Dear Iris:
Hi! I saw your webpage and decided
to send you a
letter! Because I'm weird! Or, at least that's what my
sister Zeb says. She's weird too. But I got her back
by using her email account. Hehe, she'll kill me.
Anyways, now that I've been nice,
I want to tell you
to leave Zero alone because he's mine and you can't
have him. Also, he hates you and you suck.
Nice talking to you!!
Love, another loyal and slightly
obsessed Zero fan, D3
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Dear D3,
NONONO! ZERO DOES NOT LIKE YOU! HE lIKES ME! HE LIKES ME! WERE GETTING MARRIED ENXT WEEK SO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!! HE LOVES ME! HE ,LVOES ME!! ZERO YOU DONT KNOW HIM! YOU DON'T KNOW HIM U BIOTCH!
Love, Iris
Dear Iris,
Goddamn it, woman. I've told before that you we are not getting married. I've already returned the tuxedo that you mailed to me back to the store that you purchased it from. I'm more than apalled that you expected me to show up to be a groom in a wedding that I don't approve of. How sick are you?
-Zero
(Note: This was not an e-mail, but, however, an answering machine message put into text form.)
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Dear Zero,
OOOH! OMG! I *love* you Zero; and I know you want to marry me! It's why you jeep wring me! OOOH1111 was the tuxedo not pretty enogh for you? I will buy you a new one! WOOWOO!
-XOXOXOXOXOOXOOXOXOXOOXOXOXOX Iris