Wild Rankings

Tim and Kyle give their breakdown on who they like most on Minnesota's favorite NHL team, the Wild! These rankings were compiled after a painstaking process of looking through and analyzing game video archives (skill), player professionalism off the ice (demeanor), and the player's extra-curricular and community-service activities (charity). The final score is based on an aggregate of the three criterion, each one is rated 1-10, 10 being the best. Then we threw all that information out and got drunk off hooch, woke up in a gutter with a huge hangover and a list of fast food joints in our back pocket. 2.8 million Minnesota tax-dollars were badly wasted on the research (almost as badly wasted as we were). The player ranking is first, followed by the player name, the aggregate score, and a brief explanation.

Tim's List

142 - Anti Laksonan (5), As you can see, I can't even spell his name right...no, scratch that, I choose not to spell his name right. By the Way Antti, quit sucking up to Lemaire.

22 -

21 -

20 - Stacy Roest (6), Regardless of what "Crazy" Kyle says, I like Stacy's name. I'm over here now. Row-ast, Roooo-est. HEHEHE

19 -

18 -

17 -

16 - Andy Sutton (7), Big-ass defensive-man. He is too shy, he needs to get into more fights. His eyes are too close to his nose, so maybe that would stretch his face out a bit.

15 -

14 -

13 -

12 -

11 - Filip Kuba (8), The Wild's best offensive Defensiveman...whoa whoa, slow down Top Gun. Plus, he spells his name weird as hell.

10 -

9 -

8 - Marian Gaborik (9), He is an awesome player with dope skills. He will be a super player someday. He is fine for the Wild. Go Marian!

7 - Manny Fernandez (10), Or as I like to call him "Ferndo". This guy mans the net splendid. He eats pressure for breakfast, and drinks drano like water. He fathered every single one of the fans in the arena. I really like his style.

6 - Wes Walz (11), Rhymes with "balls". But he scores with a cylindrical object called a puck, not a ball.

5 -

4 -

3 -

2 -

1 - Dick Park (30), I never though I would see an Asian player in the NHL. This guy is frickin' awesome. Plus, he gets almost as many girls as Gaborik. Kudos to his parents for keeping him away from 80% of school each week and for making him spend more time at the ice rink.

P.S. Pascal Dupuis needs to finish his polishing skills.

Kyle's List

23 - Antti Laaksonen (5), He needs to learn how to finish, he is a reliable defensive forward, but is a liability on full-strength offense.

22- Stacy roest (6), Unfortunately we rarely get to see him play because he is constantly scratched. He also loses points for having a girl's name.

21 - Sylvain Blouin (6.5), I like his grit and passion, but he lacks NHL-caliber skating ability for his position..

20 - Aaron Gavey (7.5), He is good team leader and plays good team hockey, but he lacks the initiative to break out and show high individual talent on the ice.

19 - Andy Sutton (8), Another player who does not play regularly, extra points for being so freakin' tall.

18 - Dwayne Roloson (12), Dwayne is a solid backup to Fernandez, he is a little too streaky for my preferred goaltending traits.

17 - Jason Marshall (12.5), Marshall is such a beast, he will do anything to protect his teammates, we would like to see some higher offensive numbers.

16 - Darby Hendrickson (13), Minnesota's own plays to win and he does everything possible to help. He also makes all of his goals count, they all seem to come at crucial times in games.

15 - Matt Johnson (13.5), When he is not racking up the penalty minutes he can be a very important presence on the ice.

14 - Ladislav Benysek (15), A solid player with a bright future.

13 - Brad Brown (16), A great leader and strong defensemen. Loses points for being too injury-prone.

12 - Pascal Dupuis (17), "Rascal" Dupuis is an exciting player and the Wild's only rookie. He needs to polish his finishing skills.

11 - Willie Mitchell (18), A tough competitor who does not take shit form anyone, but he is also disciplined.

10 - Marian Gaborik (20), A young winger who has great speed and a good touch. Extra points for being the best player on the Wild as well as for having the most intriguing personality on the team.

9 - Andrew Brunette (20.5), The greatest addition to the Wild for the 2001-2002 season. He is an incredible passer and shoots for an incredibly high percentage. Too bad he is the most common player in the NHL to draw the high-sticking penalty.

8 - Lubomir Sekeras (21), A smart defensemen who makes few mistakes. Extra points for being from the same hometown as Marian Gaborik.

7 - Brad Bombardir (22), The Wild's most reliable defensemen, he is also a great team leader. He is constantly putting up positive defensive pressure when necessary.

6 - Filip Kuba (22.5), The Wild's best defensemen on the power play. His presence is very important, this is why he leads the team in ice time.

5 - Manny Fernandez (23), Emmanuel is our number one goalie because he steps up for a team that is not quite a playoff contender.

4 - Jim Dowd (23.5), This crafty veteran is always on the top line, because he is a top player.

3 - Sergei Zholtok (24), He is such an exciting player to watch, always a danger to the opposing team when he touches the puck. Extra points for being captain of the Latvia national team.

2 - Wes Walz (25.5), He is such a tough competitor and the Wild's fastest skater. He also scores the most amazing goals and puts on some unbelievable moves. What a player.

1 - Richard Park (30), I have always been a big fan of Korean-style hockey. This kid seizes any opportunity that is given to him on the ice, he never fails.