Highlander 2 Parody Cards

Authored by Steve Crow

Katana - Persona - Rare.
The dictatorial ruler of Zeist, quelled a rebellion against him in the Earth year 1489. Extremely paranoid about his enemies, he has successfully removed all threats to his rule, either through execution or exile to Earth. Although over 500 years old, with no immortality on Zeist, he fights and overacts as if he were at the peak of his abilities.

Alternately, Katana may be a delusional Immortal that believes all of the above, with a mild telepathic/magical effect that lets him convince other Immortals that his insanity is the truth as long as he is fighting them. No one knows for sure...

Katana has the same abilities as the Kurgan, being a virtual clone of that Immortal.

(Katana has the standard Back Away, Combination, Continuity, Disarm, Dodge, Power Blow, and Trip cards.)

Omniscience - Katana - SITUATION - Rare - 2. Katana is intimately familiar with Earth geography, slang, terminology, etc., despite never having been there until this battle. Discard to counter a Situation or Event as it is played. (Picture of Katana seated comfortably at board room table.)

Stalk - Katana - ATTACK - Rare - 1. Attack may not be blocked or dodged. This attack may not be a Power Blow. (Picture of typical fight scene.)

Taunt - Katana - EVENT - Rare. Opponent must discard 1 attack for every attack he plays next turn. (Picture of typical fight scene.)

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Hey, Aren't You...? - EVENT - Rare. Only playable if opponent is Katana. Katana is mistaken for captain of submarine in the year 2042: conflicting continuities drive him temporarily insane. Take two more turns immediately after this turn ends, but you may not play any Special that gives you extra attacks. Opponent may attempt to block all attacks during his next Defense phase. Dodges will not stop consecutive attacks. If both players are using Katana persona, card may be played but has no effect. (Picture of Michael Ironside playing violin from Seaquest.)

Non-Continuity Character - SITUATION - Uncommon. Katana may not Back Away from or Dodge any Immortal Persona except Connor and Ramirez. Since those two Immortals are the only two "true" immortals from Zeist, Katana does not believe any others can harm him. (Any picture of Katana fighting Connor.)

Copyright Infringement - EVENT - Uncommon. Frank Herbert sues for violation of Dune copyright and trademark violations. Remove from game all cards with the word "Zeist" in the title. Katana and his Persona-Specific cards are immune to this card (he's a continuity error anyway). (Picture of Zeist rebels running pointlessly around on the sand.)

Director's Cut - EVENT - Uncommon. Remove from game all cards with the word "Zeist in the title. Katana and his Persona-specific cards are immune to this effect. (Picture of Russell Mulcahy).

Bad Aging Make-up - Connor - SITUATION - Rare - 3. Opponent is paralyzed with laughter, and may not make attacks for his next three rounds. (Picture of aged Connor in close-up, driving car)

Continuity Gaffe - SITUATION - Uncommon. May only be played if your opponent is a Persona, not generic. Opponent realizes that earlier claims of being thousands of years old don't jibe with being exiled from Zeist 500 years ago. Ability is -1 due to embarrassment. All Continuity Gaffes are cumulative. (Picture of Connor and Ramirez in Zeist garb ready to teleport to Earth.)

Big Continuity Gaffe - SITUATION - Rare. May only be played if your opponent is a Persona, not generic. Opponent is _still_ claiming to be thousands of years old after it's been revealed he's been exiled to Earth from Zeist for only 500 years. Ability is at -2. All Continuity Gaffes are cumulative. (Picture of Ramirez talking to woman on plane.)

Zeist Flight Wings - OBJECT - Uncommon. You do an extra point of damage with any successful Upper attack. While wearing these, you may not make Lower attacks. (Picture of Zeist assassin flying hither and yon.)

Zeist Lazgun - OBJECT - Rare - 2. May only be used after you play Back Away. May do one ranged attack per turn, Middle Center, that does 3 points of damage. You may not make any other attack the turn you use the Lazgun. (Picture of Corda firing lazgun.)

Indestructible Clothing - OBJECT - Rare - 2. Your specially-toughened clothing reduces the damage of any attack made against you by 1. You may only have one of this card in play. (Picture of impeccably dressed Connor walking out of flaming oil tanker.)

Wire Decapitation - EVENT - Common. Only usable against opponent using Zeist Flight Wings. Play this card instead of an attack. This attack can not be dodged, but can be blocked with an Upper Center card _only_. If successful, opponent loses head. This counts as a Power Blow. (Picture of Corda being decapitated with wire by Connor.)

Overact - Ramirez - SITUATION - Rare - 2. Opponent is overawed and outacted, and cannot remove any Situations from play for 5 rounds. (Picture of Ramirez/Connery on-stage in Scotland, confronting "Hamlet" actor)

Mock Duel - SITUATION - Rare - 1. Discard to use. It is revealed that you and your opponent have merely been practicing. All cards are shuffled back into deck, and game starts over with both players at initial Ability. For tournament or timed play, time is _not_ restarted. After discarding, remove this card from the game. (Picture from any of the five minutes of Connor and Ramirez pointlessly sparring in Connor's apartment.)

Pointless Rescue - SITUATION - Common. Must be first card played during a turn. Game is delayed until after opponent's fifth turn. No Attacks or Defenses may be played, and players are not required to Exert to make an attack. (Picture of Connor finding his buddy-scientist in dungeon.)

Transmuting Sword - EVENT - Uncommon. Opponent is confused and puzzled by shape-shifting sword. Make one extra attack. You may play another Special card this turn. (If possible, a split picture of Connor fighting against Katana first with the short sword he stole from the Zeist assassins, then picture from thirty seconds later of him with his katana, also fighting Katana.)

Destroy Shield - EVENT - Rare - 1. Throw yourself into energy conduit. Can only be played when opponent is at 0 ability. Opponent is post-humously humiliated and considered to have lost his head for tournament purposes _only_. (Picture of Connor standing in energy beam.)

Collective Disbelief - EVENT - Rare - 1. When played, both players must agree to begin their current duel over from scratch. If not, whoever loses is considered to have lost his head. For tournament or timed play, time is _not_ restarted. (Picture of Connor looking dopey flying around on anti-grav shoes, or any scene on Zeist.)

There Should Be Only One! - EVENT - Common. When played, all cards from the Highlander 2 expansion are removed from the game. If your opponent is playing Katana, he loses automatically, but may select a different deck for any future games in the tournament. (Optionally, any Highlander 3 cards might also be removed. This presupposes expansion cards are marked in some manner.) (Take your pick for picture.)



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