The Assassin
The assassin crept down a dark corridor. He would come out behind the emperor's throne, and one shot from his pistol would rid the world of a power-mad tyrant. And his people would be free. He crept very quietly. One false move and the guards would shot him so full of crossbow bolts he would look like a bird. Slowly, he raised the pistol, took aim. . .
"No! Don't pull the trigger!" The shout echoed through the hall. The assassin spun and ran towards the sound, hoping to silence the intruder in case the guards hadn't heard. Behind him, shouts of alarm echoed as the guards found the secret passage. The assassin swore. The he saw who had yelled.
He was tall, old, and thin, wearing long blue robes and a pointy hat. His beard went down to his chest, and was white. There was a tag on his robes that said: ‘Hi! I'm Oliver!'. He was running towards the assassin. He called: "Don't fire your gun, Joel!"
The assassin, whose name was, in fact, Joel, stopped, puzzled. How did this curious man know his name? And who was he?
"Who are you?" he called as he ran. "And why can't I fire my gun?" He dived around a corner, pulling the man with him. A crossbow bolt bounced off the far wall.
"My name," the old man replied, brushing aside his long white beard, "is Oliver. Oliver the Omniscient. And if you fire your gun, the universe will end, and everyone who reads this will be left in suspense, since there won't be a sequel."
"What do you mean, read?"
"Uh, never mind." Oliver said.
Joel pointed the gun at Oliver. He heard more shouts from around the corner as the guards closed in. "What do you mean?" he said again.
"Well," Oliver said hurriedly, "all this is just a story, you know. Written by a grade 10 student for English class."
"WHAT??" Obviously, this man was insane. But still, he knew Joel's name. . . Joel ran to the next corner with Oliver. "That's a joke, right?"
"Of course not. I do know everything, after all."
"I don't believe you." A crossbow bolt raced by overhead, and Joel ducked, dodging it. "Did that look like writing to you?"
"Of course not, Joel. We're in the short story, so this seems real to us. But to the readers, it's just another story."
Joel ran out of the passage to find more guards in the outer hall. He dodged to the right, and heard a thud. The bolt had missed him, though. "Listen, old man, I don't care. I'm going to rid the world of this despot. Will I succeed?"
"I don't know." Oliver replied miserably. "Everything stops the moment you pull the trigger."
"Lies. The universe won't end because I pull a trigger." Realizing he was headed back towards the throne room, he put on a burst of speed and left Oliver behind. Trying to catch up, Oliver tripped. The guards ignored him for some reason. Joel raced into the throne room, throwing himself through the door as it closed. A crossbowman inside took aim at him, but he had time to fire once. The he saw the bolt in the pistol, and remembered the thud he had heard. If he pulled the trigger, the gun could fail, and kill him. Or it could kill the king, and collapse his evil empire, freeing Joel's people from the king's clutches. There was only one way to see. From the hallway, a plaintive voice called: "Oh, please! Don't!!!", but he did.
He pulled the trigger.

Of The Assassin

Oh, hello. It's you, the reader. How are you today?
Silly me for asking, since you can't answer in a way that I can hear you. I was in the
Renaissance yesterday, trying to save a universe. Here, I'll tell you how it happened.
As you may or may not know, my name is Oliver. Oliver the Omniscient. I know everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen. Anything that anyone anywhere knows, I know. Thing it, I don't tell most of this, since it ruins it for everyone else.
Anyway, to get back on track, I was in the Renaissance to find a would-be assassin named Joel. He didn't have a last name. I knew that his pocket universe would end if he pulled the trigger of his new prototype pistol. So I, of course, had to stop him. I arrived, as usual, just in time. He was about to fire. So I called to him: "No! Don't pull the trigger!"
In hindsight, it wasn't very bright, because the guards heard me too. Joel started to run towards me. Then he swore as he heard the guards. To get his attention, I started running, too, and yelled: "Don't fire your gun, Joel!" It worked. He stopped for a moment, clearly puzzled, and called: "Who are you? And why can't I fire my gun?" He dived around a corner, pulling me with him.
I had to pull my beard out of my mouth. The darn thing reaches to my waist. Anyway, I told him my name, and that the universe would end if he fired, and that the readers would be left in suspense. I shouldn't have mentioned the readers.
"What do you mean, read?" he demanded. Trying to cover up, I just said "Never Mind." Next thing I know, the gun is in my face and he's asking me again. Well, I'm not one to argue with a man who has a gun, so I told him. He didn't take it very well, in my opinion.
"WHAT??" He looked at me like I was crazy, then said: "That's a joke, right?"
By this time, I was rather offended. Here I was, trying to save his universe, and he pulled a gun on me, then asked me if I was joking. So I replied, rather peevishly, I must admit, "Of course. I do know everything, after all."
He stared at me. "I don't believe you." He ducked a crossbow bolt. "Did that look like writing to you?"
I sighed mentally. He was rather dense."Of course not, Joel. We're in the short story, so this seems real to us. But to the readers, it's just another story." Maybe it wasn't a very nice thing to say, but by this point I was mad.
Joel ran out of the passage, and dodged some guards, running for the throne room. I could tell I wasn't getting through to him. He told me he was going to kill the king, and asked if he would win. I told him one last time that I didn't know, because everything would end in that moment. He didn't listen.
"Lies. The universe won't end because I pull a trigger." Realizing he was headed back towards the throne room, he put on a burst of speed and left me behind. Trying to catch up, I tripped and fell. The guards ignored me, of course, and Joel made it through the door. I knew he was going to try to kill the king, and that the gun was damaged. I also knew that there was an even chance of him winning or losing. I called to him: "Oh, please!" One last try. "Don't!!!" But he wouldn't listen to me.
He pulled the trigger!