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| Entertainment News |
| Mitchell "Scoops" Johnson Editor in Chief |
| Yo, if ya'll didn't get ya news on enough last time, we gots mo where that shiznit came from. Fo real!!! Ya best enjoy it this time fool, cause ol Two-Scoops Johnson is gonna have to lay low fo a while. It's this little thing I gots wit da five O if ya know what I'm talkin bout. Yo, by the way, I meant to axe if any ya'll know whether you can get dem conjucle visits or whatever if da Po-Po catch up to ya. I got this phat heffer named Double D. Donna. Yo she is Phat!!! Get ya news on!!! |
| Dave Thomas Wins Battle With Liver Cancer, Upset Cancer Murders Thomas |
| Houston, TX - Wendy's founder Dave Thomas won his long-standing battle with Liver Cancer late Monday afternoon. Distraught, the cancer vowed revenge, and claimed that Thomas cheated in their battle. "Before we started this whole fight, Dave [Thomas] and I agreed that that neither of us would use weapons," said the cancer, "Then, just when I was getting the upper hand, he went to a doctor for radiology treatments." |
| Celeb Updates: |
| Arsenio Hall has taken to fighting terrorism his way, by snorting pound after pound of high quality cocaine. |
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| Mr. L. Cancer was apparently so mad about his defeat, that he broke into Thomas's home early Tuesday morning and attacked the beloved founder of Wendy's. "There was a struggle, and Cancer got the best of him," said Lt. Michael Peteson, the first officer on the scene. On Thursday, 8,000 Wendy's employees showed up to the will reading claiming, "In every speech he gave us, he clearly stated that we were part of the 'Wendy's Family'." |
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| If you want to see something that made even Scoops contemplate suicide, click on the picture above. |
| Special Report: Goldie Hawn Still Looking Hot! |
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| Straight from Hollywood, Cali- Fresh off the presses, the newest and hottest picture of one of Hollywood's starlets, Goldie Hawn! Isn't she looking spectacular? The fifty years plus Hawn, who spends her days being rich and a hottie, denies reports of plastic surgery. And we here at the Entertainment News couldn't agree more! Doesn't she make you wanna find a nice quiet place and just beat it off? I know I want to right now!! When reached for comment the spank worthy Hawn replied, "Huh ahh I am a hot bitch, shake your ding a ling at my puppies, ahh huh." Boy is she right!! |
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| OJ Simpson Follows New Career Choice |
| Aspen, CO - After becoming the butt of a lot of jokes, OJ Simpson has decided to turn the tables and tell a lot jokes about butts. "I just figured, I am a black man with a receeding hairline, a drinking problem, and a very famous police record, the logical career move for me is to become a comedian." said Simpson earlier this week. Audiences have not felt as enthusiastic about Simpson's choice. Some say he is 'not funny,' but most say, 'He's a f***ing murderer. What the hell is funny about that!?!?' OJ has come up with an all new approach to stand-up comedy. "I mostly tell a bunch of punchline jokes, but what really gets the audience going, is when I throw in some murder jokes." Simpson uses a Sam Kinnison style of yelling his jokes, mostly because he has to be loud in order for the crowd to hear him over the 'Murderer' chants. His favorite joke; "I just flew in |
| OJ Simpson tells his classic joke, "See this glass of Vodka? Think I can kill it? HA!!!...I'll take a stab at it. HA!!! Whoo, I'll be here all week." |
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| Movie Buzz: Ricki Lake is fattening up in preperation of her new film, 'Hairspray 2: Cruise Control' |
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| Jasper,FL- In a suprise to nobody but her, Sandra Benhard was kicked out of the Celebrity People circle, AP has reported today. "I am shocked!!! How did this happen? COME ON, LAUGH AT ME I AM A COMEDIAN," was all the former celebrity could muster. The former celebrity has not been seen in anything remotely popular for some time, which led to her getting kicked out. "I am not suprised. To be a celebrity, you have to you know, put out something that people would actually want to see," proclaims Danny Harrison, long standing celebrity fan, "Just because your tall and loud doesn't mean you are a celebrity." |
| Sandra Benhard No Longer Considered a Celebrity, Sources Say |
| Hairspray II Cruise Control |
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| Drug Czar Joey Lawrence was taken into custody when the FBI searched hi Hollywood home and found over 400 lbs. of narcotics. Whoa!!! |
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| Jacko is on cracko!! The King of Pop has been rumored to have taken over Joey Lawrence's Drug Ring!! Keep on the look out for some wacko cracko from Jacko! |
| from Los Angeles, has anyone seen my gloves? HA!!! I am hilarious! HA!!! But seriously folks, I've been out all day looking for the 'real' killer, boy are my golf clubs tired...HA!!! Oh man...HA!!! Where's my wife...HA!!!" |
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| This very gay man is not a celebrity but we thought we would inform you that he enjoys nothing more than a nice 'gay-man sandwich'. Watch out Elton John. |
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