clonesofbrucelee

Just when I think I've seen the most ridiculous Bruce rip-offs asia has to offer , out pops a gem of a kung-fu classic like The Clones Of Bruce Lee. This is one of those movies that will have you uttering the words : "I can't believe this exists!" a number of times throughout the duration of the film.

The whole thing begins with a dying Bruce Lee ( clad in oversized seventies sunglasses , of course ) being hurredly rushed into a Hong Kong emergency room. Pretty soon the S.B.I. (Special Bureau of Investigation) , a government organisation in no way affiliated with the F.B.I. is on the scene. Given the fact that there was no legislation against cloning in 1977 , they collect tissue samples from Bruce , and rush them off to a laboritory to clone the world famous kung-fu star.

At this point I assumed that the reason they were cloning old Brucey was so that they would have a plethora of disposable action stars to use in such fine feature films as Bruce Lee Fights Back From The Grave , Soul Brothers Of Kung Fu , and Bruce Li in New Guinea. Their real motive is more in keeping with James Bond films though. They make three carbon copies of Bruce ( Actually they bear little resemblance other than the trademark Lee sunglasses and bad haircut). Then they place what looks like a large collander on the heads of the Bruces and program them to be secret agents.

When I think about the qualities of an effective secret agent , cloning Bruce Lee doesn't seem like a sound choice . A Bruce clone would have more than a little trouble blending in , especially while being chased by hordes of adoring fans. I'm surprised that the genius' at the S.B.I. didn't try and use Beatles clones for covert operations. Wait , maybe they did. That would go a long way in explaining Oasis. Anyway , the clones are trained by none other than Bolo Yeung. Soon they're ready for their first mission.

Bruce 1 is sent to infiltrate a movie set. The movie producer is using the moviemaking business to launder money. The producer soon finds out that Bruce is a mole , and decides to kill him on camera. This will not only get Bruce 1 out of the way , but also ensure that the movie is a box office smash. It's easier said than done though , and Bruce 1 smashes the laundering ring ; not to mention the producer and dozens of clumsy extras.

Bruce 2 and Bruce 3 are sent to Thailand to thwart a mad scientists plans to rule the earth. The scientist has created men made out of bronze , who are pretty indestructable. The Bruces try and fight the bronze men , but their kicks and one inch punches are rewarded with little more than clanging. They soon find a way to beat the bronze men though... a poisonous herb that the bronze men find irresistable. Bruce 2 and Bruce 3 jam the herb into the warriors mouths , and they gobble it down like salad and die on cue. When their missions are over , all three Bruces return to base to discover that the guy who created them has double crossed them.

This is a forgotten classic just waiting to be re-discovered. The whole cloning aspect of the movie was ridiculous to begin with , and then the bronze men were added to the mix. The bronze men were second rate martial artists wearing shorts and covered in gold paint. They overacted copiously , especially while eating the herb. The movie also threw in some nudity for good measure in the form of about thirty naked women running on the beach. This had absolutely nothing to do with the story , and I suspect that it was hastily added stock footage.

And what would a Bruce rip-off be without a borrowed soundtrack ? The Clones Of Bruce Lee used not only the usual Rocky music , but music from The Warriors too. The Bruce clones were in top form too. They had the old 'thumb across the nose' mannerism downpat, and really got into their roles (at least as much as someone with dubious acting ability can). Mindnumbingly surreal chopsocky action.