Curry

by Geri (geri-chan@excite.com)

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: D/Leon

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Matsuri Akino; no money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.

Summary: Stand-alone fic, not part of the series that starts with "Revenge"--D and Leon are not a couple in this story. A sort of crossover with Revolutionary Girl Utena; none of the characters from that story appear, but I did borrow the device of the body-switching curry powder from one of the anime episodes. Due to an accident involving the curry, D and Leon switch bodies.

Author's note 1: <> Indicates the animals' speech, which Leon cannot understand.

Author's note 2: Tetsu-chan's name has been changed to Tet-chan here, as some discussion on the Petshop of Horrors Yahoo Group seemed to indicate that was probably the more accurate pronunciation of the name.
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Leon marched into the Petshop. "D!" he shouted.

"And what heinous crime am I to be accused of today?" the Count sighed. He was dressed immaculately as always, in an elegant blue and white cheongsam. The front of the elaborate robe was decorated with strands of pearls, and at his throat, D wore a flower-shaped brooch made of what looked like a huge sapphire surrounded by petals made of tiny diamonds.

"I just wanted some info on one of the Chinatown gangs," replied Leon. "You haven't been involved in any murders recently." He eyed the Count suspiciously. "At least, not that I know of!"

"And why should I help you, when you treat me so rudely?" asked the Count in a slightly miffed tone, toying with one of the pearl strands.

Leon held up a pastry box. "Oh yeah, I brought you some strawberry tarts--" The detective frowned as he took in the sight of the expensive jewelry. "And just where did you get all that jewelry? Are those real pearls and diamonds? Are you dealing in stolen jewels now, too?!"

"Honestly, Detective!" snapped D indignantly. "They were merely a gift from...an admirer."

"An admirer?" Leon felt a sudden and irrational stab of jealousy. "Who?!"

D smiled coyly. "Oh...no one you need concern yourself with."

Leon growled. Damn it, wasn't it bad enough that he had to bribe D for information with gourmet pastries? Did he have to start buying him jewelry now, too?! Of course, Leon told himself, information was the only reason why he bought D gifts. No matter what Jill said, he didn't have any "feelings" for D--except maybe the desire to smack that stupid smug smile right off his face!

"Good afternoon, Count!" the postman said cheerfully as he walked into the shop. "Oh, hello, Detective." The postman gave D a knowing smile. "You certainly seem to be getting a lot of special attention from the police department these days, eh Count?"

"Hey!" protested Leon. "It's not like that! I'm conducting an investigation here! The Count's a suspect in a large number of unsolved crimes...!"

D and the postman both ignored him. "Please sign here, Count--registered mail from Japan."

"There you go. Thank you very much! Please accept some of these almond cookies--I got them fresh from Mrs. Hong's bakery this morning."

"Why, thank you, Count! They look delicious! Take care, Detective." As he left, the postman waved to Leon, who was still rambling on about "special investigations".

Leon turned to D and snapped, "So what's in that package? Drugs? Stolen gems? Let me see!"

"You are being irrational, Mr. Detective. However, I will humor you and open the package now so you can see it contains nothing illegal," D said in a gentle but patronizing tone of voice, as if he were speaking to a not-very-bright child. "After all, I am only a humble pet shop owner..."

"Just get on with it!"

The Count used one of his long nails--painted a pearly white today--to slit open the brown paper wrapping. Leon noticed that the return address said "Ohtori Academy". Underneath the wrapping was a cardboard box containing a round metal canister labeled "Extra-Spicy Curry Powder".

"Curry powder?" Leon frowned suspiciously. "A likely story! Have you been smuggling drugs through the mail?"

The Count sighed and opened the canister. "See? Curry powder. I was going to ask you to stay and have some curry rice for dinner, but not if you are going to behave in such a--"

"Gimme that!" Leon snatched the canister away from D. He examined it carefully. To his disappointment, the substance inside really did seem to be curry powder--the container was filled with a yellowish-brown powder that had a familiar, spicy smell. Leon dipped a finger in the powder and touched it to his tongue.

"Mr. Detective, please be care--" began D.

"AAHH! Hot hot hot!" exclaimed Leon. It felt like the powder was burning a hole in his tongue! "Are you trying to poison me?!" He tried to fan cool air into his mouth with his hands, and in the process dropped the canister of curry powder...

BOOM!!! A huge explosion echoed through the shop. The pets came running into the lobby to see what happened, and found Count D and Leon sprawled unconscious on the floor. A cloud of yellowish smoke hung in the air, and an empty metal canister lay next to a large scorch mark on the carpet next to the detective.

<Count!> shouted Tet-chan. <Are you all right?! Count!> He frantically examined his master for injuries, and to his relief, saw none. The Count's eyelids fluttered, blinking once, twice, then slowly opening to reveal yellow and purple eyes that looked a little glazed. Tet-chan smiled and stroked the Count's cheek...

"AAARGH!" shouted the Count, violently pushing Tet-chan away from him. "Get this goddamned sheep offa me!"

<Count?> bleated Tet-chan, bewildered.

Ten-chan snickered. <Sheep-boy!>

<It's not funny, Ten-chan,> said Pon. <Something's wrong!>

The kitsune scratched his head. <Maybe the explosion addled his wits?>

Leon groaned, and sat up. "I told you to be careful, Mr. Detective," he said.

<HUH?!> exclaimed the pets, looking from Leon to D and back again. The tall blond detective's voice sounded strange; it was unmistakably Leon's but Leon never spoke in such a soft, almost gentle tone of voice. And there was a faint hint of an Asian accent in his voice...

<Could it be...?> mused Ten-chan.

<No way!> screamed Tet-chan, eyes wide with horror.

<What're you talking about?> asked Lupin. The young wolf-spirit bounded over to the Count's side and began licking his face. <Are you all right, Pack-Leader?>

Leon woke up to find himself lying flat on the floor. He opened his eyes, and for a moment he thought he saw a demonic figure--a young man with horns and glowing orange eyes. Then he blinked and saw only Tet-chan--the Count's vicious sheep-like "pet"--pawing at his chest and face. He shouted in anger and surprise and shoved the animal off him. Oddly enough, Tet-chan didn't try to attack him again, but just sat on the floor looking stunned and making a strange, almost pitiful, bleating noise. The other animals in the shop were gathered in the doorway making a loud commotion. They must be worried about D, he thought. He started to get up to check on the Count, when suddenly a large gray puppy appeared at his side and started slobbering all over his face. The puppy barked and whined anxiously between swipes of his (very wet) tongue.

"Oof!" exclaimed Leon. "That's enough, boy, I'm fine!"

The puppy stopped and cocked his head to one side, a quizzical expression on his face. "Wuff?" he barked.

"Good boy," said Leon, absentmindedly reaching out to scratch the puppy's ears. Then he caught sight of his hand...pale white fingers tipped with long, manicured nails painted a pearly white... "What the--?!" Leon exclaimed. He slowly raised both hands to his face--slender, white, almost girlish hands tipped with long nails. He ran his hands down his chest and felt smooth, cool silk instead of a cotton t-shirt. He looked across the room and saw himself sitting up and staring back at him. It was like looking into an off-kilter mirror: it was his face, yet not his face; this other Leon tilted his head and widened his eyes in a way that real-Leon never would. The other-Leon's eyes seemed wider and bluer somehow, with a rather childlike expression of puzzlement on his face.

"Oh my," said the other-Leon, lifting his hand to his face in a graceful, almost effeminate manner. "De...Detective...?"

"HOLY SHIT!" exclaimed D-who-was-Leon.

<OH NOOOO!!!> wailed Tet-chan.

Ten-chan's ears pricked up, and his nine tails began to twitch. <Oh...my. This is certainly going to be...interesting!>

Lupin looked from D to Leon, then from Leon to D, back and forth, several times. <My head hurts!> he whined, flopping down on the floor and covering his head with his paws.

"This is all YOUR fault!" Leon screamed at D. "Just look at me! How did this happen?!" D stared back at Leon haughtily. Leon had never imagined that his own face could hold such a snotty expression. He felt an urge to smack D, but he would only be hurting his own body. "ARRRGH!" he shouted, pulling at his hair.

"Stop that," said D coolly. "That is my hair you are damaging. And in any case, this is your fault, not mine. You were the one who dropped the curry powder and caused the explosion. I TOLD you to be careful, but did you listen to me...?"

"YOU said it was just curry powder! Curry doesn't explode!"

<No, but short-tempered detectives do!> snickered Ten-chan.

"That dog is laughing at me!" shouted Leon, a little hysterically.

<It's really weird seeing the Count act like Leon,> said Pon.

"Do not be paranoid, Mr. Detective," said D. "And besides, he is a kitsune, not a dog."

"I don't care what it is! And stop calling me 'Detective'! It's too weird hearing my own voice call me 'Detective'! And do you have to move in such a sissy way?! It's so weird watching my body act like you!"

"It is equally offensive to me to watch and listen to MY body behaving like an uncouth American," retorted D.

Leon reached out and grabbed D by the front of his shirt. Only he suddenly realized he probably didn't look so intimidating now that he was D, and several inches shorter than D, who was now Leon. Nevertheless, Leon yanked on his--D's--t-shirt and pulled him down to eye-level. "What are you going to do about this?!" he demanded.

<Let him go!> snarled Tet-chan, about to jump up and sink his fangs into Leon's arm, when Ten-chan grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.

<What the hell are you doing?!> the kitsune cried out. <That's still the Count's body!>

Tet-chan looked helplessly at the two men. Leon was threatening his master, but he couldn't do anything to the detective, since he was in the Count's body. And the sight of Leon always filled him with rage, but he couldn't do anything to the detective's body, since the Count was in it! He moaned and held his head between his hands. <Leon is the Count but the Count is Leon...Oh God, my head hurts!>

<Mine, too!> agreed Lupin cheerfully, wagging his tail.

There was absolutely nothing the Tou-Tet could do to Leon in either form, since either way he would also be hurting the Count. He screamed in frustration and ran out of the room, shouting that he need some aspirin...or better yet, hard liquor!

"So what do we do now?" Leon asked, sounding more frantic than angry. "This isn't permanent, is it? It can't be!"

D rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and made a mental note that the detective's face needed a shave. "Possibly it might wear off with time..." he mused.

"Possibly?!" shrieked Leon.

D frowned. "I must remember not to become hysterical when I am back in my own body," he said. "I did not know how unbecoming it makes me look."

Leon's--or rather, the Count's--pale cheeks flushed red and his mismatched eyes bulged out in anger. "Never mind that now!" he screamed, still hanging onto D's--or rather, Leon's--shirt. "I don't want to wait, I want you to do something to fix this NOW!!!" He grabbed the taller man by the shoulders and shook him vigorously to make his point. Then suddenly he stopped, anger forgotten for a moment. "Wow," he muttered to himself. "D is a lot stronger than he looks."

D used Leon's momentary bemusement to pull himself out of the other man's grasp. "We could attempt to re-create the explosion that caused this effect in the first place," he said calmly. "Theoretically, that should put us back in our rightful bodies. However...I believe all the curry powder was consumed in the explosion." He bent down to pick up the empty canister, then saw the scorch mark on his carpet. "KYAAAAH!" he screeched.

Leon nearly jumped right out of the Count's silk dress. "Jesus!" he said, rubbing his ears. "I didn't know my voice could go that high! What's the matter?"

"Just...just look at my carpet!" D screamed. "It is a priceless antique--and now you've ruined it!"

"Jesus, D," complained Leon, crossing his arms and slouching sulkily. "It's only a carpet."

"Only...a...carpet...!" D huffed and spluttered, face turning red. "And don't slouch like that!" he snapped.

Leon smirked. "Don't get so hysterical, D," he said. "I find it very unbecoming."

D snarled and was reaching his arm out to slap Leon, when Ten-chan said, <Don't do it!> The kitsune gulped as D's steely blue-eyed gaze turned towards him. The detective was certainly a lot scarier with the Count inhabiting his body! <Uh...I mean, you don't wanna hurt your own body, do you, Boss?> he asked meekly. <Uh, like, you do want it back, right? You don't wanna get it back with a bruised cheek or a broken jaw.>

D slowly lowered his arm. "You are right, Ten-chan," he sighed.

"Who the hell are you talking to?!" growled Leon.

"Never mind. As I was saying, we can attempt to re-create the explosion. However, since all the curry powder is gone, I will have to contact my friends and have them send more."

"Well, how long will that take?" demanded Leon impatiently.

"Well, if they send it by express airmail from Japan...perhaps a week?"

"A WEEK???!!!" screamed Leon.

"Give or take a couple of days," added D helpfully.

Leon moaned, holding his head between his hands. "Does it have to come from Japan?" he whined. "Can't we just go to the grocery store and buy some?"

"This is very special curry powder, Mr. Detective," said D. "It was imported from India...hopefully, they still have some left...or we will have to get it directly from India--and that could take weeks, maybe even months."

"MONTHS???!!!" wailed Leon. "Nooo!!! How will I go to work?! I can't show up at the office like this!"

D pouted, thrusting out his lower lip. "I find the prospect of spending months in your body equally unappealing," he pointed out.

"Don't pout like that! I--you--look totally ridiculous!"

<Maybe they could switch places,> Ten-chan said. <Can you imagine the Count working at the police station, and Leon working here at the Petshop? What a hoot!>

<Bite your tongue!> snapped one of the cat-girls, a white persian with a jeweled collar. <Can you imagine what a mess that dolt would make of things here at the shop?>

Another cat-girl--actually, a spotted ocelot--purred and lashed her tail back and forth. <Oh, I don't know,> she said with a lascivious grin. <It might be rather...interesting...>


Meanwhile, D was on the phone in his office, speaking in Japanese, while Leon waited, tapping his--the Count's--slippered foot impatiently on the floor. He started to drum his fingers on the desk, but found the sight of the long, polished nails both annoying and disconcerting. Finally D hung up the phone and said, "My friends will ship another batch of curry powder to me. It should arrive soon."

"Soon?" Leon asked hopefully.

"As I said, in about a week. Perhaps sooner, if we are lucky."

"A week!" moaned Leon. "A whole week, trapped in this body!"

"There is nothing wrong with that body, Detective!" snapped D. "What about me, trapped in THIS body--"

"A perfectly fine body, if I do say so myself," interrupted Leon.

"--which has been poisoned by the junk food you eat--"

"Oh yeah, like you're Mr. Healthy--chocolate and sugar and whipped cream have soooo much nutritional value!"

"Well, while you are in my body," D said haughtily, ignoring Leon's last comment, "you shall take good care of it, and refrain from ingesting from things like those awful bacon double-cheeseburgers. Do you know how much cholesterol they contain? Not to mention--where are you going?"

"I'm outa here!" shouted Leon. "Call me when the curry comes in!" He stomped out of the office, slamming the door. He returned a few minutes later, red-faced and sullen.

"Yes, Mr. Detective?" D asked coolly.

Leon growled, "I need my keys." He had gotten to his car and realized that his car keys--as well as his wallet, gun, and handcuffs--were on his real body.

D smiled with Leon's lips--a gentle but smug smile that infuriated the detective. He reached into Leon's jacket pocket and silently handed Leon his key ring.

"I need my wallet, too--oh, just give me the whole damn jacket. And my gun."

D awkwardly shrugged his arms out of the jacket. The detective's gun and holster were strapped to his chest with some kind of harness. D plucked at the straps ineffectually, till Leon snarled, "Oh here, lemme do that!" and helped him take it off.

"That is really most uncomfortable, Mr. Detective," D complained. "How can you stand wearing that all day?"

"Stop calling me that! And being uncomfortable's a whole lot better than being dead! Christ, D, how do you do anything with these nails?!" Leon finally got the harness off, but D's long fingernails made the whole process a lot more difficult than usual.

"You had better not break any of my nails," warned D.

"You just worry about taking care of MY body," retorted Leon. "Are you sure the pets won't attack you now that you're me? Though it would serve you right to have that mutant sheep taking a bite out of your ass for a change!"

D smiled, blue eyes lighting up with amusement. "Animals are more perceptive than humans, Mr. Detec--Leon. They know who I am no matter what form I wear."

Leon was taken aback for a moment by how charming his face looked when D smiled. Damn, but I'm good-looking! he thought. Then he shook his head, as if to clear it. "Yeah, right," he said dubiously. "Just make sure my body is still in one piece when I get back!"
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Leon walked into his apartment, slamming the door behind him. First of order of business, he thought, is to get out of this stupid dress! He awkwardly fumbled with the frog closures, D's long fingernails getting in the way. How do women manage to get dressed? he wondered. Then he had to figure out how to unhook the strings of pearls attached to the front of the robe. As he did so, one of the strings broke, and the pearls fell to the floor with a clatter.

"Shit!" exclaimed Leon. He threw the robe across his bed (he was rather relieved to find that D wore a pair of lightweight silk trousers under the robe) and crawled on the floor gathering up the little white beads. He dumped them in an empty and mostly-clean ashtray on his dresser. "I hope I got them all," he grumbled. An ex-girlfriend had once broken a bracelet in his apartment (they had been getting a little "frisky" at the time), and he'd found himself stepping on stray beads for weeks afterwards. He stopped and stared at his--D's--reflection in the mirror. Although the Count was slender and almost androgynously beautiful, now that he was actually IN D's body, he discovered that the Count was a lot stronger and more fit than he looked. He ran his hands down his arms and chest--there was actually muscle beneath that sleek-looking surface; not a bodybuilder's brute strength, but the lithe, agile strength of a dancer or martial artist...D's milky-white skin was deceptively smooth and baby-soft...like a layer of velvet over steel...Leon stood there, almost in a trance, caressing his own skin until, to his horror, he suddenly realized..."Shit! I'm getting turned on by my own--by his--body!" He frantically dashed to the bathroom to take a cold shower.
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The first thing D wanted to do was get out of the detective's awful clothes. He marched into his bedroom and began undressing. He peeled off Leon's Iron Maiden t-shirt. D eyed the garment distastefully and wondered why anyone would want to wear a shirt printed with a picture of a rotting corpse. He also awkwardly removed Leon's jeans (torn at the knee, and none-too-clean) and smiley-face boxer shorts. The Count shook his head; the man had absolutely no fashion sense at all! Not trusting Leon's sense of hygiene anymore than he trusted his sense of fashion, D decided to go take a shower.

After a shower and a shave (D in his normal form did not need to shave, but some of his pets had rather unusual grooming needs, so fortunately he had a razor on hand), the Count felt much better. As he examined his new body, D mused that despite Leon's atrocious eating habits, he really was quite fit. The detective's body was lean and well-muscled, with not a spare ounce of fat. It was marred by several scars, though...a bullet wound on the chest; a long, thin scar--probably from a knife--on the abdomen; and...("Oh my!" exclaimed D with a startled laugh)...a ring of tooth-marks on his buttocks! "I really must scold Tet-chan about that," D said. He caught sight of his face in the mirror, and thought to himself that the detective was really quite handsome when he wasn't scowling, which unfortunately, was most of the time.

"He would look so handsome," said D, smiling into the mirror, "if only he would dress properly and do something with his hair. Well, we can take care of that!" Wrapping a flowered bathrobe around himself, D went back to his room to look through his closet. Of course, all of his outfits were much too small for Leon's body, but this was no ordinary shop...and despite what he told the detective, D was no ordinary shopkeeper. The Count closed his eyes and concentrated very hard...thinking to himself that there must be something in the back of the closet that he had overlooked...After a few minutes, he opened his eyes, and began rummaging through his wardrobe again. At the very back of the closet, tucked out of sight, he found a cheongsam just the right size for his new body--it was a deep blue the exact color of Leon's eyes, decorated with a pattern of delicate white blossoms and butterflies with iridescent wings. Along with it, he found matching blue trousers and slippers. He happily donned his new outfit, not at all surprised to find that it fit perfectly. He sat at his vanity table and began combing out Leon's hair, brushing it till it was shiny and smooth as silk. The detective really had very nice hair, the pale golden shade of his hair nicely complementing his fair skin and blue eyes. But it would not do to tie it back in a simple ponytail like Leon did! The Count carefully put most of Leon's hair up in a bun at the back of his head, holding it in place with a pair of sapphire-studded hairpins, while letting a long, golden lock of hair fall loose on each side of his face. The stray locks of hair curled becomingly next to his cheeks in a seemingly artless, but actually very deliberate manner, softening the severe style of the bun. For a finishing touch, D plucked a white orchid from a nearby vase and tucked it behind his ear, beaming at himself in the mirror. "There! Doesn't that look nice?" he asked his reflection.

At that very moment, Ten-chan and Q-chan entered the room. The batbunny had missed all the excitement while he was down in the kitchen pigging out on a basket of strawberries. The kitsune had found him and brought him up to date, so Q-chan had hurriedly fluttered to find D and see for himself what had happened.

D looked up and saw his pet. He smiled cheerfully and said, "Hello, Q-chan! Shall we go have some tea?"

"Kyuuuuu....!" THUNK! The tubby little bat took one look at his master and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
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Leon rummaged through his closet; all of his clothes were much too big for D's slender body. He found an old Motley Crue t-shirt (from the Dr. Feelgood tour) tucked away in the back of his closet. It was faded and had shrunk from too many washings, but Leon had kept it for sentimental reasons--he had managed to get front row tickets to the concert, had caught a drumstick Tommy Lee had thrown into the audience, and even managed to touch Nikki Sixx's sweaty palm when the bass player came down to the edge of the stage at the end of the show to slap hands with his fans! There had been a bevy of lovely, scantily-clad girls at the show; alas, they were all more interested in meeting the band than in going home with a mere fan. Still, it had been a great night! Leon had often thought that if he had not decided to become a detective, he would have liked to have become a rock musician. The only thing standing in his way had been the fact that he couldn't sing in tune or play an instrument. Leon sighed regretfully. Ah well, rock and roll's loss was the Police Department's gain! In any case, while the shirt was too small for his real body, it was only slightly too large for D's body. He put on his tightest pair of jeans--which had faded till it was nearly white, and was ripped at both knees--but still had to put on a belt and cinch it tightly to keep it from sliding down his hips. He also had to roll up the cuffs to keep from tripping over them. He stared at the result in the mirror: he looked strange, but not too ridiculous; many of the teenagers these days wore baggy t-shirts and pants in imitation of hip-hop groups. Leon didn't care for the style or the music, but at least he could go out in public without attracting too much attention. He put on a baseball cap (facing backwards) to complete the look. Not bad! D's face was still too pretty, but he supposed there was nothing he could do about that. The weird-colored eyes were a dead giveaway, but he could hide them with dark glasses. He scowled at his reflection.

"How did I get into this mess?" he asked himself. He pointed an accusing finger at the mirror. "This is all your fault, D! How can I go to work like this?!" Then he stopped to think that maybe he could at least make a virtue out of necessity. This was the ultimate undercover disguise! No one in Chinatown would recognize him as Leon Orcot! He could try and get information on the Chinese gangs, maybe even dig up some dirt on D himself! But he would need some help...at the very least, he needed to cover up a one-week absence at work...
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"Hello, Homicide Department," said Jill, picking up the phone.

"Jill?"

Jill frowned. The voice sounded familiar, but she couldn't quite place it... "Who is this?" she asked.

"It's Leon!" came the reply. The irritated, impatient tone sounded like Leon, but the voice did not.

"Leon?" asked Jill dubiously. "Is that really you? You sound strange...do you have a cold or something?"

"Or something!" The voice on the phone spat out several blistering curse words. Now Jill began to believe it really was Leon!

"So what's up, Leon?" she asked. "I thought today was your day off." Then she smiled. "Did you have a fight with the Count?" She held the phone away from her ear, as the voice on the other line continued cursing. When he had finally stopped shouting, Jill put the phone back to ear.

"...so the Count has really got me in trouble this time!" Leon was saying. "I...uh...I..." His voice dropped to a nearly inaudible level and said something that sounded like "(mumble)...help...(mumble)".

"What was that again, Leon?" Jill asked sweetly. "I couldn't quite hear you the first time."

"I need your help, OK?" Leon grumbled. "Please?" He hated having to ask anyone for help; he knew he could count on Jill, but she would make him pay for it later. Owing her favors hadn't been so bad before he had met D, and Jill got this insane idea about getting the two of them together. He used to pay her back by buying her dinner; now she'd probably want him to take D to dinner!

"Sure, Leon," said Jill. She liked to tease Leon, but she really was fond of him; he was sort of like the younger brother she'd never had. He was a good detective and a basically nice guy, but really dense when it came to matters of the heart! He wasn't fooling anyone but himself with all his talk about D being a suspect; after all, how many other suspects did he visit every day with a box of Godiva chocolates or expensive pastries? And it was so cute how he got jealous whenever another man seemed interested in the Count! If only Leon would wake up and realize what a great couple he and D would make! She sighed. "What can I do for you?" Jill asked aloud.

"I...uh...I need you to explain to the Captain that I need to take some personal days," replied Leon. "Maybe a week?"

"What?!" Jill exclaimed. "You haven't taken a vacation in two years!" Leon was a notorious workaholic; Jill suspected that he used work as an excuse to avoid seeing his family. He always volunteered to work holidays, saying it was more important for the detectives with spouses and kids to take the day off. "What's going on, Leon?" she asked suspiciously.

"Um...it's kinda hard to explain over the phone," replied Leon uneasily.

"Then I'll come over and you can explain it to me in person," said Jill firmly.

"That's not necessary, Jill! Really! Jill, wait--!"

*Click!* Jill had already hung up and was heading out the door.
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Jill pounded on the door of Leon's apartment. "Come on, Leon, open up! I know you're in there!"

The door slowly opened and Jill walked in. Her jaw dropped open when she saw Count D standing behind the door clad in a baggy t-shirt and jeans, and a baseball cap. He scowled at her sullenly.

"Co...Count D?" she stammered. "Wh...what are you doing here? Where's Leon?"

"I AM Leon!" snarled the Count.

Jill rubbed her temples and wondered if she was dreaming. She pinched herself hard on the arm. "Ouch! I guess this is real," she muttered to herself. To D, she said hesitantly, "Is this some kind of practical joke that Leon talked you into?" But D didn't seem like type to play jokes, and she would've bet a month's pay that D could not be forced into "normal" clothing even under threat of death.

"It's me! Leon!" shouted the Count. When Jill stared back at him doubtfully, he said, "I can prove it!"

"Tell me something only Leon would know," said Jill.

"Um...you were the one who told me D has a sweet tooth," said D/Leon. "You know, this is all your fault! You're the one who keeps pushing me to bring sweets to the Count--"

"Well, you certainly sound like Leon," said Jill. But she still looked dubious.

"I had a poster of Miss January from Playboy posted above my desk till you made me take it down--threatened to charge me with sexual harassment!" D/Leon huffed sulkily. "But I notice you still have that poster of Tom Cruise up by your desk!"

Jill smiled. "Tom's not naked in that picture," she replied. "What else?"

"You like Japanese animation and Hong Kong action movies--especially the ones starring that guy, what's his name, sounds like 'chow fun'?"

"Chow Yun-Fat!" replied Jill indignantly.

"Yeah, right. Have to admit, his movies are pretty good. I hate reading subtitles, though."

"Leon...? Is it really you?" Jill asked.

"Of course it's me!" screamed Leon.

Jill was pretty much convinced, although she still couldn't figure out what had happened. But she decided to string him along a little further. "Tell me something else; something only you and I would know."

Leon thought for a moment. "You gave me smiley-face boxer shorts for my birthday."

Jill smiled slyly. "But if you're D, you would know that if you and Leon, were, well, getting intimate..."

The Count's...Leon's...pale face turned bright red. "WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" he screamed. "You think I'd do something like that with HIM?! Pervert! You're sick, Jill, really sick!"

Jill was doubled over with laughter. "Ha ha ha! Oh my god, you ARE Leon! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Oh shit!" Leon exclaimed.

Jill wiped tears from her eyes. "What?"

"I just remembered! I was wearing the shorts today! Only now D's wearing them--he's bound to see them when he changes clothes! How humiliating!"

"D is in your shorts?" Jill asked incredulously. "Wow, Leon, I'm really happy for you two, but I didn't think things had gotten that far yet--"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!" Leon shrieked.

"What happened? Why do you look like D?"

"It's a long story..." groaned Leon.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________


Leon slumped down in the passenger seat and sulked as Jill drove them to the petshop. "I don't see why we have to go back there," he complained. "We can't switch back to our own bodies till the curry comes in."

"I just have to see this for myself!" exclaimed Jill.

"You don't have to sound so happy about it," grumbled Leon. "It's not like I did this on purpose for your entertainment."

"Fine," said Jill. "If you don't want my help, you can go and explain to the Captain yourself--"

"OK, OK!" shouted Leon, throwing up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry!"

Jill giggled. "I can't wait to see what the Count looks like!"
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

"AAARRRGGHH!" yelled Leon.

"KYAAAAAH!!!" screamed the Count.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!" they both shouted in unison, as Jill sat down on the couch, covering her mouth with both hands to try and keep from laughing out loud. She noticed there was a small dog--a fox?--with several tails lying on the couch next to her. He was making a soft chuffing noise, as if he were laughing too.

"Just look at those awful clothes!" exclaimed the Count, an expression of horror on his face. "You can't walk around in public like that! People might think you're me--I can't have you ruining my reputation!"

"Yeah, well, same goes for you, buddy!" snarled Leon, poking D's chest with an elegant, long-nailed finger. "What will people think when they see MY body prancing around in a dress?! God, you even put flowers in my hair!"

"How many times do I have to tell you that this is not a dress?!"

While they argued, Jill quietly took a small camera out of her purse. Although the crime lab guys were officially responsible for photographing crime scenes, a good detective always had a camera handy just in case. D/Leon looked so cute in that Chinese outfit! It wasn't likely she would ever see him dressed like that again; besides, the pictures might come in handy someday as blackmail material...Jill quickly took several snapshots before the pair turned towards her suspiciously.

"What're you doing, Jill?!" demanded Leon.

Jill quickly shoved the camera back into her purse, and pulled out a small, gold box. "Oh, I just wanted to give this present to the Count," she said innocently.

D clasped his hands together, and beamed at her, like a child being presented with a Christmas present. "Ah, Godiva chocolates! How wonderful! You are so thoughtful, Miss Jill!"

"Kyu, kyu!" squeaked Q-chan as he fluttered down and landed on D's shoulder, peering down at the box of candy hungrily.

D opened the box, selected a chocolate, and daintily took a bite out of it. "Mmmm, Creme Brulee, delicious!" he murmured, rolling his eyes in ecstasy.

Jill smiled. It was incredibly strange to watch Leon's face going orgasmic over a piece of candy. Apparently Leon thought so too, because he covered his eyes, saying, "I can't watch this!"

Meanwhile, Q-chan grabbed a truffle (with raspberry filling) and began gobbling it up greedily, smears of pink cream staining his cheeks. The little batbunny thought he could really use a treat after a morning like this! The sugar rush took his mind off the fact that his master was trapped in the body of that annoying human.

"What a beautiful outfit, Count D," said Jill. "It's really quite flattering."

D beamed at her. "Why, thank you, Miss Jill!" he said, giving Leon an "I told you so" look.

"Whose side are you on anyway?" grumbled Leon.

"The Count's, of course," replied Jill serenely.

Leon growled and ground his teeth together.

"So are you still going to run the shop, Count?" asked Jill.

"NO!" shouted Leon. "You can't do that! I won't let you show yourself in public like that!"

D gave Leon a cold look. "Won't 'let' me?" he asked in an icy tone. "You do not own me, Detective. And besides, my petshop can hardly be considered 'public'."

"You know what I mean! I don't want people to think that you're me!"

"Nor do I want people to think I am you," retorted D.

"Whoa guys, time out," said Jill, bravely stepping between the two men. "Can't we just agree that you'll both keep a low profile till the curry powder comes in? Leon, I'll cover for you at work. I'll tell the Captain you had a family emergency to attend to. It's short notice, but he can't really complain since you haven't taken any of your vacation time in ages."

"Oh, very well," said the Count grudgingly. "I suppose it would be difficult to deal with customers like this."

"But I can't--ouch!" Leon exclaimed as Jill kicked him in the shins.

"Low profile, Leon," said Jill, a note of warning in her voice.

"Low profile," agreed Leon, crossing his fingers behind his back.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

As they drove back to Leon's place, Leon said, "But I can't just sit around the apartment all week! This is a perfect opportunity to go undercover! Maybe I can even infiltrate one of the Chinatown gangs!"

"Like that?" Jill asked incredulously. "Count D is probably the most well-known person in Chinatown!"

"Aw, nobody will recognize me if I'm not in a dress! I'll just look like an anonymous Chinese kid."

"As in, 'all you people look alike'?" asked Jill sarcastically.

Leon flushed; Jill noted that the rosy blush looked very becoming on D's pale face. "That's not what I meant!" he said, a bit guiltily. "I mean, people see what they expect, and they don't expect to see D in normal clothes!"

"Not many Chinese have purple and yellow eyes, Leon."

"So I'll wear dark glasses!"

"And those nails?"

Leon looked down at D's manicured nails and frowned. "Maybe I can cut them...?"

"Have you lost your mind, Leon?! The Count will kill you!"

Leon slumped down in the seat, pouting. "Well, HE put flowers in my hair!"

"Flowers can be removed. It'll take weeks to grow those nails back. Can you imagine what he'd do to YOUR body for revenge?"

Leon/D's white skin became even paler as he contemplated that thought. He shuddered. "OK, OK, I won't cut his damn nails!" He thought for a moment, then brightened. "But I could pose as Count D himself! I'm sure he hears all kinds of gossip and information from the people in Chinatown!"

Jill sighed and rolled her eyes. "Leon, you don't speak Chinese!"

"D speaks English," Leon protested.

"And you'll have to wear a 'dress' if you're posing as D."

"Oh shit..."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Back at the apartment, Jill fixed the broken strand of pearls on D's cheongsam. "You're lucky the Count didn't see this!" she told Leon. "Imagine his reaction if he saw his pearls in your ashtray!"

"Hey, I cleaned 'em off," protested Leon. "They look as good as new. He'll never know the difference." He glared at her. "As long as no one tells him!"

"You owe me big-time, Orcot!" said Jill.

"I'll buy you dinner at any restaurant you want," promised Leon.

"I think you owe me a little more than an expensive dinner," replied Jilll.

"So what do you want?!" growled Leon.

Jill just gave him a smug smile. "Oh, I'm sure I'll think of something..."

Leon glumly thought that "something" was bound to involve D and an embarrassing situation...
___________________________________________________________________________________________________


Tet-chan sat at the kitchen table, glumly staring at the economy-size bottle of aspirin in front of him as he took a swig of sake (which he normally used only for cooking, but these were desperate times).

"I don't think you're supposed to mix pills and alcohol," piped up Pon, standing on tiptoe to reach the tabletop.

"Shut up, brat!" snarled Tet-chan, rubbing his temples. "Damn, my head still hurts."

Ten-chan grabbed a bowl of pudding from the fridge, and perched on the kitchen counter, waiting for Tet-chan to yell at him not to steal food and to get his butt off the counter, but the Tou-Tet just ignored him. The kitsune ate a bite of pudding (chocolate caramel), feeling a bit disgruntled.

Pon stretched her little arms up towards Ten-chan's snack. "I want some, I want some! Gimme some, Ten-chan, please?"

The kitsune teased her by holding the bowl just out of reach. "You want it? Come and get it!"

"Meanie!"

"Shorty!"

"Oh shut up, both of you!" growled Tet-chan.

"Am I interrupting something?" asked D cheerfully.

"Count!" exclaimed Ten-chan, guiltily hiding the bowl of pudding behind his back.

"Count, Ten-chan won't share!" whined Pon.

"Big-mouth!"

"Meanie!"

Tet-chan just sat there with his mouth hanging open, stammering, "Uh...uh...uh...," apparently stunned by the appearance of the detective's body dressed in a cheongsam.

D spun around coquettishly, showing off his new outfit. "Do you like it, Tet-chan?" he asked.

"Uh..."

"It has been a very trying day," sighed D. Q-chan, who was sitting on D's shoulder, nodded vigorously in agreement. The batbunny still looked a bit perturbed everytime he looked at his master's new form. "I am in need of a special dessert to ease the stress," continued D. "Something chocolate would be nice." He smiled at Tet-chan and stroked his cheek affectionately. "You will make dessert for me, won't you?"

Tet-chan stared into Leon's blue eyes, torn between revulsion and desire. This was his Count caressing him, but it was also the detective whom he despised. His beautiful Count trapped in that hideous body! Yet D/Leon, now clad in a Chinese silk robe, with long golden curls framing a gentle smile on his face, no longer looked so hideous...in fact, he looked almost handsome...

"IYAAAAAAH!!!" Tet-chan screamed in horror, running out of the room.

"Oh dear," said D. "I suppose this means no dessert..."

"He needs a little time to adjust, I guess," said Ten-chan. "Personally, I think you look quite fetching, Count."

"Thank you, Ten-chan. This is all so disconcerting," D sighed.

Ten-chan snickered. "Just think about how Leon must feel!"

D's lips curved in a small smile. "He does not seem to be handling it as well as I," agreed the Count in a rather smugly superior tone.

"Speaking of Leon," said the kitsune, "we still have the tarts he left behind." He held up the pastry box marked with the "Madame C's" logo.

"I want some!" said Pon, jumping up and down. D's new form no longer bothered her in the slightest. After all, the animals in the shop all had two forms; why shouldn't the Count have two forms also?

D laughed and patted the raccoon-girl on the head. "We shall all sit down and have some tea and pastries together!" he said happily.

Meanwhile, Tet-chan lay in his bed, curled up in ball, clutching his head in both hands. "IamnotattractedtoLeon! IamnotattractedtoLeon!" he kept whimpering over and over again. "Oh god, my head hurts!" he wailed.

Lupin observed all this and helpfully went down to report to the Count that Tet-chan was not feeling well. <He says he has a headache. He looks really sick!> the wolf pup said in a concerned tone of voice.

"Oh my!" exclaimed the Count. "I will bring him some herbal tea."

Ten-chan started to say, "I don't think that's such a good idea," but then changed his mind, and tagged along to see the fun.

"Tet-chan," D sang out sweetly. "I brought you some tea for your headache."

In a pain-and-alcohol induced haze, all Tet-chan saw was the detective standing over his bed. "IYAAAAAH!!!"

Ten-chan rolled on the ground laughing as the teapot went flying, and D chased a hysterical Tet-chan around the room, trying to minister to his "sick" pet.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

The following morning, Leon stumbled as he walked through the doorway of the Kirin Restaurant in Chinatown. "Damn skirts!" he muttered to himself.

The owner, a plump Chinese man in his fifties, looked up and said, "Why, hello Count D!"

"Ni hao!" said Leon, forcing himself to smile cheerily. He really felt stupid in this get-up! Then again, no one would ever recognize him as Leon Orcot, and this was a great opportunity to spy on D's Chinatown contacts. He suspected the owner of the restaurant, Cyrus Chan, of using the restaurant as a cover for a gambling operation, although he had no proof, since the Chief of Police was reluctant to authorize an investigation of Chinatown. Leon suspected the Count had influence over many of the city's top officials; probably the Chief refused to investigate the Kirin because Chan was a friend of D's. Just the name of the restaurant made Leon suspicious, ever since that incident where D claimed to have sold a real Kirin to the Congressman Roger T. Stanford! Now I'll get the dirt on D, thought Leon to himself.

Chan started to talk to Leon in Chinese. "Speak English!" growled the detective, and the restaurant owner stared at him in surprise. Leon cursed himself silently; he needed to remember to stay "in character"! Leon attempted to smile sweetly the way D did when he was playing innocent, and said in a more mild tone, "Er...I mean, I wish to improve my English, so please, let us speak English today."

"But your English is already excellent, Count D!" exclaimed Chan.

"Er...tee hee...please humor me," simpered Leon/D, gritting his teeth behind his forced smile.

"Are you feeling all right, Count D?" asked Chan, looking concerned. "You don't seem quite yourself today."

You don't know the half of it! thought Leon. Aloud he said, "I may be coming down with a bit of a cold," and coughed delicately into his palm.

"Ah! I will get you some herbal tea--my grandmother's special recipe. Guaranteed to make you feel better! I'll be right back."

This was the perfect opportunity to have a look around while Chan went to get the tea. "I'll just go and...ah...freshen up while you get the tea, Mr. Chan," said Leon.

"Of course, Count," smiled Chan. "Make yourself at home! Let the waiters know if you'd like some tea or something to eat."

Leon headed towards the restrooms at the back of the restaurant, took a quick look around to make sure no one was watching him, then slipped through a nearby door labeled "Employees Only". It led to a storeroom that seemed to contain nothing out of the ordinary: bags of rice, boxes filled with canned goods or packages of dried noodles; nothing illegal at all! But then Leon thought he heard faint voices coming from the back of the room...sure enough, there was another door, almost hidden behind a tall stack of boxes. Leon slowly turned the knob and opened the door...

Three elderly Chinese men sat in a small room--hardly bigger than a closet--around a card table, intently studying the rows of small, square tiles stacked in front of them. One of them looked up and smiled at Leon and said, "Ah, hello, Count D!"

This was the big illegal gambling operation? A few old men playing mah-jong?! Leon felt cheated.

"Would you care to sit in on a game or two, Count?" asked one of the other men.

"I don't know," replied Leon. "How high are the stakes?" The detective hoped he could still salvage something from the situation--maybe these were rich old men, playing for big money...

The third man laughed. "It's the usual, of course!" He gestured at the table--and now Leon noticed that there was a small pile of cookies and candies in front of each man.

The first man pretended to scowl angrily. "I don't think we should let this young man play! Last time he walked off with all my sweets!"

The men all laughed. "Of course, young Count D has quite the sweet tooth!" said the second man. "How about it, Count? Today we're playing for almond cookies and those preserved plums you like so much."

Leon groaned inwardly. This was hardly the bust he had hoped for! The game seemed to be nothing more sinister than the card games he'd played with his buddies in elementary school, with candies, pennies, and maybe a few marbles put up as stakes. Aloud he said, "Thank you, but I should be leaving soon."

The old men said goodbye, and gave him a handful of sweets. Leon stalked back into the restaurant, clutching the sweets in one hand, since D's robe had no pockets. Chan was waiting, holding a shopping bag printed with the restaurant's logo. "You look a little upset, Count," said Chan. "Is anything wrong?"

"Nothing," growled Leon. "I'm just having a bad day."

Chan smiled sympathetically. "Ah, is your Policeman giving you a hard time?"

"What!?" shrieked Leon.

Chan handed Leon the bag, saying, "Herbal tea and hot soup for your cold, plus a little something extra." He winked at the detective and whispered, "A love potion--my grandmother's secret recipe!" He watched with concern as Leon turned bright red and ran out the door. "The Count seems out of sorts today," he observed.

One of the waitresses, a young Chinese woman, smirked and said, "Must be love!"

Back in the car, Leon examined the contents of the bag--a plastic container of hot soup, which smelled delicious; a brown paper package filled with dried leaves, which was probably the tea; and a smaller paper packet, also filled with some sort of dried leaves and herbs--the "love potion". Leon snorted. His first impulse was to toss it in the trash, but decided to hang onto it on the off-chance that it contained some sort of illegal drug; maybe he could have one the lab techs run a test on it later. "I'd better be more careful about eating or drinking anything from D's shop," he grumbled to himself. "God knows what kind of poison he might be feeding me! 'Love potion,' my ass!"
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, D had "found" another Leon-sized outfit in his closet, a silk robe of blue-green, with a stylized white pattern that resembled waves. It gave Leon's eyes the illusion of green highlights, observed the Count as he stared into his mirror. He let one of the cat-girls brush out his hair, while another filed and polished his nails. "They're so short," he said mournfully.

"Well, at least he keeps them relatively clean and doesn't bite them," said the girl filing his nails, a black panther named Midnight. In her human form, she was a lovely woman with jet-black hair and yellow eyes. She was clad in a black velvet gown that hugged the curves of her body, except where the skirt was slit high on one side, nearly to her waist.

The other girl, a persian cat named Princess, was clad in a low-cut satin gown that matched her white-blonde hair, and wore a diamond-studded collar around her neck. "I find this form quite attractive," she purred. "And his hair is really quite lovely."

"He's not too bright, though," said Midnight. "The detective, I mean."

Princess giggled. "It's not his brains I'm interested in!"

"Good thing, since he doesn't have too many."

"Enough!" snapped the Count, and the girls fell silent after exchanging a knowing look. All the pets knew that their master got annoyed when any of them showed too much interest in Leon, though he denied having any romantic feelings for the human. Even a kami, so powerful and wise in all other matters, was not immune to denial, it seemed...
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, Leon was having an extremely frustrating day; despite checking several shops the Count was known to patronize, he heard nothing other than gossip about D's love life!

At the corner flower shop, the proprietress, a middle-aged Chinese woman, smiled and said, "Is your handsome detective not bringing you enough flowers, Count D?"

Leon gritted his teeth and said, "Detective Orcot does not bring me flowers--"

"Ah, what a pity," the woman sighed. "You should give your young man a stern talking-to!"

"He is not MY 'young man'!" growled Leon. "And he does spend a fortune on chocolates and pastries for Co--uh, for me!"

"Well then, perhaps you should send HIM flowers," laughed the woman, handing him a bouquet of red roses. Leon tried to pay her for the flowers, but she insisted it was "on the house".

Leon was so pissed off that he drove to the nearest burger joint and ordered a double bacon cheeseburger. "And a large coke and extra-large fries," added Leon with malicious glee. People in the restaurant stared as the effeminate-looking Chinese man bit into the huge burger voraciously, grease running down his chin. "Take that, D!" Leon said with his mouth full.


Thus fortified, Leon drove back to Chinatown and the next stop on his list--the bakery owned by Mrs. Hong, which specialized in Chinese sweets and was a favorite of D's. Leon knew this because of the many hours he spent doing surveillance on the Count--usually on his own time, since the Captain would not authorize an investigation of Chinatown. Leon referred to this as "dedication to my job" while Jill preferred to call it "denial" or "A rather unusual courtship ritual, don't you think, Leon?" Leon growled to himself; he'd really love to chew Jill out, but he couldn't afford to piss her off too much, since she was the only one in the department who would help him out on his "informal" investigations, though her motives were rather dubious...
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

"I think you get off on the idea of two guys together," said Leon accusingly, as he and Jill sat in his car, staking out the Petshop. "That's kinda sick, Jill!"
In response, Jill picked up a porn magazine that was lying in the back seat and pointed to the cover. "'Hot Lesbians in Love'?" she asked wryly.
"That's different!" snapped Leon, snatching the magazine away from her.
"Oh? Would you like to explain the difference to me?"
"Well, it's...er...that is...um..."
Jill grinned and winked at him. "What's sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose, Leon!"
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Leon ground his teeth together and growled at the memory. Mrs. Hong, an elderly Chinese woman, blinked in surprise and asked, "Is everything all right, Count D?"

"I'm just having a bad day," said Leon sulkily.

"Well then, some sweets will cheer you up," Mrs. Hong said with a smile. "Here, try this." She handed Leon a small round cake. The detective bit into the golden brown crust, and a filling of black sugar--still warm from the oven--oozed into his mouth. He recognized it as a pastry that D had fed him before at the petshop; it had an odd but not unpleasant taste. In fact, it was quite good, though Leon would never admit that to D! (He preferred to complain bitterly about "that weird Chinese stuff you always feed me," though D would only pointedly reply, "I notice that does not stop you from eating it, Mr. Detective.")

"Mmm, delicious, Mrs. Hong!" said Leon with his mouth full.

"I'm so glad you like it!" said Mrs. Hong. She turned to her young assistant--possibly her granddaughter?--and said, "Karen, please box up a dozen of these for Mr. Count D." The girl--who was young and very pretty, Leon noticed appreciatively--smiled and began filling a white cardboard box with the pastries.

"So, Mrs. Hong," said Leon, "what is the latest gossip in Chinatown today?"

The woman looked a little surprised at his request, but she thought for a moment and replied, "Well, let's see...Mr. Chow's daughter just had her first baby...he's so excited about his new grandson! And I heard that the Eastern Garden just got a new chef..."

Leon absentmindedly wiped the crumbs from his face with the back of his hand as Mrs. Hong and Karen stared in amazement. "You haven't heard anything...uh...juicier?"

Karen smiled mischievously. "I've heard something very juicy."

"Yes?!" Leon leaned forward eagerly.

Karen leaned forward and said in a stage-whisper, "I hear there's this very handsome detective that's been hanging around a local petshop lately!"

"AAARRGHH!" shouted Leon as he turned and ran out the door.

"Count D!" Mrs. Hong called after him, holding up the pastry box. "You forgot your sweets! Count D!" She shook her head, a worried expression on her face. "The Count is just not himself today! I wonder what's gotten into him?"

"It must be unrequited love for the detective!" Karen sighed dramatically. "That's so romantic!"
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Leon stalked down the street, constantly stumbling because his usual long stride was hampered by D's skirts. He ignored the startled looks he got from the local residents, who were taken aback by the sight of a scowling Count D tripping over the hem of his robe. What a waste of time this had been! thought Leon to himself. Just then, a young Chinese man stepped out of the doorway of a nearby shop and called out, "Count D!"

Leon looked up and saw that he was standing in front of a tailor's shop, one D was known to frequent. He searched his mind for the shop owner's name. "Hello, Mister...Shen."

"I just wanted to tell you that your special order is ready," said Shen.

Leon brightened. Aha! Things were picking up--maybe this "special order" was some kind of contraband--drugs, or maybe weapons! He smiled at the shop owner and said, "Thank you! I will pick it up now!"

Leon stepped into the shop and waited for the tailor to get his package from behind the counter. A little Chinese girl, about 5 years old, sat on the floor playing with her dolls. She looked up and smiled at him. "Hi, Mr. D!" she said.

Leon smiled back and knelt down next to her. "Hello, little one," he replied. "What pretty dollies you have." It wasn't just an empty compliment--the dolls were clad in miniature cheongsams as lovely and elaborate as the ones D wore.

"Daddy made their dresses!" the girl said proudly. "It makes them look pretty--just like you, Mr. D!"

"Mr. D" turned bright red. "Er...thanks," said Leon. He couldn't cuss out a little kid, but he fully intended to let D have it the next time they met!

"Now, now, Xingmei," Shen scolded gently, "we mustn't keep the Count waiting."

"I do have to be going," said Leon hastily. "But thank you for showing me your dolls, Xingmei."

"You're welcome. Goodbye, Mr. D," said the girl, kissing him on the cheek.

Leon's blush deepened. He took the package from Shen, and quickly left, after being assured that the order would be charged to D's account "as usual, of course."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Finally, Leon returned home and eagerly ripped open the package. He was disappointed to find not drugs, but brightly colored silk. He held up the cloth, expecting to see one of D's dresses, but instead found himself holding a blue silk shirt. It was deep blue with a mandarin collar and frog closures made of gold thread. But the shirt was much too big to fit D...Leon stared at if for a moment, then took it to his closet and compared it to one of his own shirts. Sure enough, it was exactly his size--at least when he was in his real body! D must have ordered it as a gift for him! He remembered that D had been annoyed that Leon had not informed him of his birthday a couple of months ago. Leon protested that it had not been a big deal. He hated holidays and birthdays or any occasion that was normally considered a "family" thing. He preferred to keep a low profile; there was no celebration other than the guys at work chipping in to buy a cake, and Jill taking him out to dinner and giving him the now-infamous smiley-face shorts. Jill--who else?--had blabbed to D, who had gotten all huffy for nearly a week (until Leon showed up with a strawberry cheesecake from Madame C's). He didn't know why D would even care when his birthday was...Leon stroked the smooth blue silk and felt strangely touched. Then he felt a little guilty for suspecting the Count of receiving a drug shipment. "A late birthday present," he murmured to himself. "I can't believe it!" His lips curved almost against his will into a small smile. "Silly Count!" he said. "As if I would wear such a girly-looking thing!" But he carefully hung the shirt up in his closet, and blinked to hold back tears from his suddenly stinging eyes. "Goddamn," he muttered. "Must've got some dirt in my eyes..."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

One week later, Leon hurried over to the Petshop after receiving a call from D. He was so relieved to hear that the curry had arrived that he was not even angry to see D wearing a blue cheongsam embroidered with gold vines. D/Leon's hair had been braided into a pigtail interwoven with blue and gold ribbons. Q-chan was anxiously hovering in the air over his master; apparently the plump bat was as eager to see things get back to normal as Leon.

D, on the other hand, was surprised to see Leon wearing the blue and white cheongsam from the day of the accident. Leon flushed. "I figured you'd like to be wearing your own clothes when you get your body back," he mumbled, staring at his feet. "And...er...thanks for the shirt. Sorry, I guess it was supposed to be a surprise..."

"Ah yes," smiled D. "I had heard you picked up my special order from Mr. Shen's store. I suppose, in a way, it was a surprise after all. Happy belated birthday, Mr. Detective."

"Uh, thanks, D," Leon mumbled. Then he cleared his throat and said loudly, "OK, let's get on with this! I wanna be back in my own body!"

"Very well," said D. He opened the canister of curry and dropped it onto the floor (which was covered with a large tarp this time to protect the carpet)...

Just then, Tet-chan staggered into the room holding a empty sake bottle. "Whash goin' on here?" he demanded when he spotted D and Leon.

BOOM!!!

Leon coughed, trying to clear spicy-smelling smoke from his lungs. He raised his hands to his face--large, manly hands. "Oh, thank God!" he exclaimed. Then he saw his nails..."Goddammit, D, you painted my nails BLUE!!!"

"Is this a KETCHUP stain on my cheongsam?!" screeched D.

"Kyuu...?" croaked a low voice.

D and Leon both stopped shouting, and turned to look at a dazed Tet-chan sitting on the floor. "Kyu?" asked Tet-chan in a puzzled tone.

"Oh dear," said D.

Leon heard a little hissing noise, and saw a slightly singed bat-bunny sitting on the floor baring its little fangs at him.

"Kyu, kyu!" squeaked Tet-chan.

"Grrrr," growled Q-chan.

"I'm outa here!" shouted Leon, running for the door.

"Well, this should be interesting..." said Ten-chan.

THE END.

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