| Flabby thighs I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. Children Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do. Jean de la Bruyere Penny A penny a pile will make a dollar after while. Money It can buy a House But not a Home. It can buy a Bed But not Sleep. It can buy a Clock But not Time . It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge. It can buy you a Position But not Respect. It can buy you Medicine But not Health. It can buy you Blood But not Life. Murphy's Law, something lost When you are looking for something you can not find it but when you are not looking for it it gets in your way. Thoughts/destiny Your thoughts determine your actions. Your actions determine your habits. Your habits determine your character. And your character gives birth to your destiny. Unknown Creativity/art Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. Scott Adams For want of a nail For want of a nail, the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe, the horse was lost. For want of a horse, the rider was lost. For want of a rider, the message was lost. For want of a message, the battle was lost. For want of a victory, the kingdom was lost. Trip around the sun Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. Matter most The things that matter the most in the world, they can never be held in our hand. Gloria Gaither Matter most, by John The things that matter the most in the world, they can never be held in our hand, such as a Mercedes. John Gelhaus Today's problems You can't solve today's problems with the same level of thinking that created them. Harry Truman Good men do nothing The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. Edmund Burke Sit-in-the-front-row...types You sit-in-the-front-row-with-extra-sharpened-pencils-types... Democracy Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary. Reinhold Niebuhr, US theologian, historian Generalizations All generalizations are false. Time Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. IRS The IRS has what it's got to get what you have. Best friends Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say. Honor student Just because your son's an honor student doesn't mean you're not an idiot. Every thought of you If I had a flower for every thought of you, I'd walk forever in my private garden. Big difference You don't have to be big to make a big difference. Stop to think Did you ever stop to think and forget to start again! ~*Perrie*~ See you later alligator See you later alligator; after a while crocodile; not too soon, baboon (or: see you soon, you big baboon.) Come to the aid of people One does not need to be stronger, fitter, morally better, or untroubled to come to the aid of people in crisis. Diane Ackerman in "A Slender Thread" Don't drink, don't smoke I don't drink. I don't smoke. Two out of three ain't bad. Bob Crane Meek inherit earth The meek shall inherit the earth--if that's all right with you. Ali Me/Whee! poem by Muhammad Ali Democracy Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary. Reinhold Niebuhr Hope Hope is like the sun, which, as we walk toward it, casts a shadow of our burdens behind us. Dumb bumper stickers Honk if you hate noise pollution Honk if you're illiterate Ace Ventura: Pet Detective If I'm not back in 5 min., wait longer. Phony Someone who attempts long distance fraud is known as a phony. Illiterate Bumper Sticker: Honk if you're illiterate. Let it rain For after all, the best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain. Henry Longfellow Altruism or selfishness An individual has not started living fully until they can rise above the narrow confines of individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of humanity... Every person must decide, at some point, whether they will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness. This is the judgment. Life's most persistent and urgent question is, what are you doing for others? Cheetos brain If Cheetos snacks are 90% styrofoam and 10% spray paint, so is the internet, except you get the orange dusty stuff all over your brain instead of your fingers. Uncle Url Liberalism Liberalism is our best and only hope in the world today. For the liberal society is a free society, and it is at the same time and for that reason a strong society. Its strength is drawn from the will of free people committed to great ends and peacefully striving to meet them. Only liberalism, in short, can repair our national power, restore our national purpose, and liberate our national energies. What do our opponents mean when they apply to us the label 'Liberal?'If by 'Liberal' they mean, as they want people to believe, someone who is soft in his policies abroad, who is against local government, and who is unconcerned with the taxpayer's dollar, then the record of this party and its members demonstrate that we are not that kind of "Liberal." But if by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people -- their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties -- someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I'm proud to say I'm a 'Liberal.'" President John F. Kennedy Wild shopping Did you go shopping over the weekend? It was packed, the stores were jammed! In fact, I got knocked down while waiting in line, and I was shopping online! Jay Leno Lot of work He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe. 3 types of people There are three types of people in life: those who can count, and those who can't. Remain silent It is better to remain silent & thought a fool than to speak up & remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln Learn a new way I am struggling to learn a new way to do what I used to do the old way so that I can once again work with everybody else who is also learning a new way in order to work with me. Soon, no doubt, I will have to learn a newer way. This is progress. This is what is called "user-friendly." Provide enough The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little. President Franklin Roosevelt Web page for quotes http://www.joelorr.com/bumpers.htm Laughter as medicine Laughter is the best medicine. Take your prescription to a funny looking pharmacist. Randy Glasbergen Brain went on vacation ...my brain went on vacation last week and hasn't gotten back yet... Judy Polumbaum Colds With treatment, a cold lasts 2 weeks; without treatment it lasts 14 days. Success Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is a process. Working together is success. Henry Ford Attitude It’s your attitude - not your aptitude - that determines your altitude. Dance Work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt And DANCE LIKE NO ONE’S WATCHING. Brain went on vacation ...my brain went on vacation last week and hasn't gotten back yet... Judy Polumbaum Excess of Chineese women What we have in excess are women. So if you want, we can give a few of those to you, some tens of thousands. Mao Zedong, Chinese leader, discussing trade imbalances with President Nixon, 1973 Following political party leaders It's not impressive to be for or against something just because party leaders are for or against it and you want to be like they think the party should be. John Gelhaus Embrace it, use it as your own Curfuffle--your English word of the day; embrace it, use it as your own. Cath Denial Know or ignore me Get to know me or learn to ignore me...your choice. Logic ...what truly great human endeavor ever began with pure logic? Jesse Elliott, Daily Iowan newspaper columnist, 2002 Mark my words Mark my words so you can find them later. Doonesbury cartoon, 2002 Hammer When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Rulers What luck for rulers that men do not think. Adolf Hitler Struggle & progress Without struggle there is no progress. Frederick Douglas Shakespeare Give an infinite number of monkeys typewriters and they'll produce the works of Shakespeare. Shakespears/monkey experiment over (We) discover(ed) that the original purpose of the internet was to find out whether or not a million monkeys typing at a million typewriters would ever write the works of Shakespeare. The experiment is over. They can't. Linky & Dinky George W. Bush & national security I've forgotten more about national security than George W. Bush will ever learn. Gen. Wesley Clark Egotist An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. Happiness If we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. Edith Wharton Penny made If it's a penny for your thoughts & you put in your 2 cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. Steven Wright Batteries I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven Wright Notice If you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing! Hold the helm Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. More difficult than an after-dinner speech There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you & kissing a girl who is leaning away from you. Winston Churchill Computer match A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Emo Philips Pessimists Most pessimists are happy because 90% of the time we're right, & the other 10% we're pleasantly surprised. Jack Duvall Optimist/pessimist The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. James Branch Cabell Supreme Court picked president With your help, this time the Supreme Court will not pick the next president, and the current president will not pick the next Supreme Court. Al Gore, 10-14-2004 Inner child My inner child is at that fun age. Linky & Dinky Charles Schultz Philosophy 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. 2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners. 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest. 4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize. 5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress. 6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners. How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. 1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school 2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time. 3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile. 4. Think of a few people that have made you feel appreciated and special. 5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. 6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you. Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care. Charles Schultz Smile Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. Mother Teresa of Calcutta Yesterday, tomorrow, today Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present. Ugly rumor "I'm the victim of an ugly rumor at work." "Are you saying that the rumor is ugly or that the rumor is that you're ugly?" "I'm saying the rumor itself is ugly." "Well, then I have more bad news for you." Dilbert comic strip Year's supply Linky & Dinky are thrilled to be on the TV Game Show Crosswits and win a Year's Supply of Turtle Wax... only to find out that a Year's Supply of Turtle Wax is one can. Linky & Dinky Not best cook I'm not the best cook in the world, but I make great reservations! "Emrsum" of Flower Mound, TX. Trying to be the person... I'm trying to be the person my dog thinks I am. Christi from Grayslake, IL Librarians Librarians are subversive. You think they're just sitting there at the desk all quiet & everything. They're like plottong the revolution, man." Michael Moore, March 13, 2002 Brick-in-the-fuel-tank Linky & Dinky's brick-in-the-fuel-tank trick saves money filling up at the gas pump. Uncle Url Monkeys typing Linky & Dinky discover that "Blog" is the Code Word for an experiment to find out whether a million monkeys typing at a million typewriters would ever write the works of Shakespeare. The experiment is over. They can't. Read 'um, I mean weed 'um. Weed 'um and reap. When life gives you lemons, I mean scraps When life gives you scraps, make quilts. Charity isn't justice We need to make sure [that people don't] mistake charity for justice. Rod Sullivan No heart [Name] also has a heart he's not currently using, but he doesn't want to sell it for sentimental reasons. Percussive maintenance Percussive maintenance is the fine art of whacking an electronic device to get it to work again. Spam [I'm] getting more *Spam* than the Hormel outlet store. The strength of a man The strength of a man is not seen in the width of his shoulders. It's seen in the width of his arms that circle you. The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice, It is in the gentle words he whispers. The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has. It's how good a buddy he is with his kids. The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work. It's in how respected he is at home. The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits. It's in how tender he touches. The strength of a man isn't in the hair on his chest. It's in his heart .... that lies within his chest. The strength of a man isn't how many women he has loved. It's in - can he be true to one woman. The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift. It is in the burdens he can carry. Anger Anyone can become angry, that's easy--but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way, this is not easy. Aristotle Failing The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just. Abraham Lincoln. Eyes & feet Keep your eyes on the stars, & your feet onthe ground. Theodore Roosevelt One person To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world. Good friends Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. Skydiving If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Lead dog Your view never changes until you become the lead dog. Good ideas Good ideas are not adopted automatically. They must be driven into practice with courageous patience. Admiral Rickover Good friends Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. Everything you say I'm a sink with an open drain; everything you say runs right out. Expectations Children tend to become that which you expect of them. U.S. Sen. Joe Biden's mother Laughing You don't stop laughing when you get old, you get old when you stop laughing. Hoarsepower Racing car drivers with laryngitis have hoarsepower. Drug free Being drug free comes in cans. I can, you can, we can. How you made them feel People may not remember exzctly what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel. (sign in Lori McCasland's learning center room, Sawyer Elementary School, Ames, Iowa) Best advice The best advice I ever got was, "Don't give advice." Be thankful today If we fill our heats with regrets of yesterday and with worries of tomorrow, we have no today in which to be thankful. Walk to the edge of light When you walk to the edge of all the light you have And take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, You must believe that one of two things will happen: There will be something solid for you to stand upon, Or, you will be taught how to fly. Patrick Overton Forbidden fruit Forbidden fruit is responsible for many a bad jam. Sick child, sick adult If you treat a sick child like an adult & a sick adult like a child, everything usually works out pretty well. Train a child, yourself Train up a chid in the way he should go and go that way yourself. What you think of me, I will be. What you think of me, I will think of me. What I think of me, I will be. What happens & reaction Life is10% what happens to you and 90% how you react. Older person Inside every older person is a younger person--wondering what happened. Cora Harvey Armstrong Hardest years The hardest years in life are those between 10 & 70. Helen Hayes (age 73). What a man's got to do A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. Rhonda Hansome Working mother The phrase "working mother" is redundant. Jane Sellman Close the door on reality Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. Jennifer Unlimited Be a good example If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. Catherine Slow When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for 2 years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they call ME slow! Kathy Buckley Riding a vacuum I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. Roseanne Barr Invade another country When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another county. Elayne Boosler Ask for advice I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage & a career. Gloria Steinem Marvelous housekeeper I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. Zsa Zsa Gabor Feel inferior Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. Eleanor Roosevelt Influence Your influence, like your shadow, extends where you may never be. Always think what you've always thought If you always think what you've always thought, then you will always feel what you've always felt. If you always feel the way you've alwaysfelt, then you will always do what you've always done. If you always do what you've always done, then you will always get what you've always gotten. If you always get what you've always gotten, then you will always think what you've always thought. Having a good day These days, you're having a good day when the wheels of your shopping cart all go in the same direction. Health & wealth Whether health or wealth is the greater blessing depends on which you don't have. Make money at the track I know a fellow who always makes money at the track--he's a jockey. Henny Youngman What I/you ought to be I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the way God's universe is made; this is the way it is structured. Martin Luther King, Jr. Never place a period Never place a period where God has placed a comma. Gracie Allen. The soul The soul becomes like that which it loves. Augustine Preach the Gospel Preach the Gospel. Use words if necessary. Francis of Assisi Don't dispise others if they don't possess virtues Do not despise others because, as it seems to you, they do not possess the virtues you thought they had; they may be pleasing to God for other reasons which you cannot discover. John of the Cross Rude to the waiter A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person. Dave Barry Everyone fights a battle Be kind. Everyone is fighting a great battle. Philo of Alexandria Interrupted by God We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God. Dietriich Bonheoffer Take the church seriously Some people say I take the church seriously because I am a pastor. Really it is the other way around. I am a pastor because I take the church seriously. Pastor John Attaway Have a good summer Read a book. Howl at the moon. Get to know your family, again. Stay up late. Don't wear a watch. Dream. Laugh. Answer letters. Relax. Small group of thoughtful, committed citizens Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead Watch you thoughts; they become your destiny Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. Mosquito in the room Don't ever think you're too small to make a difference... ever sleep with a mosquito in the room? Sluggish mind The best cure for a sluggish mind is to disturb its routine. William H. Wanforth Eisenhower's speech Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger & are not fed, those who are cold & are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children... This is not a way of life at all in any sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron. The nations are spending more than $1 trillion a year on destructive weapons--more than $3 million every minute, day & night, including Sundays & holidays. The cost of 1 trident submarine would pay for immunization & basic health care for all the needy children of the world. The costs of 10 bombers or 2 submarines would pay for all the food needed to arrest the starvation of 100,000,000 people for 1 year, long enough to let them start to earn a living. President Eisenhower, April 16, 1953. Direction we move The important thing in this world is not where we stand but in what direction we move. Opposition Don't worry about opposition. Remember, a kite rises against the wind, not with the wind. Telephone numbers He had enough numbers to fill a telephone book. $2 watch He took it apart like a $2 watch. Slim chances The chances...seem so slim you could slide them under the...door. Marc Hansen, Des Moines Register Newspaper columnist Poster to bring food for party for person leaving to work at a bank Let's have a "mutually" "funded" luncheon for the "withdrawal" of our friend, _____; A Tasty Morcel (ATM) _____ will be furnished for all. INTERESTing salads; DOUGH (hanburger buns); GOLDen chips, dip; SAVEory vegetables/dip; QUARTERed fruit; RICH desserts. We are BANKING on her to enjoy her new job! Because you kissed me goodnight. I walked up the door and shut the stairs, I said my shoes and took off my prayers, I turned off my bed and climbed into the light, All because you kissed me goodnight. Make it happen Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen. Michael Jordan Order & change The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order. Alfred North-Whitehead Relationships Relationships act as the grease that allows students to believe the high expectations and engage in the rigorous curriculum. Curtis Linton Give to make a life From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes a life. Arthur Ashe Kind words Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. Mother Theresa Perception of a thief Once upon a time a man whose ax was missing suspected his neighbor's son. The boy walked like a thief, looked like a thief, and spoke like a thief. But the man found his ax while digging in the valley, and the next time he saw his neighbor's son, the boy walked, looked and spoke like any other child. Lao-tzu, philosopher (6th century BCE). No failure I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work. ~Thomas Alva Edison You have a mind like concrete Some minds are like concrete: all mixed up and permanently set. Ignorance & determination With ignorance & determination in the right proportions, I can achieve anything. Quality of life The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor. Vince Lombardi Outside of a dog Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx Involve me, and I will understand Tell me, and I'll forget. Show me, and I may remember. Involve me, and I will understand. Chinese Proverb A friend A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. Apologize An apology is a good way to have the last word. Fill life with significant things Rather than filling your life with things to make you feel significant, fill your life with significant things. Conviction and actions Strong convictions precede great actions. Louisa May Alcott Enrich the world We are not here merely to make a living. We are here to enrich the world. Woodrow Wilson Ignorance is bliss If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy? The art of progess The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order. Alfred North-Whitehead Ifs & buts If “ if’s & but’s ” were candy and nuts it would be Christmas everyday! Mr. Mooney Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you "The world in which you were born is just one model of reality. Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you, they are unique manifestations of the human spirit." Wade Davis Pitching & hitting "Good pitching will always stop good hitting, and vice-versa." Casey Stengel Watchmen Who watches the watchmen? Adversity Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records. William A. Ward Knowledge & wisdom Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living, the other helps you make a life. Sandra Carey From Zion Church Sunday bulletins, Hubbard, IA, 1974-1975: The person is no fool who gives up what he can't keep to gain what he can't lose. J. Elliot Trust God with tomorrow--help somebody today. When you help someone up the hill, you find yourself closer to the top. The greatest battles that ever were fought Shall I tell you where, & when? They were not fought on battle fields; They were fought inside of men. The 2 most frequently asked questions in the U.S. are 1. How can I lose weight? 2. Where can I park my car? These questions are completely irrelevant in places like Calcutta & Recife. To a starving, homeless waif, such questions are obscene. Leighton Ford To millions who have to go without 2 meals a day, the only acceptable form in which God dare appear is food Gandhi One big difference between the great person & the small person is that the great person can distinguish between the vital & the trivial. There is always someone who needs our love. Christianity's finest hours have always been in the darkest times. Crowe Seven days without prayer makes one weak. One need not spend one's whole life studying the seed catalogue; one could plant one's garden & learn from what it grows. Henry J. Cadbury, a Quaker I asked, "Why doesn't somebody do something?" Then I realized I was somebody. The Bread Of Life never becomes stale. If you have knowledge, let others light their candle in it. The shrewd person looks ahead; the simple person looks up; the resigned person looks down; the frightened person looks behind. Only the wise person looks within. The great use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts us. When I'm right, no one remembers. When I'm wrong, no one forgets. There are 3 levels of giving: grudge giving--I hate to; duty giving--I ought to; thanksgiving--I want to out of love. Friendship is the only cement that will hold the world together. The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; the optimist, the opportunity in every difficulty. The person who lives only for self is engaged in a very small business. A smile costs nothing but creates much. A smile happens in a flash & the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. The church exists to "comfort the afflected & afflict the comfortable. You can be a beacon, if you let your light shine. Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it. Kindness always pays, but it pays most when you don't do it for pay. Peace is not needing to know what will happen next. Thinking is like sowing--the more of it you do, the bigger the harvest. Some folks never seem to know what to talk about--only who. To live: To live is to love; to love is to change; to change is to grow; to grow is to hurt; to hurt is to feel; to feel is to care; to care is to hope; to hope is to live. James P. Simon No one has ever promised that the going will be easy. But there are good companions for the road, & there are the footprints of One who went its whole dusty length. Oliver Powell Worse than having no time to do what you want is having the time but nothing you want to do. I am only one, but still, I am one. I cannot do everything, but still, I can do something. Edward Everett Hale Having the church full of members is like the woodbox full of sticks--it's a handy place to have them but they don't do any good till they catch fire. |
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| This page revised 4-29-2009 |