Fear and Loathing List
Now, I don't want to pass judgement onto people I don't know, however, anyone who touches Marian Gaborik unacceptably deserves to be either shot with elephant guns, or trampled to death by a dozen Jarome Iginlas late for their mid-afternoon snack. Here is a list of players who have made Gaborik uncomfortable for one reason or another.  The list is sure to grow, since the better Gaborik gets, the more players will use cheap shots to try and contain THE MAN.
1. Mike York, New York Rangers - For trying to start a fist fight with THE MAN.  York's gotta realize that a punch doesn't hurt Gaborik, it makes him stronger.  York better watch his back, we got plenty of firepower in Matt Johnson and Sylvain Blouin to knock him back into his mother's womb.

2. Grant Ledyard, Tampa Bay Lightning - For tackling The Man and bringing him to the ice.  Gaborik recieved a great pass and was on a breakaway, which of course is an automatic goal. Ledyard did the only thing he could to stop Gaborik from scoring by grabing him and pulling him down.  Why this wasn't a penalty shot, I don't know, maybe the refs felt bad for the Lightning.

3. Bryan Marchment, San Jose Sharks - For a malicious, totally uneccessary hit on The Man.  Gaborik was completely blindsided on the hit.   Not that Gaborik is a wimp, cause he could kick your ass, but he let his teammates speak for him. After the game, Matt Johnson, Antti Laaksonen, and Sylvain Blouin (still on a high after his first NHL first goal) unloaded on Marchment, pounding him to the pavement so severely that a couple of autograph seekers mistakenly thought he was Mario Lemieux. 

4. The New York Islanders - Thanks to them for letting the Man go in the entry draft so he could be picked where he belongs,  right here in good old Minnesota. Gaborik is from Slovakia, what the heck is he going to do in such a poorly managed and coached New York Squad?  I think he would probably pout because he would know what he was missing in Minnesota, and so would all the women swooning him over there.  (Tim wrote this one, that is why it makes no sense at all.)

5. David Legwand, Nashville Predators - He tangled Marian up in the front of the net.  Marian was not happy and actually threw some punches at Legwand.  Marian's first-ever aggression towards another human being.  "Yeah, thats true" said Marian.  "Legwand is just a stupid American that shows no repsect towards his superiors, like (me)."

6. Robert Esche, Phoenix Coyotes - After Marian scored a goal on his ass, Esche pushed him away form the crease.  "After I scored a goal on his ass, Esche pushed me away from the crease,", Marian said.

7. Adam Foote, Colorado Avalanche - Being that he is on every other NHLers list, we feel that he belongs here on Marian's list.  He is such a thug out on the ice.  He always records big hits every game on Gaborik, Brunette, and whoever the hell else plays for the Wild.  It is sort of a complement for him to be on this list, but not for Mike York.

8. Jarome Iginla, Calgary Flames - Iginla commited a harsh slashing penalty against Marian that caused injury during my recent play of EA Sports NHL 2002.  That sucked.

9. Ilya Kovalchuk, Atlanta Thrashers - For scoring six goals at Marian's 2002 YoungStars game in Hollywood, CA.  Umm, Marian should have scored them instead, and stuff.

10. Mike York, Edmonton Oilers - No reason necessary.

11. Jiri Fischer, Detroit Red Wings - It's about time we added a Red Wing to the list isn't it?  Jiri gave Marian a cheap shot after the play was whistled dead and the ref did not see it.  "I don't know where his aggression came from, perhaps it is from some kind of deep inner chaos...he needs to get himself together," a tranquil Gaborik thought in his mind.
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