CHURCH SIGNS -----“No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace.” -----“Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!” -----“Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.” -----“Searching for a new look Have your faith lifted here!” -----An ad for St.Joseph’s Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads “For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.” -----When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, “Open Sundays,” the church reciprocated with its own message, ‘We are open on Sundays, too.” -----“Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!” -----A singing group called “The Resurrection” was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read; “The Resurrection is postponed.” -----“People are like tea bags --you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are. -----“Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!” -----“When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright.” -----“Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.” -----“Fight truth decay —study the Bible daily.” -----“How will you spend eternity —Smoking or Non-smoking?” -----“Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives”: -----“Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.” -----“It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.” -----“Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.” -----“Will it take six strong men to bring you to church?” -----“If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.” -----“If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.” -----“Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon. -----“This is a ch__ch. What is missing?” à (U R)                                                                           BACK