Headers in Part 1

Part 5


January 17, 1999
2:30 PM

Scully woke up earlier than she had wanted but it was 
still not early enough to catch up with Mulder. He was 
off and running. Before they left each other that 
morning, they divided up the day's work. She was to 
interview Miranda again, and he was to hit the Atlantic 
City police department looking for possible connections 
with their latest cases. She wondered how far he'd get. 
Somehow, this hardly x-file hardly seemed to warrant FBI 
intrusion in local police matters. Still, Mulder could 
be persuasive when he decided to charm the right people. 

She ordered a quick served-all-day breakfast and 
wandered over to the young psychic's shop before 4 PM. 
Miranda was in the middle of a reading and Scully sat in 
the outer office trying to look inconspicuous.

Miranda gave her a big smile as she said goodbye to her 
customer and put up an 'out to lunch' sign. She ushered 
Scully in the reading room where she was, once again, 
greeted by an enthusiastic Max.

"Sit, sit, Agent Scully. You look tired. Didn't you get 
any rest?"

"I did. A few hours worth. It's difficult to sleep 
during the day."

"Well, I would imagine the Blue Moon would have paper 
thin walls, anyway," she smiled.

"It's not that bad," she said, scratching Max behind his 
ears, and then turning her attention to Miranda. The dog 
slinked back to his spot on the floor and was asleep 
within minutes. "I would like to discuss your 
background, what you've done before and how you got into 
this line of work. Actually, I could use a more detailed 
description of the actual work itself. We might find 
patterns or clues in what you tell us that you might not 
be able to see. *I* might find  ... " she corrected 
herself with a smile, "You were in the financial field 
originally?"
 
"Yes. Wall Street. I was going through a practical phase 
in college. I can't say my heart was ever in it. But I 
was damned good at what I did. After a while, though, 
the stress got to me. I didn't have any great commitment 
to what I was doing and couldn't imagine doing it for 
the rest of my life. And I always knew I had this gift--
for lack of a better term."
 
"How?"

"Well, it actually began with my parents.  I would catch 
my mother's reflection in my father's face--even when 
she was not in the house. Kind of like a superimposed 
image. I don't remember what I originally thought of it. 
Probably nothing much. Kids see things sometimes and 
just don't know enough to question them. 

I did not see my dad's face when I looked at my mother. 
From time to time, I got flashes of another man. One I 
did not know. Anyway, as I said, it didn't concern me or 
even make me terribly curious. I had always been told I 
had an active imagination and I just thought it was a 
outgrowth of that

One day, a few years after my father died, we moved and 
I found a box of pictures--and one of them was of that 
man. It turns out he was my mother's high school 
sweetheart and when I asked her about him--her whole 
face lit up as it never had for my father. And her face 
will always light up for him--until the day she dies. 
I'm convinced of it."

Scully tried to keep her face as emotionless as 
possible.

"You're thinking it's not much to base a life's work on, 
aren't you?" Miranda said.

"You read minds, too?"

"No, but I can read your expression. You don't 
understand. It wasn't just my parents. It happened with 
other people as well. When I was younger, it was random. 
When I was a teen, I tried to harness that energy. To 
actively "read" people. And I got to a point where I 
could pretty much read almost anyone I wanted. But it 
was always something that was in the background of my 
life. Few people knew about it. One day, there was a 
woman at work who was pretty much in the same boat  I 
was--single, lonely, successful with more money and less 
time than any single person should have. She was 
miserable. She was over thirty and desperately wanted a 
husband and children but was so far beyond the dating 
scene that she hadn't dated in years.  She felt unloved. 
And unlovable. I read her. I could clearly see someone 
out there for her. And I told her. She thought I was 
completely nuts but within six months--she found him. I 
went to their wedding. It was the same guy I saw in my 
reading."

"And this convinced you to give up your career?"

"I gave it up to save myself, first and foremost. I had 
money before I began my career. I had much more money 
afterwards. But I was not happy. The job demanded all of 
my time and then some. I chucked it. And then I looked 
at options. I liked giving that woman hope. Even if she 
thought I was full of it--she began to look at herself 
in a slightly different way. Perhaps open herself up a 
bit mentally. Feel less unlovable."

"But why here? Why not Manhattan?"

"We used to come here as kids--before all the gambling. 
I used to dream here. I feel a kinship. It's cold and 
lonely sometimes. Elemental. But I feel I can almost 
reach out to souls who may need me here."

"And tell them about their true loves?"

"No. Well, I don't know. It's far more complicated. The 
way I look at it now is that I see the person, when all 
is said and done, that SHOULD be considered the love of 
your life."

"A soulmate," Scully physically willed herself not to 
roll her eyes heavenwards.

"No. Maybe more of a grand passion. Your greatest love. 
It's very complicated. For example, married people come 
here all the time. I don't necessarily see them with 
each other at all."

"You tell them that?"

"Only if they are being read separately-which I've 
pretty much come to insist upon."

"What if they are happy in the situation they are in?"

"Well, that's what I tell them. Sometimes you are not 
meant to be the happiest with the grand passion of your 
life; sometimes someone more suitable to your 
temperament can make you happier."

Scully shook her head slightly.

"So, pardon me for asking, but what is the point then?"

"This service ideally should not cater to those who are 
happily married or in a relationship. If I had a choice, 
I would only read the so-called lonely hearts. To let 
them know there is hope. But I can't pick and choose my 
clientele. People are out here to have a day of gambling 
and wandering around the boardwalk and think it would be 
fun to come in and have a reading. I can't turn them 
away."

"Do you tell them the truth about what you see? Even if 
it could possibly effect their long-standing happy 
relationships?"

Miranda looked down at her hands.

"I don't lie. I try to lighten up my readings and put 
things in perspective when I see potential trouble and 
would hope that the relationships they are in are 
serious and committed enough to survive a half- hour in 
my shop. But if they choose to accept everything I'm 
saying and they are discontented to begin --yes. It 
could possibly affect a long-standing relationship or 
marriage."
 
"Someone could have something against you."

"Yes. If you follow that line of reasoning, yes."

"You don't keep records of any kind?"

"None. It's a cash business. And it's Atlantic City. 
Some locals pop by but mostly it's the tourists from the 
buses. In and out in one day."

Scully let out a breath. This was not going to be easy.

XXXXX

Boardwalk Outside of Madame Miranda's Love Connection
8:45 PM

Scully turned onto the boardwalk from the side street 
immediately preceding Madame Miranda's.  She saw a 
figure on a bench that could only be Mulder's. They had 
been separated for quite a long time that day. Following 
her interview with Miranda, she had made her way to the 
Atlantic City police department, where Mulder was 
scouring over a stack of files hoping to find something 
connected to their case. It was a needle in a haystack. 
After a few hours, Scully had gone back to quickly check 
on Miranda and have a solitary meal. 

It was lonely in this town. Very lonely. She was tempted 
to pop into a casino just to hear some noise and see 
some people actually enjoying themselves but decided 
that might very well depress her further.

He turned before she quite made her way to him. A bright 
smile lit up his face and made something in the pit of 
her stomach do a brief, nearly painful somersault. 

It was supposed to have turned out differently. It was 
supposed to be different.

And it wasn't.

She sat next to him.

"Did you eat?" she asked.

"Yeah, I grabbed something. I didn't have a chance to 
shower, though."

"Thanks for the warning," she said, butting her side 
against his. "Did you find anything?"

"Not really. This town sure does have it's suspected 
mob-related crimes, though. Amazingly, none of them seem 
to lead anywhere. Very few trials. Very few convictions. 
No witnesses. How strange is that?" He feigned wide-eyed 
innocence.

"Very strange, indeed."

"There were a couple of local murders. That's about it."

"You didn't really expect to find much, did you?"

"No."

"So, why are we sitting here, Mulder?"

"Miranda has a late reading. I thought it would be 
better if we were out here instead of hovering inside, 
screwing up business."

Scully got up and walked to the railing. Just sitting 
there with the cold wind blowing was becoming 
intolerable.

She looked out at the water and a sudden thought 
occurred to her. She turned to face Mulder.

"Do you remember your first kiss, Mulder?"

He looked at her in surprise. She shrugged her shoulders 
in response. She had very little idea as to where the 
question came from. She just wanted to hear the answer.
 
He seemed to accept her shrug, leaned back against the 
bench and looked up into the night sky.

"I saw stars," he said finally.

"That good, huh?"

"That bad."

"Tell me."

"Well, Pammy--that was her name--was about 13. I was 
almost 14. It was a very big embarrassment to me that I 
had lived to such a ripe old age without having anything 
to share in the boy's locker room discussions. So, I had 
to change the course of history and selected Pammy as 
'the one.' She came from a very functional, if somewhat 
reserved family. She had seen some public displays of 
affection but no great slobbering matches. I had my 
romance lessons from the street."

"Yeah, I hear the Vineyard was tough."

"It was a regular Fort Apache. Anyway, what I had been 
taught was a real man--one considered a highly skilled 
kisser--always attempted to shove as much of his tongue 
down the recipient's throat as possible. So, Pammy and I 
go to the movies and she is eating popcorn and I turn to 
her--pretty much as she is about to pop another kernel 
in her mouth and pop my tongue in instead. She gagged; I 
gagged at her gagging and she proceeded to bitch slap me 
about the head and face until…"

"You saw stars."

He nodded. She tried desperately to keep from laughing 
at the mental picture.

"You would never bitch slap me about the head and face, 
would you Scully?"

"You mean I haven't already?"

"Not so far," he smiled softly. "So, why the sudden 
interest in first kisses?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's just the atmosphere. All the 
moonlight and water and talk of the great passions in 
one's life. Maybe it's just some long dormant curiosity 
over what you were like when you were younger. I have no 
idea."

"What was yours like?"

"Not all that much better than Pammy's, actually. I 
didn't gag but I didn't find it all that exciting 
either."

"Men can be such beasts."

She laughed and looked back out at the water. She felt 
him move behind her and drape his arms around her body 
for warmth. She stiffened at his touch and felt his arms 
stiffen in response.

"Don't hate me," she thought she heard him whisper. She 
was just about to turn and ask him to repeat what he 
said when she spotted a woman determinedly coming up 
toward them

"Uh, oh. Trouble."

"What?" he said, dropping his arms to his side.

"One of the psychics I interviewed is coming toward us."

"Oh. Well, I'll be your  ...  "

"We have to talk," a thin, bleached blond approached 
Mulder and Scully.

"Change your mind about being interviewed for the 
article?" Scully asked.

"What article? The one for the Federal Times? Please. . 
."

The gig was up.

"Okay. Then what would you like to talk about?" Scully 
asked evenly.

"Dead people."

XXXXX

McGee's Restaurant
Five minutes later

They led Rita into McGee's restaurant and took a corner 
booth. The restaurant was no longer crowded and privacy 
was not an issue.

"Okay. What about dead people?" Mulder asked.

"Right to the point, are you?  That's good.  No offense 
to you, Ms. Scully, but no newspaper worth its salt 
would do an article on the non-gambling joys of Atlantic 
City. I've lived here all my life. AC is gambling. 
That's it. That's all she wrote. You want the seashore--
you go somewhere else. Hey--even places not far from 
here have nicer beaches. You want old world charm and 
kitsch--again, find another place. Anyway, I knew you 
were some sort of law enforcement officer and I just 
thought you guys might be picking on charlatan 
psychics."

"And are you one?"

"I admit to nothing. Well, no, that's not true. I admit 
that my particular expertise in the paranormal world is 
not the one I currently represent in my little 
storefront booth. But then again--no one wants to hear 
what I'd have to tell them. At least, not during some 
one day gambling junket."

"And what is that?"

"I can channel the dead."

"I see."

"Not all that thrilling is it? When you come in to find 
out your lucky numbers of the day, or if you will be 
riding home in a limo instead of the bus--you don't want 
to hear that great-aunt Ethel is standing over your head 
telling you to be better to your mother."

Mulder smiled.

"But, I do have this 'gift'  ...  curse  ...  whatever. 
And I can't do much with it but it's always there. 
Except now I'm not flying solo. Since you got into town, 
I've had this damned near constant companion--Miranda's 
ghost. And he just won't quit.  And he sucks at 
communicating although he's trying all the time."

"A bumbling ghost?"

"Nah. Just pathetic. No offense," she says to the air 
around her. "He doesn't seem to have the energy to come 
through clearly. For example, he tries to stir up a 
breeze--it comes out as a puff of air. Tries some of 
that ghostly writing stuff and can barely do more than a 
word or two. But I have managed to pick up a few things. 
He's been sort of playing some kind of psychic charades 
with me. Sending me mental pictures. So, I'm passing it 
on to you and you can do with it what you will. I know 
he wants me to tell you because that image came through 
loud and clear. It was you, Miss Scully and this guy 
you're with."

"Agent Mulder," Scully supplied.

"Yeah. Well, I didn't know him from a hole in the wall 
but I saw you with this good looking guy in my vision 
and lo and behold, I find you two groping on the 
boardwalk."

"We were not  ... "

"Look, you don't do any exposes on charlatan psychics 
and I never saw a thing. Anyway, this guy--and I call 
him Freddie--I have no idea why. I don't think it's his 
name but I needed to call him something. He was killed 
pretty recently. His killer was caught. It was his wife. 
She had the direct Madame Miranda connection. She had 
been read. She later told her husband about this and he 
went to her shop. I don't know why. Anyway, I see 
Freddie standing outside of Miranda's shop and looking 
in the window and something happened. I don't know if 
she was busy, or what, but he never got read by her 
himself.  Instead, I see him kind of walking off in a 
fog.

He went home and as he's sitting there, a little 
lightbulb goes off in his head--and believe me--that's 
the way the guy showed me what he wanted to say. I don't 
know what strange shit this man watched but every 
freaking message he gave me more or less came through 
this way. Me trying to pull some meaning out of his 
weird ass images --like I'm pulling some fucking teeth 
with a pair of rusty pliers. Anyway, he's sitting there 
having some sort of revelation at the same moment that 
the poison his wife has been slowly feeding him for a 
week has finally accumulated to the point of being 
fatal. 'Aint that always the way? And now--geez, I'm 
seeing Miranda's dog. What's up with that? He's sending 
me a mental picture of the board game 'Sorry." Make any 
sense to you?"

"Um, yes. It does. I think he was trying to tell us 
about the poisoning and perhaps regrets how he tried to 
get his message across," Scully said.

"Okay. If you say so.  So, he never got to say what he 
had to say to the people he had to say it to. But he 
made it seem like his wife knew. That he told her during 
his dying moments. We need to talk to her. Well, you 
need to talk to her. I need Freddie out of my head. No 
offense," she again addressed the air.

"And how do we get in touch with this anonymous woman?"

"Well, apparently, she's in the slammer. That should 
rule out all those people not in the slammer." She 
smiled wryly. "And her name is ... unless I'm really 
fucked up with the game ... Natasha. He was running this 
little Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon in my mind and I saw 
Boris and ... Natasha. She had a spotlight over her and 
when I said her name out loud, the cartoon disappeared. 
So ... Natasha. How many freaking Natashas can there be 
in jail?"

"In the country?"

"Yeah. Even in the country. I can say with one hundred 
percent certainty that I have never met an actual 
Natasha. Have you? But I can narrow it down even 
further. I am getting a strong, strong feeling they were 
local. So, check the local jails." She shook her 
shoulders. "Whew. He's gone. Cool."

Mulder shrugged. "That's it?"

"Yeah. That's it. He got his message through. I don't 
think he'll be bothering anyone anymore. May he rest in 
peace and leave me the hell alone."

She swallowed the last of her coffee and bid the agents 
a good night.


XXXXX

Scully's Room
Blue Shores Motel
January 18, 1999
1 AM

The evening's stakeout was cancelled. After a brief 
consultation with a Miranda who had no recollection of 
anyone announcing that their name was Natasha--it was 
the general consensus among those who believed in ghosts 
that it would be worthless spending the evening waiting 
for a spirit who had now found some rest. Scully scowled 
in response and tried to think of what she would tell 
Paul Michaels when he called to chew them out for not 
fulfilling their duties.  Mulder pointed out that their 
only duty was to find the rest of the ghost's message to 
Miranda and once that was fully understood, it was back 
to background checks--or, if the Deputy Director was 
extremely grateful, back to the X-files.

Mulder spent a few minutes on the phone trying to locate 
a Natasha but gave up on conventional routes. Instead, 
he called the Gunmen who promised an answer by morning. 
Scully took a shower, got dressed in a warm pajama and 
then found it hard to even begin to relax enough to 
sleep. She opened her curtain and looked out onto the 
dark, Atlantic City streets. This wasn't the boardwalk. 
This was a sidestreet. It made all the difference in the 
world. Whatever feelings of desolation one felt on the 
boardwalk, one could always pass it off on the ocean on 
a winter's night. This street was just cold and raw and 
ugly.

Scully didn't even think. She picked up her key and 
Mulder's key and left the room. In a few moments, she 
jiggled the spare key in Mulder's lock and let herself 
in. The television was on but Mulder was sound asleep. 
Good. She was hoping to find him in just such a state. 
She didn't particularly want to talk; she just wanted to 
be in his presence.  She sat down on a dusty easy chair 
near his bed. It was nice watching him sleep. He didn't 
have to say a word or even be conscious. Just being with 
him helped give her life a sense of structure and order.

"Scully? What's wrong?" he asked, groggily.

"You think I hate you," the words were out of her mouth 
before she was fully aware of the thought forming in her 
mind.

"What?" he asked half asleep. She was surprised she 
uttered the statement herself. She hadn't been aware 
that it bothered her so much.

"I think I heard you say that on the boardwalk," she 
said, backpedaling a bit.

He sat up on one elbow and rubbed his face with his 
hands.

"Well, that was pride. I wanted to kiss you. I thought 
you had issued an invitation with your choice of subject 
matter but when I felt you stiffen up when I touched 
you--I guess a lot of issues we haven't discussed came 
flooding into my mind and I just channeled it into that 
general statement."

She smiled. Even half asleep he could psychoanalyze 
himself.

"Do you?" he asked gently.

"Hate you? Of course not. I was just taken surprise by 
that little public display of affection. That isn't our 
usual M.O."

"No, it isn't," he said with a soft smile.

"Mulder. . ." his name was almost carried on a sigh. "I 
know we screwed up badly. I don't know how anything that 
started out feeling as right as it did that night got so 
complicated, but it's so hard to sit there, sometimes, 
and pretend I don't want to show you how I feel."

"I don't want you to pretend."

"But it *is* easier to not be involved romantically, 
isn't it?"

"Of course it is. Romance seems to have this big--I 
don't know--expectation of complete devotion. Maybe 
that's not even the word I'm looking for. That next 
morning, Scully, I expected you to completely back me up 
during the OPR hearing. and you were the same skeptical 
scientist I had known all along. Making love didn't 
suddenly change that. And I think you were expecting me 
to not have unreasonable expectations. When have I ever 
given you any indication that I was even capable of such 
a thing?" 

Scully laughed and watched Mulder lay back against the 
pillows with his arms behind his head.

"Anything else you want to clear up, Mulder?"

He looked her straight in the eye. "Anything else you 
want me to clear up?"

She knew what happened during the OPR meeting. She knew 
why they had both been cold toward each other 
afterwards.  One issue remained: Diana. It still hurt. 
Perhaps it always would but she was now convinced that 
Mulder was acting on the basis of old loyalties toward 
his former partner and lover. Scully had expectations of 
total devotion of her own--perhaps she deserved it but 
she could only deal with what she was actually given. 
Just as Mulder learned about her and her scientific 
ideals. So be it.
 
She shook her head.

"Then come here--it's warmer." 

He lifted up a corner of the blanket and she scooted in 
next to him. She was tried of fighting against something 
she wanted so badly.

He put out a hand to gently touch the curve of her 
waist. Such a soft, tentative touch. She looked in his 
eyes and found a soft, gentle, tentative look--afraid of 
revealing too little or too much without some kind of 
signal from her. She quickly put her arms around his 
neck and buried her head on his shoulder. She needed to 
feel him again.

"No pretense?" he asked as he nuzzled his face against 
her hair.

She shook her head against him.

No pretense.

End of Part 5


    Source: geocities.com/ginarainfic