Nerima Ghost Detectives R Us
By
Ashuri
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Chapter
Three: “Weird
Okonomiyaki ”
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Ukyou
watched the blob of dough float in the air, twisting, quivering, and turning.
She was thoroughly fascinated. It only took a few moments before she decided she
had two options:
1.
Run out of the shop screaming bloody murder.
2.
Find out exactly what was making the dough do…well…THAT.
Being one of the braver people in Nerima, Ukyou opted for option 2. Slowly, carefully, she raised her hand toward the floating mass, and stuck one finger into the dough. Ukyou pulled her hand away and watched in horror as the blob of dough quivered…and begun to giggle loudly. Shaking, quivering, laughing the blob of dough floated higher into the air before coming down with a mighty force right onto…Ukyou’s face.
“UUURMPH!”
A
few pedestrians stopped outside of the Okonomiyaki shop, eyeing it curiously,
but none daring to go inside.
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Happosai
came in, whistling a dainty tune, a sack of women’s undergarment held tightly in
his wrinkled, lecherous hands. He couldn’t wait to get home that night so he
could be surrounded by his two old students, young (but wild) heir to the dojo
Ranma, and the beautiful, sweet Tendou daughters. Ah! It was good to be home!
However, his plans were broken the moment he saw who sat at the table, sipping
tea, and smiling…someone who had taken HIS place?!
“Who
is this?!” Happosai demanded, landing in the middle of the table. Kasumi
smiled,” Oh, Grandfather Happosai, he’s our visitor, Okina-san!” Kasumi said
sweetly, hands in her lap. “Great, another old fart is home,” Ranma said
nonchalantly. Akane sipped her own tea,” And to think I thought it’d be
peaceful tonight,” she grumbled. Nabiki just ate another cookie.
“Hmmm,
what business does he have here?” Happosai asked, sitting down besides Soun,
and setting his precious haul of panties besides him. Once again, Nabiki
explained the earlier events of the day. “Ah, I see,” Happosai said,” now I
know.” Nabiki looked at the old pervert curiously,” Know what?”
“You
must have had a run in with Tsuna, the officer of the Special Spirit something
or another,” Happosai said, looking at Okina. “Beautiful green eyes, long black
hair, but an obnoxious personality?” Happosai asked. Okina nodded,” How did you
know?” Happosai took on a wistful look,” It all happened about fifteen years
ago…”
“This enchanted perfume has the power to make you irresistible to any woman,” Happosai said, grinning, clutching the bottle tightly in his wrinkled hands. “And now it’s mine!” Happosai’s grin growing wider, he pulled off the golden top off the bottle, and took a whiff of the aroma. It smelt of strange fruits and flowers he had never smelt before. Of course, that was probably because he had stolen it from a mountain ogre, who probably needed the stuff more than he did…but what did he care? Now he would have every woman under his control! Life was gooood.
Then life seemed to get even better as a gorgeous girl appeared on the trail before him, floating at him with breakneck speed…not that a little thing as floating bothered him. Her black cloak flew back, revealing baggy black slacks and a tight black shirt that’s sleeves went all the way up to her hands, only cutting off at each of her fingers. The outfit did little to hide her ample, womanly curves. Her emerald eyes flickered angrily, and her raven hair flew around her face.
“Ah! Come to Papa!” Happosai said, before aiming the perfume at the girl and spraying it in her face right when she came close enough. The girl spat a couple of times and reeled back, almost flipping, and looking quite startled and violated. “What the hell!” she screamed, gagging. Happosai grinned,” Come to me now…sweeet vixeeeen,” he said, leaping onto the girl’s chest as she choked. “We can run away together, my darling,” he said, caressing her chin.
Two emerald eyes gazed down upon him. “Yoooouuu…” she said in an angry, throaty voice. “Yes, my darling?” Happosai asked, looking at her lovingly. “You little bastard!” she screamed before ripping him off her chest and throwing him into a nearby tree. Happosai sprung back up, his naturally hard head saving him from harm,” Why you! Why isn’t the perfume working on you!” he screamed, spraying more on her for emphasis. She just looked even angrier than before.
“You…are pissing me off!” she screamed, and throttled the little man into the heavens. “Damn! I forgot the perfume!” she shouted and followed him into the sky. Happosai flipped around to see the girl fast on his trail, “Why you! You should know better than to harm the master of Anything-Goes!” he screamed. “Anything Goes Martial Arts, eh? File #333692,” she said grinning, revealing small fangs. “Um…yeah,” Happosai said, then remembered he was suppose to be angry. “How dare you insult the school, and how dare you not let the perfume work on you!” he shouted.
The girl rolled her eyes,” That perfume was created for ogre women you fool! That perfume can only remain in the Ogre charter and you are violating a SSTF law!” she informed him spitefully. Happosai’s eyes widened, looking as if he understood a horrible truth. Then, grinning, he shoved the perfume into the girl’s arms,” There ya go then, sweetie!” he replied. “I am not SWEETIE! I am Tsuna, special officer of the—ACK!” she was cut off as Happosai thrust a bomb in her face. Happosai grinned flying further and further away from the enraged girl.
He could still hear her voice though, echoing in the night: “I’ll get you!!!!”
The Present…
Everyone looked at Happosai bug eyed. Happosai grinned, and sipped the hot tea Kasumi had just prepared for him. Finally, Ranma was the one who broke the silence,” I never thought the day would come…but Happosai is an even bigger lecher than I thought he would be!” Happosai glared at his student,” What was that, Ranma-kun?” he demanded. “Sounds like the girl alright,” Okina said thoughtfully. Nabiki grinned,” So…the box belonged to someone before Okina-san,” she was thinking about how profitable the situation was. Their thoughts were cut off when the phone began to ring.
Getting up, Kasumi walked into the hall, answering the phone. “Hello?” she asked sweetly. Everyone watched as she listened to the voice on the other line,” All right, I’ll tell him. Good night to you,” she said and hung up the phone. “Ranma-kun, that was Ukyou, she sounded slightly frantic. She said she was wondering if you could come over…strangest noises in the background,” Kasumi said thoughtfully. Okina, Akane, Nabiki, and Ranma all exchanged glances.
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Ukyou smashed the dough away with her battle spatula. It quivered on the wall, giggling again, this time…sprouting small arms and legs! Ukyou’s mouth dropped open. It had already been a pain prying the thing off her face, but she was now chasing it through the shop, trying her best to subdue the food.
She decided she might want to go to a different grocery store.
The thing ran around like a maniac, giggling, and reshaping into its original gooey substance, crawling up the walls. Once again it leapt out at Ukyou, aiming for her face. Ukyou decided it was best to change tactics, and flipping her spatula on side, cut the dough in half.
Two dough creatures began to rampage the shop.
“Aw, crap,” Ukyou said, now trying to keep up with the two. She saw one in the corner, and prepared to pull down her spatula on it. Then she felt something hit her back, instantly knowing it was one of the dough creatures. She turned around to face it, but didn’t see it anywhere. Then she felt the two dough creatures merge into one, wrapping tightly around her ankles. Thrown off balance, Ukyou began to crash to the floor….
She braced herself for face-to-ground impact…but it didn’t come. Looking up she saw a familiar smirk, and realized the arms of a very familiar martial artist and fiancé had caught her.
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“Yo, Ucchan! Whassup?” Ranma said, his smirk growing even wider. Akane, Nabiki, and an old man were behind him. Ukyou was about to express her gratitude when she noticed the now merged into one dough creature was crawling on the wall behind Ranma. “Ran-chan! Watch out!”
Ranma, doing something very stupid, turned around. “Wha—“ he began, only to be cut off as a flying piece of dough submerged itself into his mouth. The room fell silent. Ukyou’s eye bulged. Ranma slowly…swallowed. More silence. Then Ranma began to giggle in a high-pitched voice. “Tee hee hee!” Ranma laughed, skipping around. He immediately latched onto Akane; her eyes bulged as wide as Ukyou’s. “Tee hee, hee! Hee, hee, hee!” he said, putting his face uncomfortably close to Akane, wrapping his arms tightly around her.
Akane turned a bright shade of crimson that would put Snow White’s lips to shame. “G-get off of me!” she screamed and swatted Ranma away right onto…Nabiki. Ranma just giggled like a child in Nabiki’s arms. “Um…what’s going on?” Nabiki asked Okina. Okina shrugged,” Dunno…does he do this often?” this prompted everyone to fall over except for Ranma who leapt out of Nabiki’s arms and rebounded off the wall, straight onto Ukyou, knocking her down and pinning her to the ground. He giggled mischievously. Ukyou squirmed from underneath Ranma. Not that she would mind being pinned down by Ranma, that being far from the truth, but his giggling was giving her the royal creeps.
Ranma giggled, and leapt up, jumping on Ukyou’s stomach, causing her to let out a startled “OOMPH!” he crawled the walls, and hung from the ceiling, clinging to the small grooves in the ceiling. “Tee, hee, hee, hee!” Ranma’s eyes then locked down on Okina. Okina looked up at Ranma, his eyes growing wide. “Oh…hell…no! ACK!” Ranma dropped down on Okina, sending the old man to the ground. Ranma then giggled innocently, and ran onto the grill, sitting on it, looking at everyone, giggling more.
Ukyou then had a sudden flash of inspiration.
Grabbing the one of the knobs of the grill, she turned on the heat to high. Ranma stopped giggling as he felt a heat on his rear, he screamed and leapt of the grill. As he screamed a green mist came from his mouth and as the mist met the air it formed into a gremlin like creature. Ranma fell to the ground, dazed. “Um…did he digest the dough?” Akane wondered. “I think it was the heat from the grill that force it out,” Nabiki said,” I’m pretty sure the ghost wouldn’t want to be cooked dough, so he left the dough, and ultimately left Ranma,” Nabiki said, not failing to sound scientific in her explanation. Ukyou grinned. In a flash she was helping Ranma off the ground with a smile,” I have to admit, the ghost did have it’s good points,” she said quietly, remembering being pinned under Ranma…
“Um…this may sound all well and dandy,” Nabiki said,” but the ghost is still here,” she said motioning to the green gremlin floating in the air and cackling. Okina grabbed the box,” Well…I’m not sure, but, here goes nothing!” he opened the box, and the ruby sparkled. The gremlin’s eyes widened and it shrieked before being pulled into the box. Okina shut it tightly. “Wow, I was only guessing that would work!” he exclaimed. Akane and Nabiki fell over.
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Later on, after helping clean up Ukyou’s shop and bidding her farewell the group headed out into the cool, dark night. Walking down the street, Akane kept flashing Ranma weird looks, while Ranma declared he did not remember anything that happened while he was possessed. Nabiki grinned,” Well?” she asked Okina. “Well what?” Okina said.
“Where’s our money?” Nabiki said, miffed. She wasn’t about to ever pass up a chance for a good payment. “Well, technically, that Ukyou girl subdued the monster, and technically…I was the one who caught it in the box,” Okina said, grinning his toothy, old man grin. Nabiki frowned, hands on her hips. “Ranma-kun,” she said simply. Ranma grinned and cracked his knuckles,” With pleasure!” he said, ready to advance on the old man. Akane however was much quicker. Whacking Ranma on the head she began to scold him,” Ranma, he’s right! The money is his! What do you get off with hitting a poor old man?” Akane demanded. “Oh, if you like him so much, why don’t you get engaged to him!” Ranma shouted back. “It’d be better than with a jerk like you!”
As the two argued, Nabiki grinned at Okina,” Okina-san, I like a business mind. You get away…this time,” she said, looking up into the night sky.
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Author’s
Notes: Reviews, comments, questions, and criticism? It’s all appreciated! Tell
me what you think of the third chapter of Nerima Ghost Detectives R Us!
Next
Chapter:
After their first ghost captured, Nabiki decides that to best serve the town (and herself) she must make a new business: Nerima Ghost Detectives R Us! Call 1-800-NerimaGhosts, and prepare to have the world’s finest martial artists/ghost detectives come to your services! But it’s doubtful that any of them were expecting their next call to be from the—Kuno Residence?! What happens when poltergeist rampage through the house of the craziest family in Nerima? Find out next time!
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