There's a puzzle done on paper that not only challenges and expands our intellect, it's a good basic lesson in life.

Make nine dots, three-square. Make 'em small, because you may need to make dozens more!

The rules are these: make four straight lines that go thru all nine dots, and don't lift your pen. (If you're reading this, take a few minutes/days to try it now. For the secret, see the bottom of this file. Not now!)

The life-lesson to be learned from this: we assume a lot of rules/restrictions on ourselves that don't exist... or that we may safely ignore. Victorianism was a definite rule-system, but one that was ignored in larger and larger areas. (thank goodness!) Many or the rules were even then assumed, and few were given imprimitur of law. Penalties existed, however; just not official ones.

Here is your list of permissions. Read them ten times. That's my rule.

1. You are not required to be who you used to be.
   (You aren't who you used to be, you know...)
2. You are not required to be who you thought you were.
3. You are not required to be who you have pretended to be.
4. You are not required to be who anyone else thought you were.
5. You are not required to be who anyone else expects you to be.
6. You are not required to be who anyone else wants you to be.
7. You are not required to do something just because someone else wants you to.
8. You're not required to believe something just because someone else wants you to /expects you to.
9. You are not required to do something you'd be good at, if you'd rather not.
10. And, for this file: You are not required to follow rules that don't really exist.

(See also: "Your Bill of Psychological Rights".)

And yet, just because you're not required to do all these things, you still may want to--just replace that tired old motive (it may not really be your motive!). Replace "I should..." with "I want...", and see how it feels. It will either feel vastly better--or surprise you. You must read the "Should" essay. (I'm spreadin' it pretty thick here.)

Why is it that most people feel free to be most their real selves in an anonymous situation?! Fear of breaking the rule that they're supposed to conform to other people's expectations of them. In the extreme, their goal in life seems to be to never, ever say anything substantial. They are, in effect, "public hermits", trying desperately to mimic the lives of real humans.

1. "Think outside the box." You've heard of the phrase. This is where it comes from.
   Yes, you assumed a rule that does not exist: "Stay within the confines of the nine dots." Wrong. Wanna stop reading now, and try it again?

   V

   V

   V

   V

   OK.

2. You can start with any two (or three) dots of any outside three dots.
3. The second line goes thru only two dots.
4. Not only can you hit all nine--you can hit one twice!
5. Ok, Ok; if you still give up (are you sure?)

   V

   V

   V

   V

   OK.

   The first line goes thru two or three dots of an outside edge, then continues on till the end lines up with a shot at two other dots. That line also continues outside the nine, till it lines up with a shot at three dots--one of which is where you started. One more, (obvious now) does it.

Now, do you get the metaphor? The rules you assumed in the nine-dot problem are like the rules you assume in life.

1. Nobody can tell what you think if you don't tell them, so go ahead... think wild things! Test whether you want something.
2. often, you can really say what you think.
3. often, you can really do what you think.