| White Cannibal Queen (1981) |
| aka. Cannibals, aka. Mondo Cannibale. |
| Directed by Jess Franco. Starring Al Cliver, and Sabrina Siani. |
 |
 |
| This is one of the funniest cannibal films around. It begins with Al Cliver ( who has been described as the poor mans Nick Nolte) taking his wife and daughter on a dangerous expedition up the Amazon river. Naturally, native cannibals sneak aboard the boat ( actually they're poorly made up Italians), and attack. They have facepaint that makes them look more like members of the Kiss Army than cannibals, and eat Al's wife alive in one of the longest, most drawn-out scenes of murder ever. Al's daughter Lana hides aboard the boat, but they catch Cliver and drag him back to their village tied to a pole. This kind of reminded me of when the Ewoks dragged Luke, Han, and Chewie to their village using poles in Return of the Jedi. Unlike Ewoks however, these cannibals won't listen to reason, and chop off Al's arm in one of the truly shocking moments of this movie. The fake arm they then gnaw on is magically decomposed a second later, and when it is discarded it changes into a foot. Who the hell was in charge of continuity here? Anyway, Al escapes. Luckily no-one notices a white man sneaking out of the crowded village, and he makes it back to civilisation. He's in hospital for a while, and after about ten years, decides his daughter may be alive . |
| It took ten years for this to occur to him? He's obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawer. No one believes in cannibals, and they tell him it must have been some kind of animal ( perhaps a hippo with a bonesaw) that lopped off his arm. So he goes to a grimy South American bar to find a guide, but the guides ( who are a lot more intelligent than him) realise the Italian Kiss Army cannibals are too mean, and that money is no good to a dead man. I was hoping this would degenerate into a barroom brawl, with Al taking out the guides singlehandedly (pardon the pun), but he just leaves. Fortunately, a bunch of yuppies who think the Amazon might be like a huge Club Med hire a guide and join him in his quest. It's always good to have plenty of cannibal fodder on hand. Meanwhile, Al's daughter has grown into the sultry Sabrina Siani (rrrrrrr!) and is worshipped by the cannibals who killed her mother. They refer to her as 'Great White Goddess'. It's easy to see why they worship her, because as far as I could see there was only one other woman in the village....and she was nowhere near as good looking. This movie is a pretty amusing addition to the cannibal genre. I really laughed at the fight scene Al has in the river. You can clearly see his folded 'severed' arm under his wet white t-shirt. The best thing about this movie is that unlike Cannibal Ferox, or Slave of the Cannibal God , it has absolutely no animal cruelty....this is almost unprecidented for a cannibal flick. |
| Entertainment : 3 out of 4 |
| Watchability : 3 out of 4 |
| Overall : 3 out of 4 |
| Reviewed by Blake. |
| BUY IT ON VHS TODAY FROM : |