| A Board for the Bored |
| Once again, you have entered a page made by little me. I guess, it's like Marianne's Ramblings page, but I didn't copy it from her. I got the idea from another site, Moron.com. This is where I shall complain or type whatever is on my mind. Now if you ever find what I think is offending, then leave the page. That usually helps. In this page, I shall complain, using bad language when I want to and do other stupid things. Again, if you find this offending, leave. So, yeah, I am dork for making this page, but I was bored. What else can I do? Make a difference in this world? |
| 10/30/01 "Patience is a virtue." That phrase must be the truth when it comes to me meeting certain people that so grace me with their presence. Always in a rush trying to hurry things, they never seem to wait for things to come their way when the time is right. I mean, what's wrong with waiting? What happened to the phrase "It was worth the wait?" I understand being patient can be a hard task, bu it doesn't seem that difficult. I don't mind waiting, I consider it as a challenge to see how much I can persevere. One may also call it stubborn, but that term is not so favorable to me so patient will be used. However, I am strangely human too. I will partially admit that. There are times where I do find myself wanting something to be over or wanting something to finish ahead of time. Yet, despite the fact that I am more tolerable than others, the instant that I show a hint of being impatient, I am suddenly struck by criticism and am persecuted for having flaws. Assuming that everyone is expected to not be perfect, I came to the conclusion that that it was normal to make mistakes. My mistake for assuming that. I guess that's one of my human tendencies: to think that everyone can make a little "oops" once in a while. What I figured out is that I must try to accpet those who different from me instead of bitching about them and remember that those who complain about the slowness of something are just being human. I guess, what I learned was that I must be patient. |
| 11/10/01 Listening to songs on the computer is always fun to do. You get to do your work and hear lovely melodies that comfort the soul. I was just listening to the song "Crazy for this Girl" by Evan and Jaron. On the radio it said that this song was about a real girl that one of them liked. Eventually, they hooked up, but in the end it just didn't work out. Now when you listen to the lyrics it says, "Right now, face to face, all my fears pushed aside, and right now I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you..." Yeah, it's really sweet isn't it? (yace, I even liked it, so you can admit it too) If you think about what I just said about one of them, that means this guy's heart must have been crushed after they broke up. The girl may have felt the same way; this isn't about ragging on the girl's feelgins or anything, but just think about how sad it must have been for the guy. I'm just talking about him because you kinda get a glimpse on how he felt about her since he wrote the song about her. He was ready to spend the rest of his life with her, and then poof, it doesn't work out. It just gives me a chilly feeling knowing that love and all that hallmark stuff can be easily taken away compared to how difficult it is to obtain. I actually admire those people who put their hearts on the line for the people that they love so much even though I sometimes think that loving someone is a loss cause. They possess things that I don't have and envy so much: faith, trust, and a heart. |
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| 12/5/01 So I went to confirmation class on Sunday. We got to listen to music and analyze it, so that was fun. I brought "Everything I Want to Be" by Save Ferris; that was really cool. That was the best part of confirmation class that day. Of course, whenever there's a good side, there's always a bad side too. Ok, this one girl, let's call her "Anne." You know what, who cares if people know her name; it's Christina. A few weeks before, she was proclaiming that she's one of the nicest people in the world. She went on and on and on and on how she was always friendly. However, when I try to be nice to her, she just snubs me off. For example: she left to go pee, and when I opened the door for her when she returned, she just looked at me. She gave me this look as if she was saying: What the hell are you doing? I just wanted to be nice since this is a class with the whole God stuff. It just got me pissed how she was all saying she was so good and nice to the world, and then she acts all bitchy to me. Dude, this was during a class having to relate to God. Honestly, I didn't want to make a judgement on her when I saw her at the beginning of confirmation class, but now I can't help it and classify her as a typical bitch. She didn't even care about how short a skirt can be to wear to church. She's crap on rice. Yeah, crap on rice. It don't care that she was all bitchy all the much, but what really bugs is how she was all self righteous about herself, and it wasn't even true. I mean, more power to you if it's true, but if you're just saying that to look good, you're better off just being an asshole while not being a hypocrite. I'm an asshole, but you don't see me saying "I'm the nicest person known to the world." She said, "I'm the nicest person I know." Well, damn, what does that say about her friends? |
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| 12/27/01 Ok, there's this guy at school. I don't like him or anything, but I do find his looks rather attractive. I don't have any intention of trying to be his girlfriend, nor do I want to have anything to do with him. I just want to walk up to him one day and tell him how nice he looks. Weird as it may be, I do. He has dark hair and hazel eyes, and the way how he smiles is really sweet, but it's not like I want to kiss him or anything like that. We don't have any classes together; I just see him during break and lunch. The funny thing is that seeing him makes me smile. When I see him, I whisper to my friends, "There's the pretty boy." My friend Cece says that I like him, but no. Maybe it's denial, but if I denied that I'm in denial, the automatic response would be that I AM in denial. That's what annoys me: no one believes you. What if you are telling the truth and deny the aligations? Of course, there's always a chance that one is in denial, but doesn't that also mean that there's an opposite to it too? So you end up with two choices: say that you are in denial and lie to yourself, or deny it and people will say you're in denial which will make you annoyed since they will keep on pushing that you're in denial. So what's my conclusion? Life's purpose is to get you screwed. Take that any way you want to take it. |
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| 1/2/02 Happy New Year! Yeah, that's just great. A few more years and I'll be of legal age. Oh yeah, that would be sweet. Or would it? I mean, yeah, when you're older you have so much more freedom: you can stay out as long as you want, you can vote, and all that other junk, but with freedom, also comes responsibility. Responsibility can have really sucky moments. Being on your own, that's got to be great, but knowing that no one but you will be there to catch you when you fall, now that's scary. The fear of ending up wasted in a gutter when I'm 20 makes me not want to grow older and stay with my parents forever. Ain't that just healthy? However, when I see my older cousins and older family friends living their lives, it makes me want to move out and being my life so badly. The minor detail that brings me back to reality is that I can't do that; I don't even know what career I want to pursue. So how am I going to survive? Then the whole bum in the gutter comes to mind again, and I end up back where I started: no where. If you think about it, young people want to be older, and older people always wish they were young again. Why can't I be satisfied with what I got? Why can't I be satisfied with who I am? Why do I have to ask so many questions instead of trying to wait for the answer to unfold with time? If this is the price for being human, sometimes I'd rather be some kind of animal. Sure, there would be no intellegence (I never had that), no free will, but at least I would obsess over this. Before, I would complain about not knowing who I am. I still don't know that girl in the mirror. I would take those fun tests/quizzes to see if that would tell me the answer; that backfired. It would just lead to more questions, so I finally got the hint to not take them seriously. It was only for fun, nothing more, nothing less. Soon I got the hint that I don't need to know who I am right now. I just need to live my life the best I can, and when I'm finally old enough to have an idea of who I am, the answer will be as clear as crystal. Now my next obession is will I be able to accept, not even love, but accept the person I realized I have become...and violin strings play now! |
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| 2/24/02 So this has been awhile. I don't like staying here. Wow, that felt nice! Again: I don't like staying here. Call me unsatisfied, but I can't help it. Sometimes I daydream that when I'm 18, I move to New York and start a new life where I pretend to be someone else. (a new name and everything) It would be cool if you think about it. You get a clean slate and everything you did in the past doesn't count anymore. In a way I guess some people can find it creepy, but I think it would be perfect. Sure, it might be hard living a double life, but it would be worth it when you get a new life. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? Not only is it crazy, but it's also heaven. Well, I have nothing else to say except that I hate stupid things that I'm forced to do. |
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| 1/31/03 Wow, it's been a long time since I've been here. Eh, since I have nothing else to do, I guess I have time to be patient with my ever so slow computer. Seriously, this computer runs on a mouse with cheese on a wheel. So what has been going on in my life lately? Nothing much, just life and some. It has almost been a year, and I have nothing really to say. If I could pour out my experiences of this past year, the page would be dripping with...I dunno, something. However, I don't know what to say. I encountered new things this year, like actually playing with a drum set and dealt with emotional junk, that have helped me grow in a way. If I was asked if I regreted anything the past year, I would not like to say "no." In a way I regret not taking chances on certain things, but on the whole I don't regret anything that I have done. I guess I try to justify what happens by trying to believe that everything happens for a reason and that even though my choices weren't always so great, it was the best choice I could have made at the time. In a way, that makes sense, right? I mean, with the circumstances of the situation plus how I felt that time made me make the choice that I felt was right at the time. It's better than not doing anything at all and wonder how things would've been if I did take certain chances. But yeah, like can be a serious bitch. Eh, she's just being how she was made. I can't blame her for doing her job: to challenge me. Ok, enough of this, time to work on the other things. |
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