FEMININITY (the other half )
KILLING INNOCENT WOMEN AND CHILDREN IN IRAQ IS A NO-NO, IT IS A POLITICAL GAME.
THIS BOOK PROVIDES RELAXING SPRING/SUMMER READING INDOORS OR OUTDOORS. WOMEN ARE THE OTHER HALF OF THE HUMAN SPECIES AND HAVE A BASIC HUMAN RIGHT TO EXPERIENCE AND TAKE PART IN ALL ASPECTS OF HUMAN SOCIETY. HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ADVERTISEMENT? A BOOK THAT EVERYONE WOULD WANT TO GIVE TO THE WOMAN IN THEIR LIVES. THIS BOOK HAS BEEN NOMINATED BY BC BOOK WORLD FOR THE VANCITY BOOK PRIZE AS THE BEST BC -RELATED BOOK PERTAINING TO WOMEN'S ISSUES.FEMININITY (the other half)
by Eleanor Rigby
NOTE: MASCULINITY is one half, FEMININITY is the other half. THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO MY MOTHER, "TARA", WHO WAS NOT ALIVE TO SEE THIS BOOK:
This paragraph deals with comments about this book by my Professional Editor Betty Taylor: Eleanor Rigby knows what you want to read about men and women and she delivers it with punch and panache. The presentation is highly informative and laced with pertinent humour and personal anecdotes from a career rich in experience. This is not a text book but an expose of our lives and times. Eleanor writes in a style that is quick, crisp and modern. A professional engineer and former tutor of high school students, she is a powerful presenter and a superb teacher. This book will grab your attention right from the start and won't let go till the final paragraph. This could be the ideal party book with over 200 wry anecdotes and observations that will have your friends chuckling along with you as you consider her relevant comments on humanity today. This book gives constructive advise on very serious subjects but the odd moment of humour is introduced. This makes it more readable and assists in emphasizing some important points. A book that every mother, grandmother, aunt and mentor will want to give to the woman in their lives.
It enables women to have fun and enjoy life to the fullest, some humorous and some serious, as every woman has to be able to laugh sometimes. It contains some of the many obstacles that women have to face in today's male-dominated society and what it really is to be a woman in today's world.
Since the truth hurts, some of the text may seem to be offensive. The humorous stories and comments incorporated in this book are not meant to be disparaging to any organization or anybody. They are included to provide the reader a respite from the seriousness of the topic.
A lot has been written about History, what about Her story (which may be more than half)?, I have tried to make people aware of some of Her story in this book. Ninety per cent of what I have written is based on true observations and true personal experiences.
Laugh, have fun during the holidays and be the centre of attention at a party. It is mainly to make women aware of some of the facts in society today, since knowledge of a certain fact is very important to the lives of women and which were known for a very long time by the authorities concerned but were deliberately concealed from women.
It enables women to have fun and enjoy life to the fullest that life has to offer, some humorous and some serious, as every woman has to be able to laugh sometimes. Click on mutlicolorinvite2.html to know more about having fun and enjoying your life.
THIS IS A SUMMARY OF THE OBSERVATIONS MADE BY ME AND THEN WRITTEN BY ME IN THIS BOOK. A woman is mainly thought of as a sex object in today's male-dominated society, however, a woman has many other talents. A Woman is the other half of the human species and she has the basic human right to experience and take part in the many other aspects of human society.
The Chapters in this book deal with the following main points:
3. Psychology and Philosophy -- the inherent human behaviour and philosophical thoughts that women may have to adapt to nowadays, which in turn affects their lifestyles
4. President Clinton -- a parody on President Clinton's term in office
5. Family and Children -- the interactions and responsibilities women face in bringing up children
6. Politics and Government -- the laws and actions of people in these two professions and how it affects the lifestyles of women
7. Women are wonderful -- some of the true happenings, sacrifices, tolerances, etc experienced by me, the author
8. Society -- how it affects the lifestyles of women in various cultures in the world today.
THIS IS A SUMMARY OF THE OBSERVATIONS MADE BY ME AND THEN WRITTEN BY ME IN THIS BOOK.PRIVATE
A woman is mainly thought of as a sex object in today's male-dominated society, however, a woman has many other talents. A Woman is the other half of the human species and she has the basic human right to experience and take part in the many other aspects of human society.
THE FOLLOWING ARE THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE TEXT INCORPORATED IN THIS BOOK.
WOMEN AND MEN
1. Work and come together, provide equality between the two sexes.
2. Let the women handle the world, for a change.
3. Women-life is free. No appointments are necessary.
4. Women will not need men as much in the not-so-distant future.
5. Do not be controlled by anyone and you will attain your destiny.
6. Each year shows a trend towards increasing violence against women.
7. A man is smart when making love, because he is talking to a woman.
8. Women will take over the world since they give life.
9. Do not waste time complaining and talking; just do it, take control.
10. A woman wants a man to be intelligent, caring, loving and honest.
11. One of the items that most intrigues women is, what is that man thinking?
12. Abortion is a woman's issue. Men should keep out of the discussion.
13. A woman has to be many times smarter than a man. If she is only as smart as a man, she will lose every time.
14. The more meat on a woman's body, the better she is sexually for a man.
15. Lust is inherent in the human species.
16. If a person thinks young, it effuses out.
17. Women trust people and appreciate a good deed more than men.
18. People in the science and technology field have lots of money, however, people in the arts field are more courteous and polite.
19. A woman is inherently and intrinsically manipulative of men.
20. Pretending is a major aspect of female behaviour in this male-dominated society.
21.Human society has evolved to be female-oriented but male-dominated.
SOME OF THE HUMOROUS ANECDOTES INCORPORATED IN THIS CHAPTER 1
ON WOMEN AND MEN.
(A) What do Osama Bin Laden and a pantyhose have in common? The answer is, "They both irritate the BUSH".
(B) A woman's tomatoes in her garden are not growing well, however, her neighbour's(a man's) are. So she asks the man his secret. The man says, "I come out at night and take off all my clothes and dance naked for the tomatoes.". After a few days the man asks the woman as to how her tomatoes are doing, she says, "I did what you said, but my tomatoes are still not growing good although my cucumbers are doing really well.".
(C) A drunken lady goes into a bar and says, "Tarbender, Tarbender, pour me a Martussi, I have an aching heart.". The Bartender refuses to serve her. She says again, "Tarbender, please, I have an aching heart.". The Bartender says,"There are three reasons I will not serve you, (a) One is that I am a Bartender, not a Tarbender (b) The second is that it is a Martini not a Martussi (c) and the third is that your heart is not aching, your boob is in the ashtray.
1. The sexiest woman of the 20th century according to Playboy Magazine is Marilyn Monroe.
2.Reporting the news is more responsible than merely reading the news.
3. Having a few who understand the problem is better than having many who do not.
4. In 1976, in the U.S.A. I lived a life of stereotyped decadence -- Quote by David Bowie
5. People stay in show business because it is the only thing that they can do that they are fairly good at.
6. "You can go your own way, everything is waiting for you." -- a song by the musical group Fleetwood Mac.
7. Are you living in a fantasy in a rock 'n' roll band or on the edge of reality?
8.What village do the "Village People"(the musical group) come from?
9. A woman in a drenched wet sari preferably by rain, is sensual.
10.Come on women, Do not get taken by advertisers and manufacturers.
11. Life is a maze of choices and setting your own priorities.
12. It is normal for one person to love or be attracted to another person.
13. This is not a lesson it is the final exam -- as said by George Carlin.
14. A woman spent her money on stomach pills to cure the millennium bug.
15. What does "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman" mean?
16. If you wish to be famous, make friends with reporters.
SOME OF THE HUMOROUS ANECDOTES INCORPORATED IN THIS
ON SHOW BUSINESS.
(A) A man and his buddy go golfing and tee-off. The man drives his golf ball into a buttercup, and in fishing for his golf ball strews butter all over the place. Mother Nature gets angry at seeing this and tells the man that he must be taught a lesson. Mother Nature tells the man that his punishment is that he cannot have butter for a year. The man starts laughing. Mother Nature asks him why he is laughing after getting such a stiff sentence. He says that his buddy's golf ball is buried deep in the Pussy Willows.
(B) When the Americans cross the Canadian border to take advantage of the exchange rate, they have to keep one thing in mind, that a 36DD bra size in Canada is a 33B in the U.S.A
(C) The husband thought he had an idea by firing the chef, so the wife could learn to cook. The wife also had an idea, fire the chauffeur then the husband will learn how to fuck.
(D) A slogan for the Women's World Cup Soccer Team could be, "It is this or field hockey.".
(E) V.D. is short for Valentine's Day.
(F) Diane Sawyer said on The Oprah Winfrew Show,"If I ever interview the Pope, one of the questions I would ask is whether Jesus Christ would approve of his attire?".
(G) If a Woman Television Network executive has sex with a man one time in the night she calls it, "A Special", two times in the night she calls it, "A Mini Series" and three times in the night she calls it, "Fantasy Island".
(H) Show-Business people's favourite bed-time snack is, "Honey, I have just left the studio.".
PSYCHOLOGY AND PHILOSOPHY
1. Attitude is the key. Truth and Honesty are slowly coming to the forefront.
2. Equality for women will not happen by waiting for the goodness of men.
3. Fame is an appurtenance of what one does.
4. Being judgemental, and expressing reality, are two different items
5. Secrecy, concealment, and denial are used to hide one's faults.
6. An inference being a deduction, is more neutral and unbiased than an opinion.
7. Do not be militant with nature or it will wreak its wrath.
8. If there is no audience there is no show.
9. Duty is a superficial attitude. The amount it over-rides human compassion and understanding,
is directly proportional to the demise of human beings.
10. All women are not good, however, there are more good women than good men.
11. If everybody else is doing it, and getting away with it, then why not me.
12. Human reproduction and profit should not go hand in hand.
13. The behaviour of a baby depends a lot on the state of mind of the mother during pregnancy.
14. The quality and quantity of extra-marital affairs depends on the possessive and obsessive nature of the marriage.
15. Liberation means being free from the things we do not like, in order to be enslaved by things we do like
16. Women and men should start to establish a sensible culture in order for their descendants to survive.
17. The best thing in life is to spend it on something that outlasts life.
18. Hatred is a form of love.
19. Quality is more important than quantity.
20. Is everything affected by gravity, or does the Earth suck?
21. Achievement comes when one decides to live within one's possibilities.
22. For many people, the lure of amassing money is the most important objective of all.
23. A female child is mentally and physically different from a male child
24. Co-operation, not competition, is the key.
SOME OF THE HUMOROUS ANECDOTES INCORPORATED IN THIS
ON PSYCHOLOGY AND PHILOSOPHY.
(A) A philosopher friend of ours recently likened marriage to a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached. (B) Masturbation is an organ solo.
1. The most powerful person on this Planet called Earth, is the President of the U.S.A
2. If the evidence is against your case, then argue like a devil.
3. Knowledge is power in this sick world.
4. Even though he did not publicly admit that he was guilty, the settlement infers it.
5. Politicians flourish where a few catchy words can be said that would take volumes to disprove.
SOME OF THE HUMOROUS ANECDOTES INCORPORATED IN THIS CHAPTER 4
ON PRESIDENT CLINTON.
(A) President Clinton could have hired John Cochrane for his defence and John Cochrane's opening line to the jury could be, "It is not IMMORAL, IF IT IS ORAL.".
(B) Monica Lewinsky's Christmas cards might read,"I know I have been naughty, when Santa asked me to sit on his lap, I dove in head first.".
(C) A book on the New York Times best seller list could be, "Men are from Mars, Bill Clinton is from Arkansas.".
(D) How many times in History have people known the shape and curvature of their leader's STAFF?
(E) Hillary Clinton gets her "Money for nothing." and President Clinton gets his "Chicks for free." -- from the song, "Money for Nothing." by the musical group Dire Straits.
FAMILY AND CHILDREN
1. Men start the day at home, where the woman is the boss.
2. Kids love their toys, 'till a new one comes along. There are many adults, who still think like kids.
3. Motherhood will not be the basis of denial or abridgement of rights under the law.
4. The average woman needs 45 minutes to get dressed for work in the morning.
5. Fathers are generally more affectionate towards their daughters.
6. Experiencing childbirth and bringing up children entails a lot of self-sacrifice, patience, and tolerance.
7. Politicians flourish where a few catchy words can be said that would
take volumes to disprove.
9. Marriage between a man and a woman is frequently a joke or a farce.
10. In the East Indian culture, a woman's life is enjoyable 'till she gets married.
11. Children go a little funny when given a set of crayons.
12. Society became enamoured by the story about the pet python (snake) that the lady allowed near her small children.
13. Bullying in high schools has no gender.
14. A woman is instinctively more capable of bringing an infant even if she has not given it birth.
15. In Thai culture, a marriage dowry is given by the man's family to the woman's family.
16. One-third of the world's population is under 15 years of age.
17. A father wants his son to be like him.
18. Women double-check what they say or do a lot more than men.
19. A child develops 40% of its mental advancement potential by the age of 3 years.
20. Children often perform activities innocently and without any ulterior motive.
SOME OF THE HUMOROUS ANECDOTES INCORPORATED IN THIS
ON FAMILY AND CHILDREN.
(A) A patient lying in hospital deathly ill and plugged into a life-support system, wakes up and is suffering from amnesia.
When asked his name or address he says that he does not remember, however, he remembers (a) Linda, a hooker (b) Caroline, who, was the toast of the town in Tijuana and (c) Tanya, a blonde with long hair down to her knees, wearing black fish-net stockings, a garter belt, dressed in black leather and having a whip. Unfortunately, all his memories are erotic. He is told by the Lady Doctor that he will not pull through. Aghast, he says, "Doctor, you are telling me that I am going to die". The Lady says "I am not the Doctor, I am your wife" and then she unplugs the life-support system.
(B) A Doctor tells the wife of his patient that her husband is terminally ill and is going to die, however, if she wants to help him prevent it, she should make love to him three times a day. On the drive home exasperated by his wife's silence he eventually asks his wife as to what the Doctor said about his illness. She says, "You are going to die very soon.".
(C) Little Timmy hears a ruckus from his Mom's bedroom, when he opens the door he sees his Mom lying butt naked on the bed yelling, "I need a man, I need a man.". Another day he hears the same ruckus from his Mom's bedroom and sees and hears his Mom doing and saying the same thing. The third time he hears a real good ruckus coming from his Mom's bedroom, opens the door, and sees a man. So he rushes down to the basement, rips of his clothes and yells, "I need a bike, I need a bike.".
(D) A person goes to court asking for a divorce on the grounds that the person lives in a two storey house. The judge says, "What kind of grounds are that for a divorce, that you live in a two storey house?". The person says, One story is that I have a headache and the second story is that it's that time of the month.".
(E) Detention, is when you have not done your homework (D-tension).
(F) A man is sitting in his garden naked from the waist down with only a shirt on. His grandson asks him, "Why are you sitting with your pants off Grandpa?". The grandfather says, "The last time I sat here with my shirt off I got a stiff neck, so this time I am sitting with my pants off and naked from the waist down. It is your Grandmother's idea.".
POLITICS AND GOVERNMENT
1. The Minister had been given a palatial house for $350.000, probably by the Church.
2. Bosnia is a political war, no ifs and buts about it.
3. Men, not women are responsible for the over-population crisis.
4. Violence makes a victim of all of us. Speak out against violence.
5. Governments must admit women at once to the dominant role in all decision making that directly affects women.
6. In union disputes, money may be an important point, but there is a lot involved in the negotiations.
7. We do not lie, we just misappropriate the truth.
8. The shortage of 1 cent stamps by Canada Post has created a black-market in 1 cent stamps.
9. What is "appropriate"? Is it using words to disguise misdeeds?
10. What is better, comedy or politics? What is the difference? -- as said by Kim Campbell when she was running for election.
11. They are asking people whether they would prefer a fare increase or a reduction in transit service.
12. The problem is, they do not listen to us.
13. If an immigrant makes a honest effort, the North American people will help the immigrant succeed.
14. If there is no audience there can't be a show.
15. Politicians flourish where a few catchy words can be said that would take volumes to disprove.
SOME OF THE HUMOROUS ANECDOTES INCORPORATED IN THIS
ON POLITICS AND GOVERNMENT.
(A) David Stupich in the Bingo Charity Scandal, was a reverse Robin Hood. "He stole from the poor and gave it to himself.".
(B) The Pope stood before a hushed crowd of attentive villagers and spoke to them saying, "You must not use the pill.". A lovely signora stepped forward, shaking her finger. "Look", she chided the Pontiff, "You no play-a-da-game, you no make-a-da-rules.".
WOMEN ARE WONDERFUL
1. I decided to step out of Humanity a little bit, just enough to see it clearly.
2. Duty is a superficial attitude.
3. Look, but do not touch when women and girl watching.
4. An inference is less prejudicial than an opinion.
5. Motherhood will not be the basis of denial or abridgement of the rights under the law.
6. Mature girls do not cry, they get even
7. Some women of different nationalities have to beg for money from their men.
8. The behaviour of some of humanity is stupid and animal-like.
9. I will help people, but I will not help them take sides.
10. Books may be fiction or non-fiction. I call them fantasy or reality.
11. Children often perform activities innocently and without any ulterior motive.
SOME OF THE HUMOROUS ANECDOTES INCORPORATED IN THIS CHAPTER 7
ON WOMEN ARE WONDERFUL.
(A) When a person says to you when you have written or said something controversial, such as, "Why do not you go back to where you came from?" say, "Do you know the size of an average womb?".
(B) When I told Doctor Baird about the hockey stick souvenir I gave him for his daughter (for Christmas) to go with 3 dimensional hockey card and hockey goalie mask which I had given him earlier, I told him that a lady could wear a hockey mask as a goalie and nobody would realize that she is a woman. He asked me, "What happens about the change-room?" I should have told to tell his daughter to, "Use her head.".
1. The survey was just taxpayers' money down the drain.
2. It is equality, giving respect where it is due.
3. It is reality, men do take over.
4. Provide a society where violence and injustice is not endemic.
5. Older women have an even worse time in today's society.
6. Are not dykes something they build in the Netherlands?
7. Wife beating and abuse should be treated as a first degree criminal charge
8. Citizens should ensure that common sense prevails.
9. So when does a man think coherently? The answer is NEVER.
10. I am King of the house when you are not there.
11. Humanitarianism, not Communism or Capitalism is the key to society nowadays.
12. Whether it is -40 degrees in Celsius or Fahrenheit, it is the same temperature.
13. Women, believe in yourselves. Do what is correct for women and men.
14. Women and men should learn to co-operate and co-exist.
15. The Sari is worn by East Indian Women to protect their skin from the harmful rays of the sun and the prying and lustful eyes of men
16. Women were not born prostitutes or drug addicts.
17. Young East Indian women are forced into prostitution by their parents.
18. Women are different from men, both physically and emotionally.
19. It is an error to assume that society today has allowed women any real participation.
20. To many women, the illusion of control is more important than reality.
21. We live in an imperfect society.
22. Basically, the price of almost everything is based on supply and demand.
23. In Japan's polite society, women get molested during rush hours.
24. Being late for whatever reasons diminishes your credibility.\
25. The importance of money is over emphasized in today's society.
26. A woman should be appreciated for her mind as well as her body.27. The East Indian culture has to get over the obsession of having male children
28. Aging is for cheese; forget it.
Nowadays they can separate the X and Y chromosomes of
31. A female child is inherently loving and caring till she attains adolescence.
32. As far as Parenting is concerned, there is no message of equality between the two human sexes.
33. The rewards attained are directly proportional to the development of one's own resources
SOME OF THE HUMOROUS ANECDOTES INCORPORATED IN THIS CHAPTER 8
(A) Love is different from Lust. Love is an extension of life, whereas, Lust is only an extension.
(B) What is the difference between a remote control and a G Spot. The answer is; A man spends a lot of time looking for the remote control.
(C) The new male control pill may be to LOSE DIRECTION towards the woman egg, as men hate getting directions.
(D) A woman wearing a fur coat is asked by protesting animal activists, "Do you know how many animals they had to kill for that fur coat?". She replies, "Do you know how many animals I had to sleep with in order to get it?"
E) Two midgets go to a Church and ask the Father if there is a midget nun. The Father says, "There are no midget nuns in this parish or anywhere in the world.". So one midget tells the other midget,"See, I told you, You went to bed with a penguin.".
(F) What is a Zebra? The answer is; 26 sizes larger than an A bra.
(G) Sluts and whores do it for money, while wives do it for refrigerators.
(H) In the summer time some women seldom wear panties, as it is WARM.
(I) Most people find sexual partners in their office. I feel sorry for the self-employed
(J) Adjusting himself after a back seat quickie, the fellow turned to his date and said, "Gee Marge, if I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time.". She replied,"Gee George, if I had known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose.".
(K) An Inuit and an Eskimo are snowmobiling in the Arctic when suddenly there is fuel and oil all over the place. They take the snowmobile to a mechanic, who turns it upside down, inspects it and says to the Inuit, "I think you blew a seal.". The Inuit says, "No, that is only ice on my moustache.".
WOMEN, DO IT, HOWEVER, DO IT CORRECTLY.
AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE, SHE IS STILL BUYING THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN.
Killing innocent women and children in Iraq is a no-no, it is a political game. My Mother and Father inculcated good values and attitudes in me when I was growing up, my sister and brother were delightful companions. At 21 years of age I graduated from engineering, at 23 years of age I obtained immigration to Canada. I am a Registered Professional Engineer with The Association of Professional Engineers and Geo-scientists of The Province of British Columbia and a Registered Professional Engineer with The Association of Professional Engineers of the Province of Manitoba.
During my early years I was more interested in furthering my career as an engineer but during the past 10 years I have experienced more of reality and this book is the result of my efforts.
I had extensive experience in the field of law when I acted as my own lawyer in a custody case, which I won. That was proof that if something is tried diligently, success is possible. In the field of education, I instructed students from grades 8 to 12 in English, Maths, Physics and Chemistry during a teachers' strike in Vancouver as a volunteer tutor. ELEANOR RIGBY IS A PEN NAME FOR MY BOOKS.
WOMEN, DO IT, HOWEVER, DO IT CORRECTLY.
AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE
SHE IS STILL BUYING THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN.
A book that everyone will want to give to the woman in their lives.
This book may make the Christmas holiday season enjoyable.
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