MUSIC ARRANGED BY GENERAL STRIKE
SHAWN-HEY J. DO YOU WANNA GO ON TOUR?
J.-AND I'M ALL LIKE OK. SO WE HOPPED IN THE VAN, WENT OVER AND PICKED UP DARRIN AND MIKE, AND OFF WE WENT DOWN THE SWEET, SWEET ASPHALT SEA IN OUR CRAPPY LITTLE VAN, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN MIKES ALL LIKE,
MIKE-YEAH, BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANY INSTRUMENTS.
J.-SO I'M LIKE ALL SHIT WE HAD TO GO BACK TO THE GARAGE, PICK UP ALL OF OUR DRUMS AND GUITARS, IN THE VAN AND OFF WE WENT AGAIN.OUR TOUR WAS STRATEGICALLY PLANNED ALL OVER AMERICA BUT ALOT OF THE PLACES WERE PLACES
WERE BANDS LIKE US PROBABLY WOULDN'T PLAY, BUT OH WELL. ANYWAY, THE FIRST SHOW WAS AT THIS PLACE CALLED GREASY EDDIE'S TRUCKSTOP. IT KIND OF REMINDED YOU OF ONE OF THOSE PLACES WERE IF YOU LOOKED BEHIND THE BASBOARD OF THE TROUGH URINAL YOU WOULD EXPECT TO SEE MICKEY MOUSE DEAD WITH HIS HANDS DOWN GOOFY'S PANTS.SO ANYWAY WE SET UP OUR STUFF AND WE START ROCKING, AND THE TRUCKERS START THROWING BOTTLES AND RUSHING THE STAGE AND STARTED PUNCHING OUR FACES, AND STOMPING OUR STOMACHES AND KICKING OUR ASSES AND TAKING US OUT BACK AND LAYING OVER PICNIC TABLES AND TAKING OUR CLOTHES OFF. SO AS THE TRUCKERS STARTED TAKING TURNS ON MY BAND MATES A LITTLE SONG POPPED INTO MY MIND THAT I WOULD LATER USE FOR FUTURE REFERENCE AND IT WENT A LITTLE LIKE THIS.
(SOBS AND WHINES)
SO THE NEXT MORNING WE WAKE UP NEXT TO THE INTERSTATE WITH NO VAN OR INSTRUMENTS IN SIGHT, HELL THEY EVEN STOLE OUR TATTOOS.WELL ANYWAY, WERE TRYING TO HITCH A RIDE AND FINALLY THIS RUSTED OLD VAN PULLS UP NEXT TO US AND THE DOOR SLIDES OPEN AND I THINK FINALLY A WAY OUT OF HERE. THE GUY WHO PICKED US UP WAS NAMED MELVIN. HE WAS MISSING ONE EYE, SMELLED OF GASOLINE ,AND HAD A FETISH FOR COTTAGE CHEESE. HE TOLD US HE HAD BEEN IN PRISON FOR BURNING THE GENITALIA OFF OF EIGHT YEAR OLD BOYS WITH A BIC LIGHTER,. AND I TOLD MY BANDMATES HEY WHERES YOUR FUCKING SENSE OF ADVENTURE. BUT HE WAS AN OKAY GUY BUYING US BEER ACROSS AMERICA AND SHOWING US ALL THE SIGHTS, OH AND DID I FORGET TO MENTION THAT AT ONE POINT DURING OUR TRIP HE STOPPED AND SHOT THREE GAS STATION ATTENDANTS IN THE FACE. ANYWAY HE DROVE US TO THE BIG STATE OF CALIFORNIA, AND WE'RE THINKING HEY WHATA NICE PLACE WE CAN GET A BIG OLD FRESH START HERE. SO WE GO TO DIFFERENT BARS AND FINALLY WE GET THIS SHOW OPENING UP FOR THIS COOL BAND CALLED THE NUNFUCKERS. SO WE;RE PLAYING AND EVERYONES HAVING A GOOD TIME AND AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT THERE JUST HAPPENED TO BE A RECORD EXEC IN THE AUDIENCE THAT NIGHT, AND WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED IT GENERAL STRIKE GOT SIGNED. YEAH, WE CUT OUR ALBUM AND HIT THE CHARTS AT NUMBER THREE HUNDRED AND TWO. WE WENT ON TOUR ALL OVER THE WORLD. WE HAD OUR OWN JET, TOUR BUS, ASTRONAUTS, YOU NAME IT WE FUCKING HAD IT. WE TOURED JAPAN, ITALY, TURKEY, ANTARTICA, ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. WELL ONE NIGHT WE'RE JUST ABOUT READY TO PLAY THE FORUM WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE BAND'S ALL LIKE,
THE BAND- YEAH, WE SHOULD BREAK UP THE BAND.
J.- AND I'M ALL LIKE YOUR JUST GONNA TOTALLY DESTROY LIKE WHAT WE'VE CREATED FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE,
THE BAND- YEAH!
J.- AND I'M ALL LIKE WHATEVER.SO WE BROKE UP, WE WENT OUR SEPERATE WAYS AND WE DIDN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER FOR A WHOLE WEEK, THEN WE GOT BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. SO WE FIGURED THE BEST THING FOR US TO DO WOULD BE TO GET OUT OF THE BG TOWN AND RECORD DEALS AND GIRLS, AND BOOZE AND EVERYTHING AND GO SMALL AGAIN AND GO BACK HOME. SO WE LOADED UP WHAT WE COULD IN OUR TOUR BUS WITH OUR ROADIES, GROUPIES, ASTRONAUTS, YOU DIN'T THINK WE WOULD GET RID OF THE ASTRONAUTS, DID YOU? ON THE WAY BACK ON THE INTERSTATE SOME KID IN THE FRONT OF THE BUS IN BACK OF HIS PARENT'S CAR, KEPT FLIPPING OFF OUR DRIVER AND HE GOT ALL MAD AND SLAMMED THE BUS INTO THE BACK OF THE KID'S PARENT'S CAR AND SENT OUR BUS OVER THE EDGE OF A RAVINE OF A CLIFF AND EVERYONE DIED.......
EXCEPT FOR US. SO WE WALKED THROUGH THE DESERT FOR DAYS AND FINALLY WE REACH A PLACE CALLED THE VALLEY OF DEATH AND WE COME TO THIS DARK AND MYSTERIOUS FIGURE STANDING ON TOP OF A CLIFF. AND THAT FIGURES ALL LIKE" HEY GENERAL STRIKE I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL". TURNS OT THIS GUY IS THE DEVIL AND WE REALLY ARE IN THE VALLEY OF DEATH. SO WE ACCEPTED HIS CHALLENGE, AND HE TRANSPORTED US TO A HELL DIMENSION, AND HE SAYS" CHOOSE YOU POISON" SO WE CHOSE BOWLING. GOOD THING FOR US OUR MAIN MAN SHAWN COULD BOWL, BUT TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT SHAWN WON BY LIKE THREE, SO THE DEVIL GAVE US A GOLDEN FIDDLE. WE WE'RE A LITTLE SAD TO LEAVE BUT WE HAD TO GO SO HE TRANSPORTED US BACK TO THE REALM OF HUMANS. ANYWAY MIKE ENDED UP TRADING THE FIDDLE FOR A BEER.SO ANYWAY WE ENDED UP MAKING IT BACK HOME, EVEN THOUGH DARRIN GOT THE PLAGUE, BUT WE GOT ANTBIOTICS FOR THAT. I FORGOT WHAT I WAS EVEN TALKING ABOUT.WELL I'M STILL HERE I GUESS. SO ANYWAY YOU KNOW THE HIPPIES HAVE BEEN HIDING SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES IN EVERYTHING SINCE THE SIXTIES. IMEAN LOOK AT SCOBBY DOO AND TELL ME THAT SHIT HASN'T INFLUENCED THE YOUTH OR WHAT.SO HOW MANY HIPPIES DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
THE BAND- HOW MANY!
J.- THEY'RE NOT GONNA CHANGE A DAMN THING. SO I GUESS WE SHOULD QUIT THIS CAUSE THE STUDIO GUYS PROBABLY GETTING MAD.
NEIL- YOU GUYS HAVEN'T PAYED SINCE THE LAST SESSION SO I THINK WE NEED TO GET DONE.
J.-DUDE THE CHECKS IN THE MAIL.
NEIL-HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT.
J.-WELL SOMEBODY MAILED IT.
MIKE- I PUT IT IN THERE TUESDAY.
J.-MIKE MAILED IT.
NEIL -I CHECKED TODAY.
J.- MIKE MAILED IT I DON'T SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.
NEIL- I'M SHUTTING IT DOWN, I'M SHUTTING IT DOWN.
J.-HE SHUT IT DOWN.
MIKE- YEAH.
J.-DID YOU SEND THE MONEY OR NOT?
MIKE- YEAH I THINK I DID.
J.-YOU THINK?
MIKE- I'M PRETTY SURE.
J.-YES OR NO?
MIKE-ALRIGHT MAYBE I FORGOT/
J. HITS MIKE.
J. SO WHATS UP.
MIKE-NOTHING.
J.-THATS COOL., I THINK WE SHOULD GO.
MIKE- HEY HE JUST TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS.
J.- DUDE WHATEVER I'M DONE WITH THIS.