I am the great Sput-Ping! You may call me Joey if you like. I come from the planet Protokai, arriving through a tear in my dimension which hurled me out of my universe and into yours where I flew out of a car window into the street.

On Protokai, I was a great songwriter. Here they think I'm a dog who writes bad lyrics.

In my native land of Protokai lived many frogs. We frequently would dance with the frogs, who have legs perfectly adapted for ballet. Dinosaurs also live on my planet, but they are much smaller than the ones on your planet (although they are just as fierce). We believe that the larger ones were wiped out by giant feet, and thus we tend to fear feet.

I can't seem to get laid on this planet, except for a stuffed wolf that hides in the closet. There's this one tease named Bonita who plays hard-to-get, but I never even got to 3rd base with her.