Scene 0: "People Everywhere Just Want To Be Free."

James Earl Jones: Once, long ago Robin Hood stole from the rich to give to the poor. He was hailed as a hero of all the people. In another realm, a group of superheroes are living out their life, where Robin Hood is just a part of mythology. Until now.

JEJ: (Cont.) On an unsuspecting evening, a group of heroes are about to take a trip into the warped world. Blending with the diverse world of Sherwood--

Reccea: If you keep talking like Rod Sterling, they’re never going to know it’s a comedy.

JEJ: Girls! Do you want me to narrate or not? You know, I'm not getting paid.

Reccea: (Whispers to Noel) He's not?

Noel: Of course not. There’s no profit from fic. If there were, we’d all be sued.

Reccea: Oh yeah, but won’t we get sued for misuse of a public figure?

Noel: Hmm...got me there. Should we just pray the real James Earl Jones never reads this?

Reccea: Works for me.

Noel: Me too. Wait...so why’s he doing this for us?

Reccea: Yeah. Why are you doing this?

JEJ: You’re blackmailing me remember?

Reccea: Oh yeah.

Noel: (Whispers to Reccea) Do you remember what we’re blackmailing him with?

Reccea: Not a clue. (To JEJ) Continue please.

JEJ: We join our intrepid group just after an unparalleled success in their superhero world...

Scene 1: Is That a Lampshade on Your Head or Are You Happy to See Me?

There are a few patrons left at this hour: a few couples in the far corner, a woman at the bar, three bartenders, and a quiet man in a gray coat at the end of the bar.

A television screen re-caps events of a few moments prior. An assortment of heroes battling an assortment of villains in the background as a spunky reporter gives a play-by-play.

Melvin is talking to the Lady at the bar.

Lady: So she left you?

Melvin: After six years. She’d been having affairs for five.

Lady: Oh. Well...That’s too bad. But maybe it was for the best.

Melvin: I was the perfect husband. I just don’t know what went wrong.

Lady: People change, there’s not much you can do.

Melvin: (not listening to her) I cooked, I cleaned, I waited for Mary to come home from work every night.

Lady: You wash their clothes for them. Then they dump you for some floozy with long hair and perfect teeth.

Melvin: You wake up one morning and all her stuff’s gone. She said it started with my correspondence course. Now I ask you, what sort of correspondence course can break up a marriage.

Lady: You get a post card from L.A. three months later. You find out he’s doing bit parts in B-movies. He only dropped a line because he wanted to brag about his success.

Melvin: She calls to tell you she’s been sleeping with her boss, Rob. It all started with that rabbit from the mail. (beat; finally jumps back into the conversation) L.A.?

Lady: Rabbit? (They exchange looks, she shrugs it off and picks up her drink, moving further down the bar.)

The bar door bangs openly loudly, ricocheting off the far wall. Enter our group of heroes, in civilian clothes. The cast is: Roy Harper, Dick Grayson, Koriand’r, Donna Troy, Garth, Connor Hawke, and Wally West. Before the door closes we get a glimpse of some JLA members, Aquaman specifically (Connor says ‘bye’ to him) before the door closes.

Roy enters our scene with a flourish! He throws his arms wide and declares to the occupants of the bar...

Roy: We rule!

Wally: Yes. Yes, we do.

Roy: (He approaches the lady at the bar.) Did you hear that sweetheart? We so rule.

Lady: Are you drunk?

Donna leads Roy away from the skirt, giving her a sympathetic glance.

Roy: Donna, we rule.

Donna: I see.

Wally: No, no. Roy’s right. We rule.

Donna: Help me.

Dick: So help me God.

Garth: We didn’t do anything special. It was easy.

Wally: No one got injured. No one got nasty. We won and didn’t even break up a sweat, thus we rule.

Kory: We rule.

Roy: (nods) We rule.

Donna: (flags bartender) Beer, please.

Connor: Are they always like this?

Dick: Oh, you don’t want to know.

The group takes over a few pitchers and settles themselves a corner of the bar. Little sub-groups break off. Garth and Dick try to talk about strategy, but Wally keeps interrupting with pointless...points. Roy and Donna are offset from the group, as is Connor and Kory. Kory is trying her darndest to flirt with GA, little does she know his day job. Roy and Donna are talking as old friends, with Roy occasionally spinning coasters.

After a while, Donna goes up to the bar to get some refills. She notices Melvin staring at her, she smiles sweetly and is about to say something to him when Roy comes up and hugs her from behind. Melvin looks away sharply.

He helps her carry pitchers over to the table, then suddenly, looks at his watch.

Roy: Crap. I’ve gotta get home. Lian’s going to be waiting up for me. I tell her not to, but she never listens.

Donna nods; Roy kisses her cheek.

Roy: See you later babe.

Donna: Bye, handsome.

Roy exits the bar. A few seconds after, Melvin gets up and follows him. Roy continues walking alone down an alleyway. In a moment of paranoia, he looks behind him. No one. When he turns back Melvin is right in front of him.

Melvin: You’re just like her.

Roy: Excuse me? Who?

Melvin: My ex-wife.

Roy: (blinks) Don’t think so, buddy. I’m not a ‘her’ at the very least. (scrutinizes him) You’re the guy from the bar, how drunk are you man?

Melvin gives him a ‘I’m not amused look.’ Roy tries to step around him but Melvin stops him.

Roy: Look, just go home and sleep it off.

Melvin: (smiles) Oh, I’ll sleep it off alright. You sure won’t.

Melvin walks away. Roy sighs and shakes his head.

Roy: Man, the weirdoes that come out after dark. I’m telling ya.

He continues walking down the street as we end scene.

Scene 2: Disney Movies Make a Great Lullaby.

Roy walks into his apartment, wherever that may be. Lian is sleeping on the couch, the television running quietly. Roy shuts the door silently. He picks her up and walks into her room. Just as he’s tucking her in she wakes up.

Lian: Daddy?

Roy: Shh. Go back to sleep babe.

Lian: Not tired.

Roy: Sure you aren’t.

He finishes tucking her in and turns out the light. Enters living room and flips through channels until he sees the eleven o’clock news. He settles down on the couch to watch it, and starts to fall asleep.

Lian comes out of her room and sits on the sofa, waking Roy up.

Roy: Hey there.

Lian: I can’t sleep. Can I stay up with you?

Roy clicks off the news as they talk about a hit and run accident.

Roy: I’ll tell you what. You go grab your pillow, then you can pick out a movie, and see if you can’t try to fall asleep out here.

Lian totters off and comes back and picks out ‘Robin Hood’. She puts her pillow on the sofa, but ends up sleeping against his chest. Roy alternates from staring at the television and his daughter. Until...he falls asleep.

Scene 3: 1000 and One Ways to Cast a Curse.

We follow a disgruntled Melvin all the way home. He enters his apartment. It’s bare and plain. There are some discoloration on the walls where pictures once hung. We see all the pictures of his wife torn or on the floor, markers and other graffiti on them. Clearly, this guy doesn’t let anything go.

As he closes the door, a little brown bunny comes running up to him. He stoops to pick her up. He throws his jacket and keys on the floor. Perhaps we see a bowl for Peekaboo that reads “P. Lottie.” He runs his fingers tenderly down the side of a photo of his wife. For a moment he looks sad, then it passes and he crumples it.

Melvin: Cheating bimbo. (To the damn rabbit) We’re better off without her aren’t we?

He goes into his kitchen. He pulls some stuff out of the fridge: ingredients for a magic spell and a snack.

Melvin: Now, where’d I put that darned spell book?

He looks around for it, Lottie hops up on the counter and sits atop it. The header reads: “Correspondence College of Witchcraft” by E. Browne.

Melvin: Thank you. Now, let’s see, we need something appropriate to deal with that adulterer. What do you think? Nightmares?

Lottie grins at him, or at very least seems to. Melvin puts a big bowl on the table. He throws some egg shells in the pot, a few putrid things in squeeze bottles. He opens a bottle of ketchup, squirts some in his mouth, before dropping it in.

Melvin: Damn...what am I missing?

Lottie is tipping over jars. She dumps a white powder on the counter and a red powder on the counter. She rolls the red jar under a towel. She puts the white jar next to the overturned red powder. She sits on the white powder.

Melvin: (sees Lottie) Exactly! Oh you precious wabbit you. You’re such a dear aren’t you? Oh you cute thing. Aren’t you the cutest little thing. You love me don’t you? (He scoops the white powder.)

He says some magic words, and says some more magic words. Smoke starts coming out of the bowl. Melvin flips through the magic book to see what went wrong. Lottie dives towards the bowl, and Melvin goes to catch her. He knocks the bowl down and hits his head on a kitchen counter. Lottie goes to the now overturned bowl and everything disappears as a multicolored light takes over the room...

Scene 4: What the Hell Kind of Hangover is This?

Roy wakes as the movie continues on. On screen, Robin Hood appears at Skippy’s birthday party. Lian’s fast asleep.

Roy: (yawns; looks at the screen) That’s a lot of rabbits. (whispers) Let’s try this again, okay Lian.

He puts her successfully to bed. He walks to the bathroom, then enters his bedroom. Too tired to take off his clothes he only takes off his shoes. As he flops down on the bed, there’s a flash of rainbow light. He continues to fall straight...into a stream. He falls under and comes up sputtering in. He drags himself out of the river.

Roy: (now completely awake and soaking wet) What the...? Where the hell am I?

He looks around at the wilderness and scratches his head.

Roy: Damn, this is a warped hangover.

JEJ: You can say that again.

Roy: Damn straight. What in hell? Was that Darth Vader? Crap. This is bad. Very bad.

JEJ: What? No hello? You think you’d be more appreciative that they’ve got a quality narrator.

Roy: Where the hell are you man?

JEJ: Please, what do you expect me to do? Appear in the clouds and give you advice while playing the saxophone or something?

Roy: Okay you have a point. Now why would I need a narrator?

JEJ: Because the authors of this story are on crack.

Roy: (Looks at the byline) Aw, shi--! That’s just cruel and unusual punishment. Why can’t they just leave me alone? So are you going to fill me in, or what, here?

JEJ: No can do. Not in my contract.

Roy: So why am I wasting my time talking to you? What are you doing here if you aren’t going to help me?

JEJ: Hey count your blessing that they got me to narrate. They could have stuck you with Keanu Reeves. Every other word would be ‘Dude!’ then. But anyways you interrupted my narration. (clears throat) Roy Harper has just landed outside Sherwood forest where he—

Roy: Sherwood? Like "Robin Hood" Sherwood? What the heck’s going on here?

JEJ: (cell phone rings in the background; JEJ answers) Hello? ... I’ve got to take this. It’s my cell phone stint. You’re on your own.

Roy: Just like that? At least give me some clue here?

JEJ: Have you checked out your clothes yet?

JEJ exits. Roy looks down at his clothes. A green tunic all topped off with a green-feathered hat.

Roy: Shit. I've officially gone back like six costume changes now. (He rips the hat off.) And it was such a good night.