| Chosen One : Legend of The Raven |
| Directed by Lawrence Lanoff. Starring Carmen Electra , Conrad Bachmann , Tim Bagley, Shauna Sand Lamas, and Lawrence Lanoff. |
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| O.K. , I have to confess.... the main reason I rented this Troma release was the huge blurb on the cover that read 'Carmen Electra Naked!'. You really have to hand it to Lloyd Kaufman and his uncanny knack for being able to sell almost anything. The movie itself is a combination of The Crow , and your usual run of the mill late night t.v. erotic thriller. |
| It all starts with Carmen Electra's sister being murdered by the local serial killer (played by the director Lawrence Lanoff). She's the custodian of a magic Indian talisman that can ward off just about anything and give the custodian super powers....but apparently it doesn't work on serial killers. |
| Carmen shows up to attend the funeral , and the local tribal elders tell her that she is the chosen one. She isn't too keen to take the talisman , but she does anyway just to please her Indian father, and the ghost of her sister , |
| who keeps bugging her from the afterlife. From here the plot gets a lot more confused and near non-existant. The local deputy starts coming by Carmens place a lot (as you would) , and we're treated to the promised 'Carmen Electra Naked!' scenes. One of them rips off the Salma Hayek whisky down the leg scene out of From Dusk Till Dawn. Carmen Electra doesn't want to tarnish her wholesome image though , and replaces the whisky with litres of milk. She douses herself with the stuff , no doubt fooled by the director into thinking it was good for the skin. |
| Unfortunately that's about as good as it gets... the rest of the movie involves pimps , crystal meth chemists , and Carmen getting killed , coming back from the dead, officers of the law getting urinated on , and running around in the most ridiculously futuristic suit I've seen outside The New Barbarians (but I've made all of this sound a lot more exciting than it really is). The whole movie had a kind of Russ Meyer feel to it : a ton of breasts mixed with a slapdash exploitation plot. Lanoff must have been influenced heavily by Meyer for this one. Unfortunately, although this is well stocked as far as the beautiful top heavy women go , it's missing that special something that made Russ Meyer movies so entertaining. This will probably be too tedious for most , but it's probably O.K. for a slow night , or excellent for any Carmen Electra obsessed fans out there. This should probably only get a 1 for entertainment , but that milk scene really saved this movie. |
| Entertainment : 2 out of 4 |
| Watchability : 1 out of 4 |
| Overall : 1.5 out of 4 |
| Reviewed by Blake |
| Second Opinion - by Deadite Dave |
| Man, this movie sucked. But Man is Carmen Electra Hot! Though this movie sucks real bad, I bought it on dvd just so I can pause on Carmen's funbags! All hail digital! |
| Entertainment : 0.5 out of 4 |
| Watchability : 4 out of 4 |
| Overall : 2.25 out of 4 |
| UPDATE!!! Man, was I harsh on this Troma pick-up. Now available from Stomp Visual in Australia with more extra features than Carmen has had surgical enhancements, my opinion really hasn't changed that much. Still, it almost has artistic integrity compared to most of the crapola you'll see on the tube these days, and that milk scene's still a winner (insert 'keeps me up all night' joke here). Still a better bet than one of her lame exercise videos if you're a fan of Miss Electra (or Rodman, or whatever the hell her name is these days). Plus the Stomp DVD release includes commentary from director Lawrence Lanoff. I always get a kick out of director's commentaries on less than stellar efforts. |