Christmas Jokes

A little boy returned from Sunday School with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he just had to tell his parents: "I learned in Sunday School today all about the very first Christmas! There wasn't a Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys on camels had to deliver all the toys!" And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet, so they had to have this big spotlight in the sky to find their way around."

Sometimes I get the feeling that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist!

Santa Claus is a jolly fellow! Imagine all that driving and still being able to say, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

My friend, Rick, is a paramedic here in Miami. A few years ago he answered a call about a man who had a head injury he got when some teenagers were throwing eggs at cars. It seems that the egg had come through the open window of the man's car as he was driving at about 45 mph. He had a large swelling on his forehead. In the official report, Rick described the incident as an "egg-noggin".

Billy: How come you never hear anything about the tenth reindeer, Olive? Tilly: Olive? Billy: Yeah, you know... Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...

The wife is shopping for Christmas gifts, With purchases little and large; She doesn't believe in Santa Claus... But she believes in Master Charge! 

The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnu's ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good. To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU'S EAR!

Rudolph the Red-Nosed-Reindeer, Used to have a steady job, Santa had hired a new guy, A flying mule whose name was Bob. All of the other Reindeer Used to wonder what he was, "He'll make us miss our deadlines, Plodding on the way Bob does." Then One foggy Christmas Eve, Santa made a call, "Rudolph with your nose so bright, Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" Then how the Reindeer loved him, And he helped them though the mess, Rudolph the Red-Nosed-Reindeer, Flies a plane for UPS!