Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!
Marge picks up the extension and hears: Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!
Uh, I.P. Freely? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely! Wait a minute ... Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!
Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap! Oh, wait a minute ... Jacques Strap. It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!
Moe: Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
Homer: Don't look at me!
Moe: Oh, no... You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately? Listen, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick!
Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt Oh, wait a minute...
Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Hugh Jass: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: Uh, sir, this is a prank call gone terribly wrong.
Hugh Jass: That's alright, (hangs up phone) What a nice kid.
Moe: Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?
Barney: "You sure do!"
Moe: Oh...it's you, isn't it? Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!
Moe: Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high!
Moe: You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tankle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!
Here, Moe is taking over Mrs Krabappel's class as a substitute teacher ...
OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath? The students in the classroom laugh All right, settle down. Anita Bath here? More laughs All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks! Still more laughs Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that! Moe runs out of the classroom crying as Bart crosses Moe's name off of a list of what are now former substitute teachers