Early '90s MX-Inspired Casuals
Thumbnail fun!!
What's the point of riding dirt bikes if, when in non-riding situations, people can't tell that you cheat death so often? You don't ride dirt bikes for the excitement, the scenery, the friendship, the fun, the smell of race gas, the exercise, or the good feeling of a race well-run. Fuck no, you do it to get chicks! When you are at the club and a girl asks what's up with your neon orange t-shirt with the blurry motorcycle on it, you get to say that you race motocross. Then, she will say: "Isn't that what Vanilla Ice does? I saw him jump through a hoop of fire on 'Circus of the Stars' last night. It was baaad! Let's fuck!" That's why you needed MX-inspired casuals in the early '90s.
Listen up, asshole. I am the LEAD DOG. I like pink, I am dynamic, and my back is like a chain-link fence. You, on the other hand, are not the lead dog. You know what that means? All you ever see is AONTHER DOG'S ASS! Good work, Allsport Dynamics.
Every MX'er needs a wallet that is ruff-n-tuff enough for the rigors of racing and features aggressive styling. The O' Neal Rhino Wallet is called that for a reason. It literally is tougher than a rhinoceros, as this horrifying reenactment illustrates:
Ivory dealers have already nabbed the young rhinoceros's horn, and now the O' Neal Rhino Wallet strikes. No wonder there are only 4000 of them left.
"Uh-huh!": The last gasp of the cola wars. With the advent of the '90s, we were able to finally stop taking those pop taste tests and get back to work. What better to wear to your job at Starbucks than the "MX", "Jet Ski" or "USA Jumble" pant? Not only do they feature a comfortable low crotch, 8-inch leg hole, and attitude, but they are the only pants in history to have a dirt bike on them. Sure there have always been dirt bike pants, but never a pair of pants with a dirt bike ridden by a guy wearing dirt bike pants on them. Think about that for a while, and then tell me how weird it is.
Welcome to
a land of wonderment and whimsy!
After
an exciting listen to "Hello Ma Baby" on Thomas Edison's amazing
phonograph, these early 1890s bastards beg God for just one more chance at
life on an early roller coaster. Life sucked before dirt bikes.
SoCal Surfwear
The ultimate
in early '90s attitude.
Cool Kids!
SoCal brings
us more tubular gear, buuuudy!
Bieffe Kidz
They have served us complacently for decades. Now see what happens when airbrushes revolt!
FastBoyz Jersey
Nothing matches your Mitsubishi 3000GT's interior better than a Thor FastBoyz jersey and a pair of Skidz Bibz. Oh, wait, maybe it would be better if you wore it with your lowered mini-truck and the USA Jumble pants. The blue neons under your truck will really bring out the purple in the jersey. But the 3000GT has a gold license plate frame which would look good with the chain links. Decisions, decisions.
