Sorry, I haven't been adding stuff regularly. I have been a bit down lately. I started taking a Judaism class recently. The first night the Rabbi asked each individual to talk about why they were taking the class. I said I was a Mormon (a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) and that for the last six months or so (actually quite a bit longer) I have not enjoyed attending church. I told them I still attended church every week but I did it out of duty. I said I was coming to the class to learn more and see if I could enjoy attending another church. I had a friend whose barmitzvah I had attended when I was young and that the sense of community in Judaism interested me.
It was interesting attending another church and I look forward to learning a lot more. My website is about experiences with Mormonism not Judaism so I don't plan to write a lot about Judaism. However, I have found it interesting that I am already critically analyzing a lot of what I hear and read and looking for inconsistencies. It must be in my nature to "ask to many questions" for which there are are no easy answers. It is interesting to me that Jews do not believe in a God with anthropomorphic characteristics. That is drastically different from the Mormonism concept of God. I also wonder why the Jews believe that prophets are no longer coming (as if God has said all he is going to) to modern man. Jews don't want to limit God, and so are very reluctant to assign God (no gender) human characteristics yet it seems to me they limit God very much by concluding that God no longer uses prophets to communicate with the human race.
One of the books I have been reading for the Judaism class is "To Life!: A Celebration of Jewish Being and Thinking" by Harold S. Kushner. It has some really good stuff in it that apply just as well to trying to live as a Mormon. Kushner knew a musician that talked with him about a concept of "freedom through slavery". Commandments sometimes seem like slavery but they can be looked at as a form of discipline that leads us to a higher plane where we have more freedom to communicate with God. The musician looked at all the practice he had done as a child (when he'd rather be playing with friends) as an illustration of the principle. He missed out on play time but he became skillful at playing an instrument which resulted in a freedom to play things he wouldn't have been able to otherwise. It made a lot of sense to me.
Part of me wishes I could convert to Judaism only because I have a slight hope that I could find happiness if I tried something different (unfortunately life is not that simple). However, in just a short time a number of questions in regards to that theology have already appeared in my mind. This makes me wonder if I could be happy in any religion. I struggle daily sometimes with trying to be a faithful Mormon and wanting to break away from it altogether. Sometimes I wonder if it is just my fault and if I tried a bit longer, prayed more or did my hometeaching more consistently I would be blessed to have a true testimony.
I guess it is not that easy either. Testimonies are so fragile unless they are cultivated everyday (by scripture study, prayer & righteous living).. At least that is what I have been lead to believe. Of late I have definately looked upon scripture study as a form of bondage. I haven't yet been able to break through and access the "freedom" that one can supposedly get through scripture study.
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