HOW TO MAKE THE TEA

George's Tea Ceremony

1. Please dress accordingly: Ladies in big white flowery dresses, and the Gentlemen in Panama hats with bow tie. Aardvarks with a studded flea collar.
2. Utter the crucial phrase: "Would everybody like a nice cup of Tea?"
3. Tea Party respond with a lovingly hearty "Oh, yes please!"
4. Put the kettle on.
5. Make the Tea: This is created by pouring very hot water onto the tea, and waiting till the water turns a strange shade of brown. This is best done in an old china Teapot:
   1. Use hot water to warm teapot.
   2. Add one Teabag per person.
   3. Pour hot water onto Teabags
   4. Stir with an old biro.
   5. Cover Teapot with Tea cosy.
   6. Wait until stewed.

6. Put milk into the Teacups. These must be of the China variety, and placed on Saucers, accompanied by little silver plated Teaspoons.
7. Put everything onto a tray, take into an English Country Garden, in the summertime, preferably not when its raining, and put onto Tea-table.
8. Pour Tea into cups, whilst making polite conversation about the weather.
9. Slurp quietly with acute dignity. Hold cup whilst raising little finger.
10. If the Clergy is in attendance, one should keep tabs on his emptying cup. When nearly finished, one should utter the phrase "More Tea, Vicar?"
11. Tea party to continue endless rounds of Tea until filled to capacity.
12. All participants to retire to the drawing room, to smoke rather large cigars.