Cshark

Longer Blonde Jokes

*Please do not read these if you are offended by Blonde Jokes. No Joke here is intended to offened anyone and all Jokes are relatively clean.

Having a hard time seeing with the background? If so just highlight all the words.(You can also select all by clicking "Edit" & "Select all" on your browser.)

The blonde woke up to find her house on fire...she dialed 911 and said "come quick my house is on fire"...the 911 operator said "how do we get there?"...the blonde said "on the red fire truck, duh...."

New father-in-law to his blonde daughter-in-law...Honey I was going to give you a new computer as a wedding present .... Why didn't you .... I hired a new blonde secretary and she couldn't get the "White Out" off of the screen .... What's "White Out"?

Three blonde women stand in front of a wide river and thinking of how they could get to the other side. Suddenly a ghost appears to them and says each of them has one wish. So the first one says, I wanna be a hundred times as smart as I am now. Then she cuts a tree and rows over the river. The second looks at that and says, I wanna be one thousand times as smart as I am now. Then suddenly she jumps to the next group of trees, cuts them all and builds a boat. Then she sails over the river. The third one says, "Fine. I wanna be a million times as smart as I am now." She looks up, sees the bridge, and walks to the other side.

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde and a smart blondes are walking down the street when they spot a $100.00 bill. Who picks it up? .... The dumb blonde because there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy or a smart blonde.

There were three women walking across the beach, there was a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde and they found a magic lamp. So they rubbed it and of course a genie came out. The genie said" I'll grant you each 1 wish. The brunette said "I wish to be prettier." The genie said "POOF your prettier." The redhead said "I wish to be smarter "The genie said "POOF your smarter." The blonde said "I want to be dumber" The genie said "are you sure." The blonde said "yes I want to be dumber." So the genie said " POOF" and the blonde turned in to a man

The blonde and brunette are tossed off a 50 story building. Who hits the ground first .... the brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move. The copilot replies .... I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica

Why did the blonde couple freeze to death in their car at a drive in theater .... they went to see "closed for the winter".

What do you call 10 blonds tied together at the bottom of the ocean .... an air pocket

The blonde painted an X on the bottom of the boat, so she could find the same fishing spot again .... and her blonde friend called her and "idiot" because they may not get the same boat again

Two blonds were walking through some woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks" While they were arguing over what kind of tracks they were a train came by and ran over them.

A blonde was telling a priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?" .... "Oh, I'm sorry .... do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane. The plane was going down and there were only 4 parachutes. So the pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped. The pope told the brunette to take the last one. The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left .... the blonde took my backpack

A blonde goes into the hair parlor with her walkman on .... I need to take the walkman off .... you can't I'll die .... but I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears .....you can't take it off, I'll die .... Flustered the hair stylist grabs the walkman and takes it off of the head of the blonde .... the blonde dies. The police come and listen to the walkman .... it is repeating "breath in", breath out, breath ....

A blonde was driving through Iowa, past some corn fields, when she looked over and saw another blonde. She was setting in the corn rows and was rowing like she was in a boat. The blonde called over to the one in the corn field and said "It is stupid blondes like you that gives the rest of us blondes a bad name. I would come over there and knock your head off .... if I could swim."

A policeman pulled a blonde over while she was driving the wrong way on a one-way street .... cop: Do you know where you are going? .... blonde: No, but whereever it is, it must be bad because all the people are leaving.

Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 1/2 hours .... the directions said "cook it for half an hour per pound, she weighted 125 pounds.

How to confuse a blonde? Ask one, "How do you confuse a blonde" and walk away .... they will bug you for the answer all day

Cshark
© Copyright 2000-2001 - 4JokesADay.Com/GBA Productions - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED