| HELLBLOCK 13 (2000) |
| DIRECTED BY PAUL TALBOT. STARRING DEBBIE ROCHON, GUNNAR HANSEN, JJ NORTH, JENNIFER PELUSO, and DAVID G. HOLLAND. |
| I was always a huge fan of anthology series' (especially Monsters) , and anthology films such as Creepshow etc. , so I was pretty sure I'd find Hellblock 13 to be an entertaining hour and a half. Each segment has a white trash theme , and the whole thing is held together with highly entertaining vignettes featuring the always different Debbie Rochon, and the always grunting yet curiously likeable Gunnar Hansen. |
| The whole story revolves around convicted serial killer Tara (Debbie Rochon), who is spending her last evening on death row before being fried by the local executioner Gunnar Hansen. The maniacal Tara decides to buy some time by reading the executioner short stories that she has written with the aid of the ghosts that wander the corridors of death row. There are three stories in all. |
| The first is an extremely predictable, yet highly disturbing update of the old Hansel and Gretel fairytale. A lonely woman meets the man of her dreams, but the only problem is that she has a couple of kids, and he can't stand the little tykes. The only solution seems to be tying them to cinderblocks and dropping them in the local lake, which she does. Since the Sheriff can't find any bodies, she gets away scott free. Or does she? You don't need to be a third rate scriptwriter to know what happens next, as the drowned kids return to deal with Momma. The prosthetic make-up (something of welcome novelty in this age of over-used CGI) applied to the children is extremely effective. |
| The next story is easily the highlight of this anthology flick. The lovely Jennifer Peluso (another reason to check this out) plays Heidi Mae, who could have easily won Miss Trailer Park 2000 if her abusive husband Jomark (who looks a lot like WWE pro-wrestler 'The Undertaker') would stop beating her and giving her black eyes. She wants to leave Jomark and move in with her mother, who conveniently lives in the trailer next door. But Jomark isn't letting her leave without a good beating. Her only saviour seems to be a witch living in a shack in the trailer park. |
| The last section is pretty forgettable, with a bunch of bikers doing a drug run with the aid of long deceased gangmember Big Rhonda. Like the first story, this is very predictable (a cardinal sin for an anthology series), and even worse, unlike the first story it lacks any redeeming features whatsoever. No suspense, no interesting plot twists or characters, and no decent gore effects. Thankfully the film is saved from ending on a dull note with another great segment from Debbie and Gunnar, ending things without leaving the viewer feeling cheated. |
| The main reasons to rent or buy this are the Debbie Rochon/Gunnar Hansen wraparounds, and the second story. Being a big fan of the Canadian series Trailer Park Boys, I kept expecting Ricky, Julian, or Bubbles to appear at any moment and tell Heidi Mae to pop a cap in Jomarks arse (if you havent seen Trailer Park Boys, check it out at www.trailerparkboys.com).Unlike a lot of screamqueens, Debbie Rochon is not only pleasing to the eye, but a great actress to boot. This may seem like fanboy adulation, but the roles she plays in movies like Tromeo and Juliet, Terror Firmer, and of course Hellblock 13 are all distinctly different, with their own personalities and attributes. Jack Nicholson has been playing exactly the same character in dozens of different movies for the last thirty years, and getting Oscars for it! If you like horror anthology movies, television, and of course E.C. comics, check out Hellblock 13. It's worth it just for the death row wraparound segments. |
| Entertainment: 2.5 out of 4 |
| Watchability : 2 out of 4 |
| Overall : 2.25 out of 4 |
| Reviewed by Blake |
| UPDATE!!! Checking this out again after a few years, HELLBLOCK 13 is still a fun way to kill some time, and is now available in Australia thanks to Stomp Visual, as is an entire current and back catalogue of Troma titles. |