to refer, I think, 10 or 20 patients to me. But he insisted on getting a summary of the results before going further. He didn't want to be set up, I guess. But from the very first people that I talked to, I had the feeling they were talking about something real. ******* What stood out for you as something that made the patients convincing? ******* You talk to people and you get a sense of whether they're being candid or not. I had the sense that they were. Also, there was a consistency, the fact that the change was described as slow and not immediate. ******* Some of your critics say that only fundamentalists would even think about taking up reparative therapy. ******* The scene has changed drastically over the last 20 or 30 years. When I started clinical practice in 1961, it was very common to get a male patient who wanted to change. Today those people don't go to psychiatrists because the word is out that the mental health profession doesn't regard it as a problem. ******* How has the study affected your standing among your colleagues? ******* Many colleagues were outraged. I remember when it first appeared in the media, I got a letter from, I think, a dean of admissions at Columbia. He wrote me that it was just a disgrace that a Columbia professor should do such a thing. Within the gay community, there was initially tremendous anger and feeling that I had betrayed them. I think that has largely dissipated. But also, I'm at the point in my career that I don't worry about such things. ******* Have you considered conducting a follow-up study? ******* No. I feel a little battle fatigue. But also I'm not sure what the study would be. Some people have said, "Follow these people, interview them five years later, see how many of them have switched back," since it's well known that some ex-gays give it up. ******* But suppose you found that 5 percent or 10 percent did switch back. I mean, so what? You'd find the same thing if you followed people who had treatment for drug addiction. Some are going to relapse. ******* The study that ought to be done is a controlled study where people go into the therapy, and then you initially evaluate them, and then you evaluate them later and see how many actually changed. But that study is not going to be done, unfortunately. ******* Is that because of a lack of interest or funding? ******* The reasons are, number one, reparative therapists are not scientists—they don't do studies. The second reason is, if somebody proposed that the National Institute of Mental Health do such a study, I think almost certainly any gays in the study section would say this is a total waste of time: They would say, We already know it's hokum, so why do it? ******* You've said very clearly that no one should be coerced into reparative therapy. ******* I think the politically correct term now is reorientation therapy. Reparative already implies something's broken—of course the reparative therapists believe this, but it kind of infuriates the gays to even call it reparative therapy. ******* Copyright © 2005 Christianity Today. Article is located at: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2005/004/20.94.html - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To subscribe to this list of ex-gay news and views, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com ********************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 32 MESSAGE FROM (FORMER HOMOSEXUAL) STEPHEN BENNETT ******* From: Robert A. Jason ******* Sent: Friday, May 05, 2006 ******* Stephen Bennett Shares the Truth with 'Gay' Student in Chicago - Now Being Discipled ******* Several weeks ago, Stephen Bennett traveled to the Chicago area to speak at a local public high school and a public library in the evening - part of the nationwide Alliance Defense Fund's Day of Truth. The events were crowded with a police presence at both. ******* Stephen Bennett, president of SBM, shared his testimony leaving the homosexual lifestyle back in 1992 with the public high school students. Later that evening at the public library town-hall style meeting, Stephen also shared in depth his conversion due to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. ******* Over 150 students and teachers listened to Bennett at the high school, where he was met with much 'respectful' opposition. In the evening, 25 or so 'gay' activist students returned to the library to hear more along with the numerous other adults from around the community. ******* SBM just received a praise report from the Alliance Defense Fund today. One student's life was touched and changed in a very profound way. From the Alliance Defense Fund's e-mail alert: ******* "Despite facing numerous efforts to “silence” their message, God’s redeeming love for their classmates trapped in homosexual behavior came through loud and clear. Besides the encouraging report in last week’s special news alert, there were many more stories of how lives were changed by simply allowing the Truth to be heard. ******* One of the boys that came to hear [former homosexual] Stephen Bennett in the evening with a friend of mine from out of town, had an ‘aha’ experience after hearing Stephen’s testimony…The boy had decided he was homosexual… He now believes he is not homosexual…and a few men and women have taken him under their wings…This was a huge answer to prayer.' ******* Thank you again for making it possible, through your prayers and support, for public school students nationwide to have not only the ability to speak the Truth, but to respond to the life-changing message of the Gospel." ******* --- S B M --- S t e p h e n Be n n e t t M i n i s t r i e s ------------------------------------------------ SBM - P.O. Box 2095 - Huntington, CT 06484 National Ministry Offices 1-800-832-3623 ------------------------------------------------ A Pro-Family Organization Advocating for the Traditional Family, the Protection of Children and Proclaiming the Truth About Homosexuality ------------------------------------------------ Visit SBM at www.SBMinistries.org Listen Now! www.StraightTalkRadio.org ------------------------------------------------ ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 33 SAVED IN THE METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH ******* From: "PFOX" ******* date: 4 Mar 2003 ******* In 1983, things seemed to be going well for myself and my lover of nearly 7 years. Oh, we had our arguments but made up and continued on. She and I had a business which was difficult to run because it had problems even before we bought it. She had a daughter of around 13. We had a home and two cars. We both worked full time jobs and made very good money. There was a checking account between the two of us. ******* We were lesbians, though that was kept secret as much as possible. We opened our place of business once a month as an outreach to other women in our lifestyle. Being in business in a very rural part of our state, we knew we had to be careful. So this became for us a nice way to meet other lesbians. ******* My lesbian lover and I went to church on Sunday. You see, she was a born again Christian when I met her. We attended MCC, the Metropolitan Community Church. This church ministers mainly to transgendered, bisexual, and homosexual men and women. Questionably dividing the word of God. ******* Metropolitan Community Church also had a church in a larger City in our state. I began studying the scriptures and really liked what was there. ******* One Sunday, the pastor, who was a woman, gave the invitation to receive Christ as Savior. Her sermon was touched me and brought tears. When the invitation was given, I raised my hand. My lover was happy for me as I went to the altar. There were about five of us. The minister had us repeat after her our renouncement of sin. Each one of us did what she told us to do. As we left the church, I remember getting the hand of fellowship and congratulations from other men and women there at the MCC church. ******* My lover and I spoke little as we drove home. This was alright with me because there were millions of questions in my head. Questions that I hesitated to bring up because I knew they would not be met with reasonable answers. "What am I doing going home with my lesbian lover after just receiving Christ? Can I live this way and for Him as well??" I kept quiet about my newfound relationship with Him but it was very painful. She too was very quiet. We went home in small talk only. ******* No way did life go on as usual after I got saved at the Metropolitan Community Church. Work continued, but on the way home I often yelled at God, "You can't just leave me like this, you have to tell me the truth." I asked others and they answered me with the idea that if God was so opposed to my lesbian lifestyle, then why did He create me this way? And what about them?? Was God cruel? Did He laugh at our predicament? ******* For many weeks I poured over the Bible searching for an answer and came up with all the verses that spoke out against my lifestyle. Taking my bible to the friends we had in the MCC church always got me the same such answers, " Look at David and Jonathan, who were lovers." But deep inside me I knew that their love was not the same as the love I had for my lover. She and I stayed together but lovemaking was out because I couldn't bring myself to do this anymore and found all sorts of excuses not to. Kissing was ok but nothing else. ******* One day, while sitting quietly watching TV, I remembered that once when we had been fighting she had said to me, "What you need is a mother." That had hit me at the time as an insult but now, as I thought about it, there was some truth in what she had said. As I watched the TV, Dr. Charles Stanley appeared on the screen speaking about the crucifixion. He was telling how Jesus took upon Himself the sin of the whole world -- Past, Present and Future sin. I thought of the horror of having mine laid on Him. ******** The next day my lover and I had a very ugly quarrel while she was getting ready for work. I had been crying out to God for Him to tell me clearly if our behavior was acceptable to Him. The Bible seemed clear enough but telling someone you love that it is over is not an easy thing no matter what you believe. There had to be definite clarity. As she got into her car she said, "You are ruining my life". Suddenly I had the answer I needed. ******* After she drove off to work, I called a good friend of mine and told him what had happened. I was in tears. He told me to get over to his house right away; don't call anyone else, don't go anywhere else, just get over there. ******* He and his wife got me into their living room and prayed for me to receive Christ again and be free from sin. When I left I knew what I had to do. ******* The next morning I told her that I wanted to serve Christ so we could no longer be lovers. We agreed to not sleep together and that she would seek other living arrangements with her daughter. ******* It took about a month or more. Since I had started going to a non-MCC church, I told my pastor who said this was acceptable and added me to his prayer list for protection and wisdom. All did work out very well. I have been saved and set free from lesbianism since 1984. My God can do all that. ******* Homosexuality is not immutable or innate. They who tell you otherwise are full of pride and selfishness. ******* Are there other former gays who were saved in the Metropolitan Church? Email me and let’s share stories. Jan ******************************************************************************************************** ******* item 34 ANITA BRYANT WAS RIGHT - By a former lesbian ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: 4 Mar 2003 ******* It was 1977 or 78 and I was all of 36, living with another woman in a behavior which has never been approved of in all of history. Like today's lesbian and many who have been deceived by them, I believed that God had made me this way; that is, I was born this way. Ready to fight anyone who said differently, so I sure wasn't ready for the reddish haired woman who was already popular for her singing voice, a voice and a face that suddenly appeared in all the newspapers and news casts everywhere. ******* Anita Bryant was born in Alabama in 1940, one year before me. She was a conservative Baptist believer in the Word of God. She grew into a very pretty young lady as Miss Oklahoma and tied for Miss Congeniality in the Miss America pageant. She dominated the limelight with songs like, "Til There Was You" and "Paper Moon," both my favorites. She was the lovely of choice during presidential occasions and political hobnobs. Arthur Godfrey loved her and had her on his show often. ******* There she was, Anita Bryant the orange juice queen, making herself a bigger name by campaigning against gay people like me. What had caused this popular singer to beat on people who just wanted to be accepted into society? Why did she think we were so threatening that she stirred people to come out against our recent gain of an anti-discrimination ordinance? Yes, that's what she did. Her words got people mustered up to demand that this protective ordinance for gays be thrown out. All this angered me at the time because I thought she hated lesbians like me. ******* Anita started the organization known as " Save Our Children" due to the talk about gay influence of kids. According to the News, Anita Bryant had many death threats sent to her. She was hit in the face once with a pie by a gay activist and even though many laughed, I felt sad for her. Not long after this incident, her marriage and career came crashing down. ******* Today I look back through eyes that have experienced the madness of that “gay” lifestyle and a heart that has known our creator. I wish it was back then and Anita was about to start her fight. If that were the case, I would be on a fast flight to Miami tonight. Having said it many times before, I will say it again. America wouldn't be in such a mess right now had our churches been more supportive of Anita Bryant. However, at the time I was relieved that this was not the case. To many she looked like a woman who had a personal vendetta. But had we been able to see today's society, perhaps it would have been different. ******* The saddest thing is that many of those homosexuals who protested against Anita Bryant are not alive today. They died of AIDS. Jan ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 35 RON'S STORY ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Tue, 13 Apr 2004 ******* I once was totally homosexual but now I'm not. I now lead a recovery ministry in my local church for others who struggle with unwanted sexual attraction toward others of the same gender as well as those who struggle with pornography addiction and other residual effects of sexual molestation, etc. In short. it is a ministry to the sexually and relationally broken. ******* I can honestly say that I once thought I was born gay because as far back as I can remember, I was attracted to other boys. I remember being attracted to a male classmate in first grade. I remember having a strange fascination with my mom's high heel shoes at age 3. By the time I reached puberty I had absolutely no attraction to girls. I did however have a very strong attraction to the boys. It was the early 70's and I was very ashamed and didn't tell anyone, but believe me I was as gay as one can be. I even thought God made me that way, yet I knew He hated homosexuality so I figured He hated me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Long story short, I met Jesus and developed a personal relationship with Him in 1984 and He helped me to understand that He wouldn't ask me to change if it was impossible. He was not mistaken when he made me male. ******* My lack of athletic ability as a young man created quite a stir in my grade school and name calling was a daily event. My dad was an abusive alcoholic and he too called me names and degraded me both verbally and physically. If he wasn't beating me with a belt he was beating me down with his words. Praise the Lord He, has healed my relationship with my dad and I actually like hanging out with him. What a miracle! ******* I still have very little interest in sports but I do not question the fact that I am a man. At age 5 I couldn't sort it all out but as an adult looking back, I can see what happened and with the Lord's help I have been able to reorient sexually. I really like women and hope to remarry soon. ******* I have a 23 yr old son who lives with me and he too has a personal relationship with the risen Christ. To anyone who insists that change from homosexual to heterosexual is not possible I say: I am living proof that it is indeed possible. As a twice divorced 45 yr old male I can say that I have no desire to have sex with a man ever again. That desire has been replaced with a healthy desire to be married (to a woman as God intended). ******* Do I still notice when a handsome man enters a room? Yeah, sometimes, but not in a lustful way the way I used to. I notice his good looks but I don't try to think of ways to get him to go home with me as I used to. And you know what else? I also notice when a pretty woman enters a room. I used to not notice women in that way. My attraction to women was purely on a friendship level until Jesus set me free. ******* Please understand that my attraction to women is not lustful. I once believed that if I could just be attracted to women in the same way I was attracted to men I would be free. But the Lord showed me that lusting after women the way I lusted after men would be perverted as well. He wanted me to be truly free. He wanted me to have a healthy attraction to women and I believe I do. ******* There was a time when I thought I would never be free of sexual perversion. It blows my mind to think that the Lord is using me to lead others out of the muck and mire of sexual brokenness. ******* Change is possible and I am living proof. Couldn't convince me otherwise no matter what. He is a loving God and He knows what is best for us. What He asks is for us to surrender to Him and His will. It's not about me. If I decide to call Him Lord, then I must be willing to let go of those things that do not line up with His word. I must be willing to let go of those things that do not line up with His will for my life. He has a better plan. Why would I want to continue in a lifestyle that he says is destructive? Duh! I choose the abundant life! ******* Peace, Ron Allen ********************************************************************************************************* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 703-360-2225 pfox_exgays@hotmail.com www.pfox.org To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: PFOX-subscribe@topica.com *********************************************************************************************************

Links to other sites on the Web

(YF4a) web site of former homosexual Stephen Bennet
(YF4b) Dr. Chris Kempling's web site
(YF4c) Exodus Youth (help for young people struggling with their sexuality)
(YF4d) Mission America
(YF4e) Dr. Throckmorton's web site
(YF4f) (YF) home page of this web site (friends of ex-gays)

Who are your true friends: those who tell you what you want to hear or those who tell you what they really think? ***************************************************************** The following warning is a prophetic message given to me (Frank Wagner) in November of 1974. ******* LISTEN TO THE CRY OF THE ABORTED CHILDREN. THEIR CRY IS NO. THEIR CRY IS A CRY OF TERROR. HEED THEIR CRY. ******* This prophecy is now being fulfilled. ******* For details about the source, meaning and fulfillment of this prophetic message go to ******* http://www.oocities.org/abortedchildren/index.html ***************************************************************** Check out some of my other sites: ******* http://www.oocities.org/fwagner12/index.html (Vancouver Youth Alliance) ******* http://www.oocities.org/fwagner6/index.htm (Vancouver ex-gay alternatives club) ***************************************************************** email me (Frank Wagner) at friendsofexgays@yahoo.ca