SINCE I KNOW THAT I WON'T HAVE TIME TO GET TO EVERYTHING I NEED TO TELL YOU TODAY, I NEED YOU TO PROMISE THAT YOU'LL COME BACK ON FRIDAY AND FINISH WHAT WE START TODAY.
3. I NEED FOR YOU ALL TO LOOK OUT FOR MR HILGROVE FOR ME. AS YOU KNOW, I'VE LISTENED TO HIM SINCE I WAS A LITTLE BOY, AND NOW I SENSE THAT HE'S IN SOME KIND OF TROUBLE. IT STEMS FROM THE FOOTBALL GAME AGAINST TOLEDO WHERE "SOMEONE" KEPT MISSING THEIR KICKS. I'M NOT SURE WHAT WAS GOING ON, SINCE I WAS BUSY DOING OTHER THINGS DURING THE GAME. BUT I HAPPENED TO TUNE IN, JUST IN TIME TO HEAR HIM SCREAM OUT, WITH A PAINED VOICE:
"HE MISSED!! HE MISSED THAT CHIP SHOT FIELD GOAL!! HE'S A
NO-GOOD, ROTTEN LITTLE "@#$%^&*!!"
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE MISSED THAT!!
DAMIT, THERE GOES NEXT MONTH'$ MORTGAGE PAYMENT!!
HE NEEDS A THERAPY SESSION...ALL AMERICAN...ALL ALUMINUM!!"
(I'VE WARNED HIM ABOUT USING THAT LANGUAGE ON THE AIR...BUT, HE'S SO HARD-HEADED)
NOW LADIES, YOU'RE THE ONLY "ALL-AMERICAN'S" THAT I KNOW, WHO ARE QUALIFIED TO ADMINISTER THERAPY SESSIONS...WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT! FROM WHAT I HEARD, THAT WAS THE ONLY AREA OF THE TEAM THAT NEEDED WORKING ON, AND THAT'S IMPORTANT AS WE INVADE SYRACUSE AND BREAK THAT LONG "RODE TRIP" DROUGHT THAT WE'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH SINCE Y'ALL WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL.
AND THE LAST THING THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE IS MR HILGROVE HANGING AROUND CAMPUS WITH A SIGN THAT READS:
WILL BROADCAST
FOR FOOD
I JUST WON'T HAVE THAT!!!
I'VE LEFT THE NEEDED THERAPY TOOLS IN THE USUAL HIDING SPOT...OOPS, I MEAN IN THE PROPER PLACE, WHERE THEY CAN BE RETRIEVED. PLEASE USE THEM WITH ZEAL, GRACE AND A LITTLE LOVING VICIOUSNESS. THE PRIDE OF THE PANTHERS REST IN YOUR SWINGS...OOPS, I MEAN ON YOUR SHOULDERS. SO MAKE SURE THEY FEEL THE PRIDE!
ALSO, MAKE SURE THAT YOU POST SEVERAL LOOK-OUTS SINCE HE MAY HAVE "FRIENDS" WHO WANT TO FEEL THE TEAM (COMMUNITY) SPIRIT. IF THAT STUPIDITY HAPPENS, FEEL FREE TO DRAG 'EM...OOPS, I MEAN "HUMBLY REQUEST" THAT THEY
"COME BEHIND THE BUILDING AND FEEL "DA BREEZE"!!
PLEASE REMIND THE FOOTBALL PLAYERS AFFECTED THAT THERAPY SESSIONS ARE LIKE DRUG TESTS: "AT RANDOM...AS NEEDED"!! OH, AND THIS TIME...WASH THEM OFF!! LAST TIME YOU LEFT BITS OF HAIR, SKIN AND ENTRAILS HANGING OFF OF ONE OF THEM. DON'T YOU KNOW, THAT STUFF CAN BE TRACED AS DNA EVIDENCE?! DON'T GET SLOPPY...GET RESULTS!!
ALWAYS A PANTHER...LET'S GO PITT!!
THEN IT CAME TO ME!!!
BUT, I NEED TO KNOW THAT IT'S JUST YOU AND ME. SO LOOK AROUND YOU AND MAKE SURE NOBODY'S LOOKING OVER YOUR SHOULDER. WHEN IT'S ALL CLEAR...LINK HERE