Top Ten List

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I'M IN SCOUTING
TOP TEN THINGS ABOUT WINTER CAMP
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR CAMPING TRIP IS OVER
TOP TEN WAYS TO GET LOST
TOP TEN WAYS TO GET FOUND
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE A BACKPACKER
TOP TEN MAXIMS FOR OUTDOOR SURVIVAL
TOP TEN ESSENTIAL CAMPING ITEMS
TOP TEN CLUES YOUR DESTINATION IS REALLY REMOTE
TOP TEN CLUES YOU'VE GOTTEN TOO CLOSE TO THE WILDLIFE

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I'M IN SCOUTING
10). My basement was empty and needed remodeling anyway
9). I get to wear a uniform with neat badges
8). I like the smell of calamine lotion
7). I enjoy going to the bathroom in the woods
6). I'm in it for the crafts
5). I'm allergic to house chores (needed something to fill the void)
4). I get quality time with my son and 30 of his closest friends
3). It's a great way to collect coffee mugs
2). I'm practicing to be a sheep herder
1). It only takes an hour each week!!!

TOP TEN THINGS ABOUT WINTER CAMP
10). Views are great without all those darn leaves
9). Eat all you want, you'll burn it off
8). No worry about rock and roots under your tent
7). Companions don't smell as bad
6). Can practice the bunny hop
5). Drinking water stays cold.
4). No crowds
3). No dirt
2). You can walk on water (it's frozen) and the number one thing about snow camping.....
1). No bugs

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR CAMPING TRIP IS OVER
10). The aroma's of the forest, river waters, and blue skies are replaced by the smell of formyldihyds, plastic plants, and chlorine at the school water fountain
9). You are out of food, money, and clean underwear
8). The bear ate your 7 days of rations on day 2
7). The meticulously maintained tan from your Golden Pond camp trip getaway is peeling away like onion
6). The kids as well as the leaders want to go home too
5). When your office sends a Fish and Game Commission Ranger to find you because of a crisis at work
4). The Cub Scouts in the pack finally start to get along with one another!!!!
3). Those s'mores are now taking up permanent residence on your waistline
2). You are planning the next trip
1). Your nose has peeled so badly that you can breath through the top

TOP TEN WAYS TO GET LOST
10). Sit in the passenger seat of any vehicle and keep your mouth shut while the Akela goes someplace he/she hasn't been before
9). Go on a five day backpacking trip through primitive hiking trails in the middle of July and say, "TOPO MAPS?!!! I don't need no TOPO MAPS!"
8). Pretend to be blind. Take a dog that has no business guiding you
7). Head off for a weekend of camping and paddling leading the pack on that great river you remember from way back. You don't need a map, its only been 20 years
6). Follow your "natural" sense of direction
5). Trail tiny chunks of raw hamburger to follow back when done hiking (especially effective in bear country!)
4). Use the "official" map issued by the park as you attempt to canoe through their biggest, darkest swamp
3). Depend on moss to grow ONLY on the north side of rocks and trees
2). Rely on your brand new GPS unit to get you in and out of the woods on a 5 day trip (but forget the owners manual and spare batteries at home)
1). Depend on markers five feet high when seven feet of snow has fallen

TOP TEN WAYS TO GET FOUND
10). Forget to bring fishing license with you on your next camping trip and you WILL be found. . . by the ranger
9). Include a megaphone and portable stadium lights in your camping gear, and make day-glo yellow and hunter's orange your favorite colors
8). Make sure you're the one carrying the "black box". They always find the black box
7). Take a bear cub with you as a pet
6). Forget to file your tax return, the IRS will find you!
5). Leave your rescue plans, week after week, in the hands of Gilligan and the Skipper
4). Follow the tracks of a bear!
3). Carry lots of candy bars. No matter where you sit the folks who brought dry fruit and nuts will track you down and become your friend
2). Build a large fire in the forest during the dry season (and wear good boots for running)
1). Pack 10 km of thread and leave a trail

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE A BACKPACKER
10). Using nearest available leaf as toilet paper when nearest available leaf happens to be poison ivy
9). Expect dry conditions on the summit because the trailhead is snow-free
8). Pack an electric blanket instead of a down sleeping bag for a trip because you know it would be much warmer
7). Tie food in a tree so that it was just out of our reach, but not the bears
6). Instead of counting sheep jumping over fences, you count jumping over briar patches
5). Go on a camping trip with 14 Wolf Cubs. Bring 8 sleeping bags, no rain gear, and no can opener
4). Dive into the river. Forget to take off your glasses or look our how deep the water is
3). Smoke a salmon in Bear Country
2). Hike up a cactus-laden butte in at sunset. Wear open toed sandals
1). Take all the food, stoves, cooking gear, and eating tools for a 6 day wilderness trip, but leave the fuel back at the trailhead

TOP TEN MAXIMS FOR OUTDOOR SURVIVAL
10). God Made Dirt & Dirt Don't Hurt. (applicable to any food accidentally dropped on the ground!)
9). Pack Light - Freeze at Night
8). Never Hike Alone. (Or the popular corollary: Always Bring More Food Than You Think You'll Need.)
7). You don't have to outrun the bear, just the slowest person in the group
6). Fear is a message from you to yourself that you oughta be somewhere else!
5). Don't Trust the Dead (i.e. rotting footholds, brittle branches, and "found-dead" animals.)
4). Don't forget the duct tape
3). Walk softly and carry a small pack!
2). It Tastes Like Chicken (applicable to anything you otherwise wouldn't eat)
1). There are Old Climbers & Bold Climbers, but no Bold Old Climbers

TOP TEN ESSENTIAL CAMPING ITEMS
10). An "Ask Me About Jehovah's Witnesses" sign.  Posted outside your tent site area, it will guarantee you have the campsite all to yourself
9). Duct tape. Never leave home without it
8). Common sense (usually forgotten 98% of the time)
7). Whatever you forgot on the kitchen counter at home
6). Bandana- also known as potholder, sweatrag, tourniquet, hat, etc.
5). A cell phone and the number of the nearest Domino's. (For emergencies only.)
4). Bog Roll/Toilet paper/Loo Paper/Bathroom Paper/TP/Bagel Wipes/Charmin...
3). Big Bottles of Bug Juice for Big Bad Bugs
2). The stove you left out in the backyard after testing it the night before
1). Dehydrated coke

TOP TEN CLUES YOUR DESTINATION IS REALLY REMOTE
10). Your destination is not listed on the map
9). The bones of lost backpackers line the trail
8). The mosquitoes are asking for directions
7). Other hikers greet you with a strange, V-shaped hand signal and a hearty "Live long and prosper."
6). They don't know Seinfeld has been canceled
5). Your GPS screen begins to flash: SORRY NO SERVICE IN THIS AREA!
4). You have complex conversations with your echo...and it responds
3). When the last guy that passed you on the trail looked an awful lot like Big Foot
2). You meet people coming back out and they are in buckskins
1). Upon arrival at the camp, the administrator tells you the phone is 10 miles that-a-way

TOP TEN CLUES YOU'VE GOTTEN TOO CLOSE TO THE WILDLIFE
10). You bet your friend your bear claw scars are uglier than his
9). When someone invades your campsite, you drop to your hands and knees, growl and chase him away
8). You smell the rattlesnake before you hear it
7). You get the urge to flock, migrate or hibernate
6). You stand in the middle of the stream and catch trout with your "bear" hands
5). You realize that for once, that odor is not your Sixer
4). You use porcupine quills to clean your teeth
3). The cougar you've spotted is fogging up your binoculars
2). When your mother says you are such a "dear," you become nervous when she means to mount your head on the wall
1). You've ditched your pack, clothes and boots, put on a loin cloth, and changed your name to Mowgli

Jungle Book Picture ©Disney

April 25, 2005