Hi!  My name is Cheryl.  Patrick and I married on April 18th,1998.  We planned to have a child right away and got pregnant May 15th, 1998.  We already had Cianna, who was 8 at the time we married.  Courtney, our other daughter, was born February 2nd, 1999.  We then decided to go back on birth control and wait until Courtney was around 2 years old to have another child.  But on Oct 23rd, 1999, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive, giving me a due date of June 25th, 2000. I was devastated!  I kept thinking of all the things that could go wrong because I was taking the pill at that time and the fact that Courtney was only 8 months old and would be 17 months old when the baby would be born.  Was I ready for this? NO! I cried all the time because I felt like I didn't want this child right now.  I wanted to start trying when Courtney was 2, so she would be almost 3 by the time the baby came.  Cianna, my daughter, and Patrick, my husband, were so happy.  My husbands birthday was on Oct 26th, so he told me that was the best present he could  ever have.  Unfortunately, I didn't feel the same about it.  As time went on I accepted the fact that what's done is done and I cannot change it.  I still felt disconnected from this baby.  I didn't have the motherly feelings I had with my other two.

On Jan 13th, 2000 I woke up at 1:00 AM with a little twitching in my belly.  I got up and went to the bathroom and saw a slight tinge of blood.  I then knew, that the twitching I felt, was actually very mild contractions, that were 1 minute apart.  I woke up Patrick and told him I was in labor.  We gathered the kids and went to the hospital.  They first gave me a shot to try to stop the contractions, but it didn't even touch it.  They told me that since I was 17 weeks along, they probably couldn't stop my labor but they would try.  From 4:00 AM - 5:00 AM they did an ultrasound.  His heartbeat was 161 and everything showed that I was exactly as far along as I thought I was.  He was growing normally and his heartbeat was strong, there was no sign of stress at all.  My cervix had thinned out.  Instead of measuring 3 1/2 inches it was 2 inches.  I knew then, that I was going to deliver this baby and I also knew that if I did, he would not make it because his lungs were not developed.  At this point I was devastated again.  But in a different way.  The baby that I had decided I did not need right now had changed my whole outlook.  I wanted this baby more than anything in this world and I knew, that wasn't going to happen.  The contractions were still 1 minute apart and got stronger and stronger.  Finally my water broke at 11:52 AM.  They delivered Nicholas at 12:01 PM.  He had passed and entered into the lords arms just minutes before he was delivered.  He was so perfect!  He looked just like a tiny, tiny baby.   His mouth, his eyes, his tiny feet and hands were beautiful.  He weighed 5 1/2 oz and was 7 1/2 inches long.  At 8:30 PM they let me go home.  I have never felt so empty in all my life.  I cried leaving the hospital because my arms were empty.  The baby that I had not wanted in the beginning but wanted so badly now, had left me.  I knew that losing him was my fault for having the feelings that I did, while pregnant with him.  The dr's could not tell me what happened or why my body went into full blown labor.  I cried non-stop for 2 weeks straight,  blaming myself for losing my child.  I felt like he left me because he knew I didn't want him.  How could I ever forgive myself.  When I went for my 2 week check up, they told me it was due to Chromosomal Abnormalities.  There is nothing I could have done to cause this or stop it.  That eased my feelings about it being my fault a little bit.

I now believe that it just wasn't his time.  So we are trying to conceive again, hopefully this time all will be better.  I don't think I could go through another miscarriage.  I keep Nicholas close to my heart.  I have a keepsake box that I look into often.  It has his picture, his footprints, the outfit he wore for the picture and a few poems.  I never knew that a little box could mean so much to me.

I think every experience in your life is to teach you something.  From this, I learned that no matter how small or how big, how old or how young, we are all human and we should be loved no matter what.  I have a very different outlook this time while trying to conceive.  I just wish I didn't have to learn this lesson the hard way.

I Love You Nicholas, with all my heart.

May 3rd, 2000 - Today I got the courage to pick up a copy of my records.  I felt that to much just didn't add up(I was right).  As I sat in my car, about to open the envelope, the song "Angel"  by Sarah Mclachlan came on the radio.  I felt like this was Nicholas letting me know that he was there for me while I read these papers in front of me.  What I found in the reports was not what I had been told.  I was told my son had Chromosomal Abnormalities, when in fact, the Pathology report states "Undeterminable" for the cause.  After reading the placenta report and the report from nicholas' stillborn body, I have come to my own conclusion as to why this happened.  The report about Nicholas states that he was in perfect health.  There was nothing wrong with him at all.  Everything was intact and in perfect shape.  There was nothing stating anything to do with Chromosomal problems.  The placenta report states lots of hemorrhaging in different places and that it was an irregular triangular shape.  It also states that there were many pieces to it, in many different shapes and sizes.  Parts of it were transparent and other parts were black, which they should not have been.  From all of this I have come to the conclusion that I lost my son due to a combination of placenta abruption and an incompetent cervix.  So now we will see where we will go from here.  I believe that my son died because doctors did not pay attention to my cervix on the U/S.  If they had noticed this earlier, I could of had a cerclage(Stitch in my cervix) placed to prevent it.  My due date would have been June 25th, 2000 and that was one of the hardest weeks I have ever lived through.

July 13th - I lost Baby Garris today.  I found out on July 9th that I was pregnant again.  I immediately called the doctor to have a pregnancy test done by them. I went in on the 10th and had blood drawn.  It came back positive, but my HCg level was only a 17.  They asked me to come back in on Thursday to retest to see if my levels were going up.  As I awoke Thursday morning, I knew what the test would tell me.  You see, I was already bleeding.  I knew I had lost the baby.  I went in and tested anyway and it said my level was now below 5 and negative.  I was between 4-5 weeks along.  They of course told me it was a fluke, just like Nicholas.  I am in search of a new doctor.

I miss you Nicholas and Baby Garris.

August 15th, 2000 - I am happy to say that we are currently pregnant again.  I have found a wonderful doctor that is willing to help me any way possible.  I had my Hcg levels checked and it went from 549 to 1237 in two days, which is a good sign.  My date is April 19th, 2001.   There is hope!  I feel like this is my light at the end of my tunnel.

Oct 18th, 2000 - I went into labor and was found to indeed have an incompetent cervix.  I had a cerclage placed today.   They will remove the stitch at 36 weeks if I am lucky enough to make it till then.  I am on moderate bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy

Jan 18th, 2001 - I am 27 weeks along today and since the cerclage things have been great!  They will remove my stitch in 9 weeks!

Feb 15th, 2001 - They will remove my stitch at 9:20 am on March 26th, 2001, only 39 more days  I can't wait!  At our 29 weeks Ultrasound Christopher Andrew weighed 3lbs 3 1/2 oz.  He is already head down and partially engaged, so we are hoping he stays put for at least 4 more weeks.

March 13th, 2001 - Well the count down has begun!   We have only 13 days left till they remove my stitch.  I had a lot of contractions last night for about 1 1/2 hours and again this morning around 1:30 am and 3:30 am.  I have an appointment today for my dr and an ultrasound tomorrow.  Hopefully we can see how much he weighs.  He is already engaged at station 0 and ready to be born.  We are thinking of naming him either Andrew Ira or Christopher Andrew.  I will update again after my stitch removal.

UPDATE:  Please Welcome.......

ANDREW RYAN GARRIS

Born: April 3rd, 2001
Time: 11:43 am
Weight: 7 lbs 10 oz (3 weeks early)
Length: 20 1/2 in long

To read all about Andrew and see pictures please click on his name.

I thank the Lord and Nicholas everyday for my little miracle baby!  Thank you so much for watching over him.  The light at the end of my tunnel is here!

May 23rd, 2006
Wow how the time has flown by!  Andrew is now 5 years old and doing wonderfully!   Courtney is 7 and Cianna is 16.  Nicholas would have been 6 this year.  It is so hard for me to believe he has been gone that long.  He has his ways of letting me know that he is around, and I cherish every one of them!

October 26th, 2007
It has been a long time since I have added anything about andrew.  He is now 6 1/2 years old.  I thought I would update and let you all know that on May 25th, 2007 he was diagnosed with Hunter Syndrome.  You can click here to read all about Andrew and click here to read about Hunter Syndrome.  Most children with this do not live past the age of 10 if they have a severe case.  Andrew has a mild case, so he may have a life span of anywhere from 20-60 years, depending on how it progresses within him.  He is on an enzyme replacement therapy once a week, for the rest of his life.  It is not a cure.  It  just slows down the progression.