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Withdrawn and angry , I spent most of my time trying to drink it all away...or trying to find a drug that would releive the hurt and pain I completely involved myself in my horses and raising them...spending many hours in the barn, telling them how unfair this life was and setting all night in the quietness and security of my aloneness with only the animals to complain. My security was in the knowledge that they did not care how I looked or even how I smelled as long as I fed them, and they never tried to "talk some sense" into me. I was content to remain there in the barn alone with only the horses and dogs and felt secure with them and did not want any people around me if possible.. This could only fulfill me for so long....people kept crashing into my world...my daughter became pregrant and my son into drugs. My husband came into the barn late one night to tell me he wanted a divorce and I did not care, I expected it. Why not? We had no marriage, no relationship and who cared anyway?? I certainly didn't, and I was sure he didn't ....he only wanted the cheaper way out....the least expensive way, I thought that was all he cared about anyway , his money... cont. next page... |
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