spacetruckers

This movie was kind of like Star Wars meets Convoy ( although a lot more plausable) , and was actually pretty good. It's about an independant space truck driver called John Canyon ( Dennis Hopper) , who makes a living hauling cargo all over the galaxy that no-one else wants to touch. He's just delivered a whole shipment of square pigs ( pigs genetically modified to be square shaped....I'm not sure why exactly) to a spaceport. The guy he's working for ( George Wendt) rips him off by refusing to pay him, and seizes the cargo.

After getting in a bar fight that results in George Wendt being sucked out of a broken window by his arse , Canyon is forced to get out of the spaceport as soon as possible. He badly needs money, so he agrees to take a mysterious cargo that's supposed to be sex dolls to Earth . He takes a bored waitress ( Debi Mazar), and an aspiring spacetrucker called Mike along for the ride. Not everything goes according to plan however.

First they break down , and then their spacetruck is taken aboard a huge pirate ship. The half man-half machine captain , the always maniacal and poncy Charles Dance is very interested in their cargo. He soon gets the heavily secure cargo bay open , and finds that it isn't sex dolls, but killer robots that he invented years before. His superiors made the robots turn on him to get him out of the picture. They didn't do a good enough job however , and he was able to re-build himself with bits and pieces from around the house. One of the advantages of being a mad scientist.

Dance of course laughs maniacally as he contemplates using his creations to wreak vengeance on his old bosses. He also decides to have his way with Debi Mazar. Although his manhood was fried off in his encounter with the killer robots , he's constructed a mechanical number that's started by pulling a chord ( much like a lawnmower, or chainsaw). He tells Debi " I emit a low frequency vibration that drives women wild". So it's all up to Canyon , and Mike to save Debi, and of course the universe.

I found Space Truckers to be a hell of a lot more entertaining than most recent sci-fi movies. The whole thing really had a very Star Wars kind of atmosphere ( and I'm not talking about the bland Episode 1 either). The special effects were very impressive , proving that less is often more. A lot of it was done with miniatures, which are usually a lot more convincing than cheap looking CGI. Some of the Spacetruck sequences looked really good. Big budget sci-fi productions could learn a lot from this movie. It was tongue in cheek , with a lot of funny scenes. Charles Dance really stole the show as the half man - half machine pirate ( a very convincing makeup job) . Probably his funniest line in the movie is just after he's been blasted by the killer robots. He says "If I had an anus, I'd soil myself ". Dance would make a perfect Sardu if they ever made a Bloodsucking Freaks prequel. The resemblence , and acting style are uncannilly similar. If you're still trying to get over how bad Lucas' new Star Wars movie was, You may find Space Truckers to be just the antidote you're looking for.