| Thank you Roger Corman! Thank you for everything you have ever done. Without you there would be no Vincent-Price-Edgar-Allen-Poe inspired color-drenched period pieces. Without you American teens would not have nightmares about tremendous alien pineapples terrorizing the Midwest. And without you we would not have a film with more guts, blood, glory and boobs than Gladiator gave us. Without Roger Corman, we would not have Pam Grier and Margaret Markov jiggling through The Arena. The Arena is also known as Naked Warriors, and was a weekend staple for over horny teenagers like myself who caught it semi-regularly on USA’s Up All Night (mmmmm… Rhonda Shear…). Finding it on DVD uncut was like finding an uneaten Twinkie still in it’s wrapper at the back of the pantry; you know it isn’t good for you but you will secretly devour it after everyone else goes to bed. Your amazing plot: It’s way back in Roman Times, and things ain’t so good for a handful of young lovelies. One by one we see our heroines (the above mentioned Grier and Markov included) being captured by Roman marauders and brought to the capital as slaves. Pan Grier is a moor with savage spirit. Markov is a yummy looking Celtic priestess. They are joined by a few other gals who are put to work within the grounds of the guy who owns the local coliseum. The owner and emperor are having a terrible time: locals aren’t enjoying the gladiator spectaculars any more. Man versus man? Bah! Man versus tigers and lions? Seen it. What’s our Romanesque Don King to do? Our ladies have the answer! One afternoon he is summoned to watch as a catfight breaks out over the lunch dishes. Ladies throwing themselves onto each other with nails out and fangs bared! Girls shoving each other’s heads under the water and trying to pull each other’s hair out! Drama! Spectacle! “Are you not entertained?!” Quicker than you can say Pay-Per-View, we are thrown amidst the ladies as they are being trained for combat in the arena. You haven’t lived until you see Pam Grier with a pike. The women are a natural oddity and a crowd pleaser. And although they hate having to fight for their lives, they start to become more dependant on each other outside of the “ring”. Eventually they hatch a plan to escape their captors. It’ll take guts… determination… gratuitous nudity. Thank GOD they are up for the task! Okay. I’ll stop trying to sound like the guy who does voiceovers for movie trailers. This is a great little piece of garbage. It’s 1973, so the production values are impressive considering they were going for a period piece on a shoestring budget. The acting is passable, and the effects are slick as one can be expect them to be. The idea is actually a bit novel, and if you don’t give it much credit, you will have a good time with it. Far worse has been done by Corman himself. This one deserves a little bit of faith. I’ll admit one of the things that drew me to the movie was the fact that I was such a big fan of the sword n’ sandal epics starring the likes of Steve Reeves. This movie has that same hot, dry, over-saturated film look about it. And the colors are all nice and sandy. I think it was an interesting choice to get Pam Grier involved in the film as well. This was 1973 when this movie came out. That was pre-Foxy Brown and right up against Coffy… and here is a young black actress who is playing an action hero and holding her own with a blonde, delicate shell like Markov. That should say something about watchability right there. All in all- it’s a Roger Corman movie. No huge success. No amazing accomplishments, just one hour and eighteen minutes of boobs and blood. And that’s a great combination when it’s set against the backdrop of a makeshift Roman Arena. I recommend watching it right after Ben Hur, or Sparticus, or 4 beers. |
| The Arena aka. Naked Warriors (1973) |
| Directed by Steve Carver. Starring Pam Grier, Margaret Markov, Lucretia Love, and Paul Muller. |
| Guest Review by Shekfester |
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