bloodsurf

Blood Surf is a highly entertaining throwback to the ridiculously naive monster movies that I thought they stopped making in the early eighties. It's about a filmmaking crew , who are travelling to an island somewhere in the pacific ( though more likely an island off the coast of Far North Queensland) to shoot one of those gnarly surfing videos. The crew consists of a weasley producer who you just know is gonna get it , the delectable Kate Fischer ( who became a sex symbol to shiftworkers , and the terminally unemployable all over Australia as host of The Bugs Bunny Show) , and of course a couple of Surfers. One is your usual highly forgettable rogue hero , and the other is the spitting image of WWF wrestler Scotty 2 Hotty.

This isn't your average surf video though... it's an expose on the latest craze, bloodsurfing. What's bloodsurfing? Well you fill the water with blood to attract sharks , then surf amongst them hoping you don't fall off your board. At this point I totally forgot that this was a giant croc movie , as Rogue Hero and Scotty surfed with a whole bunch of sharks. These scenes were pretty well done for the most part using a mixture of stock footage, model sharks, and CGI used to varying degrees of success ( the sharks behind the waves looked great , but the close-up lingering shots looked as cheesy as they did in Deep Blue Sea).

All is well until a giant crocodile arrives on the scene, eats a couple of sharks , and eats the crews boat ( along with its extremely underacting captain and his wife and daughter). The film crew scamper into the interior of the island , and end up not only having to deal with the crocodile , but a bunch of pirates who serve absolutely no purpose to the story whatsoever. All isn't lost though... a crusty old Australian yobbo (possibly Steve Irwins brother) who has a score to settle with the crocodile arrives on the scene with his hot blonde sidekick to try and save the day.

I rented this and prepared myself for disappointment , but found it to be a funny as hell , watchable, giant creature romp. From the early scenes in the cantina I knew it was something special. The crocodile hunters blonde sidekick starts doing an erotic dance for absolutely no reason. Later she tells Kate Fischer how sensitive a guy the crocodile hunter is, and how sweet he is to her....just before telling her that he won her in a game of darts! I haven't heard great lines like that since the good ole' italian flicks of the early eighties.

The Scotty 2 Hotty lookalike was funny as well. He overacted more than anyone in the movie. The special effects were fairly effective. It was refreshing to see a modern movie make use of miniatures and stock footage rather than relying on pathetic looking CGI effects. The movie had a heap of funny scenes , and ridiculous dialog. In one scene Kate Fischer and the blonde bombshell are trying to lure the crocodile towards them. Nothing is working so they flash their breasts at it...then Kate says "That's what I call a croctease". It was such a bad pun that I almost spilled my beer with laughter.

This movie is one of those diamonds in the rough that has you wondering "Were they going for laughs with this, or am I watching an unintentional comedy?". If you like this style of very dry humour , then you will really get into this. If you watch it with someone who really doesn't get this kind of movie , they'll possibly cite it as one of the worst ever made. It's a pretty easygoing, selfserving addition to the Monster movie genre, with great locations, great eyecandy (Kate and the blonde bombshell seem to be constantly competing for the cameras attentions), and some very funny cliche characters. An evening watching Bloodsurf won't be an evening wasted.