Richie Parody Cards

Authored by Steve Crow

As always, the following is intended as parody, with no intent to malign, insult, libel, or otherwise impugn the character of anyone involved.

RICHIE - Persona - Rare
Born in 1974, he lost his foster mother at a young age (as he will tell anyone he encounters...repeatedly) and took to a life of (very) petty crime. He was six months shy of his 18th birthday when he stumbled upon Duncan and Connor doing the "Knights of the Round Table thing." Inexplicably, they decided not to kill him. He was killed by a drugged out mugger a year later and learned that he was immortal (about the same time that the audience did). His weapon is a Spanish rapier, given to him by Duncan MacLeod, his mentor.

Richie is so annoying _and_ distracting that an opponent attacking him must discard one attack for every attack he plays. However, any attack that successfully hits Richie does an extra point of damage. You may have up to 3 Master cards.

(Richie has Back Away, Battle Rage, Combination, Continuity, Dodge, Master's Advice, Power Blow, and Trip cards. Richie does _not_ have the Series Edition Master's Block or Luck. There is one mandatory card that Richie must play with - see below.)

"Foot in Mouth" - Richie - Event - Common - 1 - When this card is drawn, you must discard all Specials (including this one) in your hand. This card _must_ be included in any Richie deck. (picture of Richie asking "What's up, guys?" to Duncan and Hugh Fitzcairn just after Darius dies, "The Hunters")

"Pea Green Jacket" - Richie - Object - Rare - 2 - Mild nausea forces opponent to discard one additional attack card for every attack he makes. This is cumulative with Richie's persona ability. (picture of Richie from The Gathering, or Family Tree)

"Motorcycle" - Richie - Object - Rare - 2 - As long as this object is in play, any Back Away you discard either through use or due to forced discard may be put back into your hand. However, each time you return a Back Away to your hand, there is a 2 in 6 chance Richie has an accident, and this card is discarded. If a Location is in play, the chance is 4 in 6. (picture of Richie wiping out in warehouse, from "Eye For An Eye")

"Cheap Weapon" - Object - Uncommon - Unknown to you, your mentor has given you an inferior-quality weapon, hoping it will break at a critical moment and get you killed. You have a +2 Ability as long as this card is in play. However, any time you block a Power Blow, there is a 2 in 6 chance your weapon breaks instead. This card is then discarded. You gain no benefit from any other Blade Object as long as this object is in play. (Picture of Mac handing Richie a Spanish rapier from "Eye For An Eye", or picture of it being broken in "The End of Innocence.")

"Mac - Help Me!" - Nemesis - Richie - Event - 2 - Uncommon - You may play this card if your opponent is Duncan MacLeod. Duncan must discard entire hand and redraw at beginning of their next turn. (any 1st season picture of Mac wasting time bailing Richie out of trouble)

"Clinch" - Event/Ally - Uncommon - There is a one in six chance of success. If successful, target takes 2 damage. If target is Richie, chance of success is three in six. If target is Duncan, this card can not be used, only discarded. (picture of Peter Deluise from Family Tree, bopping Richie upside of head)

"Food, Glorious Food!" - Richie - Event - 4 - Rare - Opponent is so overwhelmed at sight of Richie stuffing his face that they can only stand and stare in awe. Your opponent can not dodge the next attack you play this turn. (Picture of Richie eating hot dog from "Eye For An Eye")

"Search for True Past" - Richie - Event - 2 - Rare - You may go through your discards and put one card back in your hand. Lose 1 from your maximum Ability. (Picture of Richie talking to person at desk from "Family Tree")

"Stunt Double" - Richie - Event - 3 - Rare - Play this card in your defense phase to completely avoid any one attack. You can not make a Power Blow this turn. (Picture of "Richie" (yeah, right!) on motorcycle beating up on Watchers attacking Duncan, from "The Hunters")

"Dumb Luck" - Richie - Event - 3 - Rare - Draw 3 cards at random from your Endurance. Discard 2, keep one. You may play another Special this turn. (picture of any number of times Richie gets into trouble and is rescued by some deus ex machina)

"Girlfriend" - Nemesis - Situation - Uncommon - You may play this card if your opponent is Richie. You may then play two Specials per turn, as long as at least one is a Plot card. (picture of Richie with romantic interest from "Sea Witch", or "Line of Fire", or "The Road Not Taken", or "Revenge is Sweet", or "Free Fall", or "Under Color of Authority")

"You're So...Muscular" - Nemesis/Amanda - Situation - Uncommon - You may play this card if your opponent is Richie. Richie can play no Specials as long as this card is in play. (picture of Richie being vamped by Amanda from "Double Eagle")

MotoCross Racing - Plot 1 - Richie - Situation - PLOT: Join The Team (picture of Richie with Saracen racing team)

MotoCross Racing - Plot 2 - Richie - Situation - PLOT: Teammate Killed: To play this card you must have Join The Team in play. (picture of Richie's teammate getting himself killed)

MotoCross Racing - Plot 3 - Richie - Event - PLOT: "Whoops!": To play this card you must have Join the Team and Teammate Killed in play. Discard all 3 cards. You are considered dead. Your opponent must remove all of his Pedestrian, Bystander, and Plot cards from the game. However, your opponent may play a Reporter and choose to have it do one point of damage to you rather than its normal effect. (picture of Richie wiping out and being "killed")

Sidekick - Plot 1 - Richie - Situation - PLOT: "God I'm Annoying" (any picture of Richie, any season up to 5th)

Sidekick - Plot 2 - Richie - Situation - PLOT: "Don't Hit Me, Mac!": To play this card you must have "God I'm Annoying" in play. (picture of Mac looking pissed from "Under Color of Authority")

Sidekick - Plot 3 - Richie - Situation - PLOT: "I've Got a Contract": To play this card you must have "God I'm Annoying" and "Don't Hit Me, Mac!" in play. All three cards remain in play. As long as all three cards are in play, all attack damage done to you by anyone using any Persona except a "generic" one is reduced to 1. (any picture of Stan Kirsch with him looking as little like Richie as possible - long hair, better clothes, signs of intelligence and charisma, whatever)

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