| Empire of the Ants Directed by Bert I. Gordon (U.S.A –1977) Empire of the Ants is a ‘nature strikes back’ movie that warns of the perils of giant radioactive ants… and disreputable real estate agents. As we see a tiny colony of ants scurrying around, a narrator grimly sets the scene. “This is the ant” the budding David Attenborough informs us. “Treat it with respect; for it may very well be the next dominant lifeform on our planet”. He goes on to tell us that ants communicate by emiting chemicals known as pheromones . The narrator tells us that the pheromones are “mindbending messages that can’t be ignored”. With the scientific prologue out of the way, we’re taken out to sea. A shady government vessel is dumping drums of radioactive waste into the ocean off the coast of Florida. How do we know that we’re witnessing a radioactive waste dump? Well all of the drums are clearly labeled danger: Radioactive Waste, and the crew are all wearing second rate bio-hazard suits. Naturally, a drum washes up on the coast right near the Dreamland Shores development, and we hear a score that sounds suspiciously like that of Jaws as the drum rolls around on the wet sand. The government has spared every expense when it comes to buying quality storage drums. The radioactive receptacle is leaking already, and the local ants are feasting on the nuclear goo. Several contractors are busy preparing an effective scam to dupe unfortunate buyers into purchasing property the useless swampland that is Dreamland Shores. But the joke’s on them. The radioactive ants are now as big as horses, and see the contractors as lunch. Meanwhile, unscrupulous property developer Maralyn Chrysler (played by Joan Collins) has chartered a boat to take a group of suckers… I mean buyers, to the secluded Dreamland Shores estate. The skipper of the boat is the surly Captain Dan. The developer tells him not to forget that she’s in charge of the proceedings. “I’m sure that if I forget you’ll remind me” he grunts. Most of the passengers seem as unscrupulous as the icy Miss Chrysler. The majority have no intention of buying property, and are there for the free cruise and alcohol. As they set sail, one of the genuine prospective buyers by the name of Thomas Lawson scoffs at the fact that Maralyn seems to have skimped on the catering. “Cheap Scotch...I think it’s all a come on” he sarcastically tells an elderly freeloader. “So what? It’s free isn’t it?” the frugal freeloader points out. When they arrive at the Dreamland Shores pier, the guests have lunch under a marquee down on the beach. For some reason they tell each other their innermost darkest secrets as they make conversation. Then it’s all aboard the estate tram for a tour around the place. It’s a pointless tour, because no construction has begun. There are signs everywhere, indicating the locations of the future golf course, the future boating club, the future pool area, and a range of other impressive future developments. Thomas Lawson is a born cynic, and sneaks off into the barren estate with his wife Mary. “You don’t trust anybody” Mary scolds him. “Most People are dishonest” he explains, yanking on a water pipe strategically embedded in the ground. He drags the pipe right out of the ground, finding that it isn’t connected to anything. Thomas has blown the lid on the property scam. All of the fire hydrants, water pipes, and other signs of a legitimately developed estate are nothing but clever props. Dreamland Shores is nothing short of a trumpeting white elephant. Before the triumphant Mr. Lawson has a chance to tell anyone of his discovery, they hear a loud chirping noise. A giant ant attacks the pair like two big sugar cubes. The other tourists find what’s left of the contractors, and head back to the marquee pursued by dozens of ants. Several of the giant insects race down the pier and onto the small charter vessel. Dan tries to fend them off, but accidentally blows the boat up with a flare gun and miserably swims back to shore. Like the inhabitants of Gilligan’s Island, the prospective real estate buyers are stranded after a three hour tour. The coastal development is miles from anywhere. As darkness falls, Captain Dan lights an enormous bonfire because the ants (like all movie monsters) are afraid of fire. Marilyn demands that they move into the nearby abandoned beach house. The skipper of the boat tells her that he thinks it’s a bad idea. “You never did like me!” she screams in a temper tantrum. “Just because I’m a woman!”. The next morning, the heaven’s open and the torrential rain puts out the fire. Miss Chrysler’s boyfriend Charlie remembers that there’s a small boat near a river inland. The only catch is that the survivors have to trek through two miles of undergrowth to get to it. After a number of skirmishes with the ants, and several casualties on their side, they make it to the boat. As the small exhausted group travel down the river, the insects attack from the banks of the narrow waterway the entire time. They even set a trap at one point. When they stumble on a large town down the river, they naturally assume that the nightmare is over. But the ants have gassed the entire population with a dose of pheromones, turning them into mindless zombies who slave their lives away while their greedy insect leaders grow fat on mountains of sugar being processed at the local plant. Sounds kind of like every government in the world doesn’t it? Even the cops are brainwashed zombies, so it’s up to the already exhausted survivors of the Dreamland Shores debacle to band together and save the day. Apart from the usual ecological commentary found in this type of movie, this A.I.P release also throws in some Orwellian style social commentary. It feels a lot like Invasion of the Body Snatchers with it’s similar themes. But instead of seed pods, Bert Gordon’s ants use a mind altering chemical to achieve their aims. The insects maintain their powerbase by encouraging hard work and distributing a pheromone reward to keep the townsfolk subdued. It’s a benevolent yet sinister way of maintaining control and keeping the economy rolling that has been adopted by all strong governing bodies over thousands of years. And Gordon’s giant bugs certainly look like politicians perched on top of their giant mountains of sugar. ENTERTAINMENT : 3 out of 4 WATCHABILITY : 4 out of 4 OVERALL : 3.5 out of 4 Reviewed by Blake |