Tydus is not gay. Enjoy ^^
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Chapter 6 ---
Lord Ochu Says: Booga Booga Booga!
When the S.S. Liki reached what was left of the dock,
the survivors of the attack were waiting for them.
"Hey, they have a summoner on board!" said
one, "She can do the sending so that our dead loved ones don't come back
and kill us!"
"Hooray!" said the small crowd.
The sending was done by the waving of Yuna's rod
willy-nilly while walking on water. There were fancy waterworks, done by
both the people and the water. The fact that there was a beautiful sunset
was just a happy accident of timing. The orange sun gave the sending a
warm glow, and the dimming light made the pyreflies
more vivid. Yuna was flipping hair and twirling
around and positively dancing.
"I am very turned on by this," Tydus
whispered to Lulu. Lulu fumed and made a mental note to smack Tydus later.
Before they went to bed at the inn Tydus was smacked
and everyone had dinner. The people were looking very lost and
depressed. Tydus looked extremely happy,
because he was eating waffles.
When Tydus woke up it was late in the morning and the
sun was shining brightly through a hole in the roof. No one was in the
room so he went downstairs.
"Hello!" said the receptionist, "You sleep late. Your
friends are waiting outside."
"Thanks," Tydus said. He turned to
look at a kid who was running around the room.
"I'm gonna be a blitzball
when I grow up!" said the kid.
"Okay…" Tydus said, then thought,
"Must've gotten too close to Sin." He headed out of the
inn. One of the Besaid Aurochs was waiting
outside.
"Do you know how long everyone's been waiting for you to wake up?"
said the Auroch impatiently.
Tydus felt important. "Thanks for not
making me get up."
"Oh, we tried. You sleep like a log! Go to Wakka a.s.a.p." and he ran off.
"I see…" Tydus felt rather less
important. He wandered around stealing things from the poor people of Kilika. "Gonna fight
Sin, gotta keep up my strength, guide said so,"
he would cough out before grabbing Potions, Gil, and food. Finally, he
headed toward where Wakka and the Besaid
Aurochs were helping rebuild the place.
"What part of a.s.a.p. don't you get?" Wakka
demanded.
"Uh, Apes Should Appreciate Papayas? What's not to get? They
should do just that," replied Tydus.
Wakka shook his head. "Look,
just come with us to the temple to pray for victory, because we need some
reason for you to be with Yuna more."
"Okay…" and so they all headed to the temple, which was beyond the
"Sorry we're late," said Tydus, "Wakka was having some papaya problems."
"Wha--?" said Wakka,
a bit put off.
"So, let's go to the temple!" Tydus
continued. The forest was, of course, filled with fiends and lovely
treasure. Tydus led them every which way and
ended up at the beginning. Then he headed down the straight path through
the center. The group came up to Luzzu and Gatta standing in the middle of the road. Wakka glared, then turned around and started picking fights
with butterflies.
"Yo! There are bad things this way!"
said Gatta, "Specifically Lord Ochu!"
"All right!" said Yuna and Company.
"Lord Ochu!" and they ran with much spirit
to meet the most awesome of all things plant-like.
When they reached the clearing the saw the wonderful Lord Ochu, as big as a shoopuf, with
long, slender tentacles. Its bright yellow and green skin
glistened in the
The group stared at it, dumbfounded. Then Wakka
picked up his jaw and said, "Sir, your words have greatly offended
me! Now we fight!" and then promptly chucked his blitzball
at it.
"Bonk!" said the ball.
"Charge!" cried Tydus, and the whole group
pounced on Lord Ochu like a Cuisinart
on celery.
"Gurgle," Lord Ochu muttered pitifully, and
it died.
"Woohoo!" said everyone, and they continued
on their way to the temple. When they got there there
were various villagers milling around. A blitzball
team was walking out of the temple.
"Ah-ha-ha! We are the Luca Goers, and we
are full of ourselves!" said the one in the lead quite loudly, "We
will win the blitzball tournament again like we
always do!"
"Well, we kick more butt than you!" said Tydus,
"Furthermore, we aren't the wimpy Besaid Aurochs
anymore! We're the Victorious Besaid Aurochs Plus Tydus!"
"So?"
"Well, one thousand years ago I was the best! And one thousand and
ten years ago my old man was the best!"
"So you are…?"
"About 1,020 years old, yes."
"You're looking well…"
"You're not!" said Tydus, and he blew
raspberries at all of them then ran off. Yuna
and her guardians followed, looking embarrassed.
Inside the temple there were people praying. The Victorious Besaid Aurochs Plus Tydus went to pray for victory in the tournament. Tydus was doing a very awkward version of the YEVON prayer
while humming the tune from the song "YMCA." When they were
done the door to this temple's Cloister of Trials opened. Down the steps
went a scantily clad summoner with a very smug
expression on her face, closely followed by a muscle-bound, oatmeal-brained
guardian.
"What a friendly-looking person, let's say hi," said Yuna to the group, and then to the summoner,
"Hey! Hello!"
The summoner turned with a look of disdain on her
face. "Oh, hello there," she said icily, "My, what a lot
of guardians!"
"Well, the theory is that we get more turns in battle with more
people," Yuna replied.
"I don't need anyone but Bruno here," she gestured un-lovingly at the
behemoth behind her. Bruno grunted. "My name is Dona, Bitch of
the Century."
"… My name is Yuna… just Yuna.
I guess I'll see you around."
"I hope not!" replied Dona with more than a hint of menace, then
twirled around and left. Bruno turned and loped off after her.
"What a nice person!" Yuna said
uncertainly.
"Not really," said everyone else.
"I guess not," said Yuna, and she hung her
head. They all stood around in an awkward pause. Then Yuna picked her head back up. "Let's go do the
Trials!"
"Oh, yeah, right," said everyone, and they all headed toward the
Cloister of Trials. Kimahri shoved Tydus away. He flew across the room to meet with the
wall.
"Owie," said Tydus.
"You're not a guardian, why do you think you can keep following us?"
questioned Lulu, and they disappeared inside the Cloister.
Tydus was still getting his wits together when Dona and
Bruno came into view. "Hello, why are you still here?" he asked
them.
"I thought I'd live up to my name," replied Dona with an evil
sneer. Bruno bent down and picked up the dazed blitzer
and carried him up the stairs. Then he threw Tydus
onto the elevator platform that would take him to the Cloister of Trials.
Tydus struggled to his feet and said, "Why did
you do that?"
"Because I am the Bitch of the Century," Dona said simply.
"Okay, but it's not like this hasn't happened before, and you won't even
be here to see what happens." Then poor, tossed Tydus
was taken down to "brave" the Trials.
"Guide book time!" he said cheerfully, and took out the Player's Guide.
Once again he solved bizarre puzzles at a speed that people lacking a guide of
their own would have wept for. When he reached the last room he was met
by looks of surprise followed by oaths of his destruction.
"Tydus, you're as bad as Kimahri!"
exclaimed Lulu.
Tydus grinned sheepishly. "Hello
again," he said with annoying cheer to Wakka,
Lulu, and Kimahri. They sighed and went back to
waiting for Yuna to emerge from the back room with a
new aeon. Tydus went
to check it out but was stopped by Kimahri, who
shoved him away. He flew across the room onto a pile of conveniently
placed cushy pillows. "What fun!" he thought, and he ran back
to Kimahri, who shoved him again. This
continued half because Tydus enjoyed it and half because
he wanted to see just how long Kimahri would keep it
up. But Kimahri only stopped when Yuna finally entered the room.
"Hello!" she said.
"Woot!" said Tydus,
"A new aeon! Maybe you can be Ifrit!" He waited for the loud buzzer sound, but
none came and thus it was Ifrit. And so the
group had two aeons that had yet to prove their use.
By this time a ship called the S.S. Winno was
expected at the new dock. The group headed back through the forest,
stopping to pay their respects at Lord Ochu's grave,
and then went along the docks of Kilika to the one
that harbored the ship that would take them to Luca.