Source: geocities.com/garrison27

                                                                              
 How to remove a dead whale                                                     
                                                                                
 The Farside comes to life in Oregon.                                           
                                                                                
 I am absolutely not making this incident up; in fact I have it all on          
 videotape.  The tape is from a local TV news show in Oregon, which sent        
 a reporter out to cover the removal of a 45-foot, eight-ton dead whale that    
 washed up on the beach.  The responsibility for getting rid of the carcass     
 was placed on the Oregon State Highway Division, apparently on the theory      
 that highways and whales are very similar in the sense of being large objects. 
 So anyway, the highway engineers hit upon the plan--remember, I am not making  
 this up--of blowing up the whale with dynamite. The thinking is that the       
 whale would be blown into small pieces, which would be eaten by seagulls,      
 and that would be that.  A textbook whale removal.                             
                                                                                
 So they moved the spectators back up the beach, put a half-ton of dynamite     
 next to the whale and set it off.  I am probably not guilty of                 
 understatement when I say that what follows, on the videotape, is the most     
 wonderful event in the history of the universe. First you see the whale        
 carcass disappear in a huge blast of smoke and flame. Then you hear the happy  
 spectators shouting "Yayy!" and "Whee!" Then, suddenly, the crowd's tone       
 changes. You hear a new sound like "splud."  You hear a woman's voice          
 shouting "Here come pieces of...MY GOD!" Something smears the camera lens.     
                                                                                
 Later, the reporter explains: "The humor of the entire situation suddenly gave 
 way to a run for survival as huge chunks of whale blubber fell everywhere."    
 One piece caved in the roof of a car parked more than a quarter of a mile      
 away. Remaining on the beach were several rotting whale sectors the size of    
 condominium units.  There was no sign of the seagulls who had no doubt         
 permanently relocated to Brazil.                                               
                                                                                
 This is a very sobering videotape.  Here at the institute we watch it often,   
 especially at parties. But this is no time for gaiety.  This is a time to      
 get hold of the folks at the Oregon State Highway Division and ask them,       
 when they get done cleaning up the beaches, to give us an estimate on the      
 US Capitol.