Game Review Archive

December 16, 2001 vs Colorado Avalanche
NO RECAP AVAILABLE - Excuse: It's Colorado, who cares?

December 18, 2001 vs The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim
I think maybe if the Wild played only playoff contenders the rest of the way, we would have a shot at the playoffs. The Wild lost another lackluster game to a dreadful Mighty Ducks team 5-1. Yeah, thats pretty bad. So bad, in fact, that the Xcel sold their Energy Center to Showgirls, Inc., home of Deja Vu and Sheiks, two of the more famous Men's Entertainment Clubs in Minneapolis. The arena will now be known as the XXXcel Center, and feature exotic skating cheerleaders during the intermissions. Throwing money onto the ice is welcomed, but not required. Lap dances are not recommended, for fear of injuries from the women's ice skates. The only bright spot of the game was Andrew Brunette's lone Wild goal, mid-way through second period. Gaborik's assist on the shot gave him his 34th point in 32 games, on pace to finish with 90 points, almost 3 times as many as last year. He needs only 3 more points to surpass his 2000-1 total, and we're only a third of the way into the season.    "We're not sharp. We're trying to do things that make no sense," Wild coach Jacques Lemaire said [about last night's game]. "(Except for Marian Gaborik, damn that boy is sharp, he is so sharp he cuts me whenever he talks. Somebody done go and get that boy a guard, or he gonna cut someone bad, real bad.)"*   Andrew Brunette pocketed his 32nd point of the season, on pace to shatter his 59 points last year. He is the Wild's assist machine, but when they need him to shoot, he comes up big. Bruno averages a goal every four shots he takes, compared to just a little over 14 percent last year. As most will agree, he was quite a steal from the Thrashers, including Larry Wigge of the Sporting News: "The best bargain from last summer's free-agent market? It's not Red Wings right winger Brett Hull or Flyers center Jeremy Roenick. It's Wild right winger Andrew Brunette, who, at $3.3 million, has been a great plus for Minnesota's offense. Atlanta should regret not keeping Brunette."   Damn straight. Next game: Saturday at Vancouver. Come on, be a pal and win. If not for the fans of the State of Hockey, at least for the fans at SirMarian.   Lets just call it an early Christmas present, I swear I won't ask for anything else...I promise.

December 22nd, 2001 vs Vancouver Canuck
Marian pulled his gorin in practice earlier this week and did not play in the Wild's entertaining 2-1 victory over Vancouver. "I'd like to dedicate this victory to Marian on the team's behalf", an ecstatic Jacques Lemaire said, "I am really glad we were able to pull together as a team even though he wasn't with us on the ice." Marian 's only appearance in the Fox Sports Net broadcast came from the stands as he was briefly interviewed by a Wild commentator. He looked snazzy in his suit and he had a girl on each arm, at least that is the way I remember it. The game had everything, well almost everything. There were a few fights, some great saves and some great goals. Wild goalie Emmnauel Fernandez had a good night. "I'd like to dedicate the victory to Marian as well", Emmanuel said before the team got on their plane to Colorado, "Its tough for all of us when he is not out here, we all miss his various witty remarks." The Wild play the Avs tomorrow in Denver and will be looking for revenge from last week's overtime loss.

December 23rd, 2001 vs Colorado Avalanche
Marian missed his second straight game due to injury, so the SirMarian offices here have been quite quiet this week. The Wild gave up six goals to Colorado in an indredibly frustrating game. Nobody played well, even though Dowd and Brunette had power play goals. "That game blew", a dissapointed Marian Gaborik said after the game, "(The Avalanche) can kiss my ass." "I am very upset, that sucked big time, I hate Colorado now", Wild coach Jacques Lemaire added. The only good that we here at SirMarian can think of is that the Wild are doing better than expansion brother Columbus. But even at this rate, we are geared for a huge let down at the conclusion of the season. We know that Jacques does not like to play players who are not 100% but we are desperate, we need our Gaborik. Tim and I watched the game and Tim tried to kill himself afterwards, but Kyle was able to confiscate the jar of pills Tim was using. So we watched an episode of Saved by the Bell and all was well again. "I can't believe some dude named Willsie scored on our ass twice and we also gave up another to Eric Messier, who the hell are these guys?", Wild captain Brad Bombardir exclaimed. He later regressed and said in a tantrum, "I ain't never coming back to Colorado, never! I hate hockey and I hate all of you!" He hope he was just kidding.

December 26th, 2001 vs Detroit Red Wings
The Wild took what was left of their pride and poured it out into this game, earning a very exciting tie with the soon to be Stanley Cup Champion Red Wings. The Wild, minus the Man, for the third god*amn game in a row, took the Red Wings to town, with stellar defense and three goals by non-normal scorers. Richard Park, Jason Marshall, Willie Mitchell? who are these F$cking guys? All three scored en route to a 3-3 tie. Manny "don't call me Emmanuel" Fernandez had a great game in net, stoping the running of the bulls called the Red Wings. As Wes Walz was blatently wrestled to the ground by Chris Chelios, Wes screamed, "If I knew he wanted 20 bucks, I would have just given it to him, he didn't need to wrestle me to the ground for it", to which Chelios replied, "dude, I've got a bed of 20 dollar bills, why would I need yours", to which Walz replied, "shut the Smurf up."   Oh yeah, and Steve Yzerman is out for two weeks. Oops. Watch for Gabby to be suited up and ready to go when they travel to E town to play the Oilers Friday at 9:00.

December 28th, 2001 vs Edmonton Oilers
Marian returned from his injury and helped on Andrew Brunette's third period goal. "It was good to get back out there and help the team, even though we lost", Marian said after the game, "I can't believe we frickin' lost, no excuse for this bull." Dwayne Roloson let in a really soft game winning goal and the Wild didn't recover. I saw it as poor fundamental goaltending, it was a save that Emmanuel Fernandez would have made. Although it is not really fair to say that, I believe it to be true. Wild play tomorrow against the Flames (A.K.A. Jarome Iginla). -Kyle

December 29th, 2001 vs Calgary Flames
NO RECAP AVAILABLE - Excuse: Jarome Iginla.

December 31st, 2001 vs Detroit Red Wings
NO RECAP AVAILABLE - Excuse: A New Year's Eve bash interrupted our SirMarian updating skills, at least that's what we think we remember.

January 2nd, 2001 vs Tampa Bay Lightning
Marian scored his second goal in as many games to help the Wild to a better-than-last-year Tampa Bay team. Also, Marian picked up the game-winner and his 37th point, surpassing his point total from last year. This is just his 36th game as well. Although the Wild have been struggling during this past Holiday season, Marian has shined. He rung up Dominik Hasek during the Wild near-comeback at the Joe on New Year's Eve. "Dude, I have always wanted to score on Hasek, who hasn't", Marian said to a reporter after the game. "Now I just have to get one against Patrick Roy and my resume will be complete." "I also wish that Wayne Gretzky still played in the NHL and that he changed his position from center to goalie, this way I could say that I scored on The Great One as well." "I'll definitely be satisfied if I ever get one on Roy though," He concluded. That feat should not be too difficult since we play the champions like 64 times this season, at least, that is what it seems like. Also, Dwayne Roloson had the shutout, he made 36 saves for his third shutout of the season. Darby Hendrickson had Minnesota's other goal.

January 4th, 2001 vs Nashville Predators
Marian helped Andrew Brunette score his first period goal in a 2-1 win over the Preds. "I think I have had like, you know, um, 40 or 50, um assists on Andrew's goals this season, because, um, you know, he is good at um, hockey, and I, uh, can pass the ball to him, and you know, help him, score againt our uh, you know, opponenet, or whatever", a distracted Marian Gaborik said after the game. "sorry my quotes are not too good right now, my mind is our next game against Buffalo, its good that we are finally playing on TV again." Yeah that's what we think. So what does SirMarian do when the Wild don't play on TV? We listen to the game on the radio or try and go to the game, but if it is out of town, we stay glued to SportsCenter trying to view a video highlight. Once SirMarian gets its artistic government grant (24.6 million dollars), we'll be able to watch all the games via sattelite. And you thought your taxpayer dollars were going to waste! "Buffalo is freakin' dead", a pumped-up Matt Johnson said to conclude the Wild press conference.

January 6th, 2001 vs Buffalo Sabres
Marian got stoned on the breakaway by some dude named Martin Biron (I guess he plays goalie for Buffalo), "damn", a dejected Marian Gaborik said. When asked what he would have done differently, he said, "I would have scored". Maxim Afinogenov scored on a similiar breakaway on Wild goalie Dwayne Roloson earlier in the game. Maxim told Marian after the game, "you know what I think about your failed breakaway attempt..." Marian quickly interuppted, "actually I don't pay you to think, in fact, I don't pay you at all!" A dissapointed Marian Gaborik ended the press conference by calling a female reporter "Broadzilla". He later apologized. The Wild lost 4-1.

January 8th, 2001 vs Montreal Canadiens
Marian picked up his 39th point this season on Sergei Zholtok's third period goal. Marian passed the puck up to Richard Park who then left it for Zholtok close by the point where he ripped the Wild's forth goal of the game. Marian's 23rd assist materialized in this game, unfortunately his 17th goal did not. Marian was stoned on the breakaway for the second consecutive game. "Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, d-damn!", Marian was overheard saying in the locker room after the first period, "unfreakinbelievable, that's the second game in a row where I have beaten the goalie but have shot too low on the open net, damn!" We feel your frustration Marian. Jeff Hackett of Montreal sure did anticipate Marian's move well, so we have to give him credit. Marian restrained himself and did not use the word "broadzilla" after the game while speaking with reporters. The Wild won 4-2.

January 10th, 2001 vs Nashville Predators
Marian became the Wild's leading scorer while helping his team to a 2-2 draw with Nashville. His 24th and 25th assists came on Sergei Zholtok second period goals. "I do feel kinda bad that I overtook Brunette for the team scoring leader, but, well...booyeah!" An ecstatic Marian Gaborik said. "I am just glad to be out there helping the team kick ass." We here at SirMarian think the Wild still have a shot at the playoffs. Unlike some ESPNEWS online poll, which shall remain nameless. "Wow, D'Marco Farr, John Salley...John Salley."

January 11th, 2001 vs Mighty Ducks of Anaheim
Marian scored no goals and had no assists in the Wild's 2-2 tie with Anaheim. "It was kind of a pointless night for me, heh, I just made a play on words", Marian said later. Gaborik only had a couple shots on goal while teammate Andy Brunette tied him for team leading scorer with his second period assist on Laaksonen's goal. Fernandez stopped 19 shots during the tie as the Wild picked up one point in the standings. Filip Kuba had the Wild's other goal. "I feel bad that we didn't pull out the win", Kuba later said, "It would have been nice for Marian, he would have been proud of us." The Wild play the "Stars" on Sunday. "I hate 'em", an unnamed fan said whilst walking along Kellogg Boulevard in St. Paul, "I really f*ckin' hate 'em, group of scruffy looking nerf-herders." We here at SirMarian do not know what a "nerf-herder" is, but we will assume that it carries with it a negative connotation.

January 13th, 2001 vs Dallas "Stars"
The Wild seemed to play well in their 3-1 loss to woeful Dallas. Marian scored no points for the second night in a row. The Wild got their only goal from Laaksonen. The time is now team Wild, to step up and charge for that playoff spot, a winning streak is a must. SirMarian appreciates the recent January success but not the very recent dissuccess versus Dallas. We can't give games away like that. No excuse for bad losses like this. We need stop just letting higher-talent teams beat us with machine-like ease. We need to play the best way we are capable of, every night, not just agianst sub-500 teams.

January 15th, 2001 vs Carolina Hurricanes
The entire Wild locker room was in a dissapointed/frustrated mood Tuesday night after their loss to Carolina, this fact proven by the blairing music of Linkin Park coming from #10's locker. "Could you turn that sh$t down for one second!, Jesus!", A blasphemous neighbor (Laaksonen) was heard shouting towards Marian. "But I'm crawling right now", the young NHL star said metaphorically. The entire Wild squad might of as well been crawling during the game. They were thoroughly outplayed by the Southeastern Division leaders. Marian left Raleigh with no points, but he did have a prediction, "Up next", he prophesized, "Wild 45, BJs 0."   -Kyle

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