I HATE ELECTRIC BABIES

May every health teacher's face be placed on a belt sander. It's their fault that all these girls in health class have to tote around satanic screaming infant dolls for a week. Words cannot describe the boiling anger felt by me when one of those robotic pieces of shit starts hollering for no reason, much like real infants would. But there's one major flaw in this "keep a baby for a week and learn the evils of parenthood" thing. No teenage mother would bring their illegitimate child to school. They'd sit at home eating fatty snack foods while watching cheap Lifetime movies that most likely involve some abused woman overcoming the odds and becoming an astronaut, president, crime fighter, and/or testicular cancer survivor. And it's not like the type of girls that get pregnant in their teenage years concentrate in school, anyway. A noisy ten-pound child is only going to make the slacker tramp drop out earlier than she would have. However, if this ignorant slut had taken health she wouldn't have had the child at all. Not because this genius concept of borrowing artificial bastard children is going to stop teenage girls to stop having sex. They like it too much. A teenage girl's cherry is like a Pringles can. Once it pops the fun don't stop. They're not about to stop riding the sausage train because they saw someone in health class toting around an oversized Cabbage Patch doll that screams when it feels like it. If I had a nickel for every time I heard some nasty adolescent tramp talking about how their boyfriend's mustache was "so tickley down there" I'd still be broke. That's because the loose whores are usually making babies with their boyfriends during passing time. It's kind of hard to hear them say anything when every oriface in their body is clogged. Babies that'd keep them out of school and encourage them to become whores or some other form of trash. So what would these teenage girls do if they found themselves carrying a fetus inside them? They'd cash in the gift certificate their parents got them for the abortion clinic three years ago. They've already seen how shitty having a baby is. And adoption? Not going to happen. Most irresponsible high school girls can hardly deal with their CORD math classes, let alone fill out the paperwork to give their children away to an adoption agency. Besides, everyone knows all the good babies come from Korea.

And it's not like those babies are teaching anybody anything realistic besides the fact that infants are annoying. And to think companies create those satanic android children. The Baby Think It Over company specializes in these electric screaming banshees...the dirty bastards. Their website features intelligent statements such as "Babies change a parent's life profoundly" as if "young adults" (as they're referred to by the BTIO people) thought caring for babies was like buying a puppy. "Yeah, I'll let it sleep in a cage and pour some kibble into a bowl every week or two. It can drink out of the toilet." I'm sure young adults everywhere think along those lines. The BTIO program finds it necessary to insult everyone's intelligence. Hell, I'd do that, too. You can't assume that people are smart anymore. Oh no, playing the stupid card has become an American tradition. Senile elderly women get can get paid millions for giving their crotches a coffee bath because they "didn't know that hot stuff burns" and women have been known to eat contraceptive jelly on toast and then sue pharmacies because they got pregnant.      But if BTIO is aiming its program toward the retarded community, why do they have such scary pictures on their website? Anyone who doesn't know that babies change lifestyles would probably run crying to the person who changes their diapers when they see the cabinet filled with babies. And the fun never stops with the BTIO people! They sell big fake wombs to attach to the lucky girl you plan on torturing with forced child education. Based on the look on that girl's face, being artifically pregnant is more fun than a barrel of crack. Isn't unnecessary learning fun? I wonder why schools encourage class disruption through evil cyborg babies. Is it because the people who run health classes are idiots? Or is it because the school itself is run by a moron? Either way, I leave you with one final statement said through some mediocre Microsoft Paint artwork:

Not ALL decisions last forever. You can just sell your babies on Ebay like the rest of America. The Baby Think It Over company features some convincing pictures on their website that certainly convinced me not to get pregnant. Here are some samples: They sure did a good job making their models look attractive, didn't they? The vacant look on that homely girl's disfigured face is enough to convince anybody that those mechanical human replicas are not only a hassle, but it's also fun to undress them! I'm sure Pedro here is going to stop having sex from now on for fear of getting pregnant. That is a boy, right? There goes the BTIO company with their attractive models again. You'd think they'd pick people who look good enough to get laid without the aid of alcohol. Or at least people who're old enough to bear children and don't have penises. Note: This picture was taken inside of a hippie's shirt.